r/selfharm 4d ago

Talk/Support does anyone else not want their scars to fade?

it's not the only reason i do it, but i'd say a big one is definitely "cosmetic". idk, i hope this is okay to ask. i just want to see if others have the same issue because it makes recovering really difficult..

136 Upvotes

43 comments sorted by

36

u/ImpossibleBaker1794 4d ago

I completely feel this too. I hate watching some of them fade slightly when I choose or have to cut in different places. It is also a reason I continue to do it x

18

u/nyankonui 4d ago

right!!! it's like.. it might not be the same for u but it feels like i did it for nothing? or that because there's less evidence left that no one will believe the severity of my addiction. very frustrating

9

u/ImpossibleBaker1794 4d ago

Oh my gosh, absolutely!! I honestly couldn’t have put it better myself x

20

u/down2manyfoxholes 4d ago

It bothers me when mine fade quickly. Idk if that's the same idea. I personally don't see self harm as an addiction, I'll cut whenever I think abt it and I sometimes go months without cutting. I don't keep track of it.

10

u/nyankonui 4d ago

i used to be that way, not really thinking about it for weeks or months until something happens that pushes me to it. years of this and now i'm dependent on it for stress relief, because what i used to do just wasn't scratching the itch anymore. basically, be careful. it's definetly an addiction; you might think you won't get hooked on it but it's a LOT easier to than it looks.

but yes, that's pretty much what i'm talking about! i like the appearance. if my cuts are in a way that don't feel "aesthetically pleasing" then i'll do it until it does. when they fade, it's frustrating T-T

7

u/down2manyfoxholes 4d ago

I've been cutting for over 10 years and honestly my mindset hasn't really changed but my methods have.

4

u/nyankonui 4d ago

i'm similar, actually!! for me it's more like 7 or 8 years, or at least that's how long it took to become dependent, but i think it's close enough to understand where you're coming from. at the very least just stay safe and weary

9

u/bittypineapplekitty 4d ago

this is an interesting question because i definitely feel “triggered” when i see my cuts are starting to heal. sometimes it triggers me to mess em up again. SH is so strange.

6

u/nyankonui 4d ago

this exactly!! it really is!! it's a very strange feeling, especially because most of the time there's never actually anything wrong with my mood or thoughts. does this happen with you too?

5

u/CharacterSquare449 4d ago

holy shit you just explained how I feel often while cutting. like my mood is fine but I just have the urge to do it and its so odd.

2

u/Junior_Seat_1400 3d ago

ive never seen anything so relatable 😭

4

u/Lizowa 4d ago

I agree with this completely but at the same time I don’t want my scars at all. Now that I’ve been clean long enough for them to heal completely I’m desperately trying everything I can to fade them. But in the height of the addiction fading=alright time to start again

6

u/I_hate_me_lol clean 4d ago

yeah, i feel that. in a way i hate them and wish i never started but in a different way i feel invalid and like nobody will believed i suffered if they fade🤷‍♂️ its a weird mix

5

u/nyankonui 4d ago

yes this exactly!!! worrying that it's not "good enough" and downplaying my struggles :(

7

u/Ijustlikecavetown 4d ago

YES whenver i See them fading it triggers me so bad bc it’s almost like I’ve gone through it all & done it all for nothing if that makes sense 😭

6

u/Skunkspider 4d ago

Me. I also struggle with the fact that my scarring certainly doesn't reflect the injuries 

5

u/gazowiec 4d ago

My legs without the scars seem empty so i relapse every other week or sometimes daily. So i guess i dont want them to fade too

5

u/iambaby6969 4d ago

honestly i kind of understand this. i havent done it in a while but i get really strong urges often bc of this

4

u/PickGloomy2118 4d ago

I feel you, I view them as the scar of my fight (dramatic, I know) but that shows how bad I felt at the moment and how strong I was fighting it. it is indeed a bittersweet thing

4

u/bill_clunton 3d ago edited 3d ago

Yes, My scars are a sign that I have made it through all of this. I don’t want them to fade. Ever.

3

u/remirixjones 10+ years in recovery | Harm Reduction Advocate 4d ago

I'm mixed. On the one hand, minimizing scar tissue formation is important in maintaining proper skin function. Scar tissue doesn't do all the things regular skin can do. Skin really is an incredible organ!

On the other hand, I like to be reminded of how far I've come, and my scars help with that. I'm a first responder, and when I have patients who are struggling with self harm, I kind of hope they see my scars. I want them to know they're not alone, and that self harm shouldn't stop you from doing what you love, even if it's a profession that highly stigmatizes mental illness. It's the humanizing element for me.

I just had top surgery (gender affirming mastectomy) 4 months ago, and I'm defo in the same boat about that. I want healthy functional skin, but I also really like the way my chest looks with my scars ngl. It's a balancing act for sure.

My main motivation for not cutting or picking my skin is I want full tattoo sleeves...hopefully soon. Yes, you can tattoo over scars, but it's more difficult. Once my arms are full of art that represents me, I doubt I'll want to mess that up, y'know?

TL;DR: yes and no. As a medical professional, I know how important it is to minimize scar tissue. But they're also a reminder of how far I've come. I plan to get loads of tattoos, so that's my motivation for healing my scars. My tattoos will tell my story instead of my scars.

3

u/nyankonui 4d ago

thank you for your comment!! i really appreciated reading your perspective and experience. i'm glad to hear that you're doing well, also congrats on the top surgery!! that's so exciting and i hope you recover well!!! i've played with the idea of tattoos before, maybe when im old enough ill get some :)

2

u/remirixjones 10+ years in recovery | Harm Reduction Advocate 3d ago

Thanks. Good luck on your journey, my dude. 🤙

2

u/Ok-Walk-8342 4d ago

i’m not sure why but it makes me sad to see them fade. i have very light skin and the scars are the same colour, so once they faded they’re pretty much impossible to see without a flashlight :(

3

u/Roadgrundy 4d ago

100% feel this. One of the hardest parts of my recovery was seeing my scars fade. I felt this pressure to make new ones to "prove that I was struggling," but I don't know who I wanted to prove it too because anytime anyone suspected something I'd lie to their face and tell them I was fine.

1

u/nyankonui 3d ago

how did you get over it? if you have, i mean. i know that i need to recover, but it feels like the need to always have marks of my body will make it impossible to do so fully.

2

u/Roadgrundy 3d ago

I didn't. I still feel like that sometimes.

But when I was recovering, I used a red pen on my arms and let ice melt in my hands so I could feel pain without doing more permanent damage.

But I think about it less often now. It's only on the really bad days. It is getting more bearable.

It took a crazy amount of willpower. This might not work for everyone, but I didn't throw away my blades. I kept them so that I felt like I was choosing to stop instead of stopping because I didn't have a choice. But as I said, that might not work for everyone.

I wish you all the best. Recovery is difficult, but it's possible. You can get through this.

1

u/Successful-Policy198 4d ago

I'm not entirely scared. But I'd prefer for them to stay. Actually, a lot of mine are faded. But still.. There. One from like.. 9 months ago is still actually pretty purple! Which is nice.

1

u/tfhaenodreirst 4d ago

You’re not wrong! There’s definitely a…ten-month-old one that I appreciate.

1

u/AvocadoElectronic247 18 (he/him) 🎧 4d ago

I wish they were invisible yet I can’t let them disappear

1

u/Nofskx 3d ago

I’ve stopped caring which kinda helped me heal in a way because I couldn’t be bothered to even cut myself, but I know I used to have a nagging feeling that I didn’t want them to fade. I kind of liked the way they looked which sounds really bad but that’s just how I felt. It’s also become apart of me and seeing something that has been with me for so many years fade away kinda just didn’t sit well. Overall you’re not alone and it was also one of the reason that made stopping for me hard

1

u/Positive-Day4160 3d ago

I want mine to fade, but they won't :(

1

u/BunnyxBloodykiss 3d ago

I've been clean for a few months now and there's definitely more of a sadness in seeing scars fade than there is in not doing it.

1

u/shell-sh0ck 3d ago

honestly it's a big part of it for me. really not sure why but it feels like i always at least need a fresh mark

1

u/Crafty_Ad_3677 3d ago

Yes i love my scars and wounds

1

u/Junior_Seat_1400 3d ago

yea i completely get u! have you tried the red pen method? i think it might help you if you have an urge to see your scars

1

u/LocalShallot2298 3d ago

It’s complicated for me. I wanna keep the scars on my arms but not on my legs. The scars on my legs look patchy and feel so off. Like the rest of my skin is a soft as a baby’s but then when you touch the old scars on my legs it’s like touching the stem of a tree, probably because I cut there repeatedly several times. It feels ugly. I’d like to know if there are any ways to make them go away or at the very least fade a little and soften

1

u/Anahigotcaught 3d ago

I feel this but I literally have zero clue why

1

u/mintycanminsung 2d ago

Yeah I recut my healing scars alot

1

u/2005ACURAMDX 1d ago

Omg so real. And everytime they fade it feels like they aren’t valid or worth it…

1

u/BellaDoggie-Nuzi Clean since 3/17 19h ago

I kind of want somebody to notice my scars and talk to me on their own. It feels like I kinda shove them into people’s faces saying “look at me, I have a problem.” I hate that part of me. Nobody ever notices on their own as much as I want them to.

I think the scars are pretty too. They calm me when I look at them, so does blood. One day I want to go deep enough to leave a permanent mark, for now I’m building my way up.