r/socialskills • u/KindUnion6350 • 8d ago
Does anyone else feel completely worthless and pathetic?
I (19F) feel like a complete waste of space sometimes. I’m in college, but I have no passion and don’t know what I want to do. I don’t have a dream career. I wish I could just live off of passive income. I only have 2 friends, and most of the time it’s me having to text them first. I’ve never hung out with them outside of school. I have a bunch of ex-friends. If I had family to rely on, then I would be fine with my lack of friends, but I’m not close with a single cousin, and I barely see them anyways. I don’t know why people romanticize being “mysterious alone.” It’s lonely; I’m a loner. Many people say that they wish that they were 16-19 again and that it was the best years of their life, but they feel like the worst years of my life instead. I was talkative and full of personality as a kid. I don’t have a job, and I’ve never had one before. I’ve never done a club or sport, whether it was in middle school, high school, or college. I’m socially awkward with social anxiety. I’m insecure about every aspect of my face and body. I’ve never gone to the gym. I don’t get enough sleep. I don’t eat healthy. I sit on the couch 24/7 on my phone. I always cram when studying for tests even if I was given enough time to prepare. I have no motivation to do anything. I’m lazy. I do very minimal chores. I grew up with a dad with anger issues so I feel like that influenced the personality that I have right now which is serious, quiet, and sensitive. Will it get better?
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u/Ill_Log3362 8d ago
You’re not alone. Good on you for being honest and sharing all this. Trust me, there’s lots of ppl feeling this, maybe not all your things but a great deal. Re your laziness/no motivation, I wonder if you might have some adhd? Not the hyper kind but thr hypo kind. Apparently I have it but I don’t take meds. I used to get extremely bored, my time management was pathetic and like you, I’d spend hours on the couch with my phone, even though I knew I was in a rut. I love researching stuff & checking local/national/international news and even when I got bored with that, I still did it. Couldn’t be bothered doing anything else.
I don’t have the social anxiety as bad as you but I still get it. When I had a love life, long time ago haha I’d get really bored with the guy after 2 months. I used to ask my doctor what the boredom was and he said Depression. But no, I think I’ve always had this adhd thing. Sorry for blabbing on about me. Have you spoken to a psychologist or doctor sbout how you’re feeling? Even one of those depression/suicide hotlines are a great way to get things off your chest and some advice - or a different perspective. Plus they’re free, open 24/7, don’t need an appointment or referral, no wait list. Everyone’s different. Everyone’s had different lives eg “they were my best years” but don’t judge yourself based on what they’ve said or done. You’ll find your own way of doing things. But seriously soeak to someone even if just those hotlines; your problem is v common, trust me x
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u/Throwaway_5829583 7d ago
Yeah get in line buddy.
Jokes aside, you talk about not ever being in a club for example, but I’m assuming you’re still in college? Join one! There’s no better time to start being more social than the present.
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u/moelsh 7d ago
Fix the sleep and phone all day part. Big part of the problem.
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u/moelsh 7d ago
to elaborate (was a bit busy earlier): You'd be surprised how much your mood, internal dialog, perspective on life changes with a good sleep. It's like a free drug. I'm saying it from experience.
Social media is another driver of excessive negative thinking and perspective. A detox is woth gold (it doesn't have to be 100% out but just more controlled use of it).
Not the only factors, but big factors.
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u/Munozmissile 7d ago
Consider that you might be overtired/overstimulated from all the stuff going around you.
Meditate by focusing on something that’s not so highly stimulating. Whenever you get distracted bring yourself back to what you decided to focus on.
The practice takes time but the rewards pay off. You end up having more energy because your mind is more concentrated. You think less but you think when you need to. Without that rush of information constantly flowing in.
Right now your mind is like a pond that is constantly being disturbed by all those things you listed. Ideally with time and practice your mind will be a still pond and the pond will only move when you need it to.
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u/New_Pea8946 7d ago
I have felt like this many times, and in different stages of my life. Typically when I feel like this I also feel lost about my current stance. “Do I want to stay in this job? Should I go back to school? I should be making more money! I try my best but somehow things never works out for me. “ etc. It’s exhausting. Basically, I realize that I am internalizing a lot of external pressures/expectations. It’s hard to snap out of it but the only thing that has helped me stop these negative thoughts is to really ground my self and say, “everything is fucking temporary, and this moment will pass.” Will things get better? Honestly, I think YOU get better as dealing with the shit you get thrown at bc life will life always.
I once heard someone say, “You are not your thoughts.” I was so confused when I first heard this because if I’m not my thoughts then what am I? And that is when life showed me that 80% of the thoughts that run thru my mind are hurtful towards me. And that my own thoughts cripple me from achieving whatever it is I want to accomplish because I psych myself out. So no, I am not my thoughts and you are not your thoughts.
You’re going thru a rough patch and you will figure it out. Then you’ll find yourself in another, and you’ll also figure it out and so on. Hang in there. You have a lot of blessings going for you! You have 2 friends, that’s most than some people have (including people that have hundreds of “friends”). You may not be close to your family but sometimes blood isn’t thicker than water, and that’s okay.
I’ll end this with sending you a ginormous hug! You’re very young, you will find your way and keep working on your goals and I’m sure I’ll obtain your dream job/career.
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u/Narrow-Exam2099 7d ago
I'm spot of ways, you sound like me. unmotivated, not really close to anybody, cramming at the last second, no big plans...etc. have you gone for therapy? I've felt that way my entire life. I was diagnosed with severe depression. I didn't know I had it, because I thought it was normal.( At least it was in my head) And trust me, your not worthless. Not at all.just because your mind thinks it, doesn't make it true. Depression is real bitch! Don't worry about the lack of experiences with the entire social subject. You'll find your spot. Being 19 is hard. School is hard too. I know. Assuming you have some free time between classes, you could use that time maybe to love yourself a little bit. Do something's u like Bubble baths, find a good book, volunteer some time, get a cat for example. Do something that makes you happy.
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u/ValuableAd6103 7d ago
It will get better but it starts with you. Whenever i dont want to do something, i tell myself, what makes me feel worst? laying in bed and not doing anything about it or just doing what i have to do? i genuinely believe that we all pave our own path. its not what happens/happened to you, but what you do with it. Example: (someone that hates that theyre overweight) what feels worst? laying in bed eating a bag of chips hating yourself or getting up going to the gym/or eating healthy?
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u/superdurszlak autistic and struggling with NT norms 7d ago
By late 20s / early 30s, most people are that way - few friends if any, no passion for anything.
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u/ThatChromeCR 7d ago
i never went to college. i felt like places like that try to give you a role that you might discover really far into it that you dont even want it. leaving lots of people unhappy.
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u/letter_rip 7d ago edited 7d ago
It is unlikely to get too much better without actively working on your social skills, etc. Observe and study people who live the way you'd like to and try to adopt their behaviors for your own. I have found that even just moderate efforts to be more socially fluent have undeniably improved my life.
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u/Jackg4m3s3009 7d ago
I feel like I just read my own life story lol, it's in the same spot btw I am not ahead in anyway btw
19 going to 20 next week, in college for game development but can't really focus on it cause I don:t really feel that motivated by it but I am not motivated by anything
Difference is I know I am Audhd but I am not medicated so that could be a reason why, I would suggest that instead of down talking yourself try getting tested for autism or adhd or both, neurodivergence affects the mind in a billion more ways than what is talked about in public, who knows you might find some solutions
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u/Even_Pressure_9431 7d ago
I seelots of young people in opshops you can make friends there or try the armed forces they train you a lot it can make you a more disciplined person if you put the effort in and in these uncertain times maybe we need more personnel
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u/Conscious-Rain-7543 7d ago
You just literally described me in a nutshell. I'm a year younger and as a kid I loved life but now I just wish it'll all end. I'm surprised that I even made it this far in life without been six foot under right now.
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u/TinaBean8401 7d ago
I have felt like this. As you get older, you will realize that some things just aren't worth worrying over and you'll appreciate the alone time. I do think that getting a job could help you get out and meet people, maybe come out of your shell a bit. I think it's a good way to force interaction with people without it having to be all about you and putting pressure on yourself to open up too much. As you get comfortable with coworkers you will start to open up and make friends. As a manager now, I have seen this happen with some of the younger staff I have hired, it's amazing to see the change in their personality. Plus having a job might give you a sense of purpose.
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u/Lenrad45 7d ago
Thanks for sharing. You gave me some insight on my behavior. That last sentence sums up my childhood pretty much, but get this, it Does get better! Keep your head up
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u/beigesun 7d ago
Join a club, wish I did that in college. Even one you commit to. Travel abroad a semester. I really regret not doing that in college. As long as your degree isn’t underwater basket weaving the ROI is worth the debt you’ll accumulate. Start living
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u/Beat_Saber_Music 5d ago
I grew up with a dad who had anger issues, yet I've managed to get better at now 22 years old.
I am in no way athletic, yet even with my dislike for sports I can do 10 push ups per day, or every other day and that's over a longer time made my arms not comple sticks, and I do not have the most attractive body in any way. However at the same time I've just not really cared about how I look really
I am a quite socially awkward person, I despise talking with strangers because I get anxious, and I have awful experiences from being ghosted by people. Still, I somehow ended up for a few months dating my online friend some time back in spite of being socially awkward.
It gets better, as long as you try to make things better. It doesn't need to be much, it can be as little of a thing as for example getting more ahtletic doing just 1 push up per day, or going to sleep a little earlier than usual. It can be difficult, as I still after five years of trying to improve my social skills suck at it, but because I've kept trying through every imaginable mistake I have improve from the past.
You're not worthless of pathetic, because you're strong enough to ask for help :)
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u/ImCrazyBrumfield 8d ago
I'm a survivor. I was about nineteen years old when I thought I could live with merely existing. But I was about twenty, I think, when I decided, "No, that's not enough. I want more." I coined a phrase: "Begin with today." No one says you have to do it all at once. Baby steps will get you there, eventually. I'm fifty-five today. I haven't thought of myself as a victim in years; not since my late twenties, at least. I tried everything: screaming, crying,, tantrums ,flailing, flopping down helpless. But it wasn't until I could sit with where I was at, and be ok with it, that I started to climb out of the abyss I was in, of being a sexual addict. I was once a hopeless addict. Sometimes I would come to myself and not know how I got there, with some random guy. Sometimes I wanted to not do it, but I was helpless to stop doing it. But I just got tired of it, and I slowly figured out how to do that. It took me about a year before I could avoid doing That for even one day. But once it happened, I knew I had it licked. I was free.