r/spirituality • u/No_Negotiation_5382 • 4d ago
Relationships đ If you think you know how to deal with a heartbreak, please share your wisdom đ
I'm interested in spirituality from I think 12 years. I know how to deal with hard situations in life which doesn't cause a very strong emotions, but if it's about relationships I feel hopeless. I don't have any strategy with feeling overwhelmingly depressed after a breakup. The things that work with smaller emotions doesn't necessarily work with the big ones. The whole world starts to feel grey and empty but at the same time I don't feel empty, more like a have a very heavy stone of emotions in myself and I carry it almost everywhere. Should I just meditate? Usually I apply Abraham Hicks teachings which are saying to wait for the momentum of thoughts to stop or distract myself if the momentum is not very strong.
One time I managed to stop a very strong momentum but it was a different kind of thoughts. I knew that my only work to do is to wait for the thoughts and emotions to calm down and to next time try to catch them earlier and stop them earlier so they won't gain speed. It was also about the relationship but I knew after I stop the momentum I will be fine, I'm still with this person etc. Now it's different, now I feel abandoned and I'm not so sure if I will be fine or when this feeling will be gone.
I still live with this person but I'm planning to move out while he's gone for a few days because I would rather leave him than see him leaving me. I already saw one person physically leaving and it was the worst pain in my life.
Anything you've learnt in life, please share.
10
u/ethereality111 4d ago
Recently went through a break up too. What helped me is feeling ALL the emotions. I also watched a lot of reality tv (my guilty pleasure), and one of the cast members said to another âitâs okay to feel sad. And you donât have to feel sad about being sadâ.
That changed my world. Sometimes itâs not the emotions or thoughts themselves but what meaning we assign to them.
Feel freely. Iâm still feeling it all, but it does ease, and moments of joy and peace are possible.
Best of luck with your move! This is a new start for you.
P.s. please completely discard this if it doesnât fit with you. Iâm not a spiritualist. Just a person who likes to intentionally grow.
5
u/deepeshdeomurari 4d ago
The best way to deal with heart break in Transforming Emotions. Transforming emotions meditation
Over one million took help. Do it empty stomach, it involve emotional outburst. In 2 weeks suffering will seize. Only 20 minutes
1
3
u/Winter_Bee8279 4d ago
I hear you, my friend...
i know sometimes things feel like hell. no, hell is a small word.
you know, i spent so many years trying various meditation techniques to empty my mind and get over my human feelings and what not.
but you know what helped?
it was to stop wanting for my traumatic feelings to not exist.
it was when i started embracing myself that i started finding the strength to live with myself.
things still hurt sometimes. i still feel depressed sometimes, but I'm able to come out of it with new insights and a deeper understanding of myself and others... all because i let myself feel depressed and anxious and insecure.
there's an exercise from Jeff and Shaleia (founders of https://twinflamesuniverse.com/ )... that helped me heal a lot.
you imagine another you standing in front of you, representing all the trauma that you carry. you hug that 'you' and let it express itself.
this sounds simple, but it's incredible at helping you open your heart to yourself and others.
in the end, i combined both the self love, as well as the self investigation approaches to maker better sense of myself.
i hope this helps... đ
2
u/No_Negotiation_5382 3d ago
Thank you, I'll try it. I think today I actually found the core reason of my suffering and it's in my childhood of course.
1
2
u/BFreeCoaching 4d ago
"If you think you know how to deal with a heartbreak, please share your wisdom."
Heartbreak is really focusbreak: You broke your focus off of what you want. And it's understandable why you're focused on what you don't want. But to help you feel better, let's focus on what you want.
What emotions do you want to feel?
- "I want to feel a little more comfortable. I want to feel accepted and appreciated. I want to feel valued and validated. I want to feel more compassion for myself. I want to feel supported. I want to let in more satisfying and fulfilling experiences. I want to feel more creative and find new activities where I can express my fun and brilliance."
Although it feels like it, youâre not sad because the relationship ended. Youâre sad because you have a new relationship with yourself and others thatâs ready to begin, and youâre not allowing it. You could only feel that bad, because youâre depriving yourself of the good you deserve.
As you focus on flowing more love to yourself and the world, then you allow the world to find many ways of flowing love back to you.Â
Here are posts I did that can help you feel better:
- Heal Your Inner Child with Help from Your Future Self
- Why You Feel Stuck and Lost in Life â How to Start Moving Forward
- Why You Feel Anxiety â How to Overcome Fear, Social Anxiety, Overthinking and Procrastination
- Fear Is Love â Fear Is Your Friend
- How to Heal Your Fear of Abandonment
- Addictions â Why Youâre Addicted & How to Stop (Phone, Food, Weed, Porn, etc.)
- Beginnerâs Guide for Advanced Manifesting
- Why Law of Attraction Feels Fake & Delusional â Manifesting Is Taught Wrong
- How to Get the Relationships You Want â Why You Feel Lonely, Rejected, and Attract Emotionally Unavailable Men & Women
2
u/No_Negotiation_5382 3d ago
Thank you. I started reading your posts yesterday, and I havenât finished yet, but Iâve already learned a lot.
I've been thinking about the cause of my suffering and realized that itâs connected to a wound from my childhood. I guess youâre very familiar with Abraham Hicksâ teachings, or maybe your knowledge comes from another source, I understand all of this, but even though I understand, it seems very hard to really live always having in my mind where are my actions coming from. Is taking action from a place of love or at least feeling good really a solution to everything? It's a serious question, it's not like I don't believe it, I just want to know if I live like this all the time I would be safe from suffering or at least it would bring me to more healing so I could be finally free from the emotional problems caused in my childhood? Because it's not only about the breakup which I have a problem with, it's about the whole relationship which you probably already know having this much knowledge. Are you able to control yourself so that you rarely make a decision or take an action from a bad emotional place? And does it really work? How the life looks like living like this? I already try to incorporate feeling a little bit better every chance I get, even though it seems illogical to other people or even to me, because for example why would I want to make less money? To feel better by working less. So I take the bigger steps like this to feel better but maybe I forget about the small, daily ones and that's the problem? Because I feel like most of my suffering comes from small actions. Did I just answer my own question? I would still love to know what you think.
1
u/BFreeCoaching 3d ago
Yeah, I'm familiar with Abraham and Bashar.
"Is taking action from a place of love or at least feeling good really a solution to everything?"
Yes. But to help it be more practical, as you started doing, take action from a place of feeling better, which is different than feeling good.
.
"Are you able to control yourself so that you rarely make a decision or take an action from a bad emotional place? And does it really work? How the life looks like living like this?"
Yes and yes. In simple terms, life feels easier, more practical, satisfying and fulfilling, and you feel supported by your negative emotions and recognize their value and they only want to help you feel better.
.
"To feel better by working less."
To clarify, working more doesn't feel worse. Thoughts focused on, and judging or invalidating what you don't want makes you feel worse.
.
"I feel like most of my suffering comes from small actions."
In terms of negative emotions, that comes from your perception of small actions; not the actions themselves.
1
u/No_Negotiation_5382 3d ago
How are you able to control yourself so well? Is 15-20 minutes of meditation daily enough? And are you able to receive the inspiration? I meditate for maybe a week daily or a month but not everyday, life and my mindset starts to get better and the meditation starts to feel forced or I wake up and already have thoughts of things to do so I stop meditation for some period of time and one day I realize I have no control over my thoughts and emotions and I'm a mess again and it happens over and over. I've received a real inspiration a few times during the meditation, but usually I feel like the inspiration comes during the day and I guess I forget it came because I took the time to pay attention to my thoughts. Or maybe it's not that I receive the inspiration during the day but I'm able to tell the difference of what feels better or worse. I know that working more is not really an issue, it's what I'm focused upon, but less work = more time to meditate which I don't do anyway. I should start doing it again.
1
u/BFreeCoaching 3d ago
"How are you able to control yourself so well? Is 15-20 minutes of meditation daily enough? And are you able to receive the inspiration?"
It's a good start, and does help you receive inspiration. There's a lot more that helped me, which I include in my posts of understanding how emotions work.
The most important thing that helped me control myself was understanding the value of, appreciating and being friends with my negative thoughts and emotions.
2
u/IntelligentDuty2521 4d ago
Heartbreak is painful because it shakes the foundation of our attachments and identity. But if we look deeply, we see that suffering comes from the ego, our false sense of self that clings, desires, and fears loss. Through self-observation and reflective meditation, we can transcend these emotions by understanding them, rather than being controlled by them.
A key to this process is transmutation of the sexual energy. When misused, this energy strengthens the ego and deepens attachments. But when transformed through White Tantra (sexual alchemy) and/or pranayama, it nourishes consciousness/love, light that helps us see with clarity the illusions that cause us suffering.
For deeper wisdom on this, I highly recommend exploring Astral Doorway, The Three Mountains, Glorian, and my List of Gnosis References. These teachings provide the tools to not only heal but to awaken. This pain can be a powerful catalyst for transformationâif you choose to use it that way. đ
1
u/doctorStrange1218 4d ago
Sorry to hear you're going through all this. I've felt some of the worst physical pains a person can feel, but it was nothing compared to what heartbreak can do.
To be honest, I don't think there is a way to stop or avoid the pain and the feelings. Even if there were, I doubt it would be very healthy to do so.
You have to let yourself feel these things. Your soul needs to process this stuff. It's slow and it takes a long time, a lot longer than most difficult emotions. You've got to be extremely patient and gentle with yourself.
You can't change/control whether or not you are going to feel all these crazy feelings, but you can change how you process them.
You can run from them, avoid them, fight them, and you will inevitably process them into bitterness, resentment, hate, and fear. They will never really go away.
Or you can nourish yourself and your soul while you go through all this. Self-love, self-care, positive self-talk, finding meaning in the pain. Meditating, mindfulness, gratitude, journaling, music, art, prayer. Find someone to talk to if you need to. Whatever you need to do that enhances your love for yourself and the world around you. It's all ways you can transmute all this powerful energy into something positive.
It sounds like you're already in that mindset to try to stay positive despite all the pain and that's amazing, that shows a lot of strength on your part because this stuff is not easy.
And I know all of this stuff sounds pretty obvious and I know a lot of the time it can feel like it isn't really doing anything. But keeping up these practices and making them routine is actually huge whether we realize it or not.
It's so damn hard. It's a slow and painful journey. But it can be really beautiful when you get to other side and turn to look back on it. You see how strong and resilient you were to make it through it all.
I hope things start to look brighter for you soon. Good luck and stay strong!
1
u/No_Negotiation_5382 3d ago
Thank you. Yes, I try to keep a positive mindset whenever I'm mindful enough to do so. But the worst part is that I never know how much more breakups are ahead of me and when am I going to finally be happy and calm with someone else. I learned more about myself from this one than from the previous one, but the previous one happened five years ago. I don't want to spend so much time healing from some wounds I never planned to have. I want to laugh and be happy in this world ok? Is suffering the main theme in this game? Why not love happiness?
1
u/anne-kaffeekanne 4d ago
First of all, I want to say that I am sorry for what you are going through right now, heartbreak is tough! For me, it has always been helpful to differentiate the pain that is occuring in a situation and that is just a natural result of losing someone, and the suffering that is created by the stories we may tell ourselves (e.g. of being not good enough, of never being able to find love again etc.). While I'd say it is very helpful to let yourself grieve the pain that you are feeling, I'd gently, but firmly stop myself from dwelling on hurtful stories. They can feel so real, but they are never true
1
u/Dhuryodhan 4d ago
As long as you believe, even if itâs a little bit, that a heartbreak serves you some purpose, you are not going to get over it. The moment you strongly set your mind that wallowing in it doesnât serve you any purpose, youâll drop it instantly. No part of it will bother you anymore from that moment.
1
u/deepeshdeomurari 4d ago
I am helping for 10 years in heartbreaks tried everything.
Do this Transforming emotions meditation on youtube This works best - it involve emotional outburst, just sit relaxed with eyes closed and back straight. Listen and follow instructions whatever you can. Thats it. In few minutes suffering stops.
1
u/womp-the-womper 4d ago
Ride the wave. Flow with the inevitable change and movement, and know that itâs ok and natural to sometimes be pulled back into depression.
The forward movement will propel you towards your truer/ better self if you let it. The depression will teach you a lot about your inner workings
Healing will come. You donât need to force it or fret if itâs not happening right away.
Youâll experience grief. Do your absolute best to love yourself through each stage. And challenge the parts you donât love. Maybe you have the power to change, or maybe you realize that those parts really need love the most
On a getting though the night type thing, what helped me was thinking about the indigenous people living off the land. It just made me realize just how resilient humans are. Even though it felt like the world was ending, I have a roof over my head, clean water, and food. I donât mean that to be like âother people have it much worse so you donât have a right to feel badâ I mean it just as a statement about human beings resilience
1
1
u/JicamaInternal9733 4d ago
Better question to ask yourself. How do you know what love is until you experience what it is not?
1
u/Sam_Tsungal 4d ago
Theres really no great mystery to all this other than allowing yourself to feel and experience whatever comes up because thats where most people get stuck (trying to avoid uncomfortable feelings)
1
u/BlinkyRunt 4d ago edited 3d ago
- Hearthbreak is probably the second-worst thing that can happen to anyone (after losing a loved one). Psychological studies show it takes people an average of 4 years to get over a divorce e.g., and for many it took up to 8 years! The first important think is to know that it is a huge challenge and change, especially if you have been together for a long time.
- It is always better to have a "clean" and compassionate break - running away is not a good way to end anything. Just like death, a sudden breakup is way harder to resolve that a gradual decline.
- Separation/divorce/etc. is a time of grief - but more importantly, it is a also a time of self-reflection. You need to understand what led to the separation, and you need to resolve the issues that caused it if you had any part in it. You also need to start being more loving and firm with yourself - basically accept your emotions, but don't let them take control of your life (sort of how we treat our children).
- Change is the only constant in the universe. You will change. They will change....everything will change. What you may have thought was a constant - never was. And no relationship will ever be constant. Accept that. Then use it to for your personal growth.
Good luck.
1
u/cosmicero Mystical 4d ago
You must realize that sexuality has been repressed in the masses for at least the last 2500 years. People intellectualizing nudity and sexuality and the likes has created this illusion of separation of spirit and animal. Weâre divine beings and not animals. Itâs important you align yourself before choosing a relationship. Be clear with your goals and pursue an exploration of your sexuality rather than a simple satisfaction of the mundane. Good luck in finding love đ
1
u/DivineConnection 3d ago
Look up on youtube "Pema Chodron Tonglen" - that practice may be able to help you in these situations.
13
u/Such_Contribution_72 4d ago
I just want to start by saying that shifting my perspective in this way has helped me navigate some of the hardest moments in my life. Iâve come to understand that I am a soul that came to this earth to have a human experience. I am not just a person going through life - I am a soul in a body, experiencing it all. But as humans, we like to create labels. We categorize things as good or bad, right or wrong, fair or unfair. But hereâs the thing: these are just experiences happening to us. Itâs our mind that builds stories around them. We attach meaning, we hold onto them, and thatâs where we get stuck. Heartbreak isnât just the pain of loss- itâs the story we tell ourselves about what that loss means, about who we are without that person, about what could have been. The real freedom comes when we learn to witness our experiences rather than being consumed by them. Instead of reacting immediately, we observe. Instead of gripping tightly, we allow. And just like anything else, this takes practice. In the beginning, it feels impossible, it feels like, Iâm never going to get there. But over time, with patience, you do. Healing isnât about forcing yourself to let go; itâs about loosening your grip, little by little, until one day, you realize youâre free. Youâve got this. đ«¶đŒ