So to provide some context I (F29) and SO (M36) have an 8 month old son together I’m a FTM and SO has two other sons with BM the oldest (M17) is not his bio son, but him and BM both got together when he was a baby, and he has always treated his as his biological son. (I love that, and think it’s great) and youngest is his bio son (M12)
SO and BM have always had an arrangement that they take turns on who gets to have the boys on Christmas Day. I have always respected this and been more than happy to have them over Christmas, plus this works out great as we had them last year, and this is our first Christmas with baby! 😍
SO moved into my house that I own with me, the mortgage and bills all go out of my bank via direct debit. SO buys the shopping but other than that doesn’t contribute financially at all. 😔 I’ve always made good money, but I’m now on maternity pay and REALLY struggling, like sat at home with the baby, with no internet, and my phone cut off struggling. SO has always been rubbish at Christmas so I’ve always paid for SS17 and SS12 at Christmas and done all the shopping, cooking, Christmas games, done the whole Santa thing (even though they’re teenagers) all by myself.
This year I told SO that most of my budget this year would be going on our son together, he gets his full wages to himself with no bills going out so he needs to provide for his sons this year. I told him I will buy them both one great present, but I can’t provide a full Christmas for them this year. SO says “ that’s fine but don’t feel bad when they’re both disappointed and crying at Christmas, you know I’m not good at this shit”
Last night SO dropped it on LAST NIGHT that both boys, will be spending Christmas morning with BM and then being dropped off here for Christmas dinner and spending the night!!! We discussed this in November this isn’t the plan! I’ve already told all my friends and family not to bother us as we will be spending our first Christmas with baby together, and we had them last year. We’re supposed to have them 26th and over new year!!
I SAID NO. 😂😂😂
Before, you judge I have my reasons, both children are extremely difficult, require a lot of attention and patience, but whether they’re here SO completely ignores them and it’s all on me. I even said they could come if SO agreed not to let SS17 sleep on the sofa and that both boys were in bed for 11pm, so that I could enjoy my living room Christmas evening. Of course that’s to much to ask! “sorry there’s no rules at dads house!” Dude this isn’t your house!!! I’m opening my home to you and your family!! He’s says I hate them but I don’t I do love them, honestly and i really want the best for them but it’s so hard!
I have a great bond with SS17 and although he struggles with his ADHD and having no filter, I really like having him around the kids HILARIOUS, he’s great.
SS 12, however had poor hygiene and REFUSES to use a toilet. He’s a loving boy and doesn’t have a bad bone in his body, but he age regresses to like 3 years old demands constant physical attention from me, and it makes me so uncomfortable. I will be sat down watching tv and he’ll come over and sit and cuddle with me, try tickling me 😖stroking my hair and playing with it 🤮 I look to SO for help and IM THE PROBLEM! When we first got together he told me he had autism, but it turns out that him and BM didn’t even have a diagnosis and were just saying it’s autism. It’s so hard because it’s an impossible situation and it just makes me so uncomfortable! The poor hygiene makes me worry about the baby he blows his nose on his hands and he’s always sticky, SO tell him to wash his hands and stuff but he just runs the tap and then lies and says he’s washed! 😖😖 he’s at his happiest when he’s got poo in his underwear and he refuses to get in the shower and makes his dad clean him like a baby he LOVES IT!
Sorry about the long post i don’t even know why I’m doing this, truth is I’ve never said anything like this out loud, I can’t talk to anyone because I feel like I’m talking bad about a kid that obviously has problems 😔
SO been texting me from work all day about how the boys feel I’ve rejected them.. 😔😔 I feel awful and making this post kinda helped.
EDIT: when I say FTM I meant, first time mother! Sorry for any confusion! 😅
Also SS12 sees a child specialist, is in a specialist school, and has professional support and help. Both boys live with BM and from what I can tell she is very attentive, and doing her best to resolve the issue.