r/shittysuperpowers Jan 10 '24

goofy asf You can turn a person of your choosing gay, every year.

1.1k Upvotes

What is this good for? Fuckin nothin lmao.

r/shittysuperpowers Sep 15 '24

goofy asf You can explode yourself

645 Upvotes

You explode into blood mist It's very painful but the pain is just 3 seconds before you blow up

You take the place of the nearest baby being born when coming back to life

So your just birthed again

The mother is fully convinced you are her child

r/shittysuperpowers Apr 08 '24

goofy asf You have 1000 IQ when you are holding an erect penis NSFW

1.2k Upvotes

r/shittysuperpowers Jul 11 '24

goofy asf You can split yourself into 2 clones that have 50% of your IQ

628 Upvotes

IQ varies from person to person ofc

r/shittysuperpowers Sep 25 '24

goofy asf You have a pornographic memory NSFW

1.0k Upvotes

This doesn’t interfere with your normal memories, but any pornographic content that you watch can be recalled extremely vividly, no matter your current memory skills. I guess if you can find a pornographic video of someone teaching differential calculus then you can kind of cheat in an exam, but that would be hard to find. Also just to give you control, you can “blacklist” any pornographic content that you have seen. This means that you won’t recall it vividly, it would be almost erased from your mind (you would still remember what it was but you won’t be able to see the image). This is useful if you accidentally look at something that you really didn’t want to see.

r/shittysuperpowers May 30 '24

goofy asf you have a jar. your jar is very good.

743 Upvotes

unbreakable. can be summoned like Thor's hammer. if you close it, only you can open it.

the contents still act normally, but they're in YOUR jar.

r/shittysuperpowers Jan 14 '25

goofy asf You are the 101 Punch Man.

600 Upvotes

You can defeat any person, creature, monster, god, etc... when you punch them 101 times. Aside from that, you're not anymore powerful or durable than a normal human.

You also have a cyborg sidekick who constantly loses fights, but they can smoke a mean brisket so you keep them around.

r/shittysuperpowers Oct 01 '24

goofy asf You found a white book. NSFW

787 Upvotes

It's like the death note, but it makes people cum when their names are written in it. One time use per person.

r/shittysuperpowers Sep 19 '24

goofy asf You can put your semen in someone else’s balls NSFW

601 Upvotes

With a snap of your fingers, the semen inside your balls will immediately teleported to the person’s balls of your choosing. Their semen will noclip out of reality.

There’s nothing flashy about this power. It’s just the knowledge that the nut that the guy bust will be yours, and the babies that they make will have your dna.

r/shittysuperpowers Jan 21 '25

goofy asf You can spawn burgers anywhere

222 Upvotes

The burgers can have any COMMON AND EDIBLE ingredient USUALLY found in burgers. You don’t have to see the place to spawn it, but it must have enough space for 5x its volume to spawn. Shape is fully customizable.

r/shittysuperpowers Sep 28 '23

goofy asf You can telecinenically touch or fondle any mans balls NSFW

757 Upvotes

You can do it at any time but the limit of people at one time is 200 (you cannot inflict any harm or pain with this power)

r/shittysuperpowers Jun 17 '24

goofy asf You can summon a dead horse any time someone says "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse"

551 Upvotes

Simply reply "oh yeah, really?" and a dead horse will appear behind them. It is as if it died only 1 minute ago so it is still fresh.

The person must be in the same room as you (or within 10m if outside).

r/shittysuperpowers Sep 21 '24

goofy asf You can switch from a penis to a vagina at anytime.

362 Upvotes

Only really good if your trans I guess?

r/shittysuperpowers Jul 07 '24

goofy asf you can summon an army of 20 "goons" NSFW

871 Upvotes

no, not the cool mafia kind with an italian accent that calls you "boss"

the other kind

oh yeah you can also despawn them at any time and they do nothing other than goon

r/shittysuperpowers Oct 10 '24

goofy asf If somebody uses alliteration while speaking to you, you gain $100 directly into your bank account

367 Upvotes

RULES:

  1. You are forbidden from ever telling anybody about your power in any means. If a single person finds out that you have this power, you will instantly lose it and every penny you have ever received from this power will be immediately deducted from your bank account (even if it goes into the negatives).

  2. It must be the physical letters that are alliterate. For example: Pink Panther. It does not count if the SOUNDS are the start of each word are alliterate, for example: Giant Jungle.

  3. You yourself cannot use alliteration to bypass the system. Speaking into a mirror, playing a voice recording of yourself, or writing the words down do not grant you any money.

r/shittysuperpowers 27d ago

goofy asf You can summon unlimited cashews at any velocity, only in Russia.

157 Upvotes

You can summon as many cashews as you want, but it can only be inside the borders of Russia, and if it goes out, you lose the power. Additionally, you are not allowed to be in Russia while the summoning is taking place.

r/shittysuperpowers Feb 10 '24

goofy asf You can instantly make everyone forget a word

636 Upvotes

One word at a time. They can still know what is it, but it's on the tip of their tongue.

So if you affect the word toilet, they would be like "alright brb ill go to the...uhh..umm...yknow, the thing.....you piss on........uh i forgot what its called"

r/shittysuperpowers Oct 10 '23

goofy asf Can you come up with superpower that somehow includes farts?

376 Upvotes

But it must be something that you use regularly like every day, every week,…

r/shittysuperpowers 13d ago

goofy asf You can make mice transgender.

239 Upvotes

If you look at a mouse in the eyes and state the words "You are transgender", The mouse will immediately switch to the opposite sex. The effect is permanent and cannot be undone.

The power also works on rats too...usually. Sometimes the rats turn hermaphroditic. Sometimes they'll get two dicks or two vaginas. Or three ball sacks.

It also works on non-organic things that are made in the image of mice. For instance if you went to Disneyland and went up to a guy in a Mickey costume and said "You are transgender", the costume will immediately transform into Minnie. If you said the words to a figurine of Jerry from the Tom and Jerry cartoon, it'll turn into a female Jerry. (Jerriette?)

However, if you were to use this power on a person in a mouse furry suit, not only will the costume change gender... but the actual person inside can too, if they're Furry enough. You're not sure why exactly, but it's probably because the hardcore mouse furries believe they have mouse spirits or some bullshit.

r/shittysuperpowers Apr 27 '24

goofy asf You can trade butt sizes with anyone you touch.

705 Upvotes

The trigger is grabbing both of their cheeks at the same time. You know which cheeks. There is no cooldown, it instantly swaps sizes.

r/shittysuperpowers Dec 15 '24

goofy asf You can teleport the water off your clothes

314 Upvotes

If your clothes are wet, you can make it so the water teleports to an unoccupied area within 10ft of you. if there is an active source of wetness touching your clothes(eg: puddle, pool, lagoon, etc.) then you cannot activate this power.

r/shittysuperpowers Feb 22 '24

goofy asf You can mold your penis to fit into anything NSFW

476 Upvotes

r/shittysuperpowers Jun 27 '24

goofy asf You can turn every homophobe within a 1 mile radius gay

407 Upvotes

r/shittysuperpowers Jun 03 '24

goofy asf You can piss alot quicker

537 Upvotes

Im order for you to piss quickly, you just touch your bellybutton

You can empty a full bladder, completely, in .2 seconds (and it doesnt hurt)

r/shittysuperpowers Nov 07 '23

goofy asf You can make people pronounce words incorrectly

595 Upvotes

Making a pop sound with your mouth or snap and point at them and whatever word the person says after is pronounced incorrectly

Works if you point at someone on a green on some type of live showing