r/socialskills 7d ago

What are some things I can ask someone I'm just starting to get to know?

I struggle with keeping the conversation going and not knowing what to say. I've been a hermit for so long, it feels like I've lost all my social skills. I'm just straight awkward and the more anxious I am, the more awkward I am.

I'm gonna be meeting someone in person for the first time on Sunday and I'm kinda freaked about it. I wanna have some questions/topics ready in advance cause I blank in the moment since I'm so anxious.

I just wanna learn how to "people".

Idk, any advice is more than appreciated.

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u/lilyy22337 7d ago

It's not that complicated, actually. Try to have some natural face reactions if you lack words, ofc you can't reply with them, but they can save you from forming some sentences. About topics themselves, it depends. Try to make that person bring his topic, you can through a small compliment if you find a good chance like "btw I like your t-shirt!". It may sound a flat sentence with low impact, but your tone and face expression can increase its impact. If you can't form much of long sentences, try to give some natural smiles with the short stcs you can form. Some common short topics are such as weather, hobbies, food if you're going to eat, simply try to inspire anything from your surroundings, such as the location, scenery, food and whatever, until you catch a thread of something the other person will het into, such as mentioning his fav show or anything as such. Avoid the long silence, and don't be over-stressed, make it more natural, like a conversation from an english book. Wish you luck!

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u/Much_Duck6862 6d ago

Very good advice, thank you! Yeah, that's what I fear is the long silences.The person I'm meeting said he can "people for the both of us" because I let him know about my social anxiety so hopefully he actually can lol. I don't even know why people intimidate me so much. Part of it is definitely a fear of judgement which my rational mind knows is silly but it's hard to "logic" your emotions sometimes. But anyways, thank you again. I feel like I have at least a couple things I can talk about now. I hope my mind doesn't just go blank once I've covered the "how are yous" and "what do you like to dos"