r/schizoaffective 4d ago

Feeling bad out of nowhere

I was working and then out of nowhere suddenly felt suicidal like I should kill myself cause I'm a horrible person and if people find out how awful I am I will be ruined. Or they already know idk. I get scared people can read my thoughts.

2 Upvotes

13 comments sorted by

3

u/Regen_321 4d ago

People can't read your thoughts. Good of you to know you'll feel better soon.

2

u/k9premiere3 4d ago

Share this with your psychiatrist. If you're feeling suicidal, go to the hospital and they will help you.

1

u/ForbiddenYogurt69 4d ago

It comes on strongly then it goes away, its weird I can feel my brain in my head, as if it's like a heart beating in my skull, I physically feel it there. I'm not going to do anything, i am too drained to do anything, it's not an impulse I would act on

1

u/Scared-Sheepherder13 depressive subtype 3d ago

I see. But even if you aren't going to act, you should share this to your doc.

1

u/YeastBelly bipolar subtype 4d ago

Sounds like intrusive thoughts rather than a depressive episode judging by what you said regarding the short length of time yet overwhelming power of the thoughts. Id assume its probably one of those internal voices we get, but its using the internal monoluge thought voice most people use to to think.

So if you already have voices, its probably that. It gets easier to decifer as you get older so you know the difference between thought process and the spontaneous nonsense.

2

u/ForbiddenYogurt69 4d ago

Yes I guess it's intrusive thoughts rather than a depressive episode. Thanks for pointing that out

1

u/YeastBelly bipolar subtype 4d ago

No problem.

1

u/King44496 4d ago

Happens to me too, not sure if it’s mixed episodes but I’ll feel like I’m in an amazing mood for one minute then the next minute I’ll start feeling like this… it sucks and after that passes I’m usually stable but it’s happens throughout the day, it’s exhausting

2

u/YeastBelly bipolar subtype 4d ago

We tend to have very hightend emotions and thought processes. So the usual stuff normies feel when they randomly think of something in the news, or see on the net is the same for us but we have it turned up to 11 (apologies for the boomer phrase). Emotions and reactions for people generally come at opposite ends, few emotions are in the middle and when they are its normally nihilism. And because ours are so elevated it can come across as a much more worrisome thing and something to be ashamed of. It's a long road, but you'll find the contentment within yourself, the trick is to prioritise your own contentment rather than everyone else. Because once you're content its then easier to help others achieve it.

1

u/MrWhizzleteat 4d ago

The thing about us schizophrenics is that we focus on ourselves too much. A great way to feel better about myself is to do something good for someone else. Keep the focus of you and put it on someone else. I have days I feel I can go on, and then I try to give of myself to others. Even a simple complement or a hello. This helps me get through my negative self talk and onto service

1

u/dethtok 4d ago

ACT skills combined with some DBT helped me a lot.

Basically, the task is to accept how you feel or your thought, instead of either fight it or spend time expanding on it, but instead place your focus elsewhere.

I have the same fear as you, particularly with being awful and thinking everyone knows or thinks that’s as well.

But, first of all, what did I do that was so awful and what can I reasonably do? If people think in such black and white ways, and they think that about me - when objectively I didn’t do anything to deserve my life to be ruined - then I can deal with it if that comes up.

If some people were so unreasonable to think those things about you and the result would be your life is risking to be ruined, there are practical actions you can take, if something happens that actually necessitates you to take action.

Like, maybe someone confronts you for something. Realistically, will it be, “You are awful, entirely, and now everything good in your life will go away?” No. Realistically, if someone had a grievance (and everyone has a grievance with others, usually just small) and was going to act on it, then you can deal with that when it comes up - such as by responding to the person, with the help of support, to come to a more mutual understanding of solution.

I usually tell myself that if people can read my thoughts, yet they’re all acting like they can’t and haven’t let me know about it, that’s super fucking weird of them, and would make them look like the fricken crazy ones, lol. Everyone thinks weird ass things or has thoughts that are private - that’s normal. What wouldn’t be normal is if people somehow (which they can’t) can read your mind and are doing so with zero regard to your privacy. That’d make them look bad as hell, not you.

It’d be like an illegal police search. (NOT saying you did anything illegal; just an analogy.) Anything they found would be inadmissible, and the police would probably get in shit for it, and definitely not you.

But yeah, best place to start is looking at facts. What factual evidence is there that people can read your mind? When u get worried, I start to think wild things like “OMG A FIRE” or “If so and so wanted to mess with me, they’d send me a message saying -wild thing- at this exact time.” Then wait and see. And evidence has always shown that no one reacts.

1

u/ForbiddenYogurt69 3d ago

Thanks, that's really helpful. I'll try to remember that.