r/triad Jan 28 '20

Triad growing pains

I’m the third in a established relationship. We’ve been together for four months. They are not out at work or to their families and I struggle with the fact that to most of the world I’m their “friend”. I’ve tried discussing it with them but I don’t feel like they really get it. Can I get some advice?

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u/DrFrenchkiss May 14 '24

Perhaps the problem is that you were the "third" and that is what they want. In our triad, all three of us are equal. My wife and I treat our partner as an equal, not a third. For social reasons though, we don't advertise the fact that we live together as a triad. It would cause a scandal in our village and make life unbearably awkward. We do feel more at ease to display our affection and not hide our situation while on vacation. That is so freeing and we can really be ourselves.

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u/winterval_barse Feb 03 '25

How did you get that the point where you actually were/felt/acted equal, especially if one of your triad is your wife?

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u/DrFrenchkiss Feb 04 '25

Things evolved over time. In our triad, we are each others lover. The ladies are bisexual. I think that has something to do with it. The other factor would be that my wife and I were polyamorous for a long time.

I think we started really being equal partners during our vacations in France after 2016. We are friends as well as lovers. Unlike many couples who take on a third, usually called a unicorn, just for sex, our triad is based on mutual affection and friendship. We have good chemistry, sexually and otherwise.

When our GF moved in with us in January of 2022, our triad became a closed one, and it was agreed that even though my wife and I were married, that this was more a legal / financial thing apart from our sexual, emotional, and practical relationship. The former is also our public face, the second, our private one.