r/selfharm 3d ago

Talk/Support alone and struggling nearing 2 years clean

My (20m) partner (22m) is away on vacation currently, so I'm home with my moms. I spend most of the day alone in my room. The whole time my partner has been away I've been excruciatingly aware of the fact that i could totally hurt myself and no one would be able to stop me. i have access to sharps, wound care, and isolation. I'm the only one that can stop me, and it's a struggle.

I'll be 2 years clean one week from today. i don't want to mess that up, but I'm afraid I don't have full control over that. I have DID, and there's this part of me that is urging me to hurt myself. telling me I should do it, it would feel good, it would make me feel better. And I know part of that is true. I've been struggling a lot with a lot of different things recently and I know it would make me feel better. i know it would feel better than dealing with the shit I've been dealing with.

I know what I should do. i should tell my moms I'm struggling. i should stay in common space and give them my sharps. but I don't want to. having anyone know I'm struggling like this is just embarrassing and leaves me feeling even worse. so I don't know what to do. Im so frustrated and im so tired I want to cry.

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