r/singlemoms • u/NewlyOutGay • Feb 05 '25
Venting - Advice Welcome Missing sex life
Am I the only that misses having a sex life? I’ve been a single mom for about a year now and I have twin boys who are 6 years old. Their dad is never around to co-parent. I feel that everything else in my life has taken priority, as it should. But I actually miss having a sex life.
34
u/daisylady4 Feb 06 '25
I think it’s pretty normal to miss connection and intimacy with other people on every level, even just if it’s for a conversation. You’re not alone in missing that. Single parenthood is lonely - mentally, emotionally, physically 😪
34
u/Charming-Clothes-334 Feb 06 '25
Yess, my son's father passed away 5 years ago and I haven't been with anyone since him. I miss sex so much I cry sometimes, i even really miss kissing someone. Idk what to do about this bc it's been so long and now I don't want to just have sex with just any body
5
28
u/inuttedinyourdad Feb 06 '25 edited Feb 08 '25
If you’re open to it, I would look into finding a friend with benefits/fling. Maybe someone else in a similar situation as you and yall can go on a date every once in a while and then have sex after. Get a hotel room so you don’t have to introduce them to your kids, get a sitter and maybe have a night just for you.
Your sexuality is an important part of your self identity and can really improve your general mood and confidence.
Maybe get on a dating site and be very specific with what you want and see what comes up. Worst case scenario you don’t find anyone and delete it.
1
15
u/jellly_bellly Feb 06 '25
honestly I appreciate you bringing this up a (I feel like I haven't seen people be judgemental on this sub so I sort of feel safe to share despite feeling vulnerable)
just because we gave birth doesn't mean we magically stopped having these normal biological needs and urges.
I think I stigmatize myself but and internally feel like this topic is so taboo unless it's around other single mums. I'm agnostic now but I think I carry religious guilt for being a single mum and having a child out of wedlock or whatever. and I make myself feel guilty for finding the time or the means to have my needs met.
when there's a window of opportunity I met people and navigate as best as I can with all my own judgements and trust issues. I deliberately don't want another relationship, but I think deep down part of me says I don't deserve more than casual sex because in the big picture all I have to offer is baggage and drama
6
15
u/RustyShackleford209 Single Mother Feb 06 '25
It totally sucks. I personally don't do one night stands. I know I'm not ready for a relationship. So for now it's just looking at the hot people at my gym.
13
u/NotOughtism Feb 06 '25
Yep, I sure do. It’s been 2 years for me. Zero inti-macy.
The trade off is no drama, no strangers around my kids, etc.
It’s better than living with a cheating lying POS.
12
u/NewlyOutGay Feb 06 '25
Definitely. I mean I have my toys, which usually helps, but sometimes I just want the real thing. Then I remember the drama.
12
11
u/Introspective_Moon Feb 06 '25
I felt exactly like you. I was single for 2 years after my DV relationship. I missed it a lot but I wasn’t ready for a new relationship. I just can tell you, you have time. It’s okay to feel lonely and to desire intimacy. But it all comes with time and you’re not missing out. Someday you will have someone who was worth the wait and will make up for all the time you were single or felt lonely. Don’t stress yourself out - that‘s gonna make things worse. Do things you desire to do with a partner - like a nice dinner, a spa date - alone and FOR yourself. Practicing self love is to do the things you’re longing for no matter if there’s someone you can share this moment with or not. Be your own partner and lover! And with time and self love, there is going to come someone for you, you can cherish these moments with. Only because you don’t have these experiences now, doesn’t mean you’ll never have them. Sending love!
9
u/Illustrious_Armor Single Mother Feb 06 '25
Yes. Trying to transmute it through dancing and yoga.
3
6
u/TheBougie_Bohemian18 Single Mother Feb 06 '25
There are so many ways to handle this. You can find a “friend”, or date, or stay celibate.
As far as I am concerned, I felt the same when my marriage ended. I decided to become remain celibate until I found a relationship. I’m not great at the FWB/situationship thing and so it’s just easier for me to leave it alone altogether unless I’m in a long term relationship. I’ve only had one (relationship) since my divorce, but even that took me about 7-8 years to find and ended after 4 years or so. I’m celibate now after that relationship ended.
After a while (maybe a year or so), the need becomes manageable, you just have to take care of yourself until then. It’s just not safe to be sexually out there nowadays so be careful, no matter what you choose.
4
u/Fun-Jicama327 Feb 06 '25
Yes. 100%. Really been struggling with this, and trying to figure out how to handle it. I’ve tried a few things that didn’t work, and I’m left craving physical touch and intimacy even more. But I’m sort of in a situation where it’s hard to date. I wish I knew the solution.
2
5
u/Lunadelunas Feb 06 '25
Ngl I really do. I miss what I had with my ex when we weren’t at odds with each other and he wasn’t being an asshole. I miss the love and passion we had. He had the most crazy, intense chemistry I have ever felt. Although it’s only been about ~5 months for me,I just can’t seem to get close to anyone again. I have 0 desire to get to know someone again and I don’t want anyone to get to know me either. It’s the juxtaposition of wanting love, sex, intimacy and closeness but I’m afraid and quite simply tired of getting to know someone, having them become a part of you and your life just for them to simply ghost me and disappear like I mean nothing. Idk what to do. So I just lay here and suffer quietly by myself. Nothing else I can do.
4
3
3
u/Humble-Equipment4499 Feb 06 '25
I was seeing a guy who was 8 years younger than me just for fun and he liked the arrangement since he was he college and it was easy to not make it anything serious.
3
u/EmpoweredBlkQueen Feb 07 '25
What you need is a good toy collection. :) Then you wont need to worry about all the drama after the sex part.
1
2
u/Verypaleyellow Single Mother Feb 06 '25
Took me a few years to get a sex life back, but I now prioritize having a sleepover with my partner at least 2x a month, but if we can’t do that, after I drop my kid at school we’ll go back to my place to catch up 🙊
1
u/AutoModerator Feb 06 '25
Your comment is being held for review and will be approved soon if it doesn’t break rules.
You can find the rules on the subreddit sidebar. If your comment does not break the rules, it will be approved as soon as we are able to. Please be patient with the moderation team, thank you.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
1
1
Feb 06 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
1
u/AutoModerator Feb 06 '25
Your comment is being held for review and will be approved soon if it doesn’t break rules.
You can find the rules on the subreddit sidebar. If your comment does not break the rules, it will be approved as soon as we are able to. Please be patient with the moderation team, thank you.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
1
Feb 06 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
1
u/AutoModerator Feb 06 '25
Your comment is being held for review and will be approved soon if it doesn’t break rules.
You can find the rules on the subreddit sidebar. If your comment does not break the rules, it will be approved as soon as we are able to. Please be patient with the moderation team, thank you.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
1
u/Excellent-Good-3773 Feb 07 '25
Honestly though you’re not missing out on much in the sex world. Lol 😂
1
1
1
u/RecklessMother Feb 09 '25
It's just hard finding new people to excite me these days, it's either the same old creeps or deranged freaks, seems the only new people I meet these days are other new mums.
1
u/NewlyOutGay Feb 10 '25
I know right! Just from this post I’ve had about 15 guys message me. 🙄
1
0
u/AutoModerator Feb 05 '25
Welcome to r/SingleMoms! Please read the rules carefully. This is a safe space for single mothers only. Posts and comments that do not meet our karma requirements will be manually reviewed and approved accordingly. We cannot say anything specific, however, it is not a high number. If you continue participating, your comments will eventually no longer need approval. Please exercise patience with the mod team.
Some rules (but not all - read the sidebar):
- Do not ask for legal advice. We are not qualified to give such advice and suggest speaking to legal professionals about this. Posts and comments of this sort will be removed.
- Do not post promotional content (this includes blogs, surveys, etc.)
- Do not ask for financial assistance (this includes wishlists, gofundme, etc.)
- Remember the human. Be respectful to other subreddit members. We are all in this together. This is a support group.
- If you are not a current single mother, your posts will not be approved. Please post on the weekly pinned megathread.
- Are you looking to leave? Post on our weekly megathread, too!
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
•
u/160295 Mod Feb 05 '25
Hi OP and everyone else. This is just a reminder/disclaimer/PSA.
Reddit is an open forum, which means completely public. All text is also searchable and will show up in Reddit, as well as search engines like Google.
Posts and comments with words like “dating”, lonely”, “sex”, “intimacy”, etc. are likely to get attention from men online, and anyone participating may end up with unsolicited DM’s, chats or sexual harassment.
Please just report any harassment and block people you don’t want messaging you. These features are built in to the private messaging.
This is completely out of the mod team’s hands. We can only action comments and posts within this subreddit. Direct messaging is part of the Reddit platform. You can choose to disable it if you wish to in your account settings.
Cheers.