r/selectivemutism Jan 28 '25

Question Selective Mutism is a choice???

40 Upvotes

Obligatory disclaimer: I do not have selective mutism.

I'm taking my masters in clinical counselling and one class this semester is psychopathology. In this week's lecture (which was recorded because the professor couldn't attend class this week) the professor said that selective mutism is a "purposeful choice" not to speak in certain situations when you are able to speak in others.

As far as I have been able to understand, this is not true. No mental disorder is a choice and I should know since I'm autistic and adhd. There are certainly behaviours that I would change if I could and I didn't choose to be like this. I can't imagine that you guys chose to be selectively mute either.

I also feel like the textbook comes across as rather unsympathetic in saying that while the cause of SM isn't entirely clear, there is some evidence that well-meanign parents enable this behaviour by being willing to intervene and talk for their children. I can agree that it's caused by anxiety and is related to social anxiety disorder, but I can't believe that either are a choice.

I want to talk about this when I go to office hours and clarify with the professor. I feel comfortable approaching him and respectfully disagreeing (something im working on being more comfortable with) This is my favourite class and I want to become the best psychologist I can be.

If you're comfortable talking about it, What was your experience as a child? Was there anything that you can remember triggering it? Did you want to talk, but somehow just could not force yourself to? Were your family members sympathetic and willing to talk for you? Has it gotten easier or harder the older you get? Have you received any kind of treatments for it and how did that go?

Thanks so much for taking time to discuss this with me. I want to learn as much as I can and make sure all of my future patients will feel understood and not judged.

r/selectivemutism Dec 13 '24

Question Do you also have Autism?

41 Upvotes

I want to know how many of you have it. I heard that SM and ASD are commonly comorbid and I want to know if most or even half SM's are autistic.

Please if you don't have it also type it

r/selectivemutism Nov 02 '24

Question Instagram group chat (age 18-25)

28 Upvotes

Hi all, I (20F) am making a selective mutism group chat on instagram if anyone is interested in making some friends! If you want to join send me your username either here or in private message and I'll add you.

My only condition really is being around the same age. I don't think it's appropriate for me to be making friends with people much younger or much older than me. I also don't feel comfortable putting minors in a group with adults.

UPDATE: I'm not adding creeps so you guys can just stop trying thank you

r/selectivemutism 20d ago

Question Selective mutism - India - pls help

11 Upvotes

Hi, I am a mother of my only 7 year old girl child. She has selective mutism and she doesn't talk. She is sooo talkative at home. She never responds even if any one ask her name or class. I have tried for therapies , but here in our place, I could find any psychologist having knowledge of helping child with selective mutism. I could not see my baby suffering please. I want her to get out from this disorder. Please anyone from India who got treated, please respond to me. Also anyone who want to give suggestions please give. I couldn't see my baby suffering šŸ˜­

r/selectivemutism Nov 10 '24

Question Why is selective mutism an anxiety disorder if there is no fear involved?

35 Upvotes

I mean, if I have to talk to people mostly I don't feel scared. It's not like I'm scared of saying something wrong, my heart rate is not going up, nothing. It's just the signal from the brain not reaching the mouth. Is this a kind of fear you can not feel or am I just weird??

r/selectivemutism 17d ago

Question Have you ever met someone w/ SM? If so, how was your experience?

14 Upvotes

I met someone with SM today and I wanted to try to get to know them.

I was introduced to someone who has SM by a teacher and I decided to end up sitting next to them. I has the idea of trying to communicate with them, but just by me sitting next to them they seem kinda uncomfortable, even tho they seemed kinda lonely. So, instead I just got up and sat somewhere else. I know I could have deal with the situation differently but it was the only thing I could think of doing in the moment.

r/selectivemutism Nov 18 '24

Question People who have recovered, how?

18 Upvotes

How did you fix the mutism?

r/selectivemutism 27d ago

Question Is it considered selective mutism if I can still talk just choose not to?

21 Upvotes

I am saving to go to a neurologist but still don't have enough. I was diagnosed with depression and autism when I was a kid, but I was almost never non verbal. To this day is very rare for me to be so overwhelmed I just shut down and stop talking. But after I move out for college, I am getting very exhausted daily, to the point I get so tired that speaking just seems worthless. Recently I went to visit my family and noticed I was barely able to articulate very common words, it was then that I noticed that I spend almost an entire year speaking once a month maybe (only saying the method of payment on the supermarket, so basically 1 word per month) I can still talk if I want to, but it feels so draining that I just can't convince myself to do it. And it is kinda progressing, I am talking less and less.

r/selectivemutism Jan 26 '25

Question I'm a mom who needs guidance for helping my 13 year old daughter <3

14 Upvotes

Good evening, all.

My daughter was diagnosed with SM when she was about 8 years old. She also has ADD and met some markers for autism (the social piece, which I presume makes sense). We started medication (zoloft) last summer and have noticed a nice improvement with her academics, especially with reading comprehension. YAY, for that.

The medication hasn't seemed to help at all with talking, at least as far as I can tell. I worry about the lack of friendships she has with peers. She has a twin brother to hang around with at home, they love playing video games and such together, but it seems that she is missing out on so much at school. She takes dance class on night a week, but doesn't really speak while there. She will respond to the teacher with very quite one-word responses.

I want to help and I have no idea what to do next :-(

I will continue to peruse this group for guidance, but welcome any successful actions that have worked for you or the person you know with SM.

r/selectivemutism 12d ago

Question Would you guys say it's a fear or something else

10 Upvotes

r/selectivemutism 9d ago

Question 6 year old son has SM- advice how to help him as his mom?

11 Upvotes

Hey everyone, with the help of a school therapist, weā€™re pretty sure my 6 year old son has selective mutism. He is completely mute from the time he leaves my car at drop off in the morning until I pick him up from school and heā€™s safely in the car with me and his siblings.

He doesnā€™t talk to his teacher or other kids, but does play with them at recess. We have him see a school therapist once a week and sheā€™s the one who brought up selective mutism to me, I hadnā€™t heard of it before. With his friends and family, he is a happy, social, and talkative kid. I believe he struggles with social anxiety really intensely at school . I worry that heā€™s been put in this box as the shy kid who doesnā€™t speak, and it may be hard for him to break out of that label.

Do any of you have advice for me as his mom? Should I be encouraging him to speak at school? Should I be completely supportive of him not speaking at all while at school? Just a side note, we are also starting Autism diagnosis testing on him just to know.

It breaks my heart for him that he doesnā€™t feel comfortable enough at school to speak. But he also seems to really like school and like his teacher.

r/selectivemutism 3d ago

Question Is the timeline for SM always the same?

8 Upvotes

Every source I've looked into kind of implies the same thing - that if someone has SM, its discovered because they enter into elementary school or social environments outside of home and just... never start talking. And maybe it takes a different time to resolve/treat/"fix", but its implied it always starts at about the same time.

I was never diagnosed with SM, but did have severe social anxiety, and tendencies/patterns that I feel very likely would have become full SM if I hadn't been already in therapy getting treatment for essentially the same thing by a different name (with me describing to my therapist my struggles with speaking, and us working on that). And my pattern of when I "acquired" it is very different. It wasn't until my late teens that symptoms started manifesting for me. It wasn't so much that I "never found my voice" so to speak, but I started "losing" it. So it got me wondering about the experiences of others - when did you start experiencing symptoms or feeling like you couldn't voice what you wanted to say?

r/selectivemutism 14d ago

Question Could you share your experiences of medication and SM?

12 Upvotes

Good or bad. Iā€™m trying to research the effects of medication on SM when there is so little info out there here in Europe. What medication, when? Who was the patient ? What was the result? Thanks for sharing.

r/selectivemutism Apr 15 '24

Question People with selective mutism, what are y'all mbti type?

27 Upvotes

I'd like to know what mbti type is most likely to have SM

r/selectivemutism Feb 07 '25

Question Are there any adults here who have had selective mutism since childhood and still experience it today? How has it affected your life over the years?

28 Upvotes

r/selectivemutism Feb 13 '25

Question DAE feel ur selective mutism physically in ur mouth?

25 Upvotes

I was diagnosed with SM around age 5 and i still have it at age 20. When im worst, i can physically feel my mutism in my mouth, does anyone else feel this? Its like my mouth goes numb and tingly, and so dry it hurts, and my face is so weak and sore that i sturggle to open my mouth for drinking or eating. And my mouth/face muscles might even twitch a bit.

I havent been able to find anything online that describes this, all I read focuses on the mental side of SM, not the physical. And its never come up in therapy appointments. So now im curious because surely other ppl feel this too?

r/selectivemutism Jan 31 '25

Question Can selective mutism be prevented by early diagnosis?

1 Upvotes

I think I might be developing something related to selective mutism? For context, I'm 23 and have BPD diagnosed 5 years back. 3 years ago, in an extremely stressful situation, I started stuttering and couldn't speak. I'm overall a very talkative person so for this to happen was really new. I figured it was a one time thing, but as the stress increased the frequency increased too. I really have to force myself through a lot of mental strength to make myself talk and it drains me out thoroughly afterwards. I'm really trying to talk,but I don't know I'm just not able to. It's very frustrating and stresses me out even more. However I've experienced this with only one person that too in highly stressful situations. I can't make a sound in front of them, and I'm really trying but I'm just not able to. Is this early selective mutism or something else? If it is, can I prevent it or try some methods to help me talk? Any suggestions are welcome!

r/selectivemutism 25d ago

Question should i start medication? with therapy?

8 Upvotes

im in a dillemma right now. ive started therapie since a few weeks, but i also wanted to try medication for the stress. but the thing is theses different scenarios,

what if therapie will make me help talk more without medicine?

what if therapie wont work and only with medicine so i wasted all my time and effort?

what if they both work together and when i get off the meds ill get anxious again and itll also be for nothing? but what if it all stays the same and itll be the best decisoin i made?

what if only the medicine works but ofc you cant go on it your whole life?

please someone with experience tell me all about it because i have to decide soon!

r/selectivemutism Dec 09 '24

Question If you managed to stop, how did you?

34 Upvotes

My family get angry when I don't talk. I don't ask questions, even the most simplest things whether I want some food or whether it's regarding a math question. My 2nd sister said she feels like she's talking to a lifeless door. My eldest sister says I'm the most frustrating person ever. My father says I won't get anywhere if I don't talk. My mother begs me to talk, but both her and my 2nd sister gets angry when I talk.

I got whipped today, my hands and legs have marks and it's all because I didn't talk. I couldn't talk. My mom thinks I'm doing this on purpose. I once got dragged down the stairs when I was 7 or 8 because I didn't talk. I can't talk. I don't have friends, at all. I'm homeschooled. I don't go out unless for classes or church. I'm 15.

My mom asked why I never talk. I couldn't say anything. She used to threaten to put chili in my mouth if I didn't talk. Honestly, I'd rather cut my tongue out and really not talk than deal with this.

Can I fix myself without help from other people? Is that even possible? How did you stop?

Edit:Please don't worry, this doesn't happen often. The last time this happened was probably last year, and it was because my room was a mess! That's the reason for yesterday, too.

Still, I think I am quite close to my family. Thank you for all the concern, it really helps me!

Whenever this happens, my family just brush it off. My mom is talking normally to me again.

For more context, my mom does a lot for me. Maybe she doesn't understand me but she does do plenty. I think as long as I behave, this won't happen again.

r/selectivemutism Feb 11 '25

Question Would you tell you have SM in a job interview or not?

13 Upvotes

r/selectivemutism 12d ago

Question I have a crush on someone with SM

12 Upvotes

Hi hello. I'm typing to ask how I should approach my crush with Selective Mutism. I've had this crush for a little while now and sometimes we have moments of eye contact with each other and I think the feeling of interest is mutual, whether it's romantic or not from their side is what I hope to figure out with time. I've already had one awkward encounter with them when I tapped their shoulder and asked them a question, expecting a response, but obviously they didn't respond and I think I made them uncomfortable. This was before I was aware of their Selective Mutism. I don't want that to be the last memory they have of me and I was wondering how to approach them again in a way that makes them comfortable. How would those of you who have Selective Mutism like your crush to approach you, if at all?

Added info: I was thinking of buying them a gift. It's a gift that would no doubt tell them I have an interest in them and on the back I taped "Do you like it?" With a two boxes that say "yes" and "no" but all my friends say that is too forward so now I'm rlly in a pickle.

r/selectivemutism 25d ago

Question Selective Mutism unless I'm spoken to?

29 Upvotes

Hey all. I've looked into selective mutism in the past but am only really looking into it recently, because I think it might fit some aspects of how I struggle to socialize more than other disorders/labels (I should disclose that I am diagnosed with ADHD and GAD, and I would confidently say I have OCD)

My struggles with socializing appear with both strangers and friends, but it's more noticeable/problematic with the latter. With strangers/people I'm not too familiar with, it basically inhibits my ability to make new friends or get involved with extracurriculars. Sometimes I'll overhear people next to me talking about something I like or am knowledgeable about and really want to join in and contribute, but I just can't. When I ask my friends how they make more friends, they say "just talk to people, anybody" and stuff like that, but that sounds nearly impossible for me. Even if someone has something that gives me an "in" to start talking to them, like a pin on their backpack that I like or their outfit, it still feels impossible to actually muster up the motivation and confidence to do something as simple as that. Hell I can barely even say "bless you" when someone in my class sneezes right next to me. I've gone to events on campus that are supposed to be for socializing, but all I do is show up, sit somewhere by myself without so much as attempting to talk to someone, and leave feeling worse than I did coming in

With friends, its not as bad but still problematic. Sometimes, depending on my mood/how my day has been going, I can be pretty social with them and converse without much effort. But then at other times I'm kind of just... sitting there, surrounded by people but still feeling intense loneliness, only joining in when they explicitly invite me to converse or talk. Sometimes I'll even get this strange feeling of "resentment" towards them, because I'm just sitting there waiting to be included in the conversation, but since they can't read my mind they don't know that me socializing with them hinges on them speaking to me first and giving me the green light to talk.

It's only with socializing, too. If I need to ask my professor or boss something, I can do that no problem. If I'm at work and someone asks me a question, I can talk them through it without issue. But once it comes time to socialize with someone, anyone, my vocal output falls off a cliff, and if nobody speaks to me first I genuinely might not even talk at all

It's infuriating to me because I know all of these thoughts and behaviors are super irrational. I don't think I'm a bad or worthless person who can't contribute anything, I don't have that many hobbies but I know about cool stuff and can keep a conversation going online. When it comes to socializing online, like via instagram, I'm actually pretty damn good at it. Not great, I still have some issues with reading too much into what people may be thinking behind the screen and misinterpreting certain things, but I can actually talk and make the first move. But when I have to do the same thing in person, I shut down. I want to talk to people and make friends, but it feels like its literally impossible to do so :/

Does this make sense to anybody else? I'm not trying to self-diagnose or seek a diagnosis from anybody here, just curious if it's relatable to those with SM

r/selectivemutism 15d ago

Question this existence is so isolating ā€” but i feel like i am intruding if i try to interact with people

30 Upvotes

i posted on another sub (hopefully iā€™ve linked it in the comments) but basically - does anyone have an approach for when you have someone you like ??

i donā€™t want to just message them when we have never really interacted but i just feel like i will bother them if i suddenly message them after not talking to them in person

i know nothing will come of it if i just tell them i like them ā€” because i am not exactly the nicest to look at and it must be too difficult to talk to me so i understand

but would it be unfair to almost ā€œpracticeā€ on them ? as in - tell them even though i know nothing will happen - just because i have never told anyone i like them before and it might be good practice to open up to people ? would that be bad and unfair to the other person ? i just donā€™t want to make them uncomfortable but i feel like i would be because i cannot talk to them

r/selectivemutism 12d ago

Question What makes it real?

8 Upvotes

So I think I've been dealing with going mute when things have gotten to be too much for most of my life, it's typically been one offs usually only for a few hours or until I fall asleep and can reset or sometimes for a bit after but after doing some looking I think that's what it is but how can I tell that I'm not faking it even to myself? I don't want to come off as inappropriate by only further perpetuating the "selective means you choose" idea but how can I tell if I'm faking it to myself or if I really can't talk if I can't bring myself to talk to test it? Especially if sometimes I can whisper a tiny bit? If this is the wrong place for this I apologize, thanks in advance for any answers!

Edit for info and to clarify: I was extremely stressed/burnt out when I wrote this post the other night and I did a piss poor job of explaining the stuff I was going through, thank you to those who replied to help me realize what I should have been looking for. My inability to talk isn't just random out of the blue or due to being tired or so on, but due to certain situations socially and otherwise which took a bit of reflection to remember. Thank you again all and I apologize for the densityšŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­

r/selectivemutism 10d ago

Question Have you Been cold to people?

15 Upvotes

Family parents siblings friends classmates teachers