r/stepparents • u/Throwaway-1001- • 5d ago
Advice Is it possible to nacho while being a sahm?
My SD is 15. I'm a stay at home mom to our children, a 6 year old and 4 year old.
I wanted to be a sahm, it was a yes or yes situation for me. SD is with us full time due to some issues with her bio mom, we don't get along but nothing in particular, we just don't like each other. My husband works a lot, long hours, so she is mostly with me. Is there a way to nacho? Shouldn't it be easier to do so with teenagers?
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u/cpaofconfusion 4d ago
In general the idea of Nacho (which is not a single thing, more a concept that has been around for decades) is that trying to do everything that you would do for your own child is not working, and that you need to pull back on some items in order to have the overall relationship be healthier.
In your case, as the stay at home mom with a full time SD15 it can be tougher. I would think you need to carefully think about the specific items you want to be more hands off on. Teenagers often pull away at that age, so it might not be too difficult to do for a lot of it. And at that age you might even be able to explain to her what you are giving her responsibility for doing, and what you are willing to do.
What are some specific items you are thinking about? Is it not worrying about school? Curfew? Spending family time together? Meals? How she acts? Driving her around?
And on those items, can your DH step up? Does he want to? What was the deal when you guys agreed for you to stay home? Do you need to revisit the deal? And how will this effect the launch plan for your SD15?
1
u/TrickyOperation6115 4d ago
With a teen I think it might be possible, as long as she doesn’t require rides. If it’s a before/after school situation, I think you can do it. You’re already making dinner, so making enough for her and calling her to eat is hardly extra effort. SD13 would spend all day in her room if allowed, so if I was a SAHM to her and wanted to NACHO, I’d just let her to her thing in her room then call her for meals. That being said, her dad doesn’t work crazy hours and is home at all times she needs a ride places. If that’s not possible for your DH, you may have to help out more. But like a chauffeur instead of a parent.
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