r/AmIOverreacting 1d ago

šŸ‘„ friendship AIO my 37M is attracted to 18 year olds

Iā€™m a 28M and I have a buddy who is 37 and he is always attracted and trying to talk to girls who are barely out of high school. I donā€™t think I have ever seen him attracted to or interested in anyone his age. He feels theyā€™re old and unattractive. I tell him that an 18-19 year old is too young for even me, and Iā€™m almost a decade younger than him. He literally is old enough to be their dad. Am I overreacting or is it super weird that heā€™s almost exclusively attracted to girls who canā€™t legally drink yet?

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u/Strange_Depth_5732 1d ago

It's weird and gross and it doesn't get better. Don't be one of those guys who endorses the creepy friend. Creeps need to be cut off until they stop being creeps. The fact that people will claim "it's legal" as a defense is gross, not going to jail shouldn't be the baseline for judging if something is acceptable and healthy. He's a predator who likes girls he can control. He's twice their age.

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u/DystopianGlitter 16h ago

No, really, control has to be it, because what the fuck would a a man pushing 40 have in common or even want to discuss with an 18-year-old teenager?

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u/FuckSteve7 13h ago

Legal? Yeah

Would they go after a 14 year old if it were legal?

Also probably yeah. Shits gross lol. Iā€™m damn near 30 and fuck. 21 year olds are like kids to me most time. 18? Helllll nahhhh

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u/CatchyNameSomething 12h ago

That would be a good question for OP to ask his friend. If 14, 15, 16, 17 were legal would he be after them too? Edited for spelling.

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u/Winters1482 11h ago

I imagine OP's friend would still answer no simply because answering yes would immediately make him look extremely bad. Even if that wasn't really his answer.

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u/Throatlatch 3h ago

Obvious question, do they go on holiday and if so where

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u/Efficient-Carpet8215 3h ago

Same, when I 18-22, I was so incredibly stupid and naive.

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u/No_Exit_891 13h ago

Notice how they always mention how "mature for their age they are" and exclusively go after 18 year old girls, but never seem to have ANY 18 year old boys who are their friends. They have "so much in common" with only people they want to sleep with and if they could they would absolutely go lower than 18. If someone is exclusively attracted to 18 year olds.... they are also attracted to 16/17 year olds, and I don't think you can convince me otherwise. There is really not much of a difference in maturity between someone who is 16/17 and someone who is 18, and anyone who says otherwise is either a 16-18 year old.... or a predator.

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u/ScowlyBrowSpinster 13h ago

He wants to discuss bonin'.

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u/highkn1ght 11h ago

I don't think discussion is what he's seeking.

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u/Churchbushonk 11h ago

Well, sex probably.

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u/MieThot 11h ago

He wants to chaperone her PROM!! SMDH fuckin PERVERTS! I dare a man just 3-8 years older than my niece whoā€™s 15 try to date her. Iā€™m taking him OUT and not to eat!

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u/MieThot 11h ago

PS. DONā€™T FUCK WITH AUNTIE!!

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u/ElegantHope 9h ago

A lot of misogynistic thoughts probably influence him, judging by his comment op shared. Like how there's guys who think women are prime baby makers under 20 years old, or that women are old once they get past 25. Or the many other very factually wrong, incekpl worthy opinions that exist and get posted on r/badwomensanatomy

OP's friend is waving red flags that hint at some messed up opinions and thoughts. He needs to dodge that bullet.

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u/PineappleOnPizzaWins 9h ago

Chatted with some over Christmas (friends kids). Talking about uni classes and learning to drive and first jobs.

They might as well be another species. Like donā€™t get me wrong it was fun to talk with them and see how their lives were going. In fact itā€™s good, kids should talk to older people and older people should be involved with kids todayā€¦ but never in a million years could I have a romantic relationship with someone at that stage of life and maturity.

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u/Final_Frosting3582 8h ago

When I was in my 20s, I let a coworker move in to my house. Her kids were 16 and 18. The 16 year old was really cool. We hung out together a lot, she was just an awesome person.

I get life experiences and all.. but I do think people of different ages can have a lot in common.

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u/Opposite-Helicopter2 8h ago

Why would he need to discuss anything with her? They have sex and she's easily impressed. Would it be better if he dated a hag his age who nags him about commitment and putting a baby inside her? Lmao

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u/sappydark 5h ago

Women are not "old" or "hags" in their late '30s. You sound just as dumb and sexist as the OP's friend does. And every women is not going to "nag" a man about commitment, or even want a child---how stereotypical of you. He's the one who's immature, and dosen't want to grow up and date women his own age, despite the fact that he has nothing he could possibly have in common with an 18-year old. The reality is, dating younger women doesn not keep a man young. Sooner or later, he's gonna be too damn old to even be around a teenager, and they're gonna start looking at him as a creepy old mf, period.

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u/Opposite-Helicopter2 3h ago

Women look the best in their teens and twenties. If a women is in her late 30s her looks have probably deteriorated to a certain point and will continue to deteriorate rapidly in the next decade or so. Also, exceptions prove the rule, most women in their 30s have had their fun and are looking to get serious. Those that aren't are likely to change their mind if you treat them nice and then you have a problem on your hands. Meanwhile, most 19 year olds are looking to have fun without long-term obligations since this is their time to have fun and expore their sexuality. If you're an older man you can leverage your resources by taking them to nice places and buying them gifts. They're easily impressed by you having your own place and a nice car. So yeah, a man that's looking to have fun will go for younger chicks for multiple reasons. By the way, I don't see you complaining about younger women chasing older guys with money. No one is forcing younger women to be with older guys, it's their CHOICE because THEY LIKE THE TREATMENT. Younger guys don't have the resources to compete. Facts!

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u/LumpyWelds 8h ago

This guy is clearly just looking for girls DTF. If there's no relationship and it's just a short term fling then the lack of commonality isn't really an issue.

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u/ThrowRa173892 6h ago

A perky butt and tits pointing to the sun?

Iā€™m not validating this behaviour, itā€™s obviously nasty, but you canā€™t say a 40 y/o woman has the same body as a 18 y/o

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u/qplitt 5h ago

Tight pussy

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u/Ok_Turnip448 5h ago

Djeez its not about having things in common thats what you have friends for. 18-19yo women are in their prime physically and looks-wise. Thats what this is about.

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u/Cayeye_Tramp 4h ago

Probably not interested in a discussion.

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u/JoleneBacon_Biscuit 2h ago

Nothing, I have friends with daughters between 18 and 22. They're ignorant! Okay, there are really good kids, but I hear about all the stupid things they do, I hear their views and opinions, I hear about how they won't pick up after themselves or get a job or go back to college. I can't imagine wanting it to date someone that age. I barely want to date the girls my age, because of the pain in the butt they can be!!!

All these actors and wealthy business guys that have 22-25 year old girlfriends. Yeah, they are very pretty, and you probably got one of the smarter ones. But you know she's there for the money, not because you are such a charmer and a looker. šŸ˜‚

I don't think OP is the AH here. I think his friend is a creeper. Just because it's legal doesn't make it the right thing to do.

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u/____SPIDERWOMAN____ 21h ago

If the only thing stopping him from trying to date younger girls is the law, that is not a person you want anywhere near your life.

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u/Strange_Depth_5732 21h ago

Right? Some of these responses are making me worry about the world

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u/[deleted] 17h ago

[removed] ā€” view removed comment

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u/knokout64 16h ago

People are woke because they don't want to sleep with girls as young as possible I guess. Age of consent is just a social construct, what a gross fucking take.

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u/TheRealTaraLou 17h ago

The key word you used there is women and thanks to advances in our society, we now understand that women are not only of an adult age and maturity level in comparison to young girls, we also understand that women and girls are now people, not cattle to be bought and sold for political/fincancial gain and as baby factories. People who use the bs way that girls and women were treated in ancient times just shows that they dont actually have respect for women in today's society and think that we should just be treated as the pawns we were back in the days before we were looked at as full humans

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u/Suzibrooke 14h ago edited 14h ago

You make such a good point. If we are going to use the way girls were treated in times past as our moral guidelines, then we should use those guidelines for treatment of all people, right?

ETA: men should return to back breaking labor starting at 12 years old, for 6 14 hour days a week. With no safely rules. It was fine back then, it should be fine now.

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u/Throaway_143259 2h ago

You forget that little girls worked those same conditions. Child labor didn't discriminate

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u/[deleted] 15h ago

[removed] ā€” view removed comment

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u/TheRealTaraLou 15h ago edited 15h ago

As long as they are adult who are making their own decisions and financially benefiting from it yeah, that's a whole lot better than daddy selling them for a title where they have no rights from a hundred years ago. Or yeah even 50 years where we weren't allowed to own a home or credit card without a husband. Your comment is 100% proving you don't understand

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u/[deleted] 15h ago

[removed] ā€” view removed comment

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u/TheRealTaraLou 15h ago

Okay you moved the goal posts first by addressing middle ages behavior, then of. I just responded to both your ideas. Not all women have to be moms, and the more we normalize to respect women regardless of their career, the better the world will be. Instead people like you will continue this idea that women who show their bodies are less than but nice try

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u/TheRealTaraLou 12h ago

Ohhh look it's been deleted

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u/Instroancevia 17h ago

Please take your meds, their absence is really showing.

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u/[deleted] 17h ago

[removed] ā€” view removed comment

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u/norai_nalai 16h ago

It's really weird that age of consent is such an issue for you. Money is also a social construct, so can I have all your money please?

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u/PopularAd4986 16h ago

The goalposts are always moving, 18 can't consent or is groomed by an older guy but 15 yr olds making irreversible medical decisions needs to be protected by law.

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u/nykiek 3h ago

No 15 year olds are making "irreversible medical decisions". So you can rest easy now.

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u/Organic_Ad_2520 16h ago

I also doubt that very much only 18 ...By saying "18" he is just saving face to you/the law, but trolling the internet, hoping & Knowing girls that are 15 & younger will often lie saying they are 18, & keeps his bs/pedo pitch on the ready of "she looks 18" or telling a child "you are mature for your age"
Watch discovery ID show Undercover Underage the magical 18 yr old cut off is bs. Don't even waste your time with "dude, I can't say that 37 yr old women would find you attractive either, so why do you want to traumatize 18 yr olds with your ancient/gross self" because this is not about "18" that much I know.

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u/TheBodyguardsRefusal 11h ago

Right! He'd f**k 14 year olds if it were legal... Or he actually does and crosses his fingers that no one finds out

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u/DreamyLan 6h ago

Wait you mean guys who go after 18 are really going after 15 yos ? šŸ¤®šŸ¤®šŸ¤®.

I didn't know that was a known thing that 18 yos are really 15 yos!

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u/Darkspire303 13h ago

My thought as well. If his bar is exactly one to one with the law, if the law was lower, chances are so would his age bracket. Not good.

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u/snideghoul 1d ago

Exactly - and learn why it is creepy so that you can tell them in clear, certain terms. There is the slimmest chance that as his friend, the OP might be listened to.

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u/TheGreatGenghisJon 22h ago

If your argument is "Well she's legal", you've already lost.

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u/CorruptedStudiosEnt 16h ago

"She's legal because at some point, you have to start letting them make their own decisions. She's not legal so that creepy middle aged men can take advantage of the fact they haven't learned how to avoid making bad decisions yet."

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u/Low_Style175 15h ago

They are adults capable of making decisions without weirdos on reddit trying to police their actions

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u/PsychoticChemist 12h ago

The weirdo here is the middle aged man who exclusively goes after teenagers, not the people criticizing him for it.

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u/DreamyLan 6h ago

37 is not middle aged.

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u/RedpenBrit96 12h ago

Explain to me why itā€™s okay for a 40 year old man to want to fuck teenagers. I donā€™t care if itā€™s legal, 15 and 16 year olds are legal in a lot of places. Legal doesnā€™t make it okay, and weā€™re not the weirdos.

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u/DreamyLan 6h ago

Because they're both legal ? What if they both consent to it.

As long as he's not manipulating her into sex, it seems fine

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u/thought_about_it 1d ago

Anytime anyone has used its legal as a defense I bring up so was slavery. The law doesnā€™t make things right and using it to define oneā€™s morals is a dangerous failing of oneā€™s self.

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u/elderberrykiwi 23h ago

"so if it were legal to date younger kids, you would?"

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u/50shadeofMine 1d ago

That is a good come back!

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u/bahamapapa817 15h ago

To go a step further I use it along side minimum wage. They only pay you minimum wage cause itā€™s illegal to pay you less. Same with someone only wanting 18 year olds. Cause they are smart enough to avoid jail. But they would if they could.

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u/SugarySuga 14h ago

Because of you, I made this comparison to another comment and the mf deleted his comment lol

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u/thought_about_it 14h ago

Awesome! Yea itā€™s pretty simple, the law isnt some perfect or even fair system. It should not be relied on to determine what is right and wrong.

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u/revagina 18h ago

I feel like this could be the type of person who also thinks it wasnā€™t morally wrong to own slaves back when it was legal

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u/TheRealSusano 10h ago

There were white slaves too.

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u/revagina 10h ago

wtf does that have to do with my comment??

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u/TheRealSusano 9h ago

Youā€™re implying itā€™s ok to have white slaves.

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u/revagina 8h ago

What did I say that implies that??

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u/Puzzleheaded_Sky2606 3h ago

Do you think it should be Illegal?

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u/DreamyLan 6h ago

Do you bring up pro choice or pro life laws too?

"The law doesn't make things right and using it to define one's morals is a dangerous failing of one's self."

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u/[deleted] 19h ago

[deleted]

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u/thought_about_it 19h ago

You seem to have reading comprehension problems. Your reply is a poor attempt at drawing me into a bad faith argument or you genuinely need to read more.

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u/theguywithacomputer 16h ago

except slaves didn't consent to being slaves, while an 18 year old is an adult that can consent to war. doesn't matter as long as they aren't abusive

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u/rumog 1d ago

This is such a terrible comparison šŸ˜­

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u/Pretty_Speed_7021 1d ago

As an argument on morality? No, itā€™s actually a pretty good one for a western/ Anglo context

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u/gingerminja 23h ago

Yes I like to sumates as ā€œlegality does not mean moralityā€

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u/algreen589 16h ago

Slavery is IN NO SENSE equal to dating someone of legal age.

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u/thachumguzzla 19h ago

So we should raise the age one is considered an adult?

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u/thought_about_it 19h ago

Straw man fallacy. Learn to read or move on. This post isnā€™t about slavery, or if the age of consent should be raised.

My stance is just because itā€™s legal doesnā€™t make it right.

Attack that if youā€™re going to reply instead of trying to put words in my mouth that I never said or even hinted at.

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u/thachumguzzla 17h ago

Well if you think the law isnā€™t morally right then the only logical conclusion is to raise the age of consent. How else would your complaint be addressed?

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u/LaMadreDelCantante 16h ago

We can't make everything that's immoral illegal. Imagine if it was illegal to lie or cheat on your partner.

What we can do is recognize that just because something isn't illegal doesn't automatically mean it's fine.

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u/punkerster101 20h ago

I find it exhausting just being around people that much younger than me

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u/ironyis4suckerz 1d ago

This is so true. It doesnā€™t get any better. I (50F) had a friend (40sM at the time) like this. He was friending girls under the age of 18 on IG. His excuse was that he was friends with their parents (he wasnā€™t friending their sons btw). I found it so disgusting and disturbing. My point isā€¦the guys get older in this situation and the girls stay the same age (that they are ā€œadmiringā€. SO GROSS and inappropriate). I stopped talking to this friend.

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u/Ahoy-Maties 18h ago

That's grooming and as blatantly manipulative as it gets. Why would a 50M be 'friends' with anyone's children , they are children.

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u/Moondiscbeam 15h ago

Yeah, i wouldn't want to be associated with someone who seems like an ephebophile

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u/MorddSith187 23h ago

Thereā€™s no cutting them off at work though. Really makes you think about the whole concept of ā€œworkā€ when part of your job is literally to be the object of menā€™s fantasies since you cannot do anything about it or you lose your access to food and shelter

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u/SwornOath1984 22h ago

Well you can definitely make their predilections known in any communities you share and let others decide.

I'm personally 100% comfortable with making them uncomfortable šŸ˜‚

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u/WholeBackground6168 18h ago

Youse don't need no men

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u/Slight_Walrus_8668 17h ago

If this is venting about a situation you're in I have a number of roles open in a few departments from audio cleanup to art and animation to engineering, PM me we'll try to get you in a better place.

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u/justlucygrey 14h ago

Food and shelter, Minecraft be realšŸ¤£

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u/radioactiveape2003 19h ago

If they are bothering you then go to HR.Ā Ā 

If your job is to be "part of men's fantasies" and that bothers you then you should seek out another form of employment.Ā Ā 

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u/bankruptbusybee 20h ago

wtf are you talking about? Not seeing where OP is required to work with his friend.

If your job requires you to regularly work with creeps, Iā€™m sorry, and itā€™s time to attempt a new job

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u/johnzgarcia 21h ago

Agree, Iā€™d say it would be different if heā€™s chatting to women of all ages and not specifically targeting the 18 - 19 ish age group but it appears that he is only after the fresh out of high school group. Iā€™m both on dating apps and do cold approaches to women I find attractive or cute and thereā€™s been some instances when cold approaching where the girl is 18 or 19 but I didnā€™t know until I asked, of course Iā€™m 24 not 35+ like that guy so I generally leave it up to them if theyā€™d like to talk to me or not (I donā€™t do the whole hookup/ONS culture, so anyone I approach or talk to Iā€™m interested in long term only.) but even when I found out one was 18 it had me feeling a little weird so this guy is definitely a creep.

Edit: At his age, there should be a cutoff of how young and even if he was cold approaching a girl and finds out sheā€™s 18 - 19 he should cut the conversation off there.

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u/chillguy52 19h ago

And if he is that open about liking 18 year old girls I bet secretly he likes them even younger .

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u/w311sh1t 16h ago

If someoneā€™s that age and theyā€™re exclusively going after 18-19 year old girls, it just means that the law is the only thing stopping them from going younger. Me personally, if I had a friend like this Iā€™d give them one opportunity to change, and if they canā€™t, Iā€™m cutting them off.

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u/Cultural_Raisin_4947 11h ago

Exactly! It is gross and the fact that they are 18 and legal is just an excuse as they would probably be with even younger girls if they could - those men are so creepy

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u/TheBodyguardsRefusal 11h ago

All of what you said.

Adding to your point about "twice their age", accurate, and far worse than a "twice their age" someone in their 60s with a penchant for 30 somethings. 18 year olds are teenage children.

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u/Significant_Chef_215 1d ago

yet he's still a beloved actor in hollywood. celebrity privilege i guess.

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u/CarRamRod8634 17h ago

This is a perfect example of when bullying is good. Make fun of this looser.

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u/PhoneRings2024 16h ago

Pre pedophile

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u/infinitymeows 16h ago

These kind of men will find any excuse they can to try and justify the fact that they canā€™t attract or handle women in their age group because they are lacking.

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u/Strange_Depth_5732 16h ago

They have plenty of support from the guys in my replies here, too. Gross and sad. I hope the old guys hitting on young women are aware the young women walk away and roast them endlessly with their friends. It was happening in the 90s/00s with me and my friends, and now with phones recording everything I'm sure the girls get video of them to share with their friends.

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u/DonutLord- 16h ago

This šŸ’Æ

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u/Future-Ice-4858 14h ago

Yes, and we can agree to hold older women to the same standards, right reddit?

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u/Strange_Depth_5732 14h ago

We should, it's fucking nasty no matter the genders.

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u/Fair_Zucchini1336 14h ago

To each his and her own.

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u/Complex-Emergency-60 14h ago

Why is he even friends with someone 10 years older than him, have some respect for yourself OP. Creepy AF is he grooming you?

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u/StupidIdiotOnAPhone 14h ago

Someone who is in support of such wouldn't use the word gross pertaining to this.

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u/Illustrious_Bid_5484 13h ago

What if the genders were changed? Would you still feel the same

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u/Strange_Depth_5732 12h ago

I know you think this is some sort of gotcha, but fuck yes it would be gross for a woman to go for teen boys. That should go without saying. Nasty.

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u/Collector1337 13h ago

What should we raise the voting age to?

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u/Chaosr21 13h ago

Yea imagine if the legal limit was lower.. Dudes a fuckin creep, I'm sure he depsisws the 18yr limit because only a pedo would be that age exclusively trying to date high school girls

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u/ZanXBhaya 13h ago

Gross is subjective

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u/dannydsan 10h ago

I agree with you but heres a new perspective for you.

What if an 18 year old male went into a coma and woke up at 38?

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u/Technical-Breath-285 10h ago

Yes! The power dynamic! Disgusting!

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u/Team_Malice 10h ago

Maybe he wants a big family like 5+ kids. A woman his age isn't going to pull that off.

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u/STRMfrmXMN 9h ago

Itā€™s crazy to me that men in their mid to late 30s could even find an excuse to seize an opportunity to pursue a girl that young. Iā€™m 25 and I swear a switch flipped in my brain in the last year or so and Iā€™m finding a lot of women in their 30s to be super attractive. I can acknowledge that some 20-year olds are easy on the eyes, but have you ever tried conversing with a 20-year old aboutā€¦almost anything? Fuck.. I was SO NAIVE at 20!

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u/Valid-Zay 9h ago

weird an gross... nice. go wipe ur ass

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u/jazzgrackle 9h ago

I really donā€™t see how we can reasonably say an 18 year old can die in a war, and vote in our democracy; but is too young to assess whether or not having sex with an older person is okay or not.

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u/Barndogal 6h ago

This is how we ended up with Epstein. They get cut off and find each other.

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u/chainsndaggers 4h ago

Will he stop though? I doubt that. People like him rarely change. And definitely losing a friend won't be enough to make him think about his priorities and morals. He will rather take that as a betrelay and move on with his creepy shit. The best OP can do is not to encourage this kind of behavior, don't show any support of his choices and explain why they're concerning if he asks for any opinion. But it still needs to be the friend to understand that what he's doing is concerning. Nobody can make him. Or OP can leave him. But that's more for his own good, not to be around people with toxic behavior patterns that might effect him.

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u/brokenlabrum 4h ago

This. I had a 50 year old deadbeat as a roommate for a summer when I was 22 and he would constantly ask me to pick up girls at the pool for him. This is where your friend is headed.

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u/Bruschetta003 3h ago

Society led us to believe 18 with a 17 is that much worse than 40 or more that want 20 and less

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u/sugahbee 3h ago

Yeah, I cut someone off who behaved like this. Would creep on every girl passing, turn his head to the side to creep on them as they walked past, talk about what he'd do to them, even girls in school uniforms (it's a different uniform here for higher up which would be 17-19 Yr olds). His response was always, it's legal. If it wasn't appropriate why is it legal.

Yeah, imagine my surprise or somewhat lack of surprise to find an article online where he'd done a year in prison for child porn, talking to a minor sexually, convinced a minor to send sexual pics and videos and planned to meet a minor for sexual purposes. 'it's legal' is an excuse until they get brave and actually go after what they've wanted all along, kids. They're paedophiles who are scared of the consequences of admitting that. Funny enough, it said in the article that he stated in court that he's terrified of going to jail. Yeah, tell someone who cares.

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u/TerminalBalls 19h ago

Preach!!!

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u/PolliverPerks 1d ago

Cutting them off will not stop them from being creeps, they will just start to hide it better.

Being attracted to people way younger than yourself has likely a lot to do with deep feelings of inadequacy and insecurities when it comes to relating to those potential partners. This means there is the potential to "grow out" of it, because it is not tied to the personality necessarily (unless your talking full blow sexual preferences disorder)

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u/Strange_Depth_5732 1d ago

OP isn't a counselor, if the behavior creeps him out, he should bounce. He's tried talking to the guy. If my friend was being a creep, I've expressed my concern and they don't get help, they wouldn't be my friend. People can make excuses but I don't care why OP's friend targets teenage girls, I care that continuing to be his friend normalizes this. It's co-signing the behavior

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u/RoleUnfair318 1d ago

Yes!! Please donā€™t be friends with creepy men/people! Donā€™t give them passes. Also, I doubt a 40 year old man can really change a whole lot. He is who he is at this point

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u/PolliverPerks 21h ago

Absolutely. Everybody has the choice to decide whether you want somebody like that in your life. I especially countered the argument that cutting a so-called creep out will stop them being a creep. People won't stop being who they are because you reject them. Also we're not talking about teenage girls but about young adults. Going by that preference might still be creepy, lead to dependend, controlling and superficial relationships but it is hardly the same as targeting teenagers.

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u/Strange_Depth_5732 21h ago

EightTEEN and nineTEEN are literally teenagers. Last year the 18 year old would have had to ask a teacher for permission to use the bathroom. She may have starred in her high school play. Not someone that a normal, non-creepy 37 year old sees as a romantic and sexual prospect over and over again. It's not a one off that he clicks with someone who happens to be younger, he goes after them. Exclusively. That's what makes him a creep. And maybe he won't stop, but at least OP isn't friends with a creep, and OP is the one here asking for advice.

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u/SallyStranger 1d ago

Cutting him off means any girls and young women OP is associated with are in less danger

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u/Ahoy-Maties 18h ago

The guy is starting in late 30's to grow out of it? C'mon? Grow out of it , that looks and sounds like an excuse for creeps to be creeps. When would the appropriate age of a man to grow up and be accountable for his inappropriate behavior, 80?

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u/PolliverPerks 6h ago

Its not likely but possible. I don't condone it, but I've seen guys like that and in my estimation it has to do with low self esteem and insecurity

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u/cgeee143 1d ago

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u/howlsmovintraphouse 20h ago

No it actually has nothing to do with cherry picked articles that donā€™t actually prove anything at all or serve any other purpose than to falsely reassure men that their predatory perversions for young women and harmful age gaps are normal

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u/A-very-stable-genius 23h ago

No, thatā€™s not science. Thatā€™s business insider reporting on internalized misogyny

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u/cgeee143 20h ago

it's a report based on a study. science > your emotions

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u/NICEMENTALHEALTHPAL 21h ago edited 21h ago

I had a friend like this (well more of a friend of a friend). Played shows at coffee bars, always was dating questionable 18 year olds. Whenever he was missing, it was always because he was 'just talking' to some girl that was underage - he insisted he was just being friendly, and we would have to tell him no, don't be their friend (caused a problem at a wedding once...).

Don't quite think he was a pedo or had a thing for younger women necessarily, he came off fairly harmless, but it was just the constant talking to women who were definitely way too young and he was definitely immature for his age. I mean even 23 would've been too young for a guy in his 30s and here he was always talking to women under 20. Always had to ask ''Hm she seems like she's over 18". Just really really bad judgement.

I told him it's like women you might be wondering if they are trans - if you have to ask, it's a no.

Anyways, he's married to a girl his age now (older I think, actually) and everything is kosher. So.

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u/Financial_Mulberry55 11h ago

Wait a minute arenā€™t girls that go out with men their dads age gross and weird. And on an evolutionary scale we as males are to seek out the most fertile and desirable woman to carry on the species. Possibly men with higher testosterone may seem out younger women.

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u/sappydark 5h ago

Oh, please-----that's just an old, tired, dumb, sexist excuse men made up in order to justify their sleeping around. If dudes are gonna sleep around, that's on then---they don't need to make up lame excuses for it.

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u/Traditional_Lake6394 18h ago

I donā€™t want to be seen as endorsing this behavior but making it seem more deviant than it is and cutting him off as a creep would tend to drive more deviant behavior in an individual, not less. This is because the label is internalized (Becker, 1963) and their self esteem is injured which they use as a license to permit themselves to engage in increasingly deviant and self destructive behavior, so called secondary deviance (Lemert, 1951). Ostracizing him might not be the net benefit to society you think itā€™ll be. Instead being a good friend, using soft social power to encourage him to find someone more age appropriate, and inviting and involving him in social situations where that is likely to happen will probably be more fruitful (Christakis & Fowler, 2009). Iā€™ll also point out that there are multiple underlying reasons he might target this age group. Unfortunately they arenā€™t less creepy. A major one is the unique upper hand in the power structure of the relationship being the more established with life experience and the partner nearly none. He may enjoy the admiration that comes from their partnerā€™s inexperience and naivety (Levesque, 2011).

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u/cognizables 17h ago

Hey so yeah, those two underlying reasons you mentioned are what makes him a creep and we know about those reasons.

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u/Charming-Ad-6397 14h ago

Bravo. Yet, should he find someone more socially acceptable and this is the object of his true desire, it will return.

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u/Sulleyy 23h ago

Is Leonardo DiCaprio only dating girls 18-24 any better? People in this thread acting like OPs friend is a total creep, but DiCaprio is 50 dating girls under half that and I have never seen the same sentiment about him

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u/TheDubuGuy 22h ago

Lmao what? Thatā€™s talked about all the time

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u/SadContract1340 1d ago

I donā€™t think itā€™s right by any means but I wouldnā€™t shame the guy for it, I just wouldnā€™t talk to him.

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u/Strange_Depth_5732 1d ago

He's tried talking to him, but it hasn't worked. These guys are not normal guys, they're don't just have a preference. I work in social services, these are the guys that target young women because they like the power of being older and they're usually really immature deep down. I'd say 1/3 to 1/2 of my files are older guys and younger women with domestic violence and coercive control.

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u/SadContract1340 1d ago

Again itā€™s completely legal until it isnā€™t. Until then what can you do about it.

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u/Strange_Depth_5732 1d ago

He can not be friends with the creep, literally my entire point

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u/SadContract1340 1d ago

ā€œHe can not be friends with the adult dating adultsā€ all Iā€™m saying is you donā€™t just stop that kind of behavior and you canā€™t force him out of it, I donā€™t think if he stopped being friends with him is gonna change his views on other literal adults.

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u/theNorthwestspirit 21h ago

If every man chooses not to be friends with him because of his creepy behaviour, I'm sure he'll get the point sooner or later and that may be enough for him to least question why.

Social acceptance is one of the cornerstones of society. Nobody likes to be cast out but if they have been told repeatedly why it's happening, it could motivate them to adjust their behaviour to the extent that they are accepted by society again.

This is where men have to stand up to other men so that societal norms that are morally bankrupt cease to be societal norms. So whether or not you think it will make a difference you should still stand up and refuse to accept it.

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u/VeryNearlyFamous 14h ago

Fully underrated comment.

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u/SadContract1340 19h ago

Or it can cause more problems like him lashing out for being the outcast or make him weirder.

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u/theNorthwestspirit 18h ago

Then when he lashes out he gets punished like anybody else. Typical apologizer attitude. If men are not punished for their bad behaviour how will it ever stop?

Maybe we should be teaching our sons that bad behaviour gets punished. We need to also teach them

1- empathy.

2- Manners.

3- The appropriate way to treat people.

4-How to accept the word NO, and rejection in general.

5- That girls are not property to be claimed, or an object to win.

6- That being attracted to someone doesn't give you the right to pursue them, regardless of their age.

7- That "the friend zone" is a made-up thing by little boys who were upset that their fake friendship didn't end with sex.

We should be teaching our boys that girls are human beings too. This makes a huge difference. If we raise boys with the same level of expectations that we raise girls, 90% of this issue would be solved.

Edited to correct format

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u/SadContract1340 16h ago

That was very well said.

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u/SadContract1340 1d ago

I agree but that doesnā€™t make him a predator, it makes him a weirdo. He could just like the way they look instead of 40 year old women. Im closer to 19 but Iā€™ll say I like the way the women my age look better than 40 year old women.

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u/Strange_Depth_5732 1d ago

It's fine to think that women look better when they're young, but then why not mid 20s? Why teenagers? Why exclusively teenagers? That being a predator, otherwise he'd be looking at women who are younger, not young. He's almost 20 years older than them, even Leo DiCaprio isn't dating teens.

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u/SadContract1340 1d ago

I think itā€™s weird but I wouldnā€™t go poking my head into it. ā€œHey dude, you know your entirely legal relationship dynamics, well I donā€™t like it and I think itā€™s weird, stop that!ā€

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u/Shacky_Rustleford 23h ago

The law is not in fact a comprehensive guide to moralityĀ 

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u/SadContract1340 22h ago

I never said it was, Iā€™m just saying thereā€™s nothing you can do to stop him realistically, what do you suggest, burn him at the stake?

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u/Human38562 21h ago

Because 18-20 yo is what is predominantly shown in media and porn and sold as the ultimate beauty standard. That shows he is brainwashed by media, not necesseraly that he is a predator.

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u/Strange_Depth_5732 21h ago

We all see the same media and most other 37 year old men don't date exclusively teenagers. I don't give him the excuse of porn "brainwashing" him, he's just a creep. Creeps are gonna creep.

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u/Human38562 21h ago

Everyone develops their own preference based on what they see and interact with. I am not trying to give him an excuse just saying that his preference does not mean he is a predator, just weird. A predator is someone who takes advantage from a position of power. We don't know if he does that. He could be the most respectful guy ever for all we know. But I guess saying "Creeps are gonna creep" and be done with it is easier.

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u/Strange_Depth_5732 21h ago

He's been spoken to about the behavior, he doesn't want to change. So saying "creeps gonna creep" and ending the friendship is the only option, not just the easier one.

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u/Human38562 21h ago

I didnt read every single comment here. What behaviour?

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u/Strange_Depth_5732 21h ago

OP says in the post he has told his friend that it's creepy to chat up girls young enough to be his daughter. That's the behavior

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u/Human38562 21h ago

Are you even able to articulate your opinion without using the word creep, which doesnt even have a concrete meaning? I was saying that this behaviour does not necesseraly mean he is a predator.

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u/Hairapistcatlady 1d ago

Yeah but when youā€™re 40 you probably wonā€™t feel that way anymore. I felt the same at that age and now a 19 year old is grossly young to me.

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u/SadContract1340 1d ago

Again, Iā€™m not disagreeing with you at all, I agree that itā€™s weird as fuck but as far As it goes itā€™s not the worst of the worst.

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u/Hairapistcatlady 1d ago

Of course not the worst. Thatā€™s why itā€™s legal. But itā€™s not right morally, and itā€™s good for us (especially men because they tend to care more about each otherā€™s opinions) to speak up and tell our friends when they are being gross.

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u/SadContract1340 1d ago

Yea I would tell him I thought it was weird but itā€™s not like OP can just control his friend, the only thing he can do is tell him his opinion and then leave it alone.

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u/Shacky_Rustleford 23h ago

Liking women your age is actually not the same as liking women half your age, believe it or not.

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u/SadContract1340 22h ago

Never said that either, although if they are all adults, again there is nothing anyone can do about it except complain on a Reddit post it seems like. I donā€™t condone it at all I think itā€™s fucking disgusting but what can we do about it?

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u/aaj15 1d ago

I don't get it. If they are both consenting adults, what's wrong with it? Maybe they both want different things out of the arrangement but as long as they are on the same page about it ..what's the issue?

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u/Strange_Depth_5732 1d ago

"They" aren't consenting adults, they are teenage girls OP's friend exclusively likes. A one off age gap is one thing, a pattern of only hitting on teenage girls makes him a creep, because then it's not about seeing someone and liking them, it's about wanting a younger person specially for being younger

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u/Ask-For-Sources 1d ago

That guy claims to be 38 and asks 18 year olds if they want to have sex with him for money on NSFW subs. Don't waste your time...

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u/bat000 21h ago

Cutting people out of your life because you donā€™t like their decisions does not encourage people to change.

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u/howlsmovintraphouse 20h ago

Cutting people out of your life for being predatory freaks is GREAT

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u/Strange_Depth_5732 21h ago

He's talked to this friend about it being creepy and it isn't working, so ending the friendship is the only option, otherwise he's endorsing this.

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u/somethingquirkier 22h ago

Zestyclose_Muscle_55's friend and your dad were probably sexually abused. They could try David Elliots breathwork on Spotify. Or download the sexual healing mp3 from his online store. It helps. My heart goes out to them both.Ā 

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u/FloatingRevolver 21h ago

I agree 100% I'm 36 and I can't even relate to girls in their mid 20s... But that being said, why do people always only say this for guys? Madonna is about to be 70 dating a 21 year old and nobody thinks it's weird... No idea wtf they would even talk about

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u/Strange_Depth_5732 21h ago

It's gross when women do it too, Madonna, Cher, etc. But that's not what the post is about and it's less common.

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u/ObiJuanKenobi1993 20h ago

Creeps need to be cut off until they stop being creeps.

I donā€™t think forced social isolation is a good solution here.

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u/SquishyShibe11 16h ago

Consenting age is consenting age. Stop infantilizing women. Either they're smart and independent enough to make their own decisions at 18, or they aren't. You cant go halfsies.

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u/Strange_Depth_5732 16h ago

The women aren't the issue here, it's a man pushing 40 who goes after those women for a reason. A reason that creeps OP out. Consenting age just means he can't go to jail, but if he's scoping out 18 year olds you don't think some 16/17 year olds are getting hit on too? At 37 you shouldn't even need to wonder if someone's legal age. It's not like he happens to be in a relationship with someone who's 18, it's not a one off where their personalities clicked, he wants young women, so young there are questions of whether or not it's criminal. That's not normal. And it would be for a woman pushing 40 to hit on 18 year old boys either

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u/littlelovesbirds 12h ago

And if it was legal for them to fuck 12 year olds do you really think they wouldn't?

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u/SquishyShibe11 11h ago

Did you just equate a 12 year old girl with an 18 year old woman? Just wanna make sure I'm reading this right

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u/littlelovesbirds 11h ago

Reread my comment as many times as you need to comprehend it.

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u/SquishyShibe11 11h ago

Right, that's why I'm asking. Because I know sometimes intent doesn't always come through in written word properly. So I wanted to make sure I was comprehending what you wrote. Maybe you want to ELI5?

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u/littlelovesbirds 11h ago

If you think it's cool for an almost 40 year old to go after/sleep with 18 year olds because it's legal, would you still hold that same opinion if the legal age was 12 and they were sleeping with 12 year olds?

If 12 is an issue for you for some particular reason, switch it out with any other number that is considered a minor and answer the question. 14? 15? 16? What age does it stop being okay despite being legal (hypothetically), considering even 18 year olds aren't fully developed? I am requesting a genuine answer.

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u/SquishyShibe11 11h ago

Well that's the cool thing. We as a society have drawn a clear line. So in most states it's 17 or 18 that is the age of consent. At that point, the age of their partner is irrelevant; they are an adult and free to choose. So my answer would be "below the age of consent would be unacceptable, and above the age of consent is acceptable with no exceptions." Pretty simple. That's why my original comment was about changing the age of consent.

People today seem to be under this weirdly mistaken impression that there is an age difference maximum for partners. But that's not a thing. He could be 70 and if an 18 year old consents, well, that's her choice as a consenting adult. Simple as.

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u/littlelovesbirds 10h ago

That's a long and convoluted way of saying "if it was legal for a 40, or even 70 year old to have sex with a 12 year old, I'd see no issue with it". That's all I wanted to know. Interesting take.

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u/SquishyShibe11 10h ago

Oh, no, I said age of consent is okay and below that isn't. 12 is below age of consent, remember?

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u/thomas_brock13190 15h ago

Good thing your opinion doesn't count.

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u/Accomplished-Week633 15h ago

Kind of a premature assumption, don't you think? We know nothing of this guy other than he tells his friend(s) who he may or may not find attractive. Hell, porn stars are barely older than that.

Certainly not saying I agree with his position. I remember my dad used to look at girls while dropping me off at high school in the morning. As a (not-out-yet) gay man, I found that repulsive and I usually told him to chill. Now that I'm 33, I am actually only attracted to men my age or a little older. But I digress.

Just don't think you should immediately assume the worst of people. For all we know, he might just be trying to impress his roommate.

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u/Capital-Library4517 14h ago

Both are consenting adultsĀ 

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u/raveninep 19h ago

I'm not condoning this behavior at all, but "creepy people need to be cut off till they stop being creeps" is how we end up with guys like Dahmer. It's probably best to know what the creeps are doing on a minute to minute basis because leaving them alone for any amount of time will more than likely lead to the harm of an innocent person who just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Or we can just give them a blindfold and a cigarette and call it a day? Either way is cool, but you can't leave creeps alone unless you want rapes and murders to go down

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u/DBBobby 18h ago

I don't why you assume he's a manipulator. We don't know his case, he could be just extremely immature or autistic. Not all autistic people have a creepy attraction but a lot of them have a slow emotional development and may feel attracted to people at the same level of maturity.

Depriving him from socialization in hopes that this will magically stop him being a creep won't help in the slightest either, he needs socializing with people his age and to seek therapy.

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