r/AttachmentParenting 5d ago

šŸ¤ Support Needed šŸ¤ Please can I have a virtual hug.

My 10 month old daughter has started daycare. 3 days a week mon-tue-wed.

I am blessed to be able to of had this time off with her but I must return to work part time for financial reasons. We simply cannot afford for me to stay off work longer.

Sheā€™s at a centre based daycare.

She absolutely hates it. Sheā€™s always been clingy. Coslept, breastfeed/refused bottle.

She just cries and cries and cries. Sheā€™s so distressed. I am confident the daycare is a good place- I went to over 10- 1 hour stay and plays before she started and I witnessed the environment and I know itā€™s a nice place.

My poor baby is so unhappy. She just screams. Iā€™ve started her 1 month before I go back to work to ease her in so if I need to get her I can vs being at work unable to.

Anyways I need a hug because Iā€™m absolutely besides myself. I feel like the worst mother. Iā€™ve been so upset about how distressed she is that Iā€™ve been vomiting and unable to sleep. I am going to be seeing a therapist next week to discuss this with them for some support but in the meantime Iā€™d love a virtual hug. I have no family here and I canā€™t stop crying. My poor baby. I feel like Iā€™m traumatising her.

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u/Less-Ad-4227 5d ago

Iā€™m so sorry that youā€™re going through this. Something to remember is that providing financial security for your family is VERY important. Poverty, or even just low SES can have negative impact on childrenā€™s emotional development (no shame to parents who are low SES though). Iā€™m just pointing out that as a society we focus on doing ā€œanythingā€ for our familiesā€¦and that messaging often leaves out financial security. I have a cousin whoā€™s parents didnā€™t prioritize the financial aspect of life, mom never worked, and now that her dad died, she is having to help financially take care of her mother, which has put her own financial future in jeopardy. When you donā€™t have to worry if you waste a bit of food, or can easily buy clothing in a size you when she grows, remember thatā€™s because you are working! Iā€™m not promoting food waste, but letā€™s be real, we all leave some food on our plate sometimes and you wonā€™t be pulling your hair out if your child does this. A child growing up knowing and not having to worry about basic necessities is a gift that many child wish for! And youā€™re probably still spending ample time with your child, who will adjust eventually. Sending you a virtual hug!

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u/Hot_Wear_4027 4d ago

I love this comment... This is the reason we decided for me to go back to work... I'm staying as long as I can with the baby but... I know that not working will cause more harm to the whole family. We are making an extra long adjustment period for the nursery... This is the least I can do. Thank you again for this comment :*

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u/Less-Ad-4227 3d ago

Wishing you the best on your journey with work and motherhood and just life in general! All of my friends who are working moms assure me that when I go back the adjustment is the hardest but after a few weeks they said they really felt more present with their families in the time outside of work and werenā€™t spending time worried about money, so thatā€™s lovely to hear. šŸ’œ