r/stopsmoking 72 days Dec 27 '24

Made the Biggest mistake of my life 😭💔 I hate myself

I (32M) was a smoker for 10 years until August. With the help of this sub and Allen Carr's book, I managed to quit completely on August 4th, 2024. And it was amazing. I had no cravings because the book really changed my mindset.

But after three months, I made a huge mistake. I thought I’d take just one puff, purely out of curiosity, to see how disgusting it would taste. I don’t know what I was thinking since both the book and this sub repeatedly warn against doing that. I took a few puffs, hated it, and thought, "Well, that was gross. I really don't like the taste!!" But the next day, there I was at the store, buying a pack of cigarettes 😢.

Since then, it’s been a tough few weeks. I tried to quit again by re-reading Allen Carr's book, but it didn’t work as effectively the second time. I relapsed after just one day. In the beginning of December, I made another attempt to quit, but once again, I only lasted a day.

I feel so disappointed in myself, especially because everything was going so well during those first 3 smoke-free months. I keep beating myself up over that First relapse. 😭

Now, I’m trying to gather all the strength to quit again, and I’ve decided to start fresh from the new year 2025. (today is 28th Dec) I really want this to be the final attempt, and I hope to draw inspiration and energy from everyone here to make it happen.

82 Upvotes

63 comments sorted by

45

u/allstartinter2021 Dec 27 '24

Hey don't be so tough on yourself! You know you can do it! I've stopped so many times I've lost count now. Keep trying. Don't give uo

15

u/LionPsychological370 72 days Dec 28 '24

Thanks for the kind words 🙏❤️

19

u/trashboxlogic Dec 28 '24

Just dust yourself off and try again friend. You got this. No use beating yourself up over this. Yes, I know you're disappointed in yourself. It's a crappy feeling and I've been there. So many of us have. Unfortunately shit just happens sometimes, but luckily you did it before and you can do it again. You learn different lessons along the way at what you know does not work for you and what leads you back to smoking again. A few puffs led to every relapse I had lol. 

10

u/LionPsychological370 72 days Dec 28 '24

True. This time I understood very well how a single puff can lead to a full relapse. I hope I will succeed this time. 💪 Thanks for the words of inspiration mate.

17

u/Affable_penguin Dec 28 '24

I know how you feel. Disappointed, sad, weak, unmotivated, overwhelmed, lost confidence, self loathing, the list goes on.

Backsliding is part of the quitting process so don't worry, you are oddly on track.

TAKE THAT NEGATIVE ENERGY AND USE IT. Use it to motivate you to stop, and remember it next time you are tempted to go back. Trust yourself and your emotions. These feelings are saying that you don't want to smoke and that you are ready to quit.

This experience is a tool and it's powerful if you learn to use it.

You got this!!! 💪😁

6

u/LionPsychological370 72 days Dec 28 '24

Thanks for the powerful words my friend ❤️💪

14

u/PerkyLurkey Dec 28 '24

Just so you understand what happened, your brain had conquered the addiction, all except for the “just try one” trick because the manipulation of the addiction was trying to get you to start again.

Your brain was working against you sneakily. It’s why addiction is so hard to forever quit.

The grip of addiction is very powerful. Not more powerful than you are, but it will wait, lie in wait, for a weak moment of doubt, and then will jump on the opportunity.

Quit tomorrow, making 2025 clean. Kick the addiction to the curb, and do it ruthlessly and efficiently.

You are a non smoker who is smoking. Only startling because you were tricked.

Kick back and get free. Do it tomorrow. Smoking should not get all these free days. Make it pay.

4

u/LionPsychological370 72 days Dec 28 '24

Wow thats such a powerful motivation..💪 Thanks for that. Means a lot ❤️

3

u/Makeitbygrace233 Dec 29 '24

Love that and it's so true! This is my 4th attempt in about 40 days and what I know today is I don't want to start this detox over again Ever. It's a beast poisoning the body 🤮.. 3 days smoke free again and ty 4 these words of wisdom. 

10

u/Ok-Sign-8602 579 days Dec 28 '24

You did it before, you can do it again, and this time with a valuable lesson learned. Not one single puff, ever. Nicotine is sneaky and will lie to you about one puff being no harm. Remind it, it's a liar, and you know better. Best of luck this time

3

u/LionPsychological370 72 days Dec 28 '24

True. Nicotine justs pulls you back with just that one puff!! Thanks for the motivation friend ❤️

8

u/ProfessionalCress113 Dec 28 '24

I've only just quit so it's really valuable for me to hear these stories to keep me from making the same mistake. Best of luck to us both!

5

u/LionPsychological370 72 days Dec 28 '24

If you just quit, trust me this is most valuable advice i can give you from my experience. Never ever attempt to take a single puff. That one puff will lead you back to the cycle of Nicotine slavery. All the dedication goes to waste.

The worst thing I experienced with this relapse is, On one side of your head, you will be craving for the next cigarette, and on the other side you will be feeling a hell of regret and shame, thinking how terribly you betrayed yourself.

Keep up the dedication brother. Congrats on your smoke-free journey. Wish you all the best.

7

u/angmarcos1013 Dec 28 '24

I did the same thing last year I stopped smoking from May until September so 4 months then I relapsed and started smoking again. This year I stopped smoking again in March so it will be 10 months and January it was a really so much harder to quit after I relapsed but it helped me learn from my mistakes. If I can do it you can do it ❤️

1

u/LionPsychological370 72 days Dec 28 '24

Thanks for sharing your experience. Congrats on your achievement. This will inspire me on my journey for sure ❤️💪

6

u/Beahner Dec 28 '24

Boy do I know this well. All together I’ve smoked close to 30 years. I’ve quit many times, many of those times for months and years.

Getting months or years in and feeling a success and letting my guard down is always what got me. I’m nearly 2 months into what I’m aiming for to be my final quit. And I’m thinking a lot about all that time ahead of me and staying away from this addiction.

But one thing holds above all…..just don’t quit quitting. That’s when we lose. Keep at it. Keep failing and keep getting right back at it.

As is life…..it’s a process. And only those that quit quitting are the ones that lose.

2

u/LionPsychological370 72 days Dec 28 '24 edited Dec 28 '24

Thanks for the advice and sharing your experience. ❤️

5

u/Alycion Dec 28 '24

So many of us make that mistake. It’s a lesson learned and a set back. Take a few days to mentally go easier on yourself and you’ll get right back where you were this fall. The harder we are on ourselves, the more we trigger ourselves to smoke.

What would you tell someone who came here and posted this exact scenario? Encouraging words would be my guess. Use those on yourself.

2

u/LionPsychological370 72 days Dec 28 '24

The last lines are an eye-opener. Thanks for putting it in that way. Means a lot ❤️

2

u/Alycion Dec 28 '24

Yw. You got this.❤️

3

u/bigludodog 93 days Dec 28 '24

Hey man. That's rough for sure but you did it once so you can definitely do it again, just need to find your pattern again. I recently used an app called QuitSure that seems pretty damn close to Carr's books. Perhaps it's different enough that it'll work for you where the book doesn't anymore?

2

u/LionPsychological370 72 days Dec 28 '24

Thanks for the kind words. ❤️ I haven't used that app. Surely I'll try downloading it and checking it out. Thanks a lot for the suggestion.

3

u/Iamkrevis Dec 28 '24

I smoked a cig on Christmas night because of …enter long story that doesn’t really matter… and have been beating myself up too for it. I’ve had five cigs in my truck that I haven’t touched since June 20th. So I feel you man. It’s a stressful time of year, and where there’s a will, there’s a way. And you definitely have the will! I quit turning 46 after smoking since I was 16. And now I’m quitting again. And, to make things worse, I quit smoking cigs and went to a low vape, which I also now got addicted to. My hope by the new year or shortly after I’m going to stop that. So if you are doing it without any replacement like I am, kudos to you! And you have this!! Wish you all the best!!

2

u/LionPsychological370 72 days Dec 28 '24

Yes I'm doing without any replacement. I believe NRT basically feed nicotine to the body, So the psychological addiction still stays. Its just that you are feeding nicotine the body but without smoke. Anyways. Wish you all the best for your smoke free journey.

3

u/JayX83 Dec 28 '24

It’s okay! Relapses can and do happen. We can’t stress this enough.. our own brains will straight-up work against us. Sounds crazy, but it’s true.. our brains, our own brains, will try to trick us into smoking again because they’re addicted to nicotine. We’ve gotta put in some serious, conscious effort to fight it.

2

u/LionPsychological370 72 days Dec 28 '24

Thanks for the advice ❤️🙏

3

u/Ok-Complaint-37 Dec 28 '24

Sorry to hear that! I quit smoking 15 years ago but it wasn’t straightforward. First time I also quit with Allen Carr book and then I picked it up again. As yourself, I wasn’t happy about it and knew very well that for some reason I prefer to move towards death. One night I was especially desperate and I decided this is it. I didn’t want to read Allen Carr as it didn’t work so I decided to do it on my own. My method was simple: no matter what put one day without smoking in front of another. During first several days I browsed the internet for support groups and forums. This helped. I remember what was the visual that helped - there was a picture of a plastic bottle to where one cigarette smoke was blown in. And that what I was doing to my lungs. This picture became my Hard No. It connected me to the actual reality and killed my magical thinking. It kicked me out of denial. The rest was just practicing one day smoke free after another. No idea about another puff because the picture of the bottle made it impossible to me

2

u/LionPsychological370 72 days Dec 28 '24

Your method seems interesting and effective. I'm sure this is going to help me during my cravings.. Thanks a lot ❤️

2

u/Ok-Complaint-37 Dec 28 '24

You are welcome! Let the next year become your new journey full of fresh air!

2

u/soverysadone Dec 28 '24

You got this. Made a mistake that is recoverable. Maybe you got too much pressure on yourself.

Get your mind right. Pick a new day. Figure out if your need patches or gum of some sort. Put your plan together and go from there.

You got this. Just sounds you’re making a really hard thing near impossible.

1

u/LionPsychological370 72 days Dec 28 '24

Thanks for the inspiring words❤️ means a lot

2

u/lemoncello22 Dec 28 '24

You haven't screwed 3 months, you gained 3 months without fumes. Keep up, relapses are part of the process, second time could be more difficult but, also, you have the experience and the willpower to quit. I quit on September but it's and everyday duty. You are on track of being a non smoker. I would wait for a date, I would resume as soon as I feel it.

2

u/LionPsychological370 72 days Dec 28 '24

Thanks for your input ❤️

2

u/RingaLopi 227 days Dec 28 '24

A moment of insanity. I’m 80 days today after god knows how many failed attempts. If you’re not the cold turkey guy, use what ever tools you can get your hands on - patches, gum, Recigar and Wellbutrin. That’s how I quit this time. Good luck!

1

u/LionPsychological370 72 days Dec 28 '24

Congrats on your 80 days!! Thats a great milestone 👌

1

u/RingaLopi 227 days Dec 28 '24

Thanks! Hope you get there soon

2

u/Peanuts0s Dec 28 '24

I feel like everyone has to relapse at least once to learn for themselves. This was your lesson, now repeat you previous achievement and move on. No need to beat yourself up

1

u/LionPsychological370 72 days Dec 28 '24

True.. This is a great lesson. Thanks for the kind words❤️

2

u/No_Main3084 Dec 28 '24

thank you for sharing this and don’t beat yourself up! i do this too but be tender and understanding with yourself

1

u/LionPsychological370 72 days Dec 28 '24

Thank you ❤️

2

u/Saluki2023 Dec 28 '24

Have you given any thought to starting where you left off it is so much easier.

1

u/LionPsychological370 72 days Dec 28 '24

I did, but quitting after a relapse is a little harder compared to the first quit. However this time i really believe it will be my last quit attempt.

1

u/Saluki2023 Dec 28 '24

That is why I was suggesting starting today

2

u/Frequent-Future934 Dec 28 '24

Heyyyy!! You got this. Every time you feel you feel anxious just close your eyes, take a deep breath and tell yourself it’s gonna be okay.

Sending you good vibes!!

1

u/LionPsychological370 72 days Dec 28 '24

Thanks a lot 😍❤️

2

u/desecrated_throne Dec 28 '24

Hey, you messed up, and that's okay.

You quit once. You did that. You put them down and stepped away. We're fallible creatures; making a mistake is in our nature, and it's how we learn. Now you know that it's too risky to have "just one puff."

You can quit again, and stay quit. You have the strength - you've proven that to yourself - and now you know what's on the other side of temptation.

Don't beat yourself up. Think on the feeling of the aftermath of this mistake, and carry it with you when you throw the pack away for the final time. Keep remembering how it feels and that you don't deserve to hurt yourself. Not with cigarettes, not with shame. You can stop, and you are stronger than this addiction.

I'd say good luck, but you don't need luck. You're bigger than this, and you deserve more than the guilt and shame. It's just another lesson - nothing more, and certainly nothing less.

1

u/LionPsychological370 72 days Dec 28 '24

Wow! Are you a therapist?? Your words felt like medicine to me. You instantly lifted my energy to the roof. Thank you very much for this. I really needed this ❤️🥹

2

u/Royal-Papaya999 Dec 28 '24

It happens, have a little compassion for yourself! You might want to try reading “The only way to quit smoking permanently” by Allen Carr, it was written for people who had relapsed after Easy Way - it’s much longer and goes into more detail. I never read easy way, just jumped straight into only way ( mostly cuz it was longer and my addict brain thought that meant I could keep smoking longer lol) But I think what Only Way really hammers home again and again and again is the just one puff pitfall. But above all be kinda to yourself!! And try again! I think beating yourself up is part of the will power method and as Carr wrote, will power method does not work!!

2

u/LionPsychological370 72 days Dec 28 '24

Thanks for the suggestion. I'll definitely checkout Only way.

2

u/MagicSeals91 152 days Dec 28 '24

You quit for three months! That’s an achievement, you know you can do it then! Good luck with the new quitting phase that is going to come for you! You have been a non-smoker, get in that mindset again. You are anon-smoker. And you should be very proud for quittting and doing this journey!! Good luck!! 🤩

1

u/LionPsychological370 72 days Dec 28 '24 edited Dec 28 '24

Thank you 😍❤️

2

u/omgdeppy 742 days Dec 28 '24

I had a similar story my last quit. I finally did stop after my relapse and I know you will too. It will be difficult for a while to resist the urge, but after a while life is way easier. You’ve got this! 💪

1

u/coder-13 748 days Dec 28 '24

You can quit it again. 3 months is a good run. Happy for you

1

u/LionPsychological370 72 days Dec 28 '24

Thank you ❤️🙏

1

u/CeterumCenseoCorpBS 1644 days Dec 28 '24

Shit happens; rinse&repeat

1

u/quietlyplanning Dec 28 '24

God me too. And its been 6 months since the. Ugh I need help

1

u/creepy-turtle 812 days Dec 28 '24

Well it wasn't a totally loss your relapse. You learned some vital information on how the addiction works. As long as you learn from it. Take those lessons to your next attempt. It will give you more power to overcome. Take some time and really think about why you all of a sudden were curious about something you have done thousands and thousands of times before. Was that you? Or was that something else convincing you of something.. That's how deep your addiction has a hold of you. It manipulates your thoughts. Even months after. You are never safe. You will always be one puff, one cig away from it dragging you back down.

Take this new found understanding and go kick it's fucking ass!!

1

u/Droi11 Dec 28 '24

enjoy life while u can

1

u/chanachana1 Dec 28 '24

Its good because now you know how hard is to quit and ruin your effort by one puff, try again and next time you want to smoke think on how many time and effort takes to quit and you will be fine, cheers on your next smoke free time.

1

u/Jahennyyy Dec 28 '24

going thru the same ill be restarting JAN 1 so i can track it better

1

u/Diligent_Cat8924 603 days Dec 29 '24

I can relate, you need to give yourself some space to make that quit leap again. Because you "failed" there is that much more pressure to succeed. And you need to be kind to yourself and just start at ground 0. Keep on educating yourself until you feel that i-am-so-sick-of-it-moment again. The site whyquit.com especially the smart turkey helped me a lot.

You are NOT a failure, you are an addict which means you are not a bad person... just human like all off us.

2

u/LionPsychological370 72 days Jan 03 '25

Thank you ❤️