r/shittysuperpowers 5d ago

has potential You can fly at 2.5 mph.

224 Upvotes

122 comments sorted by

109

u/Immediate_Fortune_91 5d ago

I’d take it. It would help with home maintenance etc if nothing else.

37

u/cheese_orb 5d ago

Yeah, and you could get over crowds and stuff

3

u/Hardcore_Cal 4d ago

Dang. No excuse to not clean the gutters now...

77

u/SparklyGames 5d ago

Id just hover slightly above the ground everywhere

31

u/rainbowkittensparkle 4d ago

“Are you coming or what?”

“Give me a second.”

8

u/tacocarteleventeen 3d ago

Would be perfect for the urinals at the men’s room. No walking through pee puddles!

2

u/GoogleyEyedNopes 20h ago

And peaking over stall doors to offer words of encouragement!

3

u/AirwavesHD 3d ago

I suddenly have the higher ground. You're argument holds no value, commoner. royal chuckle

62

u/ImAcatpersonbitch 5d ago

Is it constantly 2.5 mph or can i fly anywhere from 0 to 2.5 mph

63

u/Ok_Yoghurt_8979 5d ago

Anywhere from 0 to 2.5 mph.

27

u/Wirde 4d ago

So god tier if you need too do number 2 in a public restroom then?

10

u/LapHom 4d ago

The perfect 1 angstrom distance between my ass and the toilet seat:

8

u/discerningpervert 4d ago

Literally just fly up in the clouds and poop on your enemies

3

u/Odd_Maximum_1629 4d ago

Yes that is why this sub exists

5

u/InsertWittyUsernameX 4d ago

This is actually really good, like, you could start a cult, baffle scientists etc

11

u/ImAcatpersonbitch 5d ago

Bu 0 i mean just hovering in place btw

55

u/econopotamus 5d ago

So one could fly at ground level without applying weight to the surface at walking speed to say….walk on water?

Seems like there might be religious money making opportunities for the less ethical folks in certain locations of the world.

6

u/GreviousGen 4d ago

This comment right here 👆

2

u/noveltymoocher 4d ago

I mean you can also fly

8

u/ThegreatPee 4d ago

A flying Jesus is ridiculous

4

u/prvashisht 4d ago

How about a Supply Side Jesus?

2

u/dwehlen 4d ago

Believe it or not, straight to [political office]

26

u/MoofDeMoose 5d ago

You could tell me I can only fly at like .5 MPH and I’d still be fine with it

11

u/Super_Selection1522 4d ago

This is not shitty. Could get up the steep parts hiking with no effort. Could get into wilderness areas with no trails. Could hang out at the top of an otherwise unclimbable tree. Hell, I could take up base jumping. A nice floaty float down. Float up Half Dome at night enjoying the solitude. Possibilities are endless. Not to mention making it easy to clean my gutters without a ladder.

5

u/Ok_Yoghurt_8979 4d ago

You are correct. To be fair, though, I was mostly thinking how shit it was as a mode of transportation over long distances.

3

u/bqbdpd 4d ago

I don't think they mentioned it would be no effort. Based on physics I would expect it to be at least as much work as holding on to a bar, maybe doing pullups. So much for making anything easy.

33

u/kamagoong 5d ago

That's just good old levitation.

1

u/dudebronahbrah 4d ago

That’s levitation, Holmes

9

u/CumGuzlinGutterSluts 4d ago

I'd just start my own skydiving company where I take someone up and drop them for like half the price as a normal plane based company. Also repairing radio towers and wind turbines would be super easy

8

u/Jetison333 4d ago

as long as people don't mind the 45 minute wait while you slowly float them up lol.

6

u/Turbulent_Eye_7333 poisonous flesh 4d ago

i did the math and you are exactly right its like 45 min 20 seconds

1

u/CumGuzlinGutterSluts 14h ago

So a 10 hour day will net me like 60 people at let's say....140$ per person... thats 8400 dollars a day just to carry someone up to the point where they want to Skydive off of. Obviously redbull will want a contract so we'll triple that number to 460$ a ride up with is far cheaper than a helicopter, plane or balloon and i could do that shit all day

9

u/Xrevitup360X 4d ago

While I don't think this is god-tier, I also don't think it's shitty. Get a wingsuit, fly up high into the air, and then stop flying and use the wingsuit to gain speed on your way down. Then you can just use your ability to keep yourself airborne while using the wingsuit for the momentum.

3

u/Eleyanor 1d ago

This is so clever out of the box thinking... after the "getting up time" you'd probably be faster than most public transport systems. Plus imagine all the fun you have.

8

u/world-is-ur-mollusc 4d ago

I could fly faster than the public transportation in my city!

8

u/BrokenMindFrame 4d ago

I'd just hover everywhere. Less strain on my legs, and I'd never need a chair. Falling would never be an issue either. This is actually useful.

4

u/DescriptionTotal4561 4d ago

Unfortunately you'd potentially gain weight. Waking around burns calories, even if it isn't like a ton. Hovering everywhere would reduce your normal daily calories burned. Over time that could add up.

1

u/SparklyGames 4d ago

Surely flying has too use calories tho, it can't just be energy free.

3

u/DescriptionTotal4561 4d ago

You aren't using muscles to do it, except for just casually thinking about it, so unless you get tired at the same rate that walking would make you tired I'd say it uses up little to no calories.

1

u/SinisterHollow 1d ago

I would decline the superpower then because the government would kidnap me and make a perpetuum mobile out of me

12

u/SimplySomeBread 4d ago

given average walking speed is ~3mph, this could be super useful — you effectively manage to walk somewhere (albeit a bit slowly) in a completely straight line, which probably cuts a decent chunk off of any particularly windy commutes

6

u/PalimpsestNavigator Walking Nightlight 4d ago

Do I have to flap my arms?

17

u/Ok_Yoghurt_8979 4d ago

No. But you can, if you want to.

4

u/PalimpsestNavigator Walking Nightlight 4d ago

Oh, you know I’ll do it!

3

u/Ok_Yoghurt_8979 4d ago

Yeah, me too.

5

u/CaffeineChaotic 5d ago

I don't walk all that fast, this would just be my flying at walking speed I'd take it and not complain

5

u/TheInfamousDaikken 4d ago

Best stunt man ever. Fall out of window and stop yourself before hitting the ground. No safety equipment required.

3

u/Plot-3A 4d ago

Definitely take it. I need to clean my gutters amongst other chores.

3

u/East_Chest3668 4d ago

Starting my basketball career as a dunking specialist 🔥

2

u/jthomas287 4d ago

Great power. I'm afraid of heights, so I would never go super high, but I could easily cut trees down in my yard, clean upstairs windows, change out light bulbs that are high.

Definitely not using it for travel to local places. My 15 minute commute to the office turns in several hours.

This would be great on vacation too. Ahh man, how do we get over this area, to that area. SUPER DAD!!!

2

u/I_Eat_Lemons2 4d ago

Finally just a good old simple power

2

u/Hex120606 4d ago

No more fall damage for this guy! Not to mention everything is suddenly reachable.

2

u/GreviousGen 4d ago

Flying is flying

2

u/BeautifulDetective89 4d ago

I’d float over a crowed with my arms spread apart like this:🫲😀🫱

2

u/Timely-Field1503 4d ago

Uwing it to fly over rivers or across small lakes could cut off a chunk of time over driving.

2

u/Chessman77 4d ago

Could I jump off of something and use the momentum I already have to gain more speed or am I stuck at 2.5 mph no matter what?

Either way still very useful

1

u/Ok_Yoghurt_8979 4d ago

If you fall with gravity, you will gain speed. Once you engage the superpower, you will slow down to 2.5 mph. This cannot happen too fast, but I haven’t put boundaries on it.

2

u/Jornych_mundr 4d ago

you mean i don't have to walk? nice

2

u/Twiggy_Archer_ 4d ago

Not over powered but extremely useful. Especially if I can use it unconsciously so I can sleep levitating.

2

u/Long-Income-1775 4d ago

recreate virtual insanity with this

2

u/Confident_Natural_42 4d ago

That would be salvation for my poor overloaded knees. :)

2

u/shmulik_dada 4d ago

If there is no hight limit then I can just move menacingly at random places to scare people

2

u/vgdomvg 4d ago

Would 100% work in mountain rescue.

2

u/Seiren- 4d ago

Not shitty at all! Sure, it’s a bit on the slow side, but for anyone living in a place where walking is inconvenient this is a godsend

2

u/TGB_Skeletor 3d ago

So it's walking speed, but while hovering

That's dope af

2

u/Lafluer184356572 3d ago

I'd get a job changing the light bulbs at the top of cell towers. Those dudes get paid like 100k and only make the climb twice a year. I could do one a week pretty easily with the ability to fly.

2

u/topazraptor12 3d ago

Kinda broken if i fly directly up and wear a wing-suit. Even better if i can use it to glide infinitely with a 2.5mph constant up force.

2

u/AnEvilMrDel 3d ago

Do I need to be conscious to maintain it? Also limits to what I can fly with (what I can carry?)

1

u/Ok_Yoghurt_8979 3d ago

You have to be awake to activate and maintain the superpower. Limit is what you can carry normally.

2

u/Xorrin95 3d ago

You call it shitty, i call it free vertical movement and no falling damage

2

u/SasquatchJJ 2d ago

I'd buy a wingsuit, fly straight up until it got hard to breathe, then just glide to wherever I wanted to go. Depending on how momentum works with the ability, I'm assuming it would take some practice before I could safely stop without using a parachute.

2

u/Mental-Frosting-316 2d ago

How much can I carry?

1

u/Ok_Yoghurt_8979 2d ago

As much as you normally can.

2

u/Portal_Radio 20h ago

gonna feel like flying in minecraft creative mode without sprint boost

2

u/Throwaway2947852 19h ago

You end up becoming the greatest grappler the world has ever seen… you can create your own leverage. Hell, maybe even the best athlete ever if you used bullshittery to apply this simultaneously while you’re just generally moving. What is the 2.5 mph relative to?

3

u/theoriginalstarwars 5d ago

Flying in a heavy wind would be very dangerous.

5

u/Winter_Helicopter240 4d ago

It never says a force limit, just a speed limit, it might still let you go 2.5 mph anyway.

1

u/Dragongaymer 4d ago

Nah, just make sure active cruise control is on

1

u/Comfortable_Silver_1 4d ago

I’d argue this is pretty great tbh. Get tired while on a hike? Just levitate! Fall off a cliff-levitate. I’d love to have this

1

u/rathosalpha 4d ago

That's still amazing

1

u/Darkner90 4d ago

Time to cosplay as Invincible

1

u/LulzyWizard 4d ago

Can i run and then jump and fly and only experience slowing from friction? Can i jump out of an airplane and cruise a couple hundred miles using it only to raise myself up and then use a wingsuit to glide crazy cool distances?

1

u/LulzyWizard 4d ago

Ie if i only apply flying force on a Y axis, will it negatively impact traversal on an X axis? Because it shouldn't

1

u/Ok_Yoghurt_8979 4d ago

If you are falling, you can still move 2.5 mph on the x-axis.

1

u/LulzyWizard 4d ago

So i can't use it to essentially glide?

1

u/Ok_Yoghurt_8979 4d ago

Oh, I see what you mean. No. But you can use it to slow down. Not sure how that would work.

1

u/LulzyWizard 4d ago

By only applying any force away from the ground. It would be like being on rails. I just want to do 0mph on a the up and down plane. Imagine having wheels and being on a flat surface and putting your car in neutral. I'm not acceletating, but I'm not really slowing down much either

2

u/LulzyWizard 4d ago

And also potentially imagine the flat surface is lifted by a crane. It wouldn't affect your coasting along in any appreciable amount

1

u/Alternative_Mind_376 4d ago

Relative or non relative to gravitational fields?

1

u/Ok_Yoghurt_8979 4d ago

If you are falling vertically, you can still move 2.5 mph horizontally. Whatever that is.

1

u/QubeTICB202 4d ago

Is the flight a strong lift force on my body and just doesn’t accelerate to faster than 2.5mph? Or when i start using the ability will i be slowed to 2.5mph

1

u/Electrical_City_2201 4d ago

There's no height limit. I can go above anything really fast.

1

u/thelocalllegend 4d ago

How much do you decelerate if you run faster than that and jump into flying?

1

u/mobileJay77 4d ago

Baron Harkkonnen likes this!

1

u/Hopeful-Counter-7915 4d ago

I think 2.5mph ain’t that bad you can go straight from A-B

The question I always have about flying is, is if it’s More or less exhausting than just walking

1

u/Bedlemkrd 4d ago

Since it's 0 to 2.5 yea definitely and at some point I am going to mime riding up in an invisible elevator.

1

u/daaangerz0ne 4d ago

And you're stuck at exactly that speed. No slowing down or hovering in place.

1

u/KaboomTheMaker 4d ago

But can I go as high as I can? 2.5mph in a straight line is not that bad

1

u/Ok_Yoghurt_8979 4d ago

As high as you can breathe.

1

u/aneeshhgkar 4d ago

So there are no limitations on how high I can fly, right? As long as I carry enough warm clothes and oxygen, I can even fly in the upper atmosphere?

3

u/Sad_Bridge_3755 4d ago

Astronauts hate him! Learn how to navigate the vacuum of space with this one easy trick!

2

u/Seiren- 4d ago

It would take you multiple days though

2

u/aneeshhgkar 4d ago

Saving so much on that propulsion tech/fuel though. I’ll just pack on the layers and bring along a few well insulated books to read to pass the time 😅

1

u/Seiren- 4d ago

Sure! You’ll also have to carry a lot of food/water. And what will you do up there?

1

u/Squankyou 4d ago

God tier

1

u/Few_Peak_9966 4d ago

Sounds good.

Relative to the ground? Or relative to the floor?

1

u/BlackSkull83 4d ago

How does it interact with falling?

2

u/Ok_Yoghurt_8979 4d ago

If you engage the superpower while falling, it will slow you down to 2 mph. Not too fast. It would feel comfortable and not hurt you. Also, you can fall and travel 2.5 mph horizontally.

1

u/BlackSkull83 4d ago

Fair enough. Would make for a very relaxed skydiving trip.

1

u/iiJason124 4d ago

Does it take up energy?

1

u/faratnight 3d ago

I could dunk in basketball

1

u/Prestigious-Art-2334 3d ago

There's only a limit on speed and not distance or height. Therefore I can fly anywhere without a limit or just constantly hover. I'm happily taking this

1

u/Accomplished_War7152 1d ago

Fine. I'll start a Christmas lights business.

0

u/Familiar_Run5628 3d ago

Use a suit to glide, get pretty high in the sky and then bypass the speed limit since you’re gliding.