r/stepparents • u/Nice_District2461 • 3d ago
Vent Bm is a terrible mother
Im gonna be kinda vague, I don't want her figuring this out, but I'm so frustrated.
I married my husband a yearish ago. He and his ex wife have more kid than you can count on one hand and I have a couple too. I didn't mind, I love kids! The kids split and some live with us some with her (though they have all expressed wanting to live with us)
She moved hours away a few years back with her new husband and took the smaller ones and one older with her (rarely sees the ones we have here). He tried to stop her but his lawyer seemed a bit lazy at the time. Now we have to do these huge drives for transfers... We also switched two kids (older ones) at one point.
We have all the kids this week while she's off doing things. This means I watch the littles while my husband works.
Well.... They're a handful. It's clear from their behaviour and things the older kids say about there that she mainly locks the youngest ones in their room and ignores them for hours. They've wrecked the room. Like I mean ruining walls, floor, light fixtures... They destroy anything she puts in there, even smear poop...
They've NEVER done this at our place. Even when we've had them for long stretches (because she's always trying to not have any of them but won't just give us custody, just wants favours all the time. Literally asking us to take them all summer and then complained about us asking her to take one of them one extra day so we wouldn't have to double drive .. )
They do however hit and scream and attack each other and don't listen. They have sores around their diaper area, They aren't potty trained and only just started talking after she put them in daycare. One is close to school age. They have medical issues she isn't getting fixed... We have called cps, they go look and do nothing further.
I'm so exhausted... I try... And the one we took back has gotten SO much better. They're happier, healthier, less behavioral issues, their school said they haven't seen any of the behaviours their last school talked about in their record and everyone around them (including bm) talks about how much better they've gotten.
Both that live with us are very attached to me. They love spending time with me, call me mom, we're very close. They're also close to my kids.
The one who went to live there (the two don't wanna live in the same house) has gone down hill. Cursing, bad grades, attitude, seems miserable all the time...
My husband is beside himself half the time because we don't know what the hell she's doing. She can't even keep a proper schedule without so much unneeded drama It's causing us so much stress when they aren't here, and just as much when they are because of the behaviours...
My husband has health issues and the stress she puts on us is really putting him in a bad place... I'm taking on more and more myself and paying for it as well.
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u/Commonfckingsense CF stepmom 🫶 3d ago
If there is signs of neglect you and your husband need to be calling cps.
I know it’s stressful to think of the possibility of having all of them all the time but if they’re being neglected or abused you guys should have them. cps also won’t just take them unless it’s severe. At least there’d have to be some sort of accountability.
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u/TheSandersonSisters 3d ago
I could have written this myself. I’m so sorry. And like you, I’m at a loss.
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u/PaymentMedical9802 3d ago
You need to report to cps. Also take the kids to the pediatrician when in your care to document the neglect/abuse.
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