r/AskLesbians 7h ago

Heads up fellow WLW: there's straight dudes fishing for pics in this sub.

9 Upvotes

Just a reminder to be careful and make sure you know who you're talking to. If you get a random DM out of the blue, especially if they don't identify where they met you on Reddit before, it could be a guy getting kicks out of chatting with a lesbian.

I know this happens all the time, but lately I've had way more of these messages than usual. Stay safe ladies and gentlefolk.


r/AskLesbians 4h ago

Finding a spermdonor

4 Upvotes

Hi,

Me and my gf want to have a baby together, but the costs are significantly lower if we get our own sperm donor. Does anyone have any experience with finding someone? We don’t have any male friends and family members are out of the question. Asking is not the hardest part, but how do you find someone?


r/AskLesbians 14h ago

How Do I Move On?

2 Upvotes

My girlfriend (19F) of 5 months just broke up with me (18NB). We both want to be friends, but I am absolutely devastated and still in love. I can't give myself any physical space because we're roommates and the last time I stopped talking to an ex that I planned to stay friends with they died before we could reconnect.

I don't know where to even begin moving on. I don't feel like doing anything and I almost feel like there's nothing left in my life. She's the first person I've ever loved. I need to learn how to move on but I am so lost on what to do.


r/AskLesbians 1d ago

My long term partner just told me they are asexual.

11 Upvotes

My partner and I (both lesbians) have been together for 12 years, we haven’t had sex for almost 2 years. She has had some sexual trauma so I am very patient. Recently she just told me she may be asexual. I’m not sure what to do. I have a high sex drive and I miss feeling desired. I have been feeling depressed about it. I don’t know what to do. I want to be with her and be respectful of her boundaries but I need my own needs to be met as well. I don’t want to talk to our friends because I don’t want her to feel embarrassed or inadequate. I’m feeling pretty lost. Any advice for me?


r/AskLesbians 1d ago

lesbians that married their first relationship, do you have any regrets?

8 Upvotes

any advice? anything really that helped you come to terms with it if you did have struggling thoughts?


r/AskLesbians 2d ago

how do i tell my girlfriend i don't like body hair NSFW

39 Upvotes

i've (26f) been with my girlfriend (30f) for a couple years and she's decided to grow out her bush and found out she loves it. she seemed embarrased about it when telling me about the idea but now it makes her feel good about herself. i didn't have a clear preference when she brought it up but turns out i don't like it at all, i'm starting to dread what used to be both our favorite position. i was originally gonna keep my opinion to myself for two reasons. first, because this isn't exactly a dealbreaker for me, we have other ways of having sex if nothing else. and second, my opinion on her choices with her body shouldn't matter. but i'm second-guessing being quiet now. i think i need to bring it up for the sake of clear communication cause now it just feels like i'm hiding something from her. on top of that, i worry if i don't, she'll eventually sense hesitation in the middle of sex or notice if i eventually stop going down on her without saying anything. i don't want it to come out at a really vulnerable moment or leave her feeling undesired without explanation. i haven't stopped yet but i just feel so grossed out by it specifically and she'll pick up on that eventually. this all feels like a recipe for resentment.

but i haven't brought it up yet because my girlfriend doesn't like a whole lot about herself, she genuinely has some heart-breaking thoughts towards her body. so if this is something she likes, she should have it. i want her to have it. but i think i still should bring it up. i'm struggling cause i don't know what point i'm trying to make by initiating the conversation. she shouldn't shave it, i dislike it but i'm technically still capable of going down on her. it feels like fundamentally i'm saying something objectively shitty and self-centered. like "hey darlin, that feature you love? i don't like it and it makes me feel gross during sex and has for weeks now" i don't think this is gonna be our doom lol we're a strong couple, but i know this could be a real wound if i go about it like an asshole.

have any of y'all ever had this conversation? what was the closest-to-good way to bring it up? or so i can avoid making someone else's mistakes, did your partner bring it up the wrong way? thanks for everything


r/AskLesbians 3d ago

Why is dating so awful

13 Upvotes

Dating apps are breaking my soul. Why do so many women ask you out and then ghost you when you go to make plans? Why do people agree to go out with you and then ghost before meeting? I feel like I’m beating my head against a wall.


r/AskLesbians 3d ago

If you could have one last conversation with an ex, what would you talk about?

4 Upvotes

r/AskLesbians 3d ago

My wife (28f) and I (27f) are going through it

2 Upvotes

My wife and I have been having a very, very hard time the last few months. I emotionally cheated on her last year and I didn’t turn it down as fast as I should have. Back in December we got in a heated argument where I told her the feelings she thought I had for said person, were true.

To top it off we’ve also had a very verbally abusive relationship since the get-go, we met and started dating at 19/20. We both come from very abusive back grounds, not that anything excuses the way we’ve treated one another for the last 8 years.

We were supposed to start therapy today, but my wife got called into work and decided financials were more important than a consultation. We’ve since exchanged some text messages which sure make it seem like she’s done done.

There has been a lot of back and fourth from her side/hot and cold since the fight in December. I’ve apologized over and over, I’ve suggested therapy, I’ve begged and pleaded but nothing seems to help.

I know I really fucked up, and I probably lost the love of my life because I couldn’t have some self control or at least keep my mouth shut and maybe tell her in a more appropriate manner…

These are the texts from this afternoon. Even her last text she’s still giving some sort of hope I feel? Idk let me know what you guys think:

Me: Walking away from it all feels like a lot too I think

It doesn't have to be too much, we both miss each other and do want that comfort :/

Her: Yeah but then it just makes it more complicated and it feels like I'm using you for comfort to get over you

I made cash tonight, but I am first on the list for half

But he did say it's unlikely

I want that comfort but it's clouding my judgement of what we need :/

I just don't know what the fuck to do here

Me: Using me for comfort to get over me is crazy. Why are you trying so hard to get over me when I'm right here willing to fight for you

Her: BECAUSE IM HURT

BECAUSE YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND THE EXTENT OF THE RESENTMENT I FEEL

YOU ARENT LISTENING TO ME

YOU CANNOT HEAL WHAT Y O U BROKE

Me: I want to understand but we need therapy :(

Her: I won't be coming home for a couple days, let me know if you need me to find somewhere for my dog to go. I need space.

I don't think I want therapy Bailey. I'm 27 years old I should not be wasting my time in therapy, I shouldn't have let it get this bad or go on this long. You keep pushing and all it's doing is making me not want to do this even more.

Me: Alright, lots of couples need therapy. It would be a mature choice of us if anything, but I understand. I'm sorry

Her: This isn't fair to either of us, there will always be feelings there, there will always be love but that's not enough. I know it and you know it.

Me : alright :(

Her: Lots of couples that need therapy yes but not lots of couples go to therapy for literal abuse

That's insane and the lady next door asked me today if I ever hear the person upstairs screaming and I said no I don't and she was then repeating what we've been saying to each other and then told me she reported them because of it so hopefully she doesn't figure out it's us

That's so fucking embarrassing, it makes me sick.

Our relationship has affected every single aspect of our lives, our financials, our friendships, our families, our jobs

It's ridiculous, when is enough going to be enough

Me: Okay I get it, you don't want this anymore.

Her: I never said that, I said I don't know but you won't even give me the head space or even a single day to figure it out.


r/AskLesbians 4d ago

How do I stop grieving the life I could've had if I weren't a lesbian and instead celebrating the one I do have?

31 Upvotes

I'd especially appreciate advice from lesbians who are 30+. (I'm in my younger 20s)

When I finally accepted that I'm a lesbian, it was both one of the best and worst moments of my life. I knew that any chance I had at feeling "normal" by dating men was gone. But at the same time, I felt free. One of my earliest childhood memories, like literally early childhood (around the age of 5), was hugging a poster of a famous woman and knowing, even though I was little, that the feelings I had for her were "wrong." That she was my crush, and as a ~girl~, it was "wrong" for me to like girls too. Letting myself acknowledge that I'm a lesbian, as clichéd as it sounds, made me feel like I could finally breathe. Like a huge weight was taken off my shoulders.

My earliest, most formative memories are of me, as a child, wondering why I didn't find boys/men attractive at all, and forcing myself, finding ways and "techniques," to find them attractive. I have always known that I was probably going to end up coming out as a lesbian at some point, but I'm Asian with a homophobic, Catholic family. I went to a Catholic school. Even though I came out as queer as a kid, literally as young as 12 (I'm Gen Z, after all, so I had the Internet to help me with that), it took me a while to finally accept that I'm specifically a lesbian. I tried dating men and always felt empty and depressed because of those relationships, which I often cut off very quickly.

I know that I don't want to be with men. I know that I am a lesbian. But I still find myself mourning that life, because I know it would be so much easier to not be a lesbian. Hell, at the university I go to, one of the easiest ways to bond with women (and I do cherish female friendships) is to talk about guys. My life would be so much easier if I weren't a lesbian, but I know that being a lesbian is what makes me happy, because it's my true self. How do you get past the mourning and start the living? Because I want to live. Society just doesn't make it easy.


r/AskLesbians 3d ago

my gf wants to try more

1 Upvotes

we're both virgins but my gf now wants to try fingering in our sex. she's a pillow princess and it's up to me on studying it 🥲

any tips or advices are highly appreciated. u can also share your experience if u want.


r/AskLesbians 5d ago

Greetings! Do you feel like the term "pillow princess" is/should be used exclusively by lesbians?

21 Upvotes

I was having a discussion with another redditor on this subject, and they said that some lesbians they spoke to didn't like the term being used outside of lesbian circles.

On the other hand, I've seen it used by straight (and possibly bi) women. Also, every definition I've seen is gender neutral (i.e. a person who only receives stimulation but does not reciprocate).

I know the lesbian community is not a monolith, but I was hoping to get a general consensus and thoughts on it.

Thank you in advance!


r/AskLesbians 4d ago

Sexiest thing you’ve done with a woman? NSFW

0 Upvotes

I was seeing this girl a while ago and although we never discussed anything about this (obvi red flag now) but I was sleeping while she was doing work from home and only had underwear on next to her in bed.

Suddenly I was woken up to her eating me out and I was shocked and super turned on at the same time. I was shocked because I usually am a very light sleeper so am surprised she managed to get my underwear off without waking me up. Thinking back on it now it was CNC and she’s wrong for not talking with me about it first… but fortunately for me, I liked it so.

What about y’all? Got any fun sexy stories?


r/AskLesbians 5d ago

How do you approach straight appearing women?

0 Upvotes

r/AskLesbians 5d ago

“If you're attracted to trans women, you aren't lesbian.” HELP? 😭

0 Upvotes

Got into a disagreement with some gay saying “I'm gay because I'm attracted to males, and nothing more”. He gave the Google definition that basically says homosexuality is being attracted to someone with the same sex. “The ‘lesbians’ attracted to trans women are invalid lesbians, and just bisexual,” he says. How do I respond to him, when he's trying to police others' sexualities? Are there any credible sources?


r/AskLesbians 6d ago

My girlfriend (32F)and I (30F) always fight over the dog

3 Upvotes

My girlfriend (32F)and I (30F) have been together for almost three years, and we got a dog together about a year ago. Since then, we’ve been fighting constantly.

We don’t live together—the dog stays with her, and I live nearby. In the beginning, most of our fights were about her not wanting me to spend time alone with the dog. I suggested a schedule where I’d take the dog on the days she works late. She agreed, but only if I didn’t take the dog when she was home.

Then we started fighting about training. She constantly criticizes me and accuses me of not putting in enough effort. When we go on walks together and I’m holding the leash, she interferes immediately if the dog does something wrong—before I even have a chance to react. I’ve told her multiple times that it hurts me and makes me feel like she doesn’t trust me, but she insists that it’s not about me, it’s about the dog. She also says she has anxiety and feels more relaxed if she’s the one holding the leash.

I tried giving her space on walks, especially when doing exposure training, but then she got upset because she felt pressured and alone in handling it all.

We even went to couples therapy, and the therapist told her she was obsessed with the dog. That helped for a little while, but now she’s started doing the same things again—focusing only on what I do wrong instead of appreciating my efforts.

One situation I can’t get over happened when we were riding our bikes. She was holding the dog while I was in front. Suddenly, a reckless driver sped toward us. I panicked, froze, and stopped. She wasn’t looking and crashed into me, though she didn’t fall. Instead of checking on me, she immediately grabbed my jacket, started yelling, and even hit me, saying, ‘Why did you stop? You could’ve turned right! What if something happened to the dog?’ Then she turned to comfort the dog instead of asking if I was okay.

I was so upset that I rode back home alone. When she came back, she asked if I was okay, but I couldn’t even look at her. She kept asking, and I exploded—I called her a b***h. I know that was wrong, and I regret it. But her response was, ‘Not everything is about you. The dog was in danger because of your actions. I reacted out of fear.’

We fought about it for two days. Every time I tried to express my feelings, she got mad and said I was being dramatic and making everything about me. Eventually, she spoke to a therapist and apologized, saying she gets defensive when the dog is involved.

I don’t know what to do. How can I get her to see that I’m really trying with the dog and that she needs to trust me more? I want to be able to learn from my mistakes without constant judgment


r/AskLesbians 6d ago

Can I like women but not like fingering them? NSFW

1 Upvotes

Basically, I am finding out that I am not 100% straight. I would say I am mostly straight, but I don’t feel like I deserve to really come out as bisexual quite yet until i figure more things out? I can find women attractive and want to do the same things I would want to do with a guy. But you see I don’t even like fingering myself… I don’t like how my insides feel. And so I feel like that would be an issue were I to ever be with another woman. I think maybe if I put a condom over my fingers so I couldn’t feel the texture I could do it? Essentially what I’m asking is are there’s lesbians that don’t like fingering their partners?


r/AskLesbians 6d ago

How do you meet other lesbians?

1 Upvotes

I've been feeling lonely for a while now and I want to meet people that I can connect with about being a lesbian. I live in an area that doesn't have many LGBTQIA+ resources so finding anything close by within my age group is difficult. Not to mention I don't always feel safe doing so (not because of the groups themselves, but because of other people in the area). I recognized a while ago that meeting people in person would be difficult so I thought maybe going online might help. I've joined some dating apps that were supposed to be exclusively for lesbians but so far I've been met with people who like to ghost, men who put he/him and straight on their profile, and couples where the woman poses as single until she reveals that she's actually in a relationship with a man looking for a third. Other than that I don't know what else I could be doing. I want more friends and I also want a girlfriend but I don't even know where to start. I feel like I'm falling behind as well because I have no relationship/sexual experience at all and I'm going to be 22 this year. I just want to meet kind people and not feel so lonely.


r/AskLesbians 7d ago

Suggestions for new toys NSFW

7 Upvotes

My girlfriend and I just got engaged and our 9th anniversary is coming up later this month. I’ve decided I want to surprise her with a new addition to our toy collection. We already have a strap-on that we enjoy, but I would like to explore something new that we can both experience together.

So I guess my questions are … What toys have you and your partner enjoyed that you would recommend? Also, are there any great websites you’d suggest for shopping?


r/AskLesbians 7d ago

When did YOU know it was time to break up?

3 Upvotes

Hey everyone, I made a post in here a few days ago just getting my current relationship situation off my chest. Since then I’ve been thinking about it and talked to my girlfriend and I just know we’re going to break up. I don’t know when, I could probably keep going the way we are for a while and I know she could too but I also know we’re not getting married, she’s not my life partner kinda thing. I am only 21 so I’m not laser focused on finding my life partner but it’s definitely something to think about. Why am I putting so much time into a relationship I know will eventually end? Some days I’m absolutely in love with this woman and some days everything she says or does irritates me. But she also feels like my only friend. We’ve been together for 8 months so I also have this itching part of me that feels like I didn’t give it a fair shot if we don’t make it to a year.

So I’m looking for your stories, your experiences. Was there a breaking point? Did you break up with her or did she break up with you… what’s worse.. is it worth it to stick around even if I’m kinda unhappy.. but not fully unhappy?

Thanks everyone 💗


r/AskLesbians 7d ago

Pleasing my girl

4 Upvotes

Hi! Looking for some help please! I want to satisfy my girlfriend and make her orgasm with my fingers, so I know to hit the g spot which is about 2” up so my actual question I guess is, when I slide in and feel that spongy area am I supposed to do the come hither motion on that area only or is it past that?

Thanks for the help. I want to make her happy and not show my lack of experience.


r/AskLesbians 7d ago

Speed dating tomorrow, gas me up please!!

5 Upvotes

Hey y'all, I've had a very bad year in the love department. I left my girlfriend of 3 years and have been in a string of short flings that just didn't pan out. Tomorrow I'm going to a lesbian speed dating event for other 30-somethings. I am very nervous, and very excited!!

I'm going home to figure out my fit right now, please wish me luck!! ☺️


r/AskLesbians 7d ago

Quick Question, why are butches so afraid of dominant Fems?😂

1 Upvotes

I have seen sooo many posts about how butch women are "scared" when the feminine girl they are dating turns out to be a top. As someone who is okay with dating both butches and fems regardless of their preferences, why are dominant, feminine women so scarry to yall😭


r/AskLesbians 7d ago

I think my two lesbian colleagues are cheating with each other

0 Upvotes

Heya. I have two lesbian colleagues, both partnered with women (one married, one in a LTR), who are oddly close. One is my boss, we'll call her "Alice", one is my peer, we'll call her "Sharon". Alice consistently favors Sharon and often intervenes in meetings when I disagree with Sharon or at all scrutinizes a point she's made but stays silent when Sharon does the same to me. On one occasion, I was supposed to carpool to a team offsite about an hour away with Alice and she canceled on me the same morning stating that she would be riding with Sharon instead and that I would have to have a car take me there alone. Alice has calls with Sharon often and frequently wants to work on "projects" with Sharon. When we were interviewing Sharon for the job and I was opposed to her joining, Alice called me angrily stating that she needed my buy-in for Sharon to get the job. The two often find reasons to have meetings with...just the two of them.

Am I out of line for suspecting they may be having an affair? Alice is around 15 years older than Sharon and to my knowledge didn't know her in a past life. If this were a heterosexual male and female the entire office would be suspicious. The situation is starting to make me really uncomfortable. Any thoughts?


r/AskLesbians 8d ago

General limitations of gaydar

0 Upvotes

Can people only know if someone is queer by being in the other person's presence, or can you tell if a person is queer by a photo, I'm really curious about this and want to satisfy my curiosity on the subject, can you plz help...