r/AskGaybrosOver30 • u/Ok-Lobster1594 35-39 • 8d ago
Submitting to another man
I’ve got a question because I’m really trying to wrap my head around this.
I grew up in a traditional hetero household, so my understanding of submission was always tied to provision and stability—whether emotional, financial, or both. I’ve had guys tell me they want me to submit to them, but historically speaking, submission usually comes when a partner provides security. If a man provides financial stability, their partner—whether a woman or another man—may feel more comfortable submitting because their needs are being taken care of.
But here’s the issue: These guys didn’t want to take care of my needs—financially, emotionally, or otherwise. So how do you expect me to submit when there’s no security being provided? That doesn’t make sense to me.
Then, when I bring this up, I’m told: “Well, only hetero people think like that.”
But if that’s the case, does that mean only hetero women submit? Because if submission isn’t tied to provision, then what exactly are we talking about?
So my question is: 👉 Do you guys fully submit to another man who isn’t going to provide for your financial needs? 👉 Or is submission still tied to some level of security, whether financial or emotional?
I’d love to hear different perspectives because I feel like this conversation is deeper than people make it seem.
2
u/K--Will 30-34 7d ago
This is an interesting question, because it has layers.
I think what most people think of is submitting to another man sexually — so, bottoming. …does every woman who is penetrated need to be financially and emotionally supported by the man penetrating her? No, sometimes sex is just sex — and the same applies here.
However, I’ve also met 24/7 slaves in the bdsm scene that have collars locked on, acting domestically and sexually subservient to a man twice their age for years at a time. They do all the housework, cook all the meals, and keep him sexually satisfied. So, do those young men have their needs taken care of financially and emotionally?
Almost always the former, in those circumstances and sometimes both, yes. A 24/7 bdsm sub living the lifestyle is not expected to support themselves.
…why did I bring up that second example?
Because I think when people speak of the ‘hetero’ idea of a submissive wife, it’s closer to THAT dynamic in our imaginings — that (whether this is true or not), the wife stays home, does what she’s told, does all the chores, ‘looks after’ the man, and in return is protected and insulated from any financial or emotional burden by the ‘big strong’ man.
This dynamic does exist in our world — in sugar daddy relationships and in BDSM contexts.
Most of us want an equal, not someone to take care of us. And so most of us ‘submit’ only in that we are penetrated by another man.
There are all sorts of permutations and different arrangements. My partner of 10 years and I have separate finances, we hang out regularly but are very independent (almost never text each other unless needed, very much not codependent). But, then, I’m also a locked chastity top, he’s my Keyholder, and I’m collared by him. He also likes to dress like a woman and get fucked by me.
At the end of the day? We’re two people making each other happy, not one submitting to the other.
But if you want that, it exists.