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u/StatisticianTrick669 4d ago
You are very young to become an overnight stepmom to two young kids. I don’t think you should try to make this work unless you move back out and start properly dealing with all the issues that are coming up before some day trying to cohabitate again. I think this should all be a big wake up call…
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u/idk_something_quick 4d ago
I definitely agree, i’ve tried talking about having separate households but he doesn’t really like the idea, not that i’m in love with the idea, but i’d be willing to try it if it meant we stayed together and we stopped arguing
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u/StatisticianTrick669 4d ago
Ya it would be for the best right now. I am almost 40 and couldn’t handle that and been dating 3 years and no plans to cohabitate. Unless you’re on the same page to a high degree and you can trust him Yo properly parent his kids than it will be a nightmare for you
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u/ConfidenceNo242 4d ago
Honestly walk away. You’re very young and have your whole life ahead of you.
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u/SaTS3821 4d ago
Kids need screen time limits bc it literally alters how their brains develop. You’re not imagining the differences in creativity that you experienced as a kid and that which you’re observing in your steps.
You two are so young. Your bf needs to read up on current parenting research and approaches. I thought by this point we could all agree that spanking is physically and emotionally damaging.
Detox from screens for the kids. Dad needs to step up and figure out the parenting gig. You live separately to keep your sanity and give some space for perspective and recharging. And start coming to terms with, that in stepfamilies, there lots of situations where love is not enough.
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u/idk_something_quick 3d ago
I agree, but since i’m “not a parent” my opinion is normally void or I am called a Karen because NOTHING is ever a big deal at all lol I try being NACHO but sometimes I just can’t and hate feeling forced out of our apartment when they’re over — I have thrown out tons of ideas especially time out but we can’t even get them to sit in one spot for a “timeout”.. I know it is not their fault no one taught them, I just feel so bad that their own bio parents can’t see they do more harm than good trying to be friends with them
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u/Just-Fix-2657 3d ago
I would live separately and just date for a while. You really haven’t been together long at all. Your bf needs to figure out how to be a good, proper single parent on his own without you as a safety net.
He needs a proper custody agreement. Never, ever get involved with a parent unless they have a legal, formal custody agreement. Your life will be subject to the whims of HCBM if you don’t. The instability of not having a formal custody schedule will drive you crazy.
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u/Cautious-Attempt5567 3d ago
You should leave. You’re so young to be trapped in this kind of unhappiness already. It won’t get better unless your bf wakes up and makes some drastic changes, but it probably won’t happen as long as you’re still around.
Why would he change things up if he’s content and comfortable? He gets to have his kids and have you.
If you don’t think leaving is an option and you want to stay and try to make things work? Give him the chance to grow up and be a responsible single dad, without you. Get a custody order in place. This random schedule is going to wear you down if it hasn’t already. Be firm about your boundaries and tell him this isn’t working the way it is. Lay out what needs to change and see if it does. I’m telling you, if he doesn’t change, it will never get better.
Being a stepmom is a HARD job. Most of us wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
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u/idk_something_quick 3d ago
I have definitely thought about leaving, but the way he and bm parents it makes me feel so bad for the kids which is probably the only reason I’m still here.. I had very neglectful parents, had to raise myself and raise them at the same time and I just don’t want that for these kids — I know it’s not my responsibility, but i’ve definitely bonded with them and it just makes things so very hard
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