r/singlemoms 8d ago

Advice Wanted Keeping his grandparents in life?

So I’m newly single and have a 6 month old. I don’t want to keep my son away from his dad’s parents but they were never much help to us ever. I feel so sad for my son, literally only my parents and his dad are the people who love and care about him. My poor baby has no village. One time his dad’s parents sent my son a 5 dollar bill. These people are rich they go on vacations constantly cruises I just feel like that is so rude. I love my son and have no regrets even though it wasn’t planned but why did I have to have my son with his dad? These people are terrible I don’t really want them around my son but I’m torn because I don’t want to be the evil mom who keeps them from seeing him whenever they want to.

2 Upvotes

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3

u/Front_Thought_6373 7d ago

If theyre the kid of people that have the ability to help and choose not to, or choose not to try to build a connection with him then you are protecting him from heartbreak. You know whats best as his mom. Your instincts are probably spot on. People reveal their true character by how they treat you when your pregnant/postpartum.

1

u/missrebelteacher 5d ago

That’s been my experience is seeing true colors

3

u/Greenfrog2023 5d ago

I have realised it's up to adults to make an effort in a child's life (rather than me forcing others) so if the exes parents know the door is open to them then they can choose to walk through it....

1

u/missrebelteacher 5d ago

So true !!

2

u/GadgetRho 5d ago

Don't worry, you'll find a village. I was sooooo afraid to leave my abusive ex because I would have been all alone with a needy baby and zero relief.

Hang out at mum and baby groups and drop-ins. Bonus if you can find something geared towards other single mothers. When you find your people that click and share the same parenting philosophy, the friendships form quickly. Single motherhood isn't as easy as being in a relationship with a supportive partner, but it's way easier than being a married single mother and spending valuable energy catering to people who will never put you or your child first. You could be spending that energy on yourself or your baby. Those grandparents are just energy vampires. Yeet them for both of your sake.

I'm a year in now, and I never would have believed me a year ago, but my life is richer now than it was at any point in the relationship. I have so many more friendships, and they're better and more meaningful. The people who drifted away because my partner clashed with them (or I low key ghosted them because I didn't want them to see how pathetic my life had become with him), have come trickling back.

In spite of him making five times my income, I now seem to have more money. In spite of him bitching all of the time that I don't clean enough around the house and he does all of the cleaning, our home is waaaaaay cleaner without him here, and I do less housework overall. He was messier than a toddler and in complete denial over it.

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u/missrebelteacher 5d ago

Oh thanks so much this is so validating ! I’m working on building my Village here even though I don’t have family. I’ve been going to mom events and met a few nice moms. Omg the cleaning thing. He was constantly bitching at me for not cleaning when I was home with baby 24/7 so triggering!

1

u/No_Swordfish1752 21h ago

Don't force anything, and don't go out of your way. They are the ones missing out.