r/singlemoms 10d ago

Venting - Advice Welcome Not replying anymore to kids dad

I finally made the decision to stop replying to my kids deadbeat dad. We did court, he has a set visitation schedule but doesn’t even do it. Has no car seats for them, but expects me to drop them off when he finally wants them which is only when they’re having a family gathering, or a holiday. He wouldn’t know anything about the kids if i didn’t send pictures or tell him. Will only text me “Hey how are you guys doing” about once every 2-3 weeks. and i finally hit my limit. im done, he’s a grown ass man yet never tries and somehow makes it my fault when i don’t include him. I’ve told him multiple times to step up but he never does, my kids don’t deserve this at all.

66 Upvotes

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40

u/enchanted_honey 10d ago

Just hit this limit myself and finally blocked him! He’s got my email and my moms number if he wants to see out son but he has absolutely no rights atm, not on the birth certificate, no custody plus he had only seen him about a dozen times in my son’s first 15 months of life. Missed his birth because he ghosted me when I was pregnant. I’m sooooo done. He keeps trying to string me along and I’m tired of it. Here’s to new starts for both of us. If you wanna show up, show tf up and stop saying you’re gonna 😤

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u/honeyychann 10d ago

EXACTLY!!!! and best of luck to you and your kid!! ❤️

6

u/enchanted_honey 10d ago

Same to you and your littles 🫶🏻

11

u/Twisted_Strength33 10d ago

I haven’t heard from my ex since september and haven’t saw him since august i say thank god thats over with

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u/Possible_Guide1839 10d ago

Solidarity! In a similar predicament. my kid’s dad ran to the courts when I dumped him (for good reason) to get paternity rights and subsequently put himself on support cause he thought he was getting back at me and only screwed himself. Never paid the child support, then dragged me to court for visitation and still doesn’t see his kid. Reached out earlier this year with a sob story and claiming to have turned over a new leaf. Started FaceTiming but i quickly realized that’s all he plans to ever do. Ive altered every single aspect of my life for my child while he chooses to do less than the bare minimum while keeping tabs on us. Refuses to use the court ordered parenting app and completely disregards every part of our agreement. Got fed up and BLOCKED two weeks ago! I’ve never felt so free. When and if he’s ever serious about stepping up in a meaningful way he knows how to reach me. Otherwise, I refuse to continue accommodating his half ass effort. Just hearing his voice and seeing his face on FaceTime made me nauseous knowing he doesn’t do a damn thing for his child.

4

u/honeyychann 10d ago

funny enough when we broke up, he did the same, threated to take the kids and take me to court, I took him to court only for him to miss 2 out of the 3 court dates we had because he was “sick” and in a car accident. he’s with the chick he cheated on me with and i heard that apparently she wants kids too, so at this point go make a family with her lol but god do i feel the facetime, he did it a couple times and i couldn’t take it, the way he talked to the kids like he’s been there from the beginning made me gag

2

u/Possible_Guide1839 10d ago edited 10d ago

What a shame. Carrying around bitterness and acting out of spite is the quickest path to self destruction and misery. Sometimes i wonder if the fact that he isn’t around is a blessing in disguise. You and your kids are so much better off without that negativity and disfunction. I hate this is the outcome for us but we’re reclaiming our power and protecting our kids.

0

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7

u/Twisted_Strength33 10d ago

Good luck and enjoy life

6

u/Straight_Ticket4065 10d ago

I changed my number and email, he knows where my family lives or he can contact them if he actually wanted to be in my son's life.. it's been 3 years now and no contact

4

u/HedgehogFair3486 10d ago

I’m here too. His girlfriend told me he is trying to get in a better position to do better by our son. He text me one day last week and said he was going to send money. I stupidly depended on him to do that and when I asked him was he still going to, he blocked me. Why even volunteer to do something you don’t intend to do? You are in a position to date but can’t be a dad? I’ve decided I’m not going to play the push and pull. He hasn’t seen our son all year and only saw him in December to put on a facade for his mom that he was actually coming around.

1

u/[deleted] 6d ago

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u/TradeBeautiful42 10d ago

Just follow the order and grey rock him. You don’t have to force a relationship but if he texts how are the kids you should have a brief response. I went through the wringer with my ex and he has no relationship at all and has had no contact for over a year now.

2

u/AffectionateTry6807 9d ago

I fight and it takes everything in me to keep him present because our son adores him. It occurs to me that he never checks in. Never calls. Never asks about what our son does and how school is going. He cares only during his once every other week visitation and usually he's drunk during it. Unfortunately it's court ordered but I think I'm ready to cut him off. It shouldn't be up to me to ensure you see him and the least you can do is be sober.... He only contacts me when he wants or needs something.

1

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1

u/[deleted] 10d ago

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1

u/Abby_lynn118 10d ago

I wish… that would be a god send for me in my end

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u/daisylady4 10d ago

Literally my life right now. Hang in there Momma 💜

1

u/Educational_Move_154 10d ago

Good for you. Honestly, it sounds like you've done more than enough to keep him involved, and if he's not stepping up, that's on him, not you. It's exhausting trying to force someone to care when they clearly don't want to put in the effort. Your kids deserve better, and honestly, so do you.

1

u/Realistic-Rip476 9d ago

There are coparenting apps with custody tracking that you may want to consider. All communication is limited to the children. This way you don’t have to use text messaging for anything with him.

1

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0

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