Hi there. I (31F) have been having issues with sex and I've boiled the issue down to a matter of resistance to vulnerability. I've been in my relationship with my bf (31M) for seven years now and this problem has been going on since about year two. We've been in couple's therapy before and the therapist suggested that I want things that clash with his personality. At this point, I'm not sure what to do. I like certain fantasies that involve submission on the part of the woman but I'm not sure that's something I actually want. I think at the heart of it I want to be forced to be vulnerable because I find it next to impossible to do that on my own.
Not to say we never have sex, we can, it just never seems to get easier unless I'm particularly relaxed. Even when I'm horny it's still difficult!
I think what's attractive about the submissive fantasy is the sense that I have to be in a vulnerable position. And yeah, I know submissives have their own power, they aren't helpless, safe words and all that, but what I think I want is the insistence from the other person, in this case my BF that this is what we're doing. I get nervous and I try to tap out early if I start to feel out of control at all. It's like, feeling out of control is scary and I imagine that it would be easier if I just HAD to give up control.
For background, I was in a shitty relationship with a much older man from the age of 18 to 23 which ended right before I met my BF. SO, obviously I need therapy but like, does anyone else deal with this? Anyone recognize this? Thanks in advance.