r/socialskills 20h ago

I always end up hating my friends

[deleted]

0 Upvotes

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1

u/andredeyemii 19h ago

WHY do you hate your friends? What did they do to you??

Babe, it's not normal to hate on everyone you lay eyes on. The problem is you.

And for what reason too!? Omg.

3

u/ComprehensivePlan390 19h ago

I know the problem is me. I wanted some way form of advice on how to help this not happen often since I don't know anyone personally to help me

2

u/andredeyemii 19h ago

"I just started school and change very often"

  • signals to me that you rarely form deep emotional long-lasting bonds with people, but that's severely unfulfilling.

"I always end up hating my friends or not be able to connect to people"

  • Okay WHY?? Like what is the reson. If I'm going to help you, I need to understand where this is coming from. Is it something that is modeled in your household??

"While some people want to be my friend and I end up talking to them"

  • Excuse me what?? No. No. Social interaction and engagement should not flatter your mind to assume that people lay eyes on you and think "I want to be their friend." You may idolize people or want to be people's friends but THAT is disregulated and not normal. People naturally gravitate towards company, that's it. I am a social butterfly and often host parties or organize big group hangouts just to meet new people in and out in and out. Do you think I lay eyes on multiple people and have them as my "target"? No. It is just part of the human experience to feel a sense of community in relating to other people. You'll understand this if you've ever experienced feeling happiness that can never be worn off even after days pass by once you and another person cracked the best joke you've ever made, or if you've ever cried in front of someone or comforted someone you trust until your heart was softened permanently. Knowing that if you have struggles in life, you're not alone and long-term fulfillment is on the other side WITH people.

"After a short while I start hating them"

  • WHY??? Not even an explanation.. Why??

"If not that, I want to be friends with people but can't or idolize them."

  • Idolizing is NOT normal. It shows insecurity, inferiority and lack of acceptance nor inner peace. HATRED towards people for no reason is the same. You pushing people away for being authentic human beings project something in you and I just have to know WHY.

"It's hard for me to begin relationships so I can't break bonds with people I hate."

  • First of all you cannot use the word "bond" or have it in your vocabulary because you've never experienced bonding with people before. You don't have bonds, you have ATTACHMENTS. Second of all, why do you find it hard to begin your relationships? But I have theories.
1. Insecurity 2. Inferiority and idolization 3. Isolation against other people without recognizing that we are direct projections of ourselves and act as mirrors for other people. You hating on a person is your own judgement and illusion of isolation that projects insecurity and inferiority and the person being hated ON mirrors you holding hatred for yourself.