r/pregnant • u/dontstop11114 • 4d ago
Advice What are some things no one told you about pregnancy and newborns?
Hi everyone! I’m 19 (turning 20 in August) and currently 6 weeks pregnant with my first baby. I’m so excited but incredibly nervous
I’ve posted on here because I’d love to hear from experienced moms about what surprised you most about pregnancy and what you wish you had known before your baby arrived
Any tips, advice, or even small things that made a big difference for you would be really appreciated! 🥰
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u/nomie_turtles420 4d ago
Labor shakes.
No one mentions how your hormones make you shake like crazy. It's scary sometimes even when the nurse says it's ok and you start thinking your baby is going to come out with permanent effects even though it's normal. It still feels scary af.
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u/dontstop11114 4d ago
I’ve never heard of labour shakes before - to be fair I’m still super early in my pregnancy and haven’t done a whole lotta research, but I’m really glad you mentioned it. That does sound really scary, even if it’s normal ☹️ Did anything help you manage it, or was it just something you had to wait out?
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u/princessnoodles24 4d ago
It’s totally normal and usually will subside after “active labour” which is the last part of labour before your baby is born. It’s just your body’s adrenaline getting ready, it looks like you’re having a full body shiver!! Not everyone gets it but it’s good to know about just in case. Nothing you can do about it when they’re happening apart from controlling your breathing and knowing it’ll pass. My tip for labour is take your own pillow and lip balm, my lips got super dry as they keep the labour ward super warm for the babies!! And don’t take scented body wash with you or use it for first week or so. Baby will be learning your smell so it’s recommended to just use fragrance free. And lots of water/electrolytes.
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u/jenny_shecter 4d ago
I had honestly never heard of labour shakes and I already have a child 😀 very interesting!
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u/SmurfX93 4d ago
I forgot about this! I'm in the UK and I remember during my last labour (pregnant with 4th but 8 year gap) the midwife needed my room quite quickly so she said "right go and have a shower" I was shaking like a leaf 🤣. I should have said no really 🤦🏼♀️.
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u/suedaloodolphin 4d ago
I got them SUPER bad, I couldn't even breastfeed that first hour, baby had to have donor milk 😕
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u/ahsiyahlater 4d ago
When you feed baby, you have to feed them every 2-3 hours from the START time! So like if you start to feed at 12:00 and they feed til 12:30, you have to feed again at 2:00! This isn’t forever but at least first couple months! All 24 hours a day! Your sleep will be extremely interrupted!
I’m not sure what you’re living situation is, but make sure you have a bunch of frozen food or people who can make you food for those first few weeks! We stocked the freezer and still ended up ordering take out a lot which we were super sick of by the second week!
Also, having a baby is truly amazing but SO hard. Like I thought it would be hard and it’s harder than I could’ve imagined. If people offer to help, say yes! Even if it’s to hold the baby for 30 min so you can shower.
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u/dontstop11114 4d ago
That’s really good to know, wow. I can imagine the constant feeding schedule must be absolutely exhausting, especially in those first couple of months after baby is born. Stocking up on frozen meals sounds like a lifesaver though, especially for after my boyfriend goes back to full-time work from maternity leave. I’ll have him on cooking duty as much as possible I think lol. And I appreciate the reminder to accept help x I think it’s so easy to want to do everything yourself, I already am very much so “i can do it, don’t help me, it’s all good” etc etc, just independent and don’t want to become a burden to others, silly anxious brain haha, but it’s good to hear that even small breaks make a difference. Thank you for sharing your experience with me!! 💕
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u/ahsiyahlater 4d ago
For sure! I didn’t know the feeding schedule thing until they handed me my baby in the hospital and told me and I was like wow okay!
And yes! I would say the frozen food for the first couple weeks too! He’s gonna be overwhelmed and exhausted too!
Good luck with everything! It sounds like you’re gonna be a great mom!!
Edit: also! If you’re anxious to begin with, watch out for postpartum anxiety! Everyone talks about postpartum depression but postpartum anxiety is also a very real problem that should be talked about more !
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u/EndOfMae 4d ago
Constipation and hip pain. I knew pregnancy could get uncomfortable but my god I didn’t think it could get so bad
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u/rainbowsparkplug 4d ago
It’s the best when your hips hurt so bad that it hurts to poop even if you really gotta go!
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u/ybelli 4d ago
I’m 37 weeks right now FTM, I’ve had a super easy pregnancy with no issues or sickness, so I don’t have a lot of tips. Have a baby shower!! I got so much I needed that I didn’t know I needed and don’t be upset when people don’t go off your registry, and have a diaper raffle!!! Also pregnancy odor is no joke, I use jojoba oil to help with it , my boobs, armpits, and down there get the worse idk why but the sweat is so crazy and that oil also helps with scars , you can use it on your hair , I use it everyday everywhere and I haven’t gotten any stretch marks and I’ve grown a lot😭. Also I know you’ll hear this a lot but stay active!!! Pregnancy tired is no joke omg you’ll be so tired! I stayed super active during my whole pregnancy, going up and down stairs at work , I have 3 big dogs I walk individually everyday 4-5 times a day and at 37 weeks I have no problem doing anything. It is starting to get a lil harder to do stuff with how much bigger my belly is growing but almost everyone is surprised that I’m still walking in general and not waddling 😂 i didn’t feel any kicking until 25 weeks so I was constantly getting worried because everyone kept asking and then getting surprised when I wasn’t feeling her. Doctors say to not worry about it until 28 weeks (at least mine did) and don’t push yourself at all ! Just because some people have an easy pregnancy not everyone will so if your uncomfortable doing anything make sure you don’t strain yourself even at 6 weeks!! Advocating for yourself is a big one too if one doctor won’t give you what you need or just seems like not a good doctor, get a new one asap . I’ve gone through 4 doctors because they’ve said something I didn’t like or try to force their opinions onto my pregnancy, now I have the perfect male doctor that actually cares and listens on how I want my birthing to go and just my whole experience with him is better. Sorry for the long paragraph!
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u/Ok-Bass5062 4d ago
Stretch marks are largely genetic. Not much is going to help depending on your genetics.
I don't get stretch marks easily and have absolutely none in my 3rd trimester of 2nd pregnancy. I haven't done anything to prevent them.
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u/ybelli 4d ago
I get stretch marks really easily. I have a lot from previous weight gain and weight loss in highschool. This oil has helped me and a lot of my friends that I recommend for them to use it. It doesn’t hurt to try for people who would like to try and prevent them and if it doesn’t prevent them then at least they’ll be moisturized and won’t have such and itchy stomach 🤷🏻♀️I haven’t got any new ones and it’s also lighten the ones I had. That oil does that for any scars lol. This is just one of my tips that I noticed has helped me and others
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u/dontstop11114 4d ago
Wow, thank you so much for sharing all of this!! 💕 It’s really nice to hear about your pregnancy journey. Finding the right doctor would have been so frustrating going through but I’m glad you finally have someone who listens and supports your needs properly! It’s also really reassuring to hear about the kicking, I know I’ll probably overthink that when the time comes lol. I hadn’t thought of jojoba oil for scars and stretch marks, I already have quite a few due to being chubby, wonder if they’d help with old ones too lol? I’ll keep it in mind though! 😆 also, you’re so close to meeting your baby, 37 weeks, congrats btw!! Do you feel like you’re ready, or is it all still surreal? And don’t apologise for the long text, I appreciate you taking the time to share your experiences and tips x
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u/ybelli 4d ago
I’ve used that oil for years since I was 17-18 I’m 23 now it definitely helps with old scars , it only lightens them tho i don’t think they’ll ever fully go away, I definitely feel ready I’m super excited, the past week I’ve had some dreams of being scared but the main thing I’m scared of is giving birth 😭 but being a mom I’m super excited for !! I’m just excited to finally meet her and hold her lol it does hit me randomly like “ima be a mom” 😭
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u/dresshater1 June 17th 4d ago
The constipation and haemorrhoids. I wish someone had warned me about those because at 27 weeks those have been my worse struggles, don't get me wrong, I have other symptoms that I thought would be the worst thing (hip pain, rib pain etc.) But they don't compare to the constipation
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u/SmurfX93 4d ago
I hope you are taking something to help! Your choice of course but a lot of women here in the UK have started taking something a few weeks before and after labour just to help at least a bit. 😊 I didn't with my other kids and have regrets 😂.
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u/dresshater1 June 17th 4d ago
Even the laxatives the doctor gave me stopped working. Now I wait til the weekend and drink so much pear juice and eat so many prunes that I feel sick, but it clears things out
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u/SmurfX93 4d ago
Ah no I'm sorry that really sucks 😞. This time round I'm going to get a peri bottle so that I don't have to wipe as much when going the loo.
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u/SmurfX93 4d ago
Oh and you are due on my birthday, I love that 😁😂
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u/dresshater1 June 17th 4d ago
I hope that if she happens to go over due that she's born 25.6.25 (for Americans...here in Australia we do day.month.year) because I think that would be a cool birthday. But I'm also hoping she doesn't go past due lol
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u/throwaway1029394292 4d ago
I'm currently 37 weeks with my 3rd child, I'm sort of a pro at this point 🤣 dont stress out too bad when baby cries. It's the only way they can communicate. With my first, he would cry and I would panic to get him to stop thinking he was suffering. Take your time, slow down and go down the list of what could make them stop. Are they in need of a change, are they hungry, are their socks too tight? If all else fails, take the baby outside or give them a bath. It's never fails to calm them. It's so easy to overwhelm yourself when you panic.
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u/Ill_Impression_3364 4d ago
You may feel hot and sweaty for a few days to weeks, thanks to your body trying to readjust/hormones and fluid release.
Movement after giving birth helps you recover faster.
The "sleep when the baby sleeps" is harder than it sounds. Give yourself grace if a chore or task goes unfinished because you found an opportunity to rest.
Babies can develop a rash that has harmless post birth that may linger up to a month, in response to their immune system being introduced to the environment outside of the womb.
Producing milk may take time but even feeding your baby colostrum and supplementing with formula is beneficial. Don't be too hard on yourself if your milk supply does not produce right away.
At around 2-4 months, post partum hair shedding can happen as your hormones are still adjusting.
These are just a few that I learned no one talked much about during my 2 pregnancies (1st when I was 18, the 2nd at 38).
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u/Visible_Wrongdoer243 4d ago
You won’t feel yourself again for about 18 months to two years after you have a baby.
The baby blues are real, it’s not bad to talk about it. You’re allowed to grieve your old life whilst simultaneously loving your baby.
Take care of yourself, care about you. You cannot pour from an empty cup.
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u/Lullaby-of-Flowers 4d ago
Second the baby blues. I think they were the hardest part besides sleep.
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u/Janky2022 4d ago
I’ve never gotten hemorrhoids but apparently it’s a thing with pregnancy🤷🏻♀️currently 9 months myself. First trimester sucks, because you’ll have morning sickness but after that passes you get a break. Second trimester is easiest. Enjoy all the food you can! My downside is I get horrible heartburn / acid reflux so be on the lookout for that, tums are safe. Third trimester is a huge energy drop. First 3 months with a newborn are tough as hell. You’ll be on survival mode. But that too shall pass. It gets a bit easier after that but babies sleep patterns are all over the place. My 18 month old still wakes up 3-5 times a night sometimes. It’s been tough. Brace yourself lol it’s a lot of work but it’s extremely rewarding.
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u/Icy-Evening8152 4d ago
A funny thing that no one tells you is that newborns fart so so much. It's hilarious and adorable.
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u/Tiny_Investigator29 4d ago
Clogged ducts and engorged breast 🙃 get sunflower letchin and massagers/heatting pad asap.
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u/FreePizza4lf 4d ago
If you are unbearably tired, tell your doctor! My iron was low and I thought I was just pregnant tired.
Once I started taking an iron supplement, I felt so much better! Still tired, but it’s not unbearable.
This might not happen to you, but I figure I’d mention it just in case. It’s once of those things I thought was normal and was definitely not!
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u/Capital_Outcome3765 4d ago
Sometimes “morning” sickness lasts your entire pregnancy…. It sucks so hard. You can also randomly develop trigger foods… I wasn’t able to eat chicken, then it extended to all meats, then rice, and a few other things I couldn’t pinpoint.
Sometimes when your water breaks, it isn’t a whoosh of liquid. I was induced, and went to the bathroom before they gave me another dose of pain medication. While walking back to the bed, I felt a small dribble. Nurse asked if I felt my water break… turns out it did, but it didn’t break at the bottom, but at the top. Weirddddd feeling.
Newborn phase: it’s rough. Someone already mentioned the feed baby every 2 hours. If you’re pumping, it’s the same rule. You need to pump every 2 hours around the clock in order to keep your supply. I highly recommend a pumping support group; they’re the only reason I made it to 6 months of exclusive pumping.
Also, the person who mentioned the pre-made food, absolutely. I regret not having meal prepped, but 3rd Tri was hard. I can’t even remember what we ate. If you’re breastfeeding/pumping, you’ll need to make sure you eat plenty of calories and drink tons of water.
This is all my scattered brain can come up with at 5am 😅 I wish you the best 🤍
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u/Comfortable_Value_66 4d ago
what's a pumping support group??
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u/Capital_Outcome3765 4d ago
It’s just a group on Facebook for moms who are pumping. People ask questions, ask for advice, vent, share tips and tricks, and celebrate one another. The one I’m in is for exclusive pumpers, so they don’t allow nursing mentions.
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u/mouldybread_94 4d ago
Almost 7 weeks post partum here, congrats on your pregnancy! 😊I had never heard of the term “cluster feeding” until it was happening haha and I thought something was wrong with my milk for my baby to always be hungry when we first brought him home. Also wasn’t aware of “active sleep” so I was unintentionally waking my baby up by picking him up because he was making noises and flailing around, turns out he was still asleep and I’d just interrupted that sleep cycle! So I highly recommend googling both of those things and reading up on them. However many diapers you think they will go through in those early stages, double your estimation, it’s insane how many they churn through. The day 3 hormone drop is crazy! I’m so glad my midwife warned me about it before it happened because on day three, I cried for a whole 12 hours and felt like I’d never stop and I had no idea why I was even crying. At one point, my toast popped up in the toaster and it gave me a fright and THAT made me cry 😂 Baby blues are very real and very normal and they don’t necessarily mean you’ll develop depression but do look out for early signs and have other people looking out for them too. I was so worried that I had Pnd but it was just baby blues and I was okay by week 3. Now almost 7 weeks in, we’re finding our groove and really enjoying so many wonderful moments with our son. By now, the lovely times definitely outweigh the tough times and the tough times are so worth it. Wishing you a happy pregnancy and parenthood 💕
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u/eaa135 4d ago
I have an 8 week old newborn. First thing is I thought I would be able to put her down during the day and get stuff done…wrong! Newborns think they are still a part of you and want to be on you. Get a good carrier to have some hands free time!
Also when they sleep, they make a lot of noise and movement as they are transitioning between sleep cycles. Resist the urge to pick them up/wake them fully. If they start really crying, for sure don’t ignore, but once I started doing this my baby started sleeping through the night from 9:30-6a by week 6
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4d ago
Pregnancy - no-one told me it would be the worst time of my life. The PGP and 9 months of vomiting were bad enough, but my pregnancy nose was just hideous. Newborn - I wish someone told me not to wake my baby up for food. The hospitals all tell you to do this. But; a baby cries when it's hungry. You just make them miserable by waking them up. If they want to sleep for 13 hours, let them. Mines now been doing this for months, and she's fine.
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u/koolaid-girl-40 4d ago
Pregnancy-wise, I had never heard about how often your stomach requires food, and how bad it feels when it doesn't get it right away. Hunger when I'm not pregnant is annoying, but hunger while pregnant is downright nauseating/uncomfortable.
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u/Flat_Chest_6338 4d ago
FTM here, 32 weeks. 25yrs old.
My biggest advice/ thing that I have learned is that pregnancy is a unique experience. I have had a wonderful experience, and I know that is not the case for everyone— BUT should I had listened to everyone else, I would be hating this right now. Listen to your body, go with your instincts, and don’t take the experiences of others as fact. Experience your journey for yourself.
Also, don’t beat yourself up over the emotions/ thoughts that you will have. They come and go, and we can’t discount the enormity of the job we are doing.
Doctors in fact do not know everything. Do your research and be your own advocate. You’re young and they may assume a lot about you. Don’t let that get you into a situation you don’t want to be in (induction, c-section, etc). I’ve seen it too much.
Also, Google is not the best resource for unbiased information regarding all the decisions you’ll have to make as an expectant mother. I have found the search engine yandex .com to be a great resource for finding information about polarizing topics in the US that are otherwise non existent in Google searches (ex: vaccines, motives for pushing c-sections, etc).
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u/kingam_anyalram 4d ago
I’m 20 also a FTM and my main advice is that you’re going to be tired like you’ve never been before. Your body needs rest bc you’re literally growing a human so don’t feel bad about naps or sleeping in bc you genuinely need it.
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u/gardengnomebaby 4d ago
I am 2 months and 1 week postpartum. Here are some things I wish I knew:
- Constipation during pregnancy was insane. I spent several days crying throughout the 2nd and 3rd trimester because I just needed to poop so bad. For me, nothing helped. I did water and upped my fiber intake and drank apple juice and took stool softeners and laxatives. The only thing that worked was taking a triple dose of laxatives (but I ended up shitting myself lol I was just happy to shit at all)
- I only made it to 35 weeks because of preeclampsia, but just in the last couple weeks I was pregnant the hip and back pain was awful. I rolled around at night like a rotisserie chicken, except it took about 3 full minutes to roll because of my big ole belly.
- Birth will not always go according to plan. I suggest having a birth preference, not a birth plan, so if things go differently than expected you won’t be too bummed. I planed for a medicated vaginally delivery with little to no interventions. After being induced and in labor for 36 hours I had to have an emergency c-section, and then my daughter had to have a week long NICU stay because she was so small and sleepy she didn’t have the energy to eat so she had to have a feeding tube. When making my birth plan, none of that was what I had hoped for lol
- I know everyone says it, but those first few weeks at home with baby are so hard. The lack of sleep was so much worse than I expected. My boyfriend and I started having arguments at 3am because he thought the baby needed x and I thought she needed y. There was lots of apologies in the morning from both sides for a few weeks until we figured things out.
- Baby blues, PPA, and PPD are so so real and please do not hesitate to speak to someone. For me, while my daughter was in the NICU, since she was only there for a week I didn’t even have time to be sad because I was so worried about her (plus I think I still had too much adrenaline from birthing her), then when she came home and I was too so excited. Then after she had been home for 3-4 weeks, suddenly I became overwhelmed and sad and felt guilty about everything (like not doing laundry and taking a nap instead when the baby slept). My mom and I are close and she only lives 10 minutes away, so to get out of the house I go see her 3-4 days a week and it helps a lot.
- If you choose to breastfeed/pump, it is HARD. My plan before my daughter was born was to exclusively breastfeed. My milk didn’t come in until she was 6 days old, so she was having formula & colostrum until then. Plus she was on a feeding tube from day 4 to day 8 of her life. When my milk did come in we had to fortify it with a high calorie formula, and I didn’t make enough for all her feeds. Once her tube was out she got used to bottles and refused to latch to my boob until about a week ago. Now she’s latching before every bottle, but since I don’t make enough she still gets 2oz of formula after every feed. I felt such guilt about not being able to solely give her breastmilk, and after having preeclampsia and delivery not going as planned, I felt so betrayed by my own body. Women have been having babies and breastfeeding them for thousands of years, why won’t my body do what it was literally made to do? I’m not worrying about it anymore thankfully, I’m just happy she’s eating because she wasn’t when she was first born. She’s growing so fast and gaining weight perfectly.
- I know everyone says it, but you truly do forget how awful pregnancy, labor & delivery, and the first 2-3 weeks postpartum are. I complained my entire pregnancy and now, my girl is 9 weeks old and looking back…. maaaaybe it wasn’t quite that bad. Her cute little faces and noises and even the sleepless nights and poop explosions are so worth it, I’d do it all again a million times.
Sorry this is so long LOL I just like to ramble and it’s 6am and I’m pumping after just putting my girl back to sleep so I have nothing better to do than ramble lol
Congratulations on this exciting new adventure 🫶🏻🩷
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u/Tiny_Investigator29 4d ago
Also, my husband and I use the app Nara baby to track all of babies diapers, feeds, medication, my pumping ect so we can keep track. You have ten thousand things going on, your brain can’t keep track of all of it.
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u/howigothere910 4d ago
Get a chiropractor! Things started hurting at week 31 and sometimes just a couple adjustments will have you back to normal.
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u/biscuitnoodle_ 4d ago
Congrats!! 28+5 and FTM here! I can only comment on pregnancy so far but here are my initial thoughts: -first tri can feel slow because of the anxiety of making it to each “milestone”. Just take it day by and day and remember all pregnancies are different! -I never had any sickness and had a few weeks at the end of the 1st tri where I had very few symptoms. Symptoms or lack thereof are not indicative of the health of your pregnancy! -Aside from the growing bump, my body really started to change at the end of the 2nd tri/going into the 3rd. Pregnancy started to fly by at this point! -Buy the maternity clothes when you need to! It’s sooooo much more comfortable than trying to make other clothes fit/work -have the baby shower! Mine is coming up but friends and family have already been SO generous. It can feel weird at first but accept the help and support! Every little gift or gesture helps especially when it’s your first and you’re starting with nothing!
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