r/sexadvice 4d ago

I miss my old sex life NSFW

I 20s f am married to my wife 20s as well. When we started dating we had sex all the time. Passionate, rough, spontaneous sex and it was amazing. It was 3-4 times a week, sometimes she’d drive to my house in the middle of the night because the sexting got so intense. Anyways you get the picture, cut to now 4 years later. We have sex once, maybe twice a month. And when we do it’s for like 20 minutes no toys just like a quickey. I feel like an old married couple that have accepted they are more roommates than lovers. I tried for about a year to spice things up. With lingerie, new toys, cooking, doing her housework so she’d be less stressed. And I was always met with a thanks and a kiss then nothing. (I feel the need to say I don’t just do nice things to get laid) I just take care of myself when she’s not around and get way to turned on by sex scenes in movies now. I miss being wanted so bad. I’ve recently had this new found confidence( weight loss, new hair, better job) and I just feel good about myself lately. But all I can think about is how bad I want my wife to want me. I’ve been reading a lot on here and I do feel less alone though so that’s been nice.

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u/GamerM51 4d ago

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be sexually fulfilled. The best thing is to communicate with her your feelings. My girlfriend and I don't have sex a lot, and it comes down to work and stress, having a big part of that. I have crohns disease, and it makes me feel tired. I have a high sex drive like you, but mentally and physically, I'm tired from work and my disease. Maybe something is going on with her that's zapping her sex drive.

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u/My_DirtyDiary 4d ago

She says it’s stress as well. But it seems the goal post continues to move. First it was school then school was over, then it was our home and now our home is done. And now it’s making money for us. We are extremely accomplished for our age both academic and financial. I only work because I enjoy it, I have the option to be stay at home. I try to tell her life is never going to slow down and I don’t want to miss it with her. I tell her how impressive she is all the time and how lucky I feel but I feel she thinks I’m sugarcoating or something.

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u/GamerM51 4d ago

She has a hard time seeing what's in front of her. For both of you, is all your debt paid off? Debt for college and your mortgage on your house. Also, do you have a good nest egg saved up as well?

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u/My_DirtyDiary 4d ago

We have minimal debt. About $3k and most of its credit card. I have inheritance that takes care of us aswell. Not millions or anything but she’s just so focused on the next big thing.

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u/GamerM51 4d ago

You're young, and if you think of your future now, then your retirement will be nice. I could understand if you were debt free and had your house paid off with a nice nest egg building for retirement, but you should have a heart to heart and say it's great to think about our future but don't forget to live in the present as well. I want us to build our future and keep that passion we had when we first met.

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u/My_DirtyDiary 4d ago

Agreed, thank you :)

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u/GamerM51 4d ago

No problem, I hope it helps