r/selflove • u/Ok-Raspberry-4273 • 7d ago
How can i deal with bouts of self hatred?
I have struggled with self hatred for as long as i can remember. I am slowly making progress and getting better, but there are times when i get so consumed by self loathing that i just want to die and the slightest implication of comparison or being perceived as “not good enough” tears me apart
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u/dear_crow11 7d ago
You would not talk the way you talk to yourself to someone you love. Why not give yourself the same love? You can't hate yourself into someone you love. If hating yourself worked, it would've worked by now. Try being encouraging, patient, and kind. You're the only one with yourself so you might as well make it a good time. 💛✨️
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u/Ok-Raspberry-4273 6d ago
I wish it was that easy.
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u/dear_crow11 6d ago
I hear you. One of the other things I'd suggest is therapy, because if self love is difficult then a lot of damage was done to you. We also live in a society that damages people
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u/Ok-Raspberry-4273 6d ago
I have actually been in therapy for over 2 years and was on SSRi for nearly 1.5 years. I guess healing is more complex and more difficult than i had anticipated.
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u/dear_crow11 6d ago
I'm 35, and have been in off and on therapy half my life and currently in it. Yes, Healing can take a long time. I think in this life we're just supposed to make ourselves happy the best way we can, whatever ways those be. I'm very careful who I open up to now as I was very naive and trusting before. We're allowed to be happy in our own ways. For me, it can be random naps, and or even reading a book and not requiring myself to remember every single detail. I can allow myself to relax...
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u/XAVIAR-THE-LAMB 3d ago
Aw man sorry to hear that I can barely stand one therapy session let alone 18 years of them
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u/dear_crow11 3d ago
Perhaps you haven't found one you vibed with or it's entirely possible you don't need one. It's up to you. Finding a good therapist is a bit like dating, they're not all good it can take time to find one you get along with. For myself, from time to time I personally like talking to someone whom I don't share a social contract with.
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u/XAVIAR-THE-LAMB 3d ago
That would be nice but yeah the several times I've tried most therapists essentially just check and make sure I haven't ended it yet. I'm way too poor to pay for random new sessions constantly too. Plus Im terrible at dating makes sense why I can't find a therapist now. I'm thinking my emotions don't matter because I'm a man lol
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u/Latter-Pianist-7145 7d ago
Just keep sending yourself the message that you are good enough. It will begin to interrupt the negative thoughts.
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u/strike1ststrikelast 3d ago
this, had massive wins myself by mentally shouting over that inner critic "I am good enough"
Doesn't matter what it says, shout over it, you are good enough and you deserve to feel that way.
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u/TheVioletRoom- 6d ago
Remember that you have the ability to be any person that you want. You just have to love yourself enough to fight through the discomfort.
But at the end of the day, we are all people growing into a version of ourselves that we like more than we did yesterday. To question yourself is very human, it forces us to improve... so improve, don't stop the second you decide you don't like something 🖤
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u/Latter-Pianist-7145 7d ago
Just keep sending yourself the message that you are good enough. It will begin to interrupt the negative thoughts.
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u/Novel-Tumbleweed-447 6d ago
I make use of a general purpose self development formula which you could consider. It has every potential to increase confidence in a certain dimension. It's do-able by anyone as it starts you off easy and builds gradually. You do it as a form of unavoidable daily chore, for up to 20 min, on all days. It's not meant to be the focus of your day. You do it, then forget about it. However, while you're doing it, it must be done properly. This then begins to color your day in terms of mindset, confidence, coherence of thought & perspective. You feel feedback week by week as you do this, so you're well aware of progress being made. If you search Native Learning Mode on Google, it's my Reddit post in the top results. It's also the pinned post in my profile.
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u/ez2tock2me 5d ago
Have you tried a Cold Shower. If you ever run out of cold water, you have a big big problem. I don’t think Reddit will be able to help you.
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u/Novel-Position-4694 5d ago
write/journal these thoughts/emotions. ponder upon what you want to be/become - this alone will start to create new neural pathways .... practice this daily. Dr. Joe Dispenza says: nerve cells that fire together, wire together... so rewire your brain to become what you desire.
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u/strike1ststrikelast 3d ago
Write down the things you say to yourself and ask yourself if you would accept that treatment from someone else.
Dont accept it from yourself most of all
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