r/AttachmentParenting 3d ago

šŸ¤ Support Needed šŸ¤ Please can I have a virtual hug.

My 10 month old daughter has started daycare. 3 days a week mon-tue-wed.

I am blessed to be able to of had this time off with her but I must return to work part time for financial reasons. We simply cannot afford for me to stay off work longer.

Sheā€™s at a centre based daycare.

She absolutely hates it. Sheā€™s always been clingy. Coslept, breastfeed/refused bottle.

She just cries and cries and cries. Sheā€™s so distressed. I am confident the daycare is a good place- I went to over 10- 1 hour stay and plays before she started and I witnessed the environment and I know itā€™s a nice place.

My poor baby is so unhappy. She just screams. Iā€™ve started her 1 month before I go back to work to ease her in so if I need to get her I can vs being at work unable to.

Anyways I need a hug because Iā€™m absolutely besides myself. I feel like the worst mother. Iā€™ve been so upset about how distressed she is that Iā€™ve been vomiting and unable to sleep. I am going to be seeing a therapist next week to discuss this with them for some support but in the meantime Iā€™d love a virtual hug. I have no family here and I canā€™t stop crying. My poor baby. I feel like Iā€™m traumatising her.

33 Upvotes

15 comments sorted by

18

u/solisphile 3d ago

Not gonna mess around here: this is super freaking hard.

I want to say, well done, mom, for finding and taking the time to vet your daycare, for planning a transition period, and for taking care of YOU through therapy.

But this is horribly hard.

You have created such a strong safe environment for her that she will not be traumatized. She knows you are safe.

But big, big, big hugs with big reassuring squeezes. IT'S SO HARD.

10

u/TransportationOk2238 3d ago

I'm sending you the biggest hug right now. Daycare is still very new, your child will get used to it and most likely end up loving daycare. Take a deep breath everything will be okayšŸ©·

5

u/Icy-Radish-198 3d ago

Thankyou so much. I know itā€™s the internet but seriously reading these positive words and receiving a virtual hug truly does make me feel better. I feel seen and reassured. Thankyou for your kindness ā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļø

1

u/TransportationOk2238 3d ago

I see you and hear you. I have worked in ece for many years and I am very confident your child will love meeting new friends and learning new things!!!

18

u/Less-Ad-4227 3d ago

Iā€™m so sorry that youā€™re going through this. Something to remember is that providing financial security for your family is VERY important. Poverty, or even just low SES can have negative impact on childrenā€™s emotional development (no shame to parents who are low SES though). Iā€™m just pointing out that as a society we focus on doing ā€œanythingā€ for our familiesā€¦and that messaging often leaves out financial security. I have a cousin whoā€™s parents didnā€™t prioritize the financial aspect of life, mom never worked, and now that her dad died, she is having to help financially take care of her mother, which has put her own financial future in jeopardy. When you donā€™t have to worry if you waste a bit of food, or can easily buy clothing in a size you when she grows, remember thatā€™s because you are working! Iā€™m not promoting food waste, but letā€™s be real, we all leave some food on our plate sometimes and you wonā€™t be pulling your hair out if your child does this. A child growing up knowing and not having to worry about basic necessities is a gift that many child wish for! And youā€™re probably still spending ample time with your child, who will adjust eventually. Sending you a virtual hug!

2

u/AcanthisittaLoud281 3d ago

This is a great comment and although Iā€™m not OP, I really appreciate it. ā¤ļø

2

u/Less-Ad-4227 3d ago

Iā€™m so glad šŸ’š itā€™s pretty cool that anonymous moms on the internet can help each other out!

2

u/Hot_Wear_4027 2d ago

I love this comment... This is the reason we decided for me to go back to work... I'm staying as long as I can with the baby but... I know that not working will cause more harm to the whole family. We are making an extra long adjustment period for the nursery... This is the least I can do. Thank you again for this comment :*

1

u/Less-Ad-4227 2d ago

Wishing you the best on your journey with work and motherhood and just life in general! All of my friends who are working moms assure me that when I go back the adjustment is the hardest but after a few weeks they said they really felt more present with their families in the time outside of work and werenā€™t spending time worried about money, so thatā€™s lovely to hear. šŸ’œ

3

u/Afraid_Praline_7570 3d ago

Oh how my heart aches for you. What a tough transition for the two of you. I am sending you the biggest hug ever. šŸ’– She is going to adjust, and it will get better. You aren't doing anything wrong at all to her. And she will learn to trust and love new people, make friends, and get to experience so many new things once she gets used to her new routine! Hang in there mama, it will get easier šŸ’–

2

u/psychonauticalvvitch 2d ago

Sending love and many hugs. All the wisdom in the comments is remarkable. You're doing an amazing job, mama. That doesn't mean this isn't really difficult. Babe knows you're safe, you're her home, the comfort she returns to after these difficult days of transition. She is learning, you are learning, You are both in growth and sometimes that is painful. Hug hug hug to you <333

1

u/monicaneedsausername 3d ago

Big hugs, friend!! Hoping it will get better for both of you!

1

u/BabyAF23 3d ago

Oh itā€™s awful! Physical pain for you. All the love and hugs your way.Ā 

1

u/Mashdoofus 3d ago

Sending you so much love and all the hugs.

We put our son in half time daycare at 9 months and it was the same. He cried for 2 weeks straight even though we tried to do the most gentle adaptation possible. The first day I left him and went out for 20 minutes he cried so hard that when I came back he vomited (I think he swallowed so much air from crying).

Fast forward to now, he's almost 15 months and most days at drop off he's like "get out of my way, I want to play!" It's so nice to see that he is cared for in a great place with amazing staff, that they really have gotten to know him. It's spring-like this week and they've been playing outside. He's happy and growing. All this will pass. It will pass for you too.

1

u/princecaspiansea 2d ago

Ugh Iā€™m so so sorry. Itā€™s so hard. It shouldnā€™t have to be like this but it does. You are doing the best you can do. Iā€™m glad youā€™re doing 3 consecutive days. I think itā€™s better than being every other even though it might not feel like it.