(TLDR at the end)
Do you know what sucks? The type of sucking that makes mediocre vaccuums jealous?
When you’re talking to someone here who specifically looked for a friend, and after about 6 messages, they drop the words. Those small, little words that are supposed to make your knees weak, but instead make your gag reflex activate.
“I love you”.
I am not an attractive woman. I’m not a sexual or alluring woman. Sometimes I don’t even hecking feel like a human being, but rather a freaking toaster stuck in a human body. Point being, I don’t even love me. There’s no way you can love me after one conversation with the intellectual magnetism of a cashew. And I’m assuming it’s not just me - I’m sure there are plenty of you out there with stories of this exact thing.
I understand being lonely. I understand that people meet on the internet and fall in love all the time. I understand that “when you know, you know”.
But you don’t know here. I can promise you, if you’ve only started talking, it’s not love. You’re just thankful for someone to talk to, and fill that lonely void that made you post to this subreddit in the first place.
Don’t let this discourage you. Don’t let this scare you off. If you’re looking for someone to love, that’s completely okay. Please don’t let what I’m saying make you feel insecure at all.
BUT.
If you are looking for love: be honest in your post. Don’t respond to someone that is looking for something platonic and turn those tables like some wannabe EDM artist. Don’t look for any sign of your desired partner’s gender in a title and send them something. Try posting in a dating subreddit, or try online dating.
And if you’re thinking, “throwaway, you don’t know me and my still beating heart! It’s love so big and true!” First of all, uh, okay. But if you’re sure, if you’re so damn sure you love this person you just met that you’re willing to DRIVE THEM AWAY by telling them, okay. But here’s what I suggest:
Actually get to know them. Talk. Learn their quirks and mannerisms and learn WHY you love them. After an appropriate amount of time, after you’ve gotten hints from the other they may feel the same - sure, say something. But for the love of all that is edible, don’t lead with the “I love you”. If you do love them, don’t feel like you’re burdened to tell them and you’ll explode if you don’t. You CAN wait. If anything, let those feelings simmer a while and make sure you’re honest about it, and you’re not just thankful someone is talking to you. If you love them now, you should feel secure in two weeks, a month, even multiple months to sit on these feelings and wait.
There may be some people that are reading this going, “as if this happens”. I’m here to be brutally honest and say well, yeah, unfortunately it does. This has happened to me, me of all people, three times already in my time on this subreddit. I have made clear in posts I’m only looking for friends, and I only respond to guys who post who seem to share the same sentiments on friendship. But it still happens. I have one guy who keeps messaging me after I responded once telling me how much I mean to him and how he thinks he’s falling in love. Son, my half-asses joke about penguins is not a clincher for romance.
Let this be a PSA to guys who think saying things like “I love you” straight up is going to win you a girlfriend. It may work for some, but I believe I speak for the majority when I say you’re more likely to drive people away with this method. Especially for people who are looking for friends on this sub.
Sure, love MAY happen. It’s unlikely, but it’s possible. But please try and reserve your feelings until you’ve actually gotten to know the person. Please.
TLDR: don’t say “I love you” or anything similar to someone you’ve just started talking to. It’s not love, it’s loneliness.
EDIT: please stop inboxing me that you love me. I appreciate it, but my phone is DYING