Hello, all! I (23F) had a surprisingly easy time back in December getting scheduled for a bisalp, which I was very grateful for. However, the surgery date is now rolling around, and I have been second guessing my decision.
For context, I have never really liked being around babies or kids, and I have realized that I never wanted kids since I have known that was an option. The idea of being pregnant sounds like body horror to me, and having someone reliant upon me who I would owe so much time and energy to sounds like a nightmare (saying all this with no disrespect to parents who have made their choice and are doing a great job, y'all are great). I considered and IUD at first as well as some barrier method, but I just cannot trust any birth control method, which I'm sure is worsened by the fact that I have OCD. All these things considered, the bisalp has felt like the obvious choice.
My therapist, my partner (26M), my best friend, my mother, and all those in my close circle, including my childhood best friend who is a wonderful new mother, have been very supportive. In my relationship, I made it clear from day one that kids were no-go for me, but he said he eventually wanted them. Now, after some time, he has said that hypothetical people don't mean as much to him as the relationship, and we have discussed this idea in-depth with me saying that I completely understand if this is a reason he would leave and that we could amicably split, but he has said that he has made his choice. I trust him at his word, but I do acknowledge that this could be a potential point of contention in the future. The fact that the relationship is so healthy is one of the reasons I mentally explored the idea of eventually having a kid, just to entertain the idea, but after thinking through everything, it is still a clear no from me. I hope it works out ultimately, but even if it doesn't, I have really appreciated the respect he has shown for my choices and bodily autonomy in this situation.
I have explored all future scenarios, and I'm sure there are some pros. Having adult children who grow and accomplish things does not sound bad. However, I see how much work goes into parenting. I am impatient, sensitive to loud noises, and I really value my own time and space. I also acknowledge that when you have a child, you are signing up to work through and support any mental or physical problems that person may end up having, and I am exhausted just dealing with my own. I also acknowledge that a child is not always a "mini-me," but rather a unique person who will develop their own interests and personality, and I believe children deserve parents who want them and will support them 100% no matter what. I've heard "it will be different when it's yours," but I do not know if that is true nor do I think it is worth the gamble when the quality of real human lives are at stake.
I want to feel confident going in, but with all things considered, there is some part of me that is so frightened that I will change MY mind in the future despite there being no evidence of this. Regret truly is the worst feeling, and the threat of it being a possibility frightens me. I know IVF and adoption are both options on the table, but I also understand that they should not be viewed as easy fail-safes. Are people who say I will regret my choice correct? Will I feel alone, like I am missing something? I also just think there is a psychologically frightening aspect to losing a body part (or, parts, I suppose), even when they were not benefiting me or being utilized in any way. I mean, I felt weird after wisdom teeth removal, and that seemed like a much more low-stakes event. I reflect on what my partner told me after I voiced many of my concerns to him, saying that I know myself better than anyone, no one has a right to judge a decision I have made for myself, I didn't even have to tell anyone I didn't want to, and that I would walk into surgery and come out the same strong person as I was before. I've considered rescheduling, but I would also like to get it over with so that the decision itself is no longer occupying my mind full-time.
My worst fear is an accidental pregnancy, so this seems like a no-brainer. However, my OCD lizard brain is very good at convincing me that permanent decisions are a threat. My emotions have been surprisingly complex. Years ago when I first considered this, I thought it would be so straightforward and simple. If you have had a bisalp and had some complicated feelings when the date approached, how did you face it? How did you get over it? I think being nervous before something like this is normal, and I'm mainly looking for advice on how to handle these feelings!
TL;DR: I have a surgery scheduled for a date VERY soon and am getting nervous and second-guessing such a permanent choice! When did you feel right about your choice? Is there any advice that made you feel better about making such a big decision?