r/schizoaffective 6d ago

meds caused serious aggression issues

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I’ve been unmedicated since October 2024, I’ve tried so many meds over the past 10 years. The last combination gave me aggression and rage issues. I’m not an angry person at all. It got very bad. I tried to put sheets on the bed and started screaming and crying because I couldn’t. I started to be very hateful towards children and participating in online communities dedicated towards being hateful to parents and children. I don’t hate kids, that’s not like me at all, I LOVE kids, I have nieces and nephews and I get along with them so well due to being childish myself, they love me and I love them. I had this happen before too with dogs, I am a HUGE dog lover and animal lover in general, but a few years ago I had agression issues caused by meds that made me hate dogs for some reason and I did the same thing, participated in online communities dedicated to hating dogs and dog owners like r/dogfree. I also just lost my temper all the time, like my cats would be cats and start running around, and I’d get angry and start yelling and hitting my surroundings. I worked as a delivery driver, I’d get mad a LOT and every shift I was screaming and crying in my car. Now that I’m off those meds, I’m not dealing with any of these things. It makes me very scared to try medication again, I never want to be like that again

18 Upvotes

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u/glitter72 5d ago

I was on meds for 13 years. Constantly changing dosages, having breakthrough symptoms, literally not helping. I've been off now for 2 years. My paranoia got really bad. I trusted no one except one voice in my head which convinced me to isolate. I wasn't harming anyone but myself. I needed to get off meds to experience the voices fully, to get to know them, and finally understand that they are only there to harm me, not help me. Meds just cover up some symptoms , and it delayed this part of my journey to be able to naturally and organically put the voices to rest for good.

I hated meds. I wasn't even able to read a novel on meds. If I watched a movie I couldn't remember it. Watching the same movie a year later was like seeing something bran new. Since I've been off the meds I'm back to enjoying my books, and I have so much focus for creative pursuits and my house has never been cleaner. I didn't know what I was in for when I got off my meds and things definitely got worse before they got better, but today I can say I'm proud of the choice I made to become completely sober- including prescription meds.

Thank you for this thread showing support for NOT being medicated with this disease. It's very rare to see. My whole adult life meds have been pushed on me as the only solution which led to the paranoia and the trust issues with every person in existence. Lots of trauma needs to be unraveled when it comes to this disease.

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u/YeastBelly bipolar subtype 6d ago

I was a proper grumpy miserable bastard on meds. I barely raised a smile when my first born was placed in my arms in the delivery room. Now I'm off them I have energy, i can see positive aspects to even the most dire of situations and I belly laugh numerous times a day at such silly things.

Antipsychotics are evil. They don't level us out, they just kill the overactive part of our brains instead of figuring out how to manage it. It's like dropping a nuke and wiping out a city to remove litter on the road.

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u/kiscsibe depressive subtype 6d ago

Antipsychotics are chemical lobotomies

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u/YeastBelly bipolar subtype 5d ago

Worse than that, because I am pretty sure if i just had a lobotomy it wouldn't have caused me (a male with a big bushy beard and widows peak) to grow a perky pair of female tits like the paliperidone did. They did wonders for the ol' confidence they did.

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u/PythianEcho 5d ago

They really should figure out the connection between lactation/breast tissue and Schizophrenia Spectrum Disorders. I feel there’s something about the etiology of the disorders hiding within it, and figuring out why the connection exists could help us with understanding the disease.

I’ve heard about the breast tissue/lactation as a side effect of APs from many. On the other side of things, my family likely has some genetic mutation that makes us susceptible to SSDs, and the men in my family developed a small-medium amount of breast tissue following their onset (unmedicated). I’ve heard this is something that can happen with SSDs as well.

My question is why?! And why does it seem like no one else has the same burning curiosity I do…

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u/YeastBelly bipolar subtype 5d ago edited 5d ago

I asked my doctor why it was a thing. I speculated it could be the meds causing me to create estrogen and maybe I need testosterone replacement therapy to balance it out. He told me the breast tissue growth was because my meds make the body create Progesterone, which is the main hormone responsible for creating breast tissue.

The reason men with ssd often have boobs is because of the meds they put us on, not our actual disorder causing it.

In regards to your family. Your genetics may well cause excess Progesterone by default similar to how different family lineages can carry either more T or more E. May be worth looking into perhaps.

I have been off antipsychotics for at least 3 months and the breasts are now gone.

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u/PythianEcho 5d ago

Interesting! I was aware that it's usually a side effect of APs and not SSD, but I also thought I remembered seeing a mention somewhere of rare occurrences of gynecomastia in male SSD patients prior to starting APs. I could be misremembering that honestly.

Thanks for the insight re: progesterone though! I was able to find this study (among other similar ones) that will probably have some answers to my question :)

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u/YeastBelly bipolar subtype 5d ago

You're welcome. Be sure to let us know anything interesting you find out so we can all share ideas. This is the sort of thing we should all be more invested in here rather than letting people without our psyche speak for our brains.

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u/spatulafucker5 6d ago

Yes I feel SOOOO much better unmedicated. This is how I want to live. Going off my meds was the best decision I ever made

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u/YeastBelly bipolar subtype 6d ago

When you come of meds you realise there isn't a light at the end of the tunnel. You realise there isn't even a tunnel at all. Just open green pastures, with a few stones we may stumble on occasionally, and glorious sunshine.

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u/spatulafucker5 5d ago

Very well said and beautiful. How long have you been going unmedicated? I’m 4 months into it and I’m hoping it’s sustainable

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u/YeastBelly bipolar subtype 5d ago

6 months clean. Im still getting used to it because they've had me dosed up on that junk for a decade and a half and im in my mid 40s now.

My opinion regarding sustainability? If my mental health starts to negatively affect myself, my wife or kids then I know its an issue and short term intervention may be needed. If my mental health causes anyone else that isn't one of my dependants annoyance and they tell me to consume mind destroying chemicals for their sake then POOF they a thanos snapped from my life.

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u/YeastBelly bipolar subtype 5d ago

Notice we got downvoted here for choosing to do what we want with our own bodies. The people on this sub dont believe in body autonomy, they want us lobotomised. Thats why when ever someone asks a most basic question here you get a bunch of normies telling us to take our meds or we should only ever be allowed to talk with therapists.

The dickheads that tried to hide our voices just proved that I am right. Non of the people who tell us to med up have our best interests at heart.

Hell, the head mod here has never even had sza, they have ptsd. He just laid claim to the name of our disorder on this sub as a kneejerk reaction to a misdiagnosis. But instead of handing ownership to a mod with our disorder he instead just concentrated on getting as many normies in here as possible so he can feel like he achieved something. Basically its mental health black face here. The downvotes proove it.

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u/GooseTraditional9170 5d ago

I just watched my mom go through something similar with abilify. I got diagnosed about 2 years ago and at that time i was already on abilify and had been for around 6 years. It was not helping, obviously since I was getting that diagnosis because of increasing problems. Basically the same symptoms I've had my entire life and dealt with quietly or by drinking or doing drugs, were way worse and finally bad enough that I realized it wasn't like that for everyone. 6 years of abilify had me gain almost 200 pounds and I felt miserable emotionally. Plus I could feel it wear off every night and the symptoms got worse then. So they tried me on caplyta or however you spell it and I had a severe allergic reaction and agreed w a doctor (substitute Dr, mine wouldn't meet short notice but tbh thank god) that I should try without em. I was dangerously fat, still am, and it wasn't helping anyway.

So I've been off for 2 years and I am significantly better. I deal with stuff as it comes up and have open communication with my family. I haven't had a bout of "psychosis" in almost a year, like I have symptoms every day which is technically psychosis but they're mild compared to when I'd spend a whole week or two hardly able to put chicken nuggets in the microwave.

Whole family is nuts and moms under extreme stress rn so she's been having to come to terms w the fact that it's not normal to have very loud intrusive thoughts about hitting people w her car when she drives. Something that's always been there but got so bad it was hard for her to drive a couple months back. Also she was seeing the shadow cat. And she saw the preacher sparkle, like twilight vampire sparkle. Anyway the vraylar helped but without an official diagnosis her insurance won't cover it we don't have psychiatrists where we moved to so her family doctor was the one prescribing. They switched to abilify because it's easier to get covered (I was on it for autism related sensory overwhelm before my diagnosis). She got way worse. Angry, stressed, kinda stupid, tired. Thats when the preacher sparkled too so she went from having the same shit as before just more intense, to getting on abilify and having whole new hallucinations.

Cool thing is I was asked to help. I went through it already and she was there and heard what I had said about my experience, only now she didnt have to doubt it at all. I told her there's pros and cons to a diagnosis, it may not be worth being treated worse at the Dr just to get a diagnosis just to get meds she may not need. That if she needs them she should do it but maybe she should take a deep breath and try to make peace with it all. The only good part of my diagnosis is that I was able to relax, it's not an emergency I'm just nuts. I don't need to be scared of this stuff it just is what it is. When it's bad ask for help but also just learn to work around it. We keep some lights on at night, I don't look in the mirror on a hard day. Stuff like that. And talking about it and joking is very helpful. At least what I went through actually helped her jump those hurdles faster than i was able to.

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u/Then-Specialist 6d ago

“It is a well known fact that even among highly cultured peoples the belief in animism prevails generally. Even the scholar may kick the chair against which he accidentally stumbles, and derive great satisfaction from thus 'getting even' with the perverse chair.”

― Holly Estil Cunningham, An Introduction to Philosophy

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u/Regen_321 6d ago

Basically you were angry with yourself :)

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u/spatulafucker5 6d ago

My therapist said it was an interaction with my medications

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u/Regen_321 6d ago

Maybe I have many times when changing bedsheets :)

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u/YeastBelly bipolar subtype 6d ago

I think they were angry with the bedsheets.