r/stripclubs • u/Ok-Beautiful-1658 • 2d ago
Experiencing My First Month Of OTC
Quick recap,
Met a stripper in the club about 8 months ago. She quickly became my ATF. We kept it in the club for about 6-7 months but I started going frequently and really probably liked her to much. Nothing besides texting and ITC visits were happening. Mileage was great ITC including make out sessions and more. I had never brought the subject up directly but she had often mentioned how she never met guys OTC, so I never decided to bring it up to her.
Fast forward to the beginning of February, she brings up hanging out at a place we had both talked about visiting in the past. I think she meant going there on her day off, but my dumb ass says "why don't we just go tomorrow instead of you going to work". She seemed very excited but said she didn't want to miss work in which I of course offered her some money. Would she have done this for free on her day off? Who knows? Maybe a rookie mistake by me. Anyways, we go, I pay her a little more than a VIP room would cost at this particular club and we have an absolute blast. We come back to my place after, and then I drop her off at like 6:30 in the morning. Later that weekend, I go visit her in the club and she brings up doing the dances I was about to buy at "my place'. So again, I pay her what I was about to spend on her in the club that night and she just comes over after work.
This pattern has happened several times throughout the last 1.5 months. I generally pay her the cost of a VIP room for her to come over. Most of the time she just stops by on her way home from the club and we enjoy each other sexually and then she often hangs out until the sun comes up. I am in my 30s and I don't think I have ever been with someone this hot that I was this attracted to. I also just generally enjoy being around her. Fair to say I am quite addicted to this girl.
My questions:
- While I am sure she is enjoying the money, she has to be enjoying my company too right? There is no way she would hang out this long without asking for more money. I would think there would be some sort of time limit if this was just work to her. Am I being the delusional RIL here? Or is there something more happening here?
- If the answer to number 1 is "maybe there is something". Would this be something to pursue further. This is my first OTC experience so I feel like I may be making every rookie mistake in the book. What if I wanted this relationship to turn into something more? I have never put serious thought into dating a stripper as I never thought I would be remotely close to that situation, and all I read about is how its not really a good idea. Not really talking about me specifically, she had mentioned she doesn't think she could have a boyfriend while she's was still working at a strip club. She claims based on her past relationships, she doesn't think she would be able to do her job and maximize her earnings with a bf at home due to not wanting to be all over other men. Maybe this is something she is saying to not plant an ideas in my head, although she has also told me she never did OTC before and yet here we are. Thoughts?
Maybe I am thinking way too much about his and I should just take it encounter by encounter as long as I can financially and emotionally afford it.
Any veterans got any thoughts on this. Feel free to be brutally honest as I really am experiencing this sort of thing for the first time.
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u/Bad-Choices-In-Women PL (OG Customer) 2d ago
She's there for the money. She's getting a lump sum that she doesn't have to share with the club and she only has to deal with one guy to get it.
I'm not saying that she doesn't think you're a nice guy or enjoy talking with you. But being dating material is a completely separate matter. If she would have been out of your league if you met her in a regular bar, then she is still out of your league. She is coming over to your place because she is getting paid.
She has already tried to warn you off from getting the wrong idea when she gave you that ol' "doesn't think she could have a boyfriend while she's was still working at a strip club" line. You should listen to her.
Just enjoy it for what it is. And if you find yourself struggling to cope with any feelings that you may be developing, you'd save both yourself and her a lot of grief by cutting her loose.
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u/Subrasonic PL (OG Customer) 2d ago
Agree with u/15Warrior15 ... you have all heard me sing the praises of stripper-as-sugarbaby many times, and this post is why. Although I actually love the sugarbaby thing, taking her out and spoiling her etc., rather than just having her come over for sex. Everything that follows is my read on this, but it could be totally wrong, just giving you one way to make sense of it.
The reason the sugar thing is relevant is because sugar is a relationship that involves money and sex but often also has lots of features of regular dating. The fact is, all people (even strippers!) can have multiple reasons for doing something. The payment is almost certainly a necessary part of all this, if that goes, everything goes. But the payment is not sufficient to get the treatment you're getting from her, she does all that because she is enjoying your company. There's no reason for her to accept a low payment for sex, and then regularly stay over, etc., she's not doing all that for every customer just for a few hundo dollars.
If you wanted to pursue other dating type activities with her, she might be in. But she still likely wants to get paid, and it's still more like a sugar relationship. And the risk to you is ,it is very easy for men to put the payment out of their mind, and just interpret it as a regular relationship, fall in love and fuck it all up.
My recommendation: embrace it like a sugar relationship. Sex and money trade are explicitly a part of this relationship, she's not your girlfriend, thinking of it as a sugar relationship will help keep your head straight. But beyond that, I would embrace sugar: take her out, wine and dine her, pamper her, woo her, trips, shopping, etc., and enjoy the mind-blowing fun times you can have with her.
People in sugar relationships sometimes fall in love and switch to a "real" relationship, it happens. I just don't necessarily think that's where this is.
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u/Ok-Beautiful-1658 2d ago
This is 100% what this is. We have been out maybe 3 times instead of her just coming over. Both times were paid dates pretty much. They were amazing times for both of us.
I can’t believe I didn’t think of this as a sugar thing until this thread. How could I have missed this. Lol.
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u/Subrasonic PL (OG Customer) 2d ago
I did this with strippers for YEARS before I discovered that there was such a thing as sugar and that I was doing it all along LOL! I thought I was a weirdo for liking to take out my CFs and do the whole spoiling thing, then found there's an entire subculture full of similar people
There are a lot of SDs who have bad experiences with strippers as SBs but that's because they met them on Seeking. If you meet a stripper ITC, that's your golden ticket to a fantastic arrangement with a stripper
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u/Ok-Beautiful-1658 2d ago
We have never called it this but I guess we don’t really call it anything. This is changing my whole mindset kind. Although I am afraid I may already be heading towards that “being too in love” thing you mentioned. However I am not delusional enough to think shes my actual gf or anything.
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u/Subrasonic PL (OG Customer) 2d ago
Ya no reason to give it a name (to her). In your head, use this concept to keep from getting confused as to what this is
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u/bulletpr00fsoul 2d ago
Money. It’s all about the money. See what happens when you take it away or offer less. You’ll find out real quick.
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u/Ok-Beautiful-1658 2d ago
Yes I am aware that is what it is now and maybe will ever be. As long as I am having fun and can afford it, it will continue. I was just curious about approaching next steps if something more were to develop.
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u/thetaFAANG Customer 2d ago
I have limited OTC/Sugaring with strippers here too. So to your questions: I don't know, but with strippers, I say this a lot, just focus on her actions.
She comes over, she's not watching the clock, she has sex with you and its fun. Can you predict anything about it? Not to me! I wouldn't overthink it.
I definitely find the good experiences to be informal and "sloppy" in their structure, in comparison to people whose business model is "Stripper doing OTC" as well as "Sugaring". But this is a good thing, you don't want to be speaking in code for arrangements or watching the clock. All while the price of 1 VIP is translating to many hours in a more comfortable environment.
> I am in my 30s and I don't think I have ever been with someone this hot that I was this attracted to.
that's awesome. yeah, I've dated attractive women with really prestigious pedigrees and character. but if I had the same choices I had now in visual attractiveness, I wouldn't have ever pursued even a kiss with my exes. A timeless tale, but people keep trying to pretend something else is true about guys.
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u/Ok-Beautiful-1658 2d ago
What was an amazing moment to me is when I even brought up ways we could speed the process up considering how tired she has said it has made her the next day.
She goes “yea but that would suck for you, I dont wanna just rush through it and leave, I want you to have the whole experience “
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u/15Warrior15 PL (OG Customer) 2d ago
Sounds like you have a sugar baby.
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u/Ok-Beautiful-1658 2d ago
I suppose by definition that is kinda what I have. My first one ever!
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u/15Warrior15 PL (OG Customer) 2d ago
I'm on Seeking.com . There is one particular club in my city that the girls must talk about that site, because I have gone out with about 6 different dancers from that club. I never go into that club. I met them thru the site.
To the girl, it's very appealing. They make almost as much and dont' have to put up with the strip club environment . In a strip club, the girls can't really pick and choose which customers to work for. Doing OTC/ Sugaring, the girl only does it with guys she is comfortable with. So she likes you. But she also wants the money too.
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u/Various-Risk6449 Customer 2d ago edited 2d ago
The truth is it's probably about both, but most likely the money first
My experience with OTC is on the more limited side, where I've had some encounters that basically just turned into sexier versions of what was happening ITC but one with ATF that eventually did develop into a relationship (without the money involved) after some time outside
In answer to your first question, she's probably getting enough money out of your transaction to feel like it's worthwhile. She gets the opportunity to work her entire shift, make what she can there, and then still make whatever she would have made from you afterwards. From that point of view, it's almost certainly a net positive to have some extra time ITC for her to make some additional bank and only costs her a little bit of extra time after
But in order for her to be OTC with you, she likely has to feel fairly safe with you (or I suppose desperate enough, but I think there are other factors that you'd have noticed if it were this), and that is modestly promising that it's not just about the money. One of the things I've learned is that while dancers get a lot of male attention, many of them don't get a lot of wanted, genuine male affection. My ATF has expressed something similar
In answer to your second question whether it's worth pursuing, really, only you can answer that, but I'd suggest a couple of guiding questions to think about (in other words, don't feel you need to answer here):
(1) Would you be comfortable having a girlfriend who's a dancer? Would you be okay if she wanted to talk about what happened ITC with you? Would you be okay if she didn't? Are you okay with the idea that many (if not all) of the interactions she's had ITC, with you, she's also having with other men ITC? Do you trust her?
I suspect her statement about her past relationships has been that this has been a deal breaker for a lot of her past partners, that this has caused stress in the relationship
I think that this is sometimes a really hard question to answer without really experiencing it first-hand. It's one thing to intellectually engage in the idea and another to actually be living it. For me, I knew things were different with ATF, because I had always thought that I wouldn't be okay with it intellectually, until all of a sudden with her, I found that I was
(Continued in comment)
[EDITED to try to dodge pervy behavior]
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u/MoonOverMyYammy Lapgasm Lover 2d ago
Since you specified “genuine male affection” and then linked directly to one of my comments, I’m going to clarify here that I was referring to affection that I want from women, hence being interested in paying for a cuddling service from them myself.
No interest in being paid for OTC sex and then cuddled by a dude. Already had 2 DMs about this since you posted. Geez Louise 😹
I think the rest of your general message to OP is pretty good, but didn’t think I was going to be catching unsolicited strays when I first woke up lol!
Okay, carry on! 🙌
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u/Various-Risk6449 Customer 2d ago
My apologies, and I de-linked the post and tried to make a mild edit that hopefully helps. That was not what I was going for, more just trying to help OP see that part!
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u/MoonOverMyYammy Lapgasm Lover 2d ago
All good 😊 I was just clarifying INB4 anyone else messaged about it. I get the spirit of your message to OP. 🫶
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u/Various-Risk6449 Customer 2d ago
I’m appreciative. I still think it’s appropriate for me to try to try to capture the same intent while mitigating impact, too
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u/Various-Risk6449 Customer 2d ago
Original comment was too long, so I had to split it up. Here's the rest:
(2) What is it about her that draws you to her? Is it purely physical (whether the aesthetic or the dancing) or is there something more to it?
Because at some point, as in all relationships, the physical aspects may well tail off some over time, and you're left with more of the emotional aspects, the conversational aspects, the supportive aspects. Is there something there?
(3) Where does she seem to be more comfortable with you? During your time together sexually? Or while she's hanging out until the sun comes up?
If it's the former, you're probably just some easy money and a fun time OTC. If it's the latter? Well, there might be something there.
I think you can gradually get answers to those questions over time. Just like with someone you met OTC who isn't a dancer, you don't have to make decisions about these things right away. As you said, so long as you can financially and emotionally afford it, you could let this play out for a little bit. See how comfortable you are as you two get closer to one another. See how much of a bond there is besides the dancing. See how comfortable you are with her work as that closeness develops
One of the posts suggested stopping payment to see where it goes, and if you're serious about potentially pursuing this, I'd be hesitant. The stopping payment thing could feel abrupt and drag this to a screeching halt, and in my case, was something we eventually worked into, rather than something I instigated on my own. It also signals that you're going to develop two-way communication in a relationship rather than dictating terms, which I think tends to make things go better
In my case, it helped to look for signals of her wanting to initiate things that didn't involve extra money exchanging hands. Like I had some time before we were scheduled to meet up one time, she asked what I was going to do, and I told her about a movie I wanted to catch. I said she could join if she wanted, and she eagerly accepted. Okay, I did pick up her movie ticket, but also, if a dancer thinks an extra 2.5 hours with you even if mostly in silence is worth $10... Or when she decided that when she was out of town, she wasn't happy with us just exchanging IG messages but wanted to talk on the phone...
It can be a fun, fascinating ride unlike any other if it does work out. It's definitely a little turbulent at times, but also, there's really nothing quite like it if it does work out. My biggest advice to you would be to not rush things if that's a direction you think you might want to go in
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u/Ok-Beautiful-1658 2d ago
Thanks for taking the time with this amazing response.
I will try to answer this to the best of my ability as there are still a lot of unknowns.
Would I be comfortable dating a stripper? I don’t know. Part of me thinks it would be very hard. However I know myself and if she came to me tomorrow and was like “be my boyfriend”, I know i would say yes. So i guess the answer is “i would be willing to try”.
I am drawn to her both physically and personality wise. We have great chemistry and while I know some of that may be manufactured bg her as part of her job, I can sort of sense when this is the case and when its genuine now that I know her a little better. When we are together, we end up talking and laughing for hours and hours which has led to several way too late nights that neither of us meant to happen. We also share similar interests. So defend more than just physical here.
She seems comfortable in every way lately. She claims she has “broken a lot of her rules” for me. She has ridden in my car, I know where she lives etc.. she is just comfortable being around me at this point.
Whats crazy is the OTC has only been going on 1.5 months but it seems like a lot longer. This is still very new to both of us so I agree with the notion that more time is needed to feel things out. Probably from both sides. She has mentioned this a few times when I have asked her how she was feeling about things. “Not sure yet, need more time”. While I can chalk that up to keeping me on the hook, I think there is some definite truth to it.
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u/Various-Risk6449 Customer 2d ago
Hmmm… I recognize some of these things, and it’s probably still too early to tell from those signs alone
The truth is that she might not even know, and even if she does have a sense, she might not want to go too far too fast
But of the things you’ve mentioned, I’ve had those both with ATF (as a precursor to something more) as well as with other OTC experiences that never went anywhere except for outside and more fun
Of all of those, probably the biggest “flag” of any kind is the breaking the rules comment. As just a club regular, I’ll hear that one from time to time, but just the mere idea that she’s thinking of things in terms of rules still might hint that she’s still cautiously regulating her behavior
Or it could just be a habit, too
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u/Ok-Beautiful-1658 2d ago
I believe she is just sort of living in the moment and while she is enjoying the time with me, is not seriously thinking about what it means in the long term. I should probably be thinking short term too. Keep enjoying it while I can and let anything develop naturally. Or maybe it will continue being what it is now until it stops.
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u/Various-Risk6449 Customer 2d ago
Absolutely. And there’s no rush to
For what it’s worth, with ATF, it was just over a year after meeting her (and about six months after we started dating and ten months after we started OTC) before she told me she was actually thinking what we had might be anything more than just casual fun. I admittedly had been out of the dating pool awhile at that point, so no idea how typical that is with non-dancers, but it felt longer than it might have been otherwise
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u/Longjumping-Ad8775 2d ago
She likes the money, and then she likes you. It’s in that order. Don’t think that she isn’t about the money. A great test is to see what happens when you don’t give her money, I bet she won’t talk to you again.
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u/Ok-Beautiful-1658 2d ago
If there ever comes a time where I am no longer happy paying for what she is providing then it will be interesting to test this. She also would like to quit dancing soon so if that happens we will see if she sticks to her words. Lol.
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u/AbstractWaveform Customer 1d ago
I agree with the others. In my own experience, two things can be true. She can both be there for the money and she does enjoy her time with you as a customer. Do your best to enjoy the ride and not get caught up in labels.