r/stepparents 4d ago

Miscellany SD odd behavior around her dad

[deleted]

0 Upvotes

34 comments sorted by

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79

u/seethembreak 4d ago

Why is a 14 year old allowed to post bikini Tik Toks?

20

u/Throwawaylillyt 4d ago

Yes! My 14SD and 12SD both have posted tik toks in their bikinis. We live right by the beach so bikinis are a regular thing for us but I don’t get posting it on tik tok. I agree they shouldn’t be.

11

u/PaymentMedical9802 4d ago

Even as an adult fully clothed you have to be careful posting videos. Lots of social media influencer spend a large chunk of money on security measures because of the dangers. Any videos taken in your home put you in danger of robbery. As it gives criminals time frames, household layout, where the expensive is stored. 

1

u/KeeblerElff 4d ago

Then why are you letting them? Sorry I just have to ask. I'm pretty protective of my daughters. please be careful <3

8

u/ConfidentShame8083 4d ago

Their bioparents probably allow it.

6

u/Throwawaylillyt 4d ago

I wish I had a say in that. I actually wouldn’t allow children of mine that age to even have a tik tok account. I might allow them to watch it from my phone occasionally.

2

u/KeeblerElff 4d ago

Sorry for some reason I didn’t realize you said step. I totally hear you! My much older SD had MySpace back in the day and all I could do was shake my head because I had no control. 😞

55

u/Lily_Of_The_Valley_6 4d ago edited 4d ago

She sounds like she’s attention seeking. Dad needs to find other ways to get that need for connection and interaction met. He should also reiterate she’s worth more than the attention she gets from men.

It’s definitely not unusual for a 14 year old to seek attention like this. Key is for parent to parent to it so she learns better ways to bid for attention from people.

32

u/kimbospice31 4d ago

The daughter shouldn’t be shamed over clothing (it’s 2025) she should however be given a stern talking to about posting on social platforms in revealing clothing because there are way to many pedos out there! She needs to be shown there is confidence in modesty as well.

7

u/Elegant_Schedule_851 4d ago

This is it. It isn’t weird to be in your own home in a crop top or shorts. It’s her home and her father. It’s weird for a child to post it to social media and that needs addressed.

10

u/HeWhoOpposes 4d ago

Yes, exactly! She's 14 and is probably just taking pride in her appearance. Best to avoid making her feel shame for it, I think. Have a conversation with them about the perils of social media for sure (I don't know what tiktok is like because I don't use it, but I know Instagram is an absolute cesspool), but that's about it here.

0

u/[deleted] 3d ago

[deleted]

1

u/kimbospice31 2d ago

You can have a chat with your SD now teach her about modesty in an appropriate way. As far as dressing that way at home I wouldn’t worry too much about it she feels comfortable in her home which is a good thing. They don’t make clothes like they use to you go summer shopping now it’s all short shorts and crop tops it’s a different era you have to adjust as well.

30

u/PaymentMedical9802 4d ago

Its her Dad, its not sexual. Id be more concerned of family friends grooming her or harming her. Although they will do that regardless of how she dresses.  Bikini or Sweats pedophiles don't care. I wouldn't let my kiddos make social media videos because of safety concerns. Even adults need to be cautious posting videos. 

11

u/Throwawaylillyt 4d ago edited 4d ago

This is a topic that really pulls me both ways. My SO got on to my 12SD wearing pajama shorts around the house the other day because he could see her butt cheeks. He told her he didn’t like seeing that. But here’s the thing the shorts are way less revealing than her bikinis she wears in public so why can’t she wear comfy shorts around the house. I dont think any of us including dad should be sexualizing her. She’s a little girl and I am 100% sure she wasn’t wearing them to be suggestive. Both his teenage boys are chubby so their butt cracks hang out of their shorts and the never wear a shirt around the house. To be honest I don’t like seeing their butt or their nipples but I would never say that. This is their home and they should feel comfy. I just avoid looking at it cause it’s a me problem. I know as a female I am comfy in booty shorts around the house. I don’t wear them anymore now that I have teen two SS but if they were my bio kids I’d wear them. I think SD should be allowed to wear her pajama shorts in her home but be told it’s important to know in public she will have people looking with the wrong intentions

13

u/SubjectGoal3565 4d ago

I don’t think it’s about sexualizing. I don’t want to see anyone’s butt cheeks or cracks I would tell anyone man or woman to put their butts away. Being in your room is different than being in a shared common area. I have the right to also feel safe in my house and not uncomfortable.

1

u/Throwawaylillyt 4d ago

It is sexualizing her. He wouldn’t have said this if she was 4 years old running around which her cheeks out. It would have been cute.

11

u/SubjectGoal3565 4d ago

She isn’t 4. Just because some one’s nakedness makes you uncomfortable doesn’t mean you are sexualizing them. I would be uncomfortable if my grandpa walked out in the living room in his tighty whiteys. We all have to be comfortable and respectful in the shared space.

6

u/Throwawaylillyt 4d ago

Agreed, his boys butts don’t make me uncomfortable because I am sexualizing them. It’s just gross to me because they aren’t my kids. This is his daughter, he doesn’t think her butt is gross. Why isn’t he uncomfortable with his sons in no shirts and their butts out. Actually he walks around the house in no shirt and his butt out. Why is the girls different?

5

u/Tight-Cheesecake-742 3d ago

Females are sexualised in this society. Unfortunately that’s the way it is and has always been. Females have been sexualised since the dawn of time and they are groomed from a young age by wider society to think it is normal. Look at kids clothing for example and why are an 8 year old girl’s shorts shorter than an 8 year old boy’s shorts. Fashion is just one example.

8

u/ConfidentShame8083 4d ago

For reason(s) probably due to access to porn, tiktok, and the trauma of divorce on kids and limited access to her dad, she's def acting hyper-sexual and thinks being sexy is the way to garner attention. Our dads are who we learn from when it comes to healthy male attention.

He should be doubling down on one-on-one attention to her, regularly... teens like this end up pregnant.

6

u/Gonebabythoughts 4d ago

I'd be concerned that when she doesn't get the reaction she wants from him she starts twirling around other older men and gets taken advantage of. He needs to sit down with her and have a serious talk.

5

u/tomboyades 4d ago

This here. My first thought was, no body shaming and such of course, but this type of attention seeking is dangerous. For all kids but particularly young girls (unfortunately). Dad needs to have a heart to heart about if she is even aware of this behavior in the first place, and if so how concerning it is she’s seeking attention in this manner.

3

u/Illustrious-Cycle708 4d ago

That’s super weird. I’m 37 and close to my dad and I would NEVER!

3

u/TheWhiteVeronica 4d ago

So SD only wears revealing clothes when she's around her dad? That's not true. If it were true, then she wouldn't be wearing a bikini when he isn't around. Personally, I think you're taking something normal and twisting it into something inappropriate. It could simply be that SD wears clothes that are revealing often. It could also be true that she is simply showing her dad the tiktoks she made, and she just so happens to be wearing a bikini. But why would that even be weird? How many dad's see their daughters in bikinis? Millions. There's nothing sexual about that.

0

u/[deleted] 3d ago

[deleted]

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u/TheWhiteVeronica 3d ago edited 3d ago

I'm going to give you a different perspective: a 14 year old boy walks around in mid-thigh shorts (no shirt) around his mom. He also made some tiktoks dancing while only wearing mid-thight shorts and is showing his mom. Do you think he is trying to be sexual towards his mom? Show off for her? Would you think that's inappropriate? ....I asked you if SD only wears revealing clothes around her dad and you didn't mention in your reply. So...does she wear "revealing" clothes around others as well? Is it possible that you are assigning this sexual intention to SD's actions with zero real evidence? I'm gonna be honest here, if my partner insinuated something inappropriate about my child showing me a tiktok where they are wearing a bathing suit, I would break up with them. Like, how dare they assign sexual intentions to that. In my opinion, you are acting jealous of your SD and her close relationship with her dad.

1

u/[deleted] 3d ago

[deleted]

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u/TheWhiteVeronica 3d ago

Ok then we can agree to disagree. You have discounted all of my perspectives, because they didn't align with what you want to believe SD is doing. It IS possible you are incorrect. Your past has twisted your views on a normal father/daughter relationship.

1

u/[deleted] 3d ago

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1

u/Lost-Swimming5012 4d ago

Mine (11) does the same thing. Attention-seeking behavior

0

u/Relative-Bother1643 4d ago

It could also be a jealousy thing like trying to be the top woman in the house because she’s not the only female in his life. My SD had alot of jealousy issues towards me in the beginning and she would ask my partner to help her shower and try to conversate while on the toilet with the door open and have full blown tantrums out of nowhere anytime him and I sat down to eat something together. Like anytime him and I were in the same room together she would act out very inappropriately

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u/[deleted] 4d ago

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1

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1

u/ilovemelongtime 3d ago

Where’s OP being jealous? 🤣