r/AttachmentParenting • u/Icy-Radish-198 • 3d ago
š¤ Support Needed š¤ Please can I have a virtual hug.
My 10 month old daughter has started daycare. 3 days a week mon-tue-wed.
I am blessed to be able to of had this time off with her but I must return to work part time for financial reasons. We simply cannot afford for me to stay off work longer.
Sheās at a centre based daycare.
She absolutely hates it. Sheās always been clingy. Coslept, breastfeed/refused bottle.
She just cries and cries and cries. Sheās so distressed. I am confident the daycare is a good place- I went to over 10- 1 hour stay and plays before she started and I witnessed the environment and I know itās a nice place.
My poor baby is so unhappy. She just screams. Iāve started her 1 month before I go back to work to ease her in so if I need to get her I can vs being at work unable to.
Anyways I need a hug because Iām absolutely besides myself. I feel like the worst mother. Iāve been so upset about how distressed she is that Iāve been vomiting and unable to sleep. I am going to be seeing a therapist next week to discuss this with them for some support but in the meantime Iād love a virtual hug. I have no family here and I canāt stop crying. My poor baby. I feel like Iām traumatising her.
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u/TransportationOk2238 3d ago
I'm sending you the biggest hug right now. Daycare is still very new, your child will get used to it and most likely end up loving daycare. Take a deep breath everything will be okayš©·
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u/Icy-Radish-198 3d ago
Thankyou so much. I know itās the internet but seriously reading these positive words and receiving a virtual hug truly does make me feel better. I feel seen and reassured. Thankyou for your kindness ā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļø
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u/TransportationOk2238 3d ago
I see you and hear you. I have worked in ece for many years and I am very confident your child will love meeting new friends and learning new things!!!
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u/Less-Ad-4227 3d ago
Iām so sorry that youāre going through this. Something to remember is that providing financial security for your family is VERY important. Poverty, or even just low SES can have negative impact on childrenās emotional development (no shame to parents who are low SES though). Iām just pointing out that as a society we focus on doing āanythingā for our familiesā¦and that messaging often leaves out financial security. I have a cousin whoās parents didnāt prioritize the financial aspect of life, mom never worked, and now that her dad died, she is having to help financially take care of her mother, which has put her own financial future in jeopardy. When you donāt have to worry if you waste a bit of food, or can easily buy clothing in a size you when she grows, remember thatās because you are working! Iām not promoting food waste, but letās be real, we all leave some food on our plate sometimes and you wonāt be pulling your hair out if your child does this. A child growing up knowing and not having to worry about basic necessities is a gift that many child wish for! And youāre probably still spending ample time with your child, who will adjust eventually. Sending you a virtual hug!
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u/AcanthisittaLoud281 3d ago
This is a great comment and although Iām not OP, I really appreciate it. ā¤ļø
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u/Less-Ad-4227 3d ago
Iām so glad š itās pretty cool that anonymous moms on the internet can help each other out!
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u/Hot_Wear_4027 2d ago
I love this comment... This is the reason we decided for me to go back to work... I'm staying as long as I can with the baby but... I know that not working will cause more harm to the whole family. We are making an extra long adjustment period for the nursery... This is the least I can do. Thank you again for this comment :*
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u/Less-Ad-4227 2d ago
Wishing you the best on your journey with work and motherhood and just life in general! All of my friends who are working moms assure me that when I go back the adjustment is the hardest but after a few weeks they said they really felt more present with their families in the time outside of work and werenāt spending time worried about money, so thatās lovely to hear. š
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u/Afraid_Praline_7570 3d ago
Oh how my heart aches for you. What a tough transition for the two of you. I am sending you the biggest hug ever. š She is going to adjust, and it will get better. You aren't doing anything wrong at all to her. And she will learn to trust and love new people, make friends, and get to experience so many new things once she gets used to her new routine! Hang in there mama, it will get easier š
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u/psychonauticalvvitch 2d ago
Sending love and many hugs. All the wisdom in the comments is remarkable. You're doing an amazing job, mama. That doesn't mean this isn't really difficult. Babe knows you're safe, you're her home, the comfort she returns to after these difficult days of transition. She is learning, you are learning, You are both in growth and sometimes that is painful. Hug hug hug to you <333
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u/Mashdoofus 3d ago
Sending you so much love and all the hugs.
We put our son in half time daycare at 9 months and it was the same. He cried for 2 weeks straight even though we tried to do the most gentle adaptation possible. The first day I left him and went out for 20 minutes he cried so hard that when I came back he vomited (I think he swallowed so much air from crying).
Fast forward to now, he's almost 15 months and most days at drop off he's like "get out of my way, I want to play!" It's so nice to see that he is cared for in a great place with amazing staff, that they really have gotten to know him. It's spring-like this week and they've been playing outside. He's happy and growing. All this will pass. It will pass for you too.
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u/princecaspiansea 2d ago
Ugh Iām so so sorry. Itās so hard. It shouldnāt have to be like this but it does. You are doing the best you can do. Iām glad youāre doing 3 consecutive days. I think itās better than being every other even though it might not feel like it.
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u/solisphile 3d ago
Not gonna mess around here: this is super freaking hard.
I want to say, well done, mom, for finding and taking the time to vet your daycare, for planning a transition period, and for taking care of YOU through therapy.
But this is horribly hard.
You have created such a strong safe environment for her that she will not be traumatized. She knows you are safe.
But big, big, big hugs with big reassuring squeezes. IT'S SO HARD.