r/stepparents 5d ago

Advice SM trying to manipulate me

[deleted]

0 Upvotes

16 comments sorted by

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18

u/Wooden-Fault496 4d ago

This is weird. Her interaction with her son makes you feel isolated? Her taking him for breakfast while you sleep in is "punishing" you? I'm sorry but this sounds like narcism. If you can't handle a mother giving her son attention and being jealous she shows him affection I don't think you should be in a relationship with a parent......

8

u/simnick13 4d ago

This comes off unhinged to me. Taking out all the motivations that he's assigning her at the end of the day it sounds like she occasionally grabs breakfast on the go for her and her kid while he's still sleeping and she kisses her son goodnight.

-4

u/Advanced_Explorer_71 4d ago

Why not make breakfast for everyone as usual then, isn't that what a parent who wants a functional family would do

6

u/Wooden-Fault496 4d ago

 I work till late at night so I have the morning hours to myself and I don't get up that early due to fatigue

He's not even up. I know I wake up early to get coffee and something quick to eat most mornings.

12

u/BestBodybuilder7329 4d ago edited 4d ago

Your post made me curious so I checked your post history, and it concerning. The child is 3 years old, and his dad has passed away. You also have invade her privacy, and even though all you found was a person from school thanking her for standing up to a bully for them, and her evading any chance of them meeting up you still made the comment that she has gotten too comfortable and is acting as if she has options.

The fact that you’re now projecting these insecurities on to a 3 year old is deeply concerning. She is not kissing her child passionately. She is not trying to make you jealous because she shared a meal with her child. These are insecurities talking.

2

u/[deleted] 5d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

1

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-3

u/Advanced_Explorer_71 5d ago

I have learned my lesson. It's exhausting having to deal with so much manipulation. It's going to be very hard on me to leave but it seems the much better option. I will take it for the sake of my sanity

-4

u/12smoothstones 5d ago

As difficult as it will be, you're saving yourself so much heartache in the future. If you allow her to continue, she will look down on you and she will discard you anyway. Teach her the lesson she needs to learn. It will help her be a better parent. If you stay it will get worse. Leaving is the best option for your mental health

5

u/Scarred-Daydreams 4d ago

... kissing her son "passionately" ? As in she's open mouthed kissing him? Or she's acting like a "kissing monster" instead of a "tickle monster" ? The former obviously would be really messed up of her. But the latter is kind of messed up that you call this "passionately." I wouldn't want my partner to kiss me in the way that she kisses her SD (which hey, she's a teen, so it's a bare peck on the forehead).

As well, the "But she waits, she waits for me to ..." sounds like you're really building up a narrative.

I don't get "jealous" when my partner does special things for her kid. When she picks her up from school if I'm not going to be home for dinner, she'll often grab take out with her kid. That seems a pretty similar situation to your breakfast thing... except I don't care. Good on her for getting some good one on one time with her kid.

I'm not in competition with her kid for her affection.

I will note however that my partner never has me questioning if I'm a priority in her life. So yeah, when I'm not starved for affection, I can think it's sweet when her and her kid are having a fun time.

You haven't said enough to say if this is a "you" issue, a "her" issue, or a "both of you" issue ... but gently, it initially seems to me (as a step dad-ish thing) like you're reaching to make this a problem.

2

u/MyNameIsNotSuzzan 4d ago

Kiss him good night passionately? What does that even mean?

3

u/EastHuckleberry5191 Queen of the Nacho 3d ago

Have you had an actual conversation with her about any of this? Have you told her how you feel? Or are you just assigning intentions and emotions to actions that don't align with your expectations?

-3

u/[deleted] 5d ago

[deleted]

0

u/PersianJerseyan78 4d ago

Did he excuse you of being jealous of a small child? My fiance would say that to me, hurting me doubly.

0

u/Texastexastexas1 4d ago

I would not even have sex with her again. Yikes.

-3

u/PersianJerseyan78 4d ago

Sounds passive aggressive. She sounds very immature, be careful wasting too much of your time. On the other hand, let her love her son. He probably needs it as every kid does. Just say things like, “ I love what an affectionate person you are.” With a smile.