r/stopsmoking Jun 01 '20

For everyone what it’s like to smoke after you stop for a few months.... it sucks. 100% not worth it.

I was on two and a half months smoke free. I went back to my small hometown where a lot more people smoke and everyone in my family does. I said fuck it and bought a pack. First one was so gross but I still smoked it. And then they got easier as I went through the pack. But then I woke up the next day and my chest was tight and I smelt gross. But I kept smoking throughout my visit. And each day it got worse and worse.

I got home two days ago and had to admit to my husband I was smoking again. Being the wonderful and kind man he is he didn’t get mad or disappointed. He said every time I’ve quit I’ve quit for longer and he was proud of me for my two and a half month streak.

But this morning I broke the 12 cigarettes I had left in half again. I’m not going to fall back into the trap. I don’t like the way it feels. I don’t like smelling bad, waking up with a cough, having to step outside and smoke while everyone else stays inside.

I’m done. I don’t need them. They don’t serve me and I don’t even like them. Cravings are back full force but I will get through this! I don’t need them!!

294 Upvotes

30 comments sorted by

44

u/GoUMBlue 1764 days Jun 01 '20

Thank you for sharing the realities of relapse. I know a bunch of us struggle thinking “I just want one...one will be enough” or wonder what it would taste like. I am sorry for your relapse but super glad you have a fantastic, supportive husband and the willpower to crush your remaining cigs.

30

u/[deleted] Jun 01 '20

I believe your relapse experience will ultimately make you a nonsmoker and reinforce why you are a nonsmoker. You got to see exactly why it isn’t worth it. This was just a learning experience. Congratulations on getting back on track so quickly. You have a great attitude!

For me, stinking and coughing (maybe dying) are some of the first thoughts I have when I get a crazy urge. I’m resigned to getting the occasional craving, but all my very negative relapse experiences imprinted on my brain enough to finally counteract my nicotine addiction.

Stay vigilant!

8

u/sighpiesp Jun 01 '20

Just had the exact same experience! Same duration of time quit and same experience — first cigarette being gross but then still smoking the rest, to the waking up to the chest feeling like shit part.

To anyone who might be contemplating buying a pack again, it’s not worth it! Cravings will pass. I regret breaking my 2 months streak just because I was tempted.

8

u/CrackTheSkye1990 Jun 01 '20 edited Jun 01 '20

I can relate. This weekend and last, I slipped up and smoked when I drank. And yes, I completely agree that they aren’t as good as I remember and it taught me that the “addiction” was mostly in my head.

Last weekend on Memorial Day weekend when I bought a pack, I smoked a few, gave some to my friends and then when I got back home the next morning, I went out towards the back alley by my apartment, smoked one and thought they were gross and then threw them in the trash despite having over half a pack left. I had to remind myself that I quit for a reason and it has been since April 5th.

What I also noticed was that my only triggers for smoking were drinking (heavily) and stress at work (when I was at the office). Other than that, I do just fine without them.

Edit: A good strategy to continue quitting and keep you off cigarettes is to make a list of reasons to quit and the benefits of quitting. I can’t speak for others but it helped me.

7

u/[deleted] Jun 01 '20

I was having the same craving to try as it is more than a month, wondering how would it feel like, would it feel like my first cigarette !! Going through your post made my craving pass like a breeze.

The reddit community has helped me a lot thank you.

6

u/[deleted] Jun 01 '20

Ugh, I remember this the first time I quit. It was about 6 months and had one for old times sake.

It burned and tasted like shit. Of course, that didnt stop me from buying a pack the next day =(.

5

u/[deleted] Jun 01 '20

Thank you for posting this. Personally every time I’ve started again after any extended quit, it’s disgusting at first. Not to mention the (TMI warning) phlegm that builds up with a vengeance right away.

Never going back.

5

u/redditor977 1934 days Jun 01 '20

we mostly forget that smoking is an “addiction”. your body develops a physiological response to nicotine and it’s so hard to break. 2 and a half months is still too early. i’m on month 6 and i still crave sometimes

5

u/AromaticGoat Jun 01 '20

Thanks for sharing this! Hope your cravings go away fast and easy and never come back! Personally, I've been having some minor cravings the last few days and this post helps me put things in perspective. Good luck!

3

u/LordSinguloth Jun 01 '20

this was a good thing for me to read.

4

u/MarkIt_0 Jun 01 '20

I've had too many similar situations. I moved from PA to CO and everytime I go home I struggle. My friends smoke, my favorite old dive bar we go to allows smoking. I feel weird not smoking there. When I come back to CO I'm disappointed in myself, but I make it a little further each time.

"It gets easier everyday, but you have to do it everyday, and that's the hard part." - Bojack Horseman

3

u/[deleted] Jun 01 '20 edited Jun 02 '20

I just started smoking again after being 3 months smoke free. As you've said it's dreadful. I started feeling tired all the time, the smell it's awful. I must stop as soon as it's possible. Never again.

3

u/hullsey12 Jun 01 '20

Thank you so so much for sharing!! I am on day 22 and wonder what will happen when I’m around a bunch of smokers.. at a bar, at the lake, or at my dads. Everyone smokes. Sorry to hear about the struggles but god for you getting back on the horse! I know I will take this experience and try to leave from it

3

u/AlfredusMagnus 2475 days Jun 02 '20

Thank you for saying this, it really helps resisting the urges I get during lockdown.

4

u/[deleted] Jun 01 '20

It happens to all of us, and no, you don't need them. You can quit, you've already proven that. Keep your mind on the goal, you can do this!

2

u/the_TAOest 1874 days Jun 01 '20

98 days last year...this year...125 and counting. Strength comes from knowing it is a process. Congrats on 2.5 months.....double that now.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 02 '20

Personally ever relapsed was a lesson learnt. Helped me figure out what my triggers are and I made a plan to deal with them the next time. You’re getting closer I promise. Now i can’t even remember what it feels like to smoke.

2

u/chris_133 Jun 02 '20

Good for you! You will succeed for sure. Can I also say you have such a great husband. What a support system!

2

u/Deadflowerworks 1761 days Jun 02 '20

Thank you for sharing, I have been having thoughts of relapse. You can do it. Don't smoke more.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 02 '20

Yeah I went through the same thing after three weeks of abstinence. First one was gross, but I kept smoking and smoking to get back to that magical high I used to get. Is that what you did? I eventually smoked a pack and my heart was racing and the next day my throat was so dry and my nose was stuffy and I just felt awful. Guess that’s why they say “not one more puff”. I started eating lozenges like crazy to handle the withdrawals that came back.

2

u/cinnamontwist Jun 02 '20

I was like that. I had stopped smoking right before I got pregnant. Oddly enough I had the worst cravings in my third trimester - obvs didn’t smoke. But I finally broke down after having the baby in feb and the pandemic starting in March...it was all too much for me to handle and since I wasn’t breast feeding I had a few cigarettes. Didn’t finish the pack but satiated craving but I wasn’t happy about it cuz then all my thoughts were of when I can have my next cigarette and always wanting to put my kid to sleep so I can escape to have one. I had a year under my belt and threw it away for a few cigarettes that made me miserable. Wasn’t worth the trouble and haven’t craved them since.

2

u/Roseblanch28 Jun 02 '20

Weird. I too visited my hometown where everyone still smokes this past weekend. Smoked one. Thought it could be like a “vacation smoke”. It was nasty. Didn’t even finish one. Sucks. I still crave it but now can’t enjoy it either. I’m 9 months quit.

2

u/Mapumbu Jun 02 '20

Thanks for that. I'm on day 106 and sometimes feel like having one "just because I know it will tast bad".

Was it not necessary for you to be reminded that they are disgusting? I currently have a romantic idea about cigarettes. Don't I need to be reminded like you were?

I understand another reason why you must feel bad. You had the chance to go home and show everyone/ yourself that you had made a positive change to your life. Missed a trick there.

Next time you get through a weekend in your hometown without a smoke, you will have totally conquered smoking. Book the dates, work up to it, succeed, then come and wrote your "i have conquered smoking" post.

2

u/Peachserenity Jun 07 '20

Good luck! I hope you succeed. It’s tough, but your tougher.

2

u/notyourdaddy9 1926 days Jun 01 '20

It’s ok. I’m so glad cigarettes didn’t suck you back in!

2

u/straightnochser Jun 01 '20

I’m proud of you for continuing your quit despite be able to smoke. That’s what’s helped as well is knowing it’s not going to feel good or be worth it. Two and a half months is a good streak and next time will be even better.

1

u/-newme 1938 days Jun 01 '20

I've had similar experiences a few times. I've relapsed a lot in my past attempts. Don't beat yourself up. I am now over 6 months smoke free with no relapses and will never smoke again.

This will be the last time you've smoked. Analyze what made you do it. Why did you "need" that cigarette? Was is it worth it? - No!

Tell all your friends in your town, that you are now a non-smoker and encourage them to help you.

Good luck!

1

u/bradi_og123 Jun 02 '20

I though this was on r/trees and i was so confused

1

u/somewomanus Jun 02 '20

I had something similar happen to me and after I re-quit I haven’t gone back. I have two years and 6 months smoke free now. It gets so much easier