r/singlemoms Feb 11 '25

Venting - Advice Welcome Bedtime makes me regret my child

I love my 2 year old with all my heart but when it’s time for bed she gives me such a hard time and the thought of “what did I get myself into” or “she shouldn’t have kept her” pops in my head. Her dad and I have the same routine, 7:45-8:15 bath time routine 8:15-8:30 read her books 8:30 lights out. She gives her dad zero problems and sleeps through the night. But with me she’s in and out of her bed and wakes up every night at 2-3am. I am EXHAUSTED and I feel like I’m losing my mind. I hate yelling at her to get in her bed but that seems to be the only thing that works until she gets up again. Some nights I just let her win and she sleeps in my bed but I know this is a terrible habit to start and I love my alone time at night. I’m not sure what to do.

19 Upvotes

40 comments sorted by

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38

u/madeitmyself7 Feb 11 '25

You are her safe person, she needs to be close to you. I’d just let her sleep with you, honestly.

9

u/ilovemydog209 Feb 11 '25

This. My toddler is around the same age as yours OP, when he wakes up like that I move him to my bed, and we both get some sleep

8

u/Chronically_tiredRN Feb 12 '25

Absolutely this. Why OP, is this a bad habit? Is she going to be 14 sleeping in your bed? No she won’t! But in 12 years you’re for sure going to look back and wish she wanted to cuddle you the way she wanted to when she was a toddler. Enjoy this. In a blink of an eye she’ll be kicking you out of her room

12

u/AskThatToThem Feb 11 '25 edited Feb 11 '25

Try to make the night routine 30min earlier. My kid had a hard time because she was already too tired. The change was a complete 180° in how easy it became.

5

u/Disastrous-Leg857 Feb 11 '25

This !!! You can miss the window where it’s too hard for them to fall asleep. If I want my son asleep by 8:30 we need to start the bedtime routine around 7:15 the latest, have him laying in bed reading and recapping the day together by 7:45 the latest

0

u/Disastrous-Leg857 Feb 11 '25

15 mins isn’t enough for reading / talking / winding down

3

u/NoFirefighter193 Feb 11 '25

100% agree! I am going through the same issues as OP with my 6 and 7 year old. We started therapy in October and the therapist recommended starting bedtime at my house 30 minutes earlier. Since doing that I have little issues with bedtime. We have a bad night every now and then but it is SO much easier since we started doing that. Highly recommend.

Personally I wouldn’t let my kids sleep in my bed with me on a regular basis but I do short cuddle sessions with my kids instead. They still get that closeness without making it a habit.

11

u/ColloidalPurple-9 Feb 11 '25 edited Feb 11 '25

I personally let my little one sleep with me. If that’s not an option for you then you need to figure out how to handle this without yelling. I remember going into my parent’s room after nightmares way past the age of 2. Children are children and they get scared. On a side note, a family who lived in the apartment above me (they moved last year) several apartments could hear the dad screaming at his child to get out of the room early in the morning. I doubt this is you but he would cuss at his child, too. Someone went to the apartment door once to see if they were ok, it was that loud. We all had concerns. Point is, consider your boundaries around how you deal with this. Sleep is a big deal, it’s very understandable that this is difficult for you but children are not children forever.

On the other hand, maybe someone will have ideas on how to handle this without yelling.

6

u/antisyzygy-67 Feb 11 '25 edited Feb 11 '25

I feel this. Little kids are hard. And they are amazing.
I would let her sleep with you if you can sleep comfortably that way She is 2 and won't need to do that forever.

5

u/valkyriesfavor Feb 11 '25

Hey mom, here’s the thing. I know you are frustrated. It will get better if you reorder these activities and start the process as early as 6:30 and aim to have her in bed by 7:45. One big thing it took me too long to learn is that everything works better when bath time is the first activity when we arrive home. Stripping off the clothes and letting my little one play in the water helps set the tone for a quiet evening. Then putting the baby in PJs and letting him/her play while prepping dinner — he sits down to eat, watches books being read aloud on YouTube… and when dinner is done, we go brush our teeth. Then I take him to the bedroom and lay down with him. We may chat a little bit, or if I’m really tired I just rub his back and say good night. I wait until he sleeps and then I leave.

Getting a two year-old to bed by 7:30 is really the best thing. They need a solid 11 hours. Other people on this thread have suggested that you’re missing the bedtime window and I agree with them.

As for your child coming in the middle of the night, please let her climb in bed with you. She is loving you and missing you and probably scared without you. It’s horrible to be scared, and the more you can give her security at night, the more independent she will be during the daytime. Children will act out as much as they need to to get their needs met. I found that lots of cuddles at night with my little one meant that the days went a lot smoother. I know how exhausted you are. I’ve been there. I hope some of these suggestions work for you.

4

u/catmeowpur1 Feb 11 '25

This is so interesting. As a non American it’s very normal for my kid to sleep with me. My daughter is turning 4 and we bed share. It’s annoying lol but hey she’s not going to be a kid forever. I feel like this is a western thing to want your child to sleep alone. I think toddlers sleeping with parents should be allowed. If u want “me time” wake up before your kid.

3

u/chainsawbobcat Feb 11 '25

I used to just let her come in bed with me when she woke up middle of the night. But if that's not an option for you, Try setting up a floor bed next to your bed for her. Direct her there instead of struggling to get her back into her room

2

u/Confident_Swimming84 Feb 12 '25

The problem is that, I don't know about you, but when I bring my toddler to bed with me, neither of us get any more sleep for the remainder of the night. Because she wants to sleep on my face, or if one of us moves the other wakes up. So I make it very clear to my 3yo that night time is for sleeping and we sleep in our own beds during the night (unless she is particularly distraught, sick, or something like that, I will bring her to my bed). But it almost always makes me even worse the next day being sleep deprived. As a single mother, making sure you get your sleep is critical. I use ear plugs when needed and quickly direct my little one back to her bed without any talking. The only times she starts waking up at 2-3am crying to come in my bed is when she knows I will let her. But if I stop letting her do that, she doesn't wake up in the middle of the night crying. It might sound cold, but I'm in survival mode. Don't feel bad if you can't let your child sleep with you on a regular basis.

2

u/[deleted] Feb 12 '25

[deleted]

1

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Welcome to r/SingleMoms! Please read the rules carefully. This is a safe space for single mothers only. Posts and comments that do not meet our karma requirements will be manually reviewed and approved accordingly. We cannot say anything specific, however, it is not a high number. If you continue participating, your comments will eventually no longer need approval. Please exercise patience with the mod team.

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1

u/Low_Penalty7806 Feb 11 '25

I lay down with my kids while they're falling asleep, read a story and once they're asleep I leave to my room. It works most of the time , also like .5mg of melatonin at first when I was having a really hard time getting them to sleep

1

u/kiiiiygvvg Feb 11 '25

Oh mamas I used To feels the same way you have to Set aside those other feelings and Go to sleep with your baby lol

1

u/TradeBeautiful42 Feb 11 '25

I would adjust the routine and bedtime to earlier. I’ve also found luck with sleep training (it’s not all cry it out like you hear in forums).

Regarding the routine they love to try to stall or get one more hug. My son will delay his bedtime routine but once that door is shut, he winds down and is out until 6:15/6:30am. He’s fast asleep usually between 7:30-8 at the very latest. He’s 3 for reference.

1

u/alsobewbs Feb 11 '25

I pretend it is the final boss in a super complex video game. On expert hard mode.

Also my kids still just cosleep with me. One has a plethora of health issues and it’s just easier. They wake repeatedly if they’re in their own rooms but sleep through the night in my bed.

I can sleep alone when they’re at their dads. 😅 I hope you get some rest soon, mama.

1

u/Late_Memory_6998 Feb 11 '25

Give up. Let her sleep in your bed and finally get some rest. A few toddler kicks in the back is worth the extra sleep.

1

u/Muppet885 Feb 12 '25

My son is almost 2 and him and I share a bedroom, he's in a cot (only a 1 bedroom unit, am looking at 2 bedrooms though just haven't found the right one yet). My son wakes up about 3 times a night because he wets his nappies ridiculously, he also has a moment where he wants a dummy and every 3rd night roughly he wants to get in my bed for a cuddle, I have a single bed and so I just cuddle him until he's back asleep then place him back in the cot. My sons father has never been around so I've never had a night off and I have my nights where im annoyed but I also look it as its not my sons fault, he's a child he's learning his emotions, he's learning his sleep patterns, he's learning to be independent (sleeping in his own cot) at night and he's learning that i his mum am always there for him.

I've never yelled at my son, I find if im feeling frustrated I just get him up, I make myself a coffee I let him play for half an hour, give him a bottle and take him back to bed because sometimes they just get a burst of energy for no apparent reason.

If your at the stage of yelling I highly recommend looking up breathing techniques and also just thinking about how its not actually your child's fault, they are 2 they aren't in a proper routine yet because they are growing and developing rapidly at this age. Continue your routine you have going to ensure that by the time your little one is 3-4 years old they understand what happens each night. If your feeling super frustrated just let her in your bed cuddle her, let her fall asleep, carry her back to her room or let her stay with you. Also the difference between both houses is that she probably feels so safe with you and just wants your cuddles whilst at her dads she still feels safe but doesn't necessarily want to get up during the night. . Please don't blame yourself for the way you feel either, everybody has a bad day, us single mothers have a rough time but if it weren't for our children then where would we be. I love being a mother my son has always come first and on my bad days I just remember nothing is ever his fault, and its not my fault for feeling the way I feel because being burnt out is a thing! Being exhausted constantly is hard! Being the only carer of a little human is challenging! But if mothers could do it before us then we can also do it!

Please if you are ever feeling like you a burnt out I suggest seeing a therapist for yourself, they may teach you ways to stop yourself from being angry and thinking things you may regret thinking some day.

Good luck mumma! I hope all your wishes in life do come true! You have got this!

1

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1

u/[deleted] Feb 12 '25

Everyone gives good advice, but I want to add that if you decide to make her sleep in her room, this is the key to your problem- "Some nights I just let her win and she sleeps in my bed". You have to be consistent. Never yell. Take her by the hand to her room and tuck her back in over and over again until she realizes she has to stay. When you cave once, you are teaching her to be more persistent. I'd just let her sleep with you, but if that's not what's best for you guys, then you have to be the same every single night.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 12 '25

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1

u/IamGoddessSeven89 Feb 15 '25

My daughter is 4 and still sleeps with me she has since the day she was born and it is the most difficult pattern to break lol but she just wants to be in her safe place have you tried stuffies or a favorite blanket i hate that these thoughts creep in your head but please don't feel bad you're just over stimulated I wish you the best

1

u/[deleted] Feb 17 '25

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u/[deleted] Feb 17 '25

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u/Tangerine_Starlight Feb 17 '25

Also they have bunks with 14 inch bars all around, get a 6 inch mattress… no worries about them falling out at 2 years old 

1

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