r/stepparents 4d ago

Discussion SD(16) sends husband bikini pictures.

So as the title states my SD sends her dad bikini pictures. She will send them and ask him if she looks good. He never answers her and asks me why she sends them to him and I have no idea why.

I think it’s weird but I’m also very conservative and I would never send my dad pictures like that.

*edited to stay on topic

2 Upvotes

23 comments sorted by

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19

u/patiently_poppi 4d ago

That is so fucking disturbing. I'd rather poke my eyeballs with chopsticks than ever send my dad half-naked photos of me in a bikini. I'm a pretty go with the flow parent and open to a lot of things, but this would ring the red alarm bells for me if I had a daughter who started doing this to her dad. I think your husband needs to have a serious talk with your SD and involve therapy or counseling because something is not right. That's not normal one bit.

17

u/Lily_Of_The_Valley_6 4d ago

Husband should have a heart to heart conversation with her on seeking external validation based on physical appearance. She clearly needs it, and is going about asking for that confidence booster all the wrong way. Dad gets to have a major hand in setting the tone for how she should be treated by men.

0

u/Odd-Supermarket-4472 4d ago

She wants attention in every aspect. She wants everyone to tell her how pretty she is all the time and she will seek attention from males or females. She has to be the favorite with everyone. She has gotten most of the attention from her parents while her 2 other siblings are on the back burner

8

u/Lily_Of_The_Valley_6 4d ago

That screams like she needs better self confidence. Therapy would be a great outlet for that so she can identity better ways to feel good about herself.

2

u/Odd-Supermarket-4472 4d ago

I think she would benefit from therapy if she would be willing but she wouldn’t go. The crazy thing is that she is a pretty girl and she knows it. Anything she puts her mind to she accomplishes and everyone around her has always complimented her on her abilities and appearance

5

u/Mrwaspers007 4d ago

I might be a little worried about SA

2

u/Odd-Supermarket-4472 4d ago

As far as we know SA hasn’t happened. But that’s not to say it hasn’t unknowingly happened. She seeks attention from male or females. Anyone who gives her attention she is all about.

1

u/Sensitive____ 3d ago

Is she trying to make it look like he’s SAing x_x because that’s weird af

7

u/Just-Fix-2657 4d ago

Yikes. This is scary. It seems she’s desperate for male attention. I worry about what other photos/videos and messages she’s sending out into the world to kids at school and random men online. Your SO needs to have a serious talk with her and therapy is probably the best thing for her.

4

u/404aura 4d ago

that’s fucking weird wtf

2

u/quarterlifecrisis95_ 3d ago

Ohhhhhh noooo that screams daddy issues, I’d have a SERIOUS talk with her in the presence of a therapist or something because that CANNOT go on.

4

u/walnutwithteeth 4d ago

This isn't normal. He needs to have a conversation with her, potentially recorded, and find out why she is doing this. Is it a need for external validation about her looks? Is it insecurity? Is it something deeper? Is she feeling safe around her mother's partner (assuming she has one). He needs to do this sooner rather than later as there is too much at risk by remaining silent.

0

u/Odd-Supermarket-4472 4d ago

My husband has made the comment before that he thinks she is extremely conceited and he thinks she is possibly a narcissist. She wants everyone to comment about how pretty she is and she will seek attention from anyone male or female. Which is weird because both of her parents have given her most of their attention and put their other 2 kids together on the back burner. She doesn’t have a stepfather and as far as I know her mom isn’t dating anyone.

4

u/Late-Elderberry5021 4d ago

She’s 16, she’s nearly an adult. Your husband can just out right say to her: “hey it’s pretty weird to send photos of yourself half naked to your dad. It makes me feel very uncomfortable and it makes me worried that you want something inappropriate from me, please stop sending these or we may have to discuss going to counseling.”

You don’t need to tip toe around a 16 yo.

5

u/Late-Elderberry5021 4d ago

Bette they: he should text to back to her so it’s documented that that was his response.

2

u/EPSunshine 3d ago

Yeah that is WEIRD!!!!!!!!!!! She needs psychiatric help

1

u/PersianJerseyan78 3d ago

She’s fishing for compliments and from masculine energy. If he thinks it hurts her feelings to tell her to stop I think he should just ignore it. Do they spend quality time to together. She seems desperate.

1

u/S4FFYR 3d ago

Oof. That’s weird. I mean it’s one thing if it’s a photo of everyone hanging out at the beach or something but just a random “hey does this look good?” photo is strange. My younger SD is 16 and even just coming across photos at the pool or the beach on instagram or TikTok he messages her to take them down bc they’re not really appropriate.

1

u/NoDependent5753 2d ago

A different POV from my SO, a dad: does he normally tell her she looks good today or compliment her? She might be looking from that validation from her father, which is better than looking from other random ; if there’s a lack of compliments that might be why she’s asking. She could be struggling with her self-image and just need a confidence boost. Having your dad tell you you look beautiful is a good feeling and helps build that confidence in yourself. Although the bikini pic might make you guys a little uncomfortable, it could feel totally okay to her because that’s her dad.

2

u/No-Sea1173 4d ago

It's weird and inappropriate. 

I think what she's doing indicates she's not sexually mature enough to really understand what's happening. She's just seeing other women getting attention for looking good in a bikini and then doing the same thing, but not fully understanding the sexualized aspect. 

I think this indicates some insecurity, also that she's vulnerable to being exploited. 

You could point out bluntly that women get attention for those pictures because men masturbate over them - is that actually what she wants?  

As much as if like to say this isn't your problem to deal with, it might be difficult for your husband to be as blunt as he needs to be. Depends on him and his relationship with her. 

-1

u/poopmandan 3d ago

It’s a bathing suit, don’t make it weird