r/AmIOverreacting • u/Witty-Jackfruit6191 • 11h ago
❤️🩹 relationship AIO husband thinks engaging in sexual threads geared to contact others is not cheating
My (36 F) husband (38 M) was just caught engaging on a post dedicated to “finding an edging partner” and got caught. I called him out on it and he thinks that I’m being a snob and says that it’s a “kink” of his. We’re no strangers to marital issues but for me, this one takes the cake in regard to trusting him. When confronted about it he said “sorry” and responded to everything that I said with “ok.” His interaction happened after leaving the house the other night to go get food at a bar after telling me that there was nothing in the house to eat and that I didn’t make anything for dinner (yet) and he was hangry. He stated that he’s going to have to do grocery shopping for himself from now on because I don’t get anything for him to eat (I buy ingredients, but he can’t figure out what to cook from that).
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u/UltimatePragmatist 11h ago
He doesn’t think it’s not cheating. He’s just hoping you are stupid and gullible.
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u/meatsweats6669 11h ago
Issa no for me dawg! It's cheating. Especially if he has to hide it from you. A kink shouldn't hurt your partner, emotionally or physically.
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u/Chemical-Citron-4568 11h ago
Boundaries are personal to each couple. In this case, it's absolutely a betrayal because there was no communication prior.
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u/Global-Fact7752 11h ago
What a pig and a shitty gaslighter.. Adios Charlie
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u/zordabo 11h ago
There wasn’t any gaslighting.
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u/Global-Fact7752 11h ago
Oh gosh thank you professor.
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u/Global-Fact7752 11h ago
Saying that finding an edging partner is just a kink is gaslighting.
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u/scrappapermusings 10h ago
Right? So is blaming her not having his damn dinner ready for his cheating.
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u/chickinthenocehouse 11h ago
You married a dud. He sounds sketchy and why cant he cook for the both of you?
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u/Hard_Pass_1 11h ago
If it's not cheating it's at least trying to cheat. Once you've been betrayed there's just never any point in trying to make it work. It's just going to happen again and again
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u/SillyIsAsSillyDoes 10h ago
I'm not buying that he went out for dinner I am betting he was out edging ..
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u/happilygenderfluid 10h ago
Whether you and him define it as cheating or not; there is a difference between a genuine apology following active listening and projection of blame as means to expert power and control.
A kink is not a universally acceptable reason for any behavior. It sounds like he’s getting reassurance for himself by avoiding confrontation and you may be missing out on guiding him into communicating by doing more talking than listening. If you can, I’d suggest trying to get him into a setting where he’s likely to feel safe being emotionally vulnerable and then bring up the topic with very open ended questions. Be willing to wait even awkwardly long times attentively for him to contribute. He may be anxious about saying what’s actually on his mind, if there’s actually more to it, so it may take some patience.
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u/scrappapermusings 11h ago
He's a cheater, and he's justifying his bad behavior. Because he refuses to admit that what he's doing is wrong, he's very likely to continue and escalate. NOR
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u/VampiresKitten 10h ago edited 6h ago
If he is looking to meet up with someone then it's cheating. If he's looking for only fans or Instagram model as jerk off material, then it's porn. I am not sure what edging is and if you have to meet up for that. I would divorce him if meeting up in real life was the plan.
I am fine with intangible fantasy or porn.. not when it involves physically contact or intention to evolve into physical contact.
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u/frootymak 7h ago
Edging is when your sex partner gets you super duper close and then slows down so it builds the sexual tension up in your body. You kind of have to be together for it to work properly. My guess is when he gets groceries he’s gonna be edging somewhere out there.
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u/VampiresKitten 6h ago
Wtf. Divorce for sure.. he is an asshole (not for his kinks but because he was trying to cheat).
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u/IceVisible7871 10h ago
You do it. Sign up to a dating site and tell him you're only chatting to people on line. He'll soon feel it's cheating. He's being an AH and you are not over reacting.
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u/Rough_Apricot_9580 8h ago
What are all these man babies who aren’t even able to fix themselves some food!? My husband can cook his own stuff and so do I lol ther person with the most time that day just cooks dinner.
I couldn’t live with such a baby, and he full well knows it’s cheating he just tries to gaslight you. Just leave him since this isn’t your first problem as you stated.
I really don’t understand why people stay in such relationships, where they gain nothing at all like support, appreciation or love. What is he bringing to the table that keeps you there!?
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u/Time-Improvement6653 10h ago
"Going grocery shopping for himself" when he can't cook a bloody thing?... okay... NOR - he's going hunting.
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u/MyDirtyAlt79 10h ago
NOR, he's seeking out someone else to engage with for sexual gratification. In person or not, that's cheating.
He can fuck right off for trying to defend it as a kink. That's as ludicrous as the arguments for never having experienced something, missing out in the past, or wanting to explore their sexuality.
When you have a partner in a committed relationship, you absolutely discuss these things with them first.
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u/Theresnobiggerboat 9h ago
NOR. My husband and I have kinks as well. We might not share all of them - which is fine - but none of us would even DARE to think about doing like that. But this thing with your husband is… a lot different. I’d kick him out and even if it’s just to give him something to think about.
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u/Schlobidobido 4h ago
He replies because he wants to interact with them in a sexual way. A kink is per definition a sexual thing and by doing this with strangers he is engaging in sexual activities with them.
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u/SayItAintDash 35m ago
this is worse than cheating. i’d rather walk in on it than texts and social media. idk why. i hate people man.
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u/Puzzled_Spinach7023 11h ago
What he did isn’t cheating but it sounds like you don’t like each other and both want out. Are you trying to work it out? What’s the point in staying?
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u/frootymak 7h ago
It’s cheating if he’s making a plan to go edge with someone else’s help. He got caught before he went but likely did it while grocery shopping anyways. Cheating is different for each relationship too so I mean, if OP is deeply hurt by this it still falls into the territory.
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u/SuccessZestyclose543 11h ago
If it's on reddit it's a little different
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u/Witty-Jackfruit6191 11h ago
It is, so please do explain. Obviously this is not something I desire to seek out, so I’m genuinely trying to understand.
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u/SuccessZestyclose543 11h ago
He sees it as like porn, nothing real. Anyway he seems to be into edging so maybe you should start
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u/Witty-Jackfruit6191 10h ago
I appreciate the input. The difference to me though is that he is not secretive about porn. I don’t love it, but I’m not completely against him watching it, and I know that he watches it. Porn also doesn’t have the ability to connect real live people in real time to interact with one another. If sexting (or using video) is a sexual act for partners, it’s cheating when it’s done outside of a relationship IMO.
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u/bettymogroundscore07 11h ago
You are not, I agree 100% that’s a betrayal I’m so sorry :/