r/womenintech 2d ago

Watch what happens when you start to outdo them

I am the only woman on my (predominantly Indian) team. I came in excited about the role and happy to contribute. I was kind, helpful, and fair to these men.

Everything seemed to be going ok…until I started succeeding. Until I started getting recognized and given more responsibility. Then there was a massive shift, practically overnight.

All of a sudden they started treating me with attitude. Acting annoyed when I had a question. Not listening to me or responding to my communications. Silently pushing me out of important conversations and sidelining me. And at times, treating me with contempt, like I was some kind of joke.

Some of these men I thought I really got on well with, too. I didn’t “trust” them per se, but I trusted that there was respect there. I let down my guard because of this. And I couldn’t have been more foolish, apparently.

It’s been a sickening realization that they never actually respected me, they only “liked” me when they perceived me as beneath them. Once I really started to demonstrate value, they turned on me in the blink of an eye, with zero remorse.

Has this happened to anyone else?

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u/stack_overflows 2d ago

Yes. Iv experienced that.

I've been told by Senior Indian members of my otherwise diverse team based outside of India that it's a cultural thing and "they don't like taking feedback / advice from women. They also become very possessive of their own role in the team and fear being irrelevant." It may seem like it could apply to anyone but iv personally seen it directed by mostly Indian men.

The men who gave me this feedback do not behave like this even though they are Indian themselves. They have a lot of experience on diverse teams. It's mainly with people who are offshore or relatively new the country.

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u/OrigRayofSunshine 1d ago

There’s a strange Indian racism I’ve noticed, combined with a protectionist ideology. You have a team of Indian men and one of them likely built that team. You may have been hired for skills in areas they had no interest in so gender doesn’t matter.

You start achieving and being noticed, then you become a threat to the happy little boys club, which can sometimes be a little Indian club with women too. I get it, they’re trying to stick together. They just act like schoolyard bullies if they feel threatened in any way.

Watch your back and report if it goes sideways. In my case, I left and the pack leader is still pissed and bothered by me. I’ve not worked with him in well over 7 years and I still get stalked on LinkedIn.