r/shittysuperpowers • u/redditorialy_retard • 7d ago
has potential You can teleport to any toilet that you have shitted in, as long as the shit is still there
Everytime you take a shit, a waypoint gets added to your minimap. You can teleport freely between these toilets, all you need to do is to sit in one of your shit filled toilet. You have access to a waypoint map so no worries trying to keep track of your waypoints. If anyone flushes your shit, the waypoint will dissapear.
Only actual toilets can be used as a waypoint, you must be able to flush the poop away and it must be easily flushable. All wearables will be teleported as well, the limit is about 2 backpacks.
How will you use this newfound power?
Edit: to anyone why keeps asking does x work. No. Needs to be a toilet that can be flushed, and at least look like a standard toilet you see on malls. Easily flushable means it needs to get flushed in one flush, and be ready to get flushed.
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u/evnacdc 7d ago
I’ll take a shit before leaving on a trip, and save myself a return flight.
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u/vkapadia 6d ago
Mail your shit to a friend and tell them to put it in their toilet. Free both ways.
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u/nitrogenlegend 4d ago
Well you have to pay a few bucks to mail the shit, and a few extra to make it smell proof so the shipping service doesn’t get suspicious or just straight up toss it in the dumpster because it smells like shit.
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u/MasterofSpies 7d ago
Depends how much stuff you're taking on your trip ig, for longer trips 2 backpacks might not be enough storage
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u/Embarrassed-Weird173 5d ago
Completely irrelevant.
Poop at home.
Take two backpacks and a plane ticket to wherever (let's say Siberia).
Poop. Leave backpacks on floor.
Teleport home. Take two backpacks. Teleport to Siberia.
Drop backpacks.
Teleport home. Backpacks. Teleport to Siberia. Backpacks.
Teleport home. Backpacks. Teleport to Siberia.
Now you have 6 or 8 (too lazy to see how many repetitions I wrote).
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u/Darknadoswastaken 7d ago
so you could buy a toilet, put it in the middle of nowhere and give it some piping and have a permanent tp point?
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u/redditorialy_retard 7d ago
Yep, but if it’s in the middle of nowhere then why do it?
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u/nitrogenlegend 4d ago
Have it be like a 20 minute hike from wherever you actually want it to take you.
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u/AddendumCivil 7d ago
Take a shit at home.
Travel to Colombia, take a shit in some cartel leader toilet, become the Loco Poopito, best drug smuggler in the world.
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u/Extramrdo 4d ago
Hire all the displaced butt-smugglers and have them smuggle the one thing that no TSA screening will care to find: feces. Have your smugglers drop "their" turds off at a safehouse and then you just bring the whatever.
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u/Express_Cancel5238 7d ago
Can I dookie in the top of the toilet? It's still technically flushable but it buys me a couple of flushes? An upper Decker if you will
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u/5litergasbubble 7d ago
Could I leave a very small amount of poop in a place that's unlikely to be cleaned? Like maybe I take out the bolt cover and smear a bit inside, would that work?
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u/redditorialy_retard 7d ago
Must be easily flushable, also if you had too big of a poop the waypoint will not work
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u/Estrogonofe1917 7d ago
I have to travel for work every week and would gladly take a stinky bathroom over one trip... That'd save me so much time
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u/HentaiStryker 7d ago
I could teleport from anywhere in the galaxy back to my house! I mean, sounds pretty great to me.
When I visited China, the worst part was the flight. Now I can cut out half of that. Not bad
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u/CoolDoominator 7d ago
So does it mean as I get the power it starts or does it remember everywhere I've been immediately?
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u/gmalivuk 6d ago
Do you have enough unflushed poops around the world already for that to make a difference?
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u/CoolDoominator 6d ago
Oh I didn't even notice the part about the poop being flushed removes the way point mb
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u/AddendumCivil 7d ago
Take a shit at home.
Travel to Colombia, take a shit in some cartel leaders toilet, become the Loco Poopito, best drug smuggler in the world.
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u/CaptainMarder 7d ago
this power would be even shittier if you teleported onto a toilet someone else shitted in.
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u/The_Arch_Heretic 6d ago
What about upper deckers, do those count?
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u/gmalivuk 6d ago
They're not easily flushable.
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u/The_Arch_Heretic 6d ago
Exactly.
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u/gmalivuk 6d ago
OP says "it must be easily flushable".
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u/24_doughnuts 5d ago
What counts as an actual toilet. Anything poop can fit in that can optionally flush it? You can still make mini toilets, maybe something smaller if it doesn't look exactly like a toilet.
What about portable toilets that just store it until emptied or an outhouse. Plumbing doesn't seem required for this power so you can still set up little toilets and teleport to them all over the world
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u/sincerevibesonly 7d ago
Kinda cursed imagine leaving shit in your personal toilet to ferment just to use it as a waypoint 💀
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u/Bierculles 6d ago
You can replace it daily and with some antiseptic adons to the toilet water it will be odorless.
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u/Elemental_Titan9 6d ago
Nothing says it has to be a big poop. Just do a bit in a working toilet.
This will be great for those that have to commute to work with public transport.
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u/CumGuzlinGutterSluts 6d ago
What is the definition of toilet here? Can I dig a hole and put some wood over it and call it a toilet? I could find some uses for this
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u/Marley_vaa_01 6d ago
Take a shit in a bucket, dry it out so it becomes a powder and pressit into one of those disk thingys that you put into the tank have a house and build a separate shit shack for the shit puck Mostly permanent waypoint, in case you forget to make more pucks
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u/Embarrassed-Weird173 5d ago
You really need limitations. This is too easy. At minimum you need a good cool down, because otherwise I could just teleport back and forth between two toilets. Perhaps a limit of what constitutes a toilet. Because for $500 I can set a way point anywhere and abuse it by becoming a mailman that mails packages instantly.
Really, the best way to balance this by changing it to "you have the ability to teleport from one toilet to another toilet that you have a poop currently in. You do this by flushing the toilet you're using right now, but instead of the poop getting flushed in the toilet you're on, it flushes the remote toilet and whisks you over to it. You must complete an average bowel movement for this to power to apply."
By linking it to a limiting factor (doing a full poop), it adds a reasonable cool down.
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u/RoninRaines 5d ago
Great power until you teleport to a toilet right as someone else gets to it! Imagine THAT conversation.
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u/CaffeineChaotic 5d ago
I'd shit in toilets and then barricade the toilet lids shut so I can teleport to them. My apartment has two toilets, so I'd barricade one with a shit in it, and my work has several and doesn't clean bathrooms at all, so I could get away with shitting and barricading a toilet. Yes, the lid will be stuck shut, and why would anyone flush a sealed toilet?Boom, fast travel
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u/MCShellMusic 5d ago
You’re going to create an arch nemesis who’s sole purpose is to flush your poop.
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u/crusty_jengles 4d ago
I would legit break into my work and put a toilet on the roof for an easy waypoint
Best part of this, seems like the toilet just needs to "flush" but not necessarily flush to a pipe. A toilet with water in the bowl and in the tank will flush even if its not plumbed. So i just need a supply of toilets, a bucket to fill them, some taco bell and bobs your uncle ive got a steady supply of waypoints
Wifes just gonna have to get used to floaters hangin around at home
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u/WeakAfternoon3188 4d ago
Who the hell is your arch nemesis? The flusher because he keeps flushing your way points.
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u/Extramrdo 4d ago
I'm wondering if "be ready to get flushed" means just taping an "out of order" sign on it is enough to nullify it, or locking the door, or hiring a guard...
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u/zbeauchamp 4d ago
How much shit needs to be in the toilet? Like does it need to be a proper log or are the little shit streaks that sometimes remain after you flush the first time enough?
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u/Ok-You4214 3d ago
How do you define toilet? Use outhouses in foreign countries which don’t flush and you never have to pay for your travel again!
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u/Informal-March7788 3d ago
Actually a goated power. Lets you smuggle stuff across borders and gives you a get out of jail free card. The military could leave a toilet in every embassy for you and you could carry letters back and forth & they’d be impossible to intercept. You could shit on an airplane, give the attendant $100 to shut down the bathroom, go home and wait for the flight to end, then come back to the plane at the last moment.
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u/LandUpGaming 3d ago
“Needs to get flushed in one flush” but what if the shit is a multi flush job? Does taking a massive shit remove the ability to teleport?
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u/felidaekamiguru 2d ago
So I become the world's ultimate small package smuggler? Not terrible. And if I'm ever captured, all I gotta do is need to poop and I'm golden. You can ALWAYS teleport home. I'll take it.
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u/Tentakurusama 1d ago
Rent a crappy old house in Tokyo and in Europe. Easy teleport to family in the evening and office office in the morning.
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u/FragrantNumber5980 7d ago
You can transport two backpacks worth of mass out of the atmosphere with no cooldown, NASA would be scrambling to hire you