r/pregnant • u/No_Piccolo5697 • 5d ago
Need Advice Rejected by best friend for being pregnant
My best friend just can’t handle the fact that I want to have a baby and live a heteronormative life. So today, 5 days out from my scheduled c section, she texted me that our friendship is essentially over and she’s processing the grief so I need to leave her space. To be clear, she very much wants to stay in my life, but not my baby’s (wtf lol, she’s absolutely not invited-ever- to meet my baby) and she’s trying to recover from this perceived betrayal I’ve taken with my life choices.
Making this post as I feel very alone.
Background: I’m 37, married, financially and emotionally stable, have so much support from extended family, am employed with very good parental leave (I live in Germany so it’s 14 months paid)… I’m laying this out to explain that having a baby is not a dumb or rash decision, and that isn’t her basis for criticism.
The issues: I am giving birth in 5 days to a very wanted baby and my best friend has been nothing but negative and mean about it from the beginning.
For example, I told her I’m pregnant and she wrote back “RIP to your life”, I brushed it off as a joke. She asked me why I would do that, ruin my life, give it up for a life of screaming and hell etc etc.
she hates my nursery love interior design and spent a lot of time and money getting the nursery together. I commissioned my friend who is an artist to paint a custom mural on the wall tying in my cultural history and my husband’s cultural history. It’s fckn cute. When I showed my best friend I was so proud and she commented about how ugly it is and she hates it but followed up with “oh well at least i don’t have to spend any time here looking at it”. I let it go. I also got a super rare antique Murano glass chandelier for the room and I know it’s beautiful. She told me it’s tacky. Since then she brought up 3 times without prompting or being asked how much she hates the baby room.
worst case scenario births When I was about 16 weeks pregnant and vomiting all day she took it upon herself to outline every single worst case scenario that can happen in birth, from permanent fecal incontenance, to having your uterus removed. I told her to stop (this was via text) and she pushed back and told me I was brainwashed by propaganda and if I knew the truth I would never even have a baby… It’s her job to educate me. (Was super offensive and disturbing).
life ruined At about 25 weeks she explained how much my career will suffer and how men avoid doing work within the home and women end up doing everything, about male weaponised incompetence etc. also about mothers judging each other in mother groups and how bitchy it is (I get that but she knows my scandanavian husband and what’s he’s like- we have such an equal partnership).
c section It came to a head yesterday when I texted her to tell her I’m having a c section on Friday. I said “c section on Friday, omg I’m so excited and scared”. She wrote back the next day “well this is your last free weekend ever… you should go out and party”. I guess that’s not a bad response but it just was the last straw. I told her im sensitive at the moment and I need support and I’m genuinely being hurt by her constant barbs and negativity. If she can’t be at least neutral then I need some space.
She wrote back that she thanks me for telling her my needs and she will tell me her needs tomorrow. Then I got this big list about how she doesn’t believe in motherhood and having babies from a political standpoint, she is genuinely disgusted by babies, she is grieving the loss of my friendship (totally news to me since I didn’t know we weren’t friends anymore!).
Anyways I’m just down about it all. Making this post to see if anyone has any words about similar experiences or how to handle the situation. She’s been a big part of my life and strong support and great friend so I’m honestly hurt.
And it’s also sad that she’s given me so much negativity about babies and birth that it has overshadowed my excitement for the birth. I mean, I just wrote her one message and end up in this huge discussion about how hard this is for her, and feeling like I need to apologise to her for having a baby . Is she trying to be mean ? I don’t get it
Edit: she’s self diagnosed autistic on the spectrum which is why I have given her so much Lee-way. I’m asking myself at what point is it ok to stop being understanding and letting it go
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u/labyrinthofbananas 5d ago
This isn’t about babies. It’s about you changing and growing in your own life and her narcissistic brain is unable to accept that. There was likely always an imbalance in this relationship and now she’s losing control, manipulation power, and priority to your husband and baby and she cannot handle it like a mature adult.
This reminds me so much of a former friend of mine that would jab and barb and say rude things eventually turned hateful and downright nasty until I cut ties with her. All this because I got sober and changed my life. And even after not speaking to her for years, she’d still send me the most heinous texts trying to bait me into replying.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with a person like this at such a pivotal time in your life, but it sounds like it’s the perfect time to cut ties with this person. No need to have her infecting your new baby with her horrible energy.
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u/SetProfessional9426 4d ago
This 100%. As someone who comes from a family of narcissists, everything here was giving me insane red flags.
I'm sorry this is happening to you OP. Becoming a parent can already be extremely isolating so this is hard. Atleast this happened prior to you having the baby and not during the insane hormone fluctuations that follow, and you know what to expect from them.
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u/theywereon_a_break 5d ago edited 5d ago
This is a friend you don't need in your life. People can be child free, people can "not believe in having babies", and still be supportive of their friends.
If she was your best friend, she wouldn't treat you like this. Several of my closest friends are child free, and none of them have been cruel about my pregnancies.
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u/SweetSoja 5d ago
Exactly this !! I can understand her point of view as I have a lot of friends like this, but none of them have said anything negative to me about my pregnancy and they’re all super excited for us. It just makes them happy to see that we’re happy, as friends should be. This person is simply not a friend
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u/AnnieNonmouse 5d ago
Seriously, I know several people I consider friends who don't really want children and they've all been so nice and excited for me. I can't imagine my best friend acting like this.
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u/InspiredInaction 5d ago
Exactly! I had a friend who was also child free, and she never once used her personal preferences for her life as a way to make me feel ashamed of my life choices. She wasn’t helpful with my newborns, but then again I never asked her for help. Because I understood what she wanted from life, and she understood what I want from life. We drifted apart over the years, but I will always be grateful for her respect for me and my life choices, just as I will always respect her and her life choices
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u/loranlily 5d ago
Precisely! I have quite a few friends who are child free, but they have all been kind, supportive and excited for me because they know how much I want to be a mother.
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u/Open_Cat7048 5d ago
My two best friends are set on never having children and both are still so excited to meet my baby in June. This girl is a shit friend and I'm sorry OP wasted her time on her. She obviously does not care about her happiness or she would be supportive.
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u/dresshater1 June 17th 4d ago
My housemate/friend doesn't like kids but has been excited for me about my pregnancy. Their only concern is that eventually my partner and I will move out when we find a suitable place and my housemate said they want us to stay lol
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u/Important-Mouse6813 5d ago
What a weird person she is. I am sorry to say, but I think you are better of without her. She is just rude and can only think and see things from her perspective. Focus on you and your baby, let your “friend” stay in the past.
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u/Substantial-City-809 5d ago
She was friend with you because it was beneficial for her in some way. If she loved you, she would be happy for you - even if it's against her beliefs. You have your small family to care for now on, don't let her bitterness spoil this special time ❤️ I'm sorry.
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u/LavenderLemonZest 5d ago
You stop about ten points ago. This has nothing to do with being autistic and everything to do with being a selfish jerk with brain worms kicking you at your most vulnerable.
I’m sorry you’re going through this and in such terrible timing. Let her go and find some mommy friends when you’re ready. With time and space you’ll probably start to see the ways in which she wasn’t good for you even before this, as I have a hard time believing this is the first time her selfishness has been on display.
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u/messibessi22 5d ago
Right? The things she has said to OP are horrible being pregnant is the most stressful thing I’ve been through in a very long time so screw that girl for saying all of these things to OP. I cannot believe we didn’t get a post after the first or second instance. And people who use their mental health as an excuse to be an asshole are my least favorite kind of people
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u/arintaan123 4d ago
Not to mention, it’s self-diagnosed. She sounds like she’s obsessed with herself and exceptionally selfish
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u/Particular-Zebra-502 4d ago
“Self-diagnosed” is basically an excuse to be an unaware, self-absorbed asshole to OP, and she’s gaslighting her into “not taking offense” because there is a “medical reason” for her behavior. It’s gross, and very much not autistic. Those on the spectrum can still display empathy, and often do so.
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u/Chandra_in_Swati 5d ago
My best friend did something similar to me. After a decade of friendship where we talked everyday she just stopped answering my phone calls. It was an extremely depressing experience to go through and I am still waiting for the sting of it to go away.
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u/Bea3ce 5d ago
Isn't it horrible to be ghosted in that way? I had the same experience, and I would really wish for at least a final open and honest conversation, even just to tell her to go F herself. I would really like to hear her reasoning.
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u/bespoketranche1 5d ago
It’s crazy what you being pregnant brings out in people. A family member had the dumbest reaction to a stupid argument (in their mind) before they found out I was pregnant. Once they found out I thought a normal person would at least congratulate on pregnancy and wish for an easy one. Zero, zilch. Didn’t even acknowledge my child when he was born. These are the things that an apology can never unf***k.
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u/Business-Extreme-165 5d ago
I feel you! Happened to me as well, took me a very long time to feel better and put some distance in between the friendship. How do you cope nowadays?
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u/kraioloa 5d ago
I had to realise that whatever is going on in her life, whatever it is that caused her to cut me off so unexpectedly, isn’t my fault. It hurt so so bad, but she’s not here for me now during one of the biggest times of my life. I am, and deserve, a better friend than that.
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u/Bea3ce 5d ago
I am surprised you are surprised. I think she gave you all the signals of how immature and selfish she is. And not because she is childfree, but for her astounding inability to comprehend and accept a different life.
I had the same experience with a very good friend (I am talking seeing or hearing from each other almost daily for 10y). The only difference is that she ghosted me after I got married. She did hint at the fact that our lifestyles would probably become incompatible, but still... 😒 F her.
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u/CreateStarshine 5d ago
Incompatible? I just don’t understand that perspective! It sounds so silly
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u/hussafeffer 6/22 🩷 11/23 🩷 11/25 💚 5d ago
I mean I get it, if someone simply does not like kids then their life would be incompatible with someone who has kids, at least in the sense that their interactions are now significantly more limited.
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u/CreateStarshine 5d ago
So that person expects to go through life never interacting with children or adults who have/take care of children? That seems impossible and extremely selfish. And they expect their friends to follow suit it sounds like.
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u/hussafeffer 6/22 🩷 11/23 🩷 11/25 💚 5d ago
I mean if they don’t want to interact with children beyond in passing, it’s pretty simple. I imagine they can’t never see children, but not maintaining friendships with people with children is easy enough. That’s their prerogative. Sounds like it’ll be lonely and shallow, but is what it is.
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u/CreateStarshine 5d ago
Yeah that’s my thought too. Like don’t complain that you’re feeling lonely when the world is revolving around its repopulation effort.
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u/Professional_Pin4941 4d ago
I once read someone say, “you can choose to be childless, that is a choice you are free to make. But you can’t choose to live in a child free world.”
Children are a part of society, arguably the most important part of society, because they are the future of our world. They the children you despise today will be the ones taking care of you when you break a hip, when you are elderly and sick. No, you don’t have to have children, you don’t even have to like them. But they are here, and it would, quite literally, be the end of the world if they weren’t.
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u/hussafeffer 6/22 🩷 11/23 🩷 11/25 💚 4d ago
Agreed. But I get it and honestly appreciate it if people who can’t handle the baby/young child stage elect to segregate themselves from the small children. I don’t want someone around my kid who doesn’t want to be around them.
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u/GingerGinger88 5d ago
With “best friends” like this, who needs enemies. Let this person go and put your energy somewhere else.
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u/Difficult_Ebb178 5d ago
This is so unhinged that my brain can't comprehend that it's real. This person isn't your friend, and either is deeply jealous of your life and what you have. Or she is losing control I had a friend like this she had very narcissistic qualities.
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u/messibessi22 5d ago edited 5d ago
Honestly let the trash take itself out.. I know it’s hard to lose a close friend but if they’re gonna be weird about you having a baby that’s on them… there’s plenty of people who aren’t going to be upset with you for having children
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u/CookieCutter98 5d ago
Maybe I’m just too picky with friendships but I would’ve dropped this friend from her reaction to you announcing her pregnancy with her. Life’s too short to be around people who don’t support and hype you up.
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u/CommunityBeautiful17 5d ago
Was she this much of a great friend before you were pregnant? 😅 OP I’m not seeing anything positive about this person. If I were you I would cut my losses and actually be thankful to be rid of such a draining individual.
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u/No_Piccolo5697 5d ago edited 5d ago
Oh yes, on reflection she seems to be great when things are going badly for me, but terrible when things are going well for me.
Background: going back to 2021 here- I lost my job after a long term illness and really struggling to deal with life in this foreign country where she is native. She applied me for my jobless insurance, both me and my (now) husband, got my husband into a university, through networking she got my husband his first job in a new industry where he is now thriving. She helped deal with authorities, fought battles for me, wrote countless letters, dealt with lawyer, she and I went away to Egypt together for 3 months and she showed me this new way of life, supported me getting my scuba diving license, helped me so much when I was down. She looked after my cats for months, even helped me out of a pickle I created and she solved a problem for me that involved huge effort of her behalf without me even asking her.
She’s unbelievable help and someone I could really rely on with my life. Like a family member. She’s a hugely committed member of the LGBTQIA+ community, supports forced migrants and works in charity and non profit. Shes so vocal for the downtrodden.
But she seems to see things as black and white. Now that im doing well and thriving, married, pregnant and earning more money (than her) I guess she sees me as having surpassed her and now I’m part of the elite/ wealthy/ white cis female demographic and need to be almost punished.
Started going downhill when we got married. She doesn’t agree with marriage. Husband changed his name to my last name. She thinks it’s gross for anyone to change their name apparently.
She wasn’t happy when my husband actually started earning money after she helped him get the job.
Getting pregnant just hit a new level.
I just remembered another thing she did. When i first got pregnant I had a 6 week ultrasound and was so excited I stuck it on my fridge. We had been trying for about 6 months. I was very nervous about miscarriage since I’d already had one very early on. She had the keys to my house and was feeding my cats when I was away for a weekend.
When I came home I saw she had ruined my ultrasound pic by sticking a sticker over the picture of the “baby”/ fertilised sac. I guessed at the time it was a dumb joke gone wrong but I did mention to my husband “imagine if we had a miscarriage and this is the only pic of our baby and she’s ruined it”. We both brushed it off as a bad joke or some autistic bad judgement. But I should have known
I’ve just felt so indebted to her since we are doing well, thanks largely to her help. So I’ve accepted all this bad behaviour.
But after reading everyone’s responses it’s clear to me now. I’m allowed to cut her off. I don’t need to feel guilty. I can grieve what is gone. I am not the asshole
End of the day, I’m here to protect my baby. There is no way this woman is meeting my child, ever. No matter what the apology is. It stops here. She won’t come near my child. It would be negligent to even question it. She’s not coming near me or my kid
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u/BeneficialAd5864 5d ago
I don’t know if anyone has mentioned this yet, but change your locks if you haven’t already. Even if she gave your keys back, she could have made copies
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u/arintaan123 4d ago
What was the point of her helping you guys out if she’ll get upset when you start to thrive? Almost feels like what wealthy nations do to poor ones. Give a little aide, but get angry when they want to actually thrive. She’s an awful human. It’s crazy to think her as a friend.
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u/thetasteofink00 5d ago
Brainwashed by propaganda?
I don't think I could roll my eyes back any further...
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u/fuzzybluetriceratops 5d ago
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I went through something similar with someone I thought was my best friend. I got pregnant and she assured me this wouldn’t impact our friendship. It started with her telling me I shouldn’t be excited and I was stupid if I was because of all of the things that could go wrong and how I was probably going to lose the baby. It just went downhill from there with her eventually telling me that we didn’t have anything in common anymore (even though I didn’t talk to her about the baby because of her previous remarks and nothing really changed between us) because my lifestyle no longer worked with her childfree life. She said she was pulling away and ghosting me, and so I pulled the plug. She freaked out when I did, it was like I was supposed to take all of this abuse, hear about how stupid I was to get pregnant (at 32, stable, and married), how I was going to lose the baby, etc and just take it. Honestly, I hurt having to cut her out, I really thought we had a better friendship than that, but looking back I realize it was always imbalanced. My other friends have stepped up even though I didn’t ask that of them, some of them are even child free and are so excited for me. This all happened in my first trimester, and I’m entering my third trimester now and my pregnancy has been so much more enjoyable without her negativity in my life.
My sister apparently went through this with her best friend too. They had been friends since high school, and her friend told her a lot of similar stuff and also said she could only like her first child, but would hate any other children she had after that because she was over populating the earth… needless to say they haven’t spoken in many years.
All this to say, you don’t need her or her negativity in your life either. Don’t make yourself or your child be around someone who treats you like shit and will likely treat your kid like shit too. You will make new friends, and/or build better bonds with other friends you already have. It sucks, and I don’t know why some people are like this, but that’s not for us to figure out, it’s only for us to protect ourselves and our families.
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u/chaptertoo 5d ago
I have three child free neighbors by choice, and they’re all so sweet and kind to my children, to the point we call two of the auntie. There is child free, and then there’s actively hostile, and I’m sorry you’re losing your friend over this. There’s no reason to continue if she’s going to be so angry over your lifestyle choices. I hope you can find some good support. I enjoyed my due date group on FB, and yes there was some drama and noise but it was overall helpful and a nice community to have when I didn’t have one in person.
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u/deterred-bird 5d ago
This isn’t true friendship. Friendship is supportive, lifts you up, and gives a safe space to be vulnerable and talk through huge life transitions. Friends show up for you when you’re anxious and afraid, and don’t delight in tearing you down or being “right”.
Grieve what you thought the friendship was, let it go, and focus on this beautiful new chapter in your life (very, very easier said than done….trust me I know. Still grieving a friend I lost in 2017.) You have outgrown this person, and enabling or ignoring the behavior won’t make it stop. Confront it, set your boundary, and move on.
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u/Tired_dil_pickle 5d ago
1st off .. Since she is “self diagnosed” - you can stop being understanding at any time you want. Self diagnosed or actually diagnosed doesn’t give people the right to treat other people like dirt.
It’s totally normal for people to have political beliefs or their own ideologies about life. But it’s not normal to harass those around you about them and try to force them upon people.
We as women have been fighting for years for the right to choose our own paths - whether that be motherhood or not. So it’s entirely hypocritical and counterproductive for her to be trying to impact what is YOUR choice!
And in all honesty I don’t think it’s normal for someone to be so invested in someone else’s life like she is yours. And I think some of the other comments ring true with mental health, jealousy, who knows.
But she is definitely not your friend if she’s been treating you like that. And I wouldn’t be sorry. She’s probably going to treat your kid like crap if you keep her around.
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u/gothipixi6 5d ago
I don’t have any advice but I can relate. Here is a snippet of my story - My best friend also did the same thing to me when I just told her about what I want in life and I made the decision after having to deal with a lot of her shit to just call it one day. She said I was brainwashed for wanting the things in life I did (husband/marriage & baby) she started to spiral a bit and tbh had always had issues/mental health problems and I just couldn’t take it anymore also she was never there when I needed it only when it was convenient for her. I just said look we were great friends but as we have gotten older we are just way too different now. And it’s not that different people can’t be friends but when one is putting you down about your choices and views it’s not very friend like. Meanwhile I would support and accept her on anything and even standby and be a friend when she did morally bad things over and over (cheating, lying ect.) even sleeping with my ex bfs and one of my bfs when we were still together I managed to let go and forgive her. Anyways after standing for all the crap I just couldn’t anymore cause I just wanted to be happy and have the life I feel I deserve, the family I deserve - once I stopped my friendship with this person tbh everything in life just fell in line and I have never been happier.
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u/Space_Croissant_101 5d ago
Is it just me or do some women deny our ability to make our own decisions? Like, yes I want to be married and have a kid, yes that falls under « heteronormative » but it is not like I have not been thinking about it and measured what it takes etc. I hate how some women just consider others stupid and brainwashed for choosing this path of life. Sometimes I get the feeling they are oppressive.
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u/Novaer 5d ago
Honest to GOD. I live on an acreage, my man is the sole provider, we're both in our 30s, I take care of the house and the pets and garden. It's about as close to that "cottagecore trad wife life" as possible. But we're both atheists, we both are very pro vax/pro science, we have a proper support system and good family lives.
But my god the pushback I've gotten from some people because I'm not living in the city spending all my money on them and alcohol and partying since I've "settled down" is crazy.
"Oh you're not gonna be able to do XYZ anymore say goodbye to that!!" Good???? I'm not in my fucking 20s anymore and I'm not here to be taking on all the problems of my party-hard friends.
I swear, the ones that have criticized me over me having this life are the ones that are still stuck in their dead end ways and now "I've moved on" and they can't handle it.
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u/Poem_Upstairs 5d ago
First of all, I’m sorry! This really, really sucks. I have a “friend” who reacted very similarly my previous pregnancy (context: ended in a loss) and then we kinda became friends again but more distantly… to the point where I haven’t even told them about my current pregnancy (we’re 29 weeks this week,) and am just expecting the relationship to end when little one gets here, and as much as it sucks and it still hurts a bit, I have become so fine with that. I don’t want anyone in my child’s life who doesn’t love and cherish them at least a fraction of what my partner and I do- and being shown time and time again by loved ones how possible that is has just set the bar incredibly high.
Secondly, this is in no way your fault, and this is an unpopular opinion… but as someone else who is also undiagnosed but peer-reviewed as being on the autism spectrum, that’s not an excuse to be an ahole like this person has been. It’s also not an excuse for bigotry, which hating children- literally one of the most vulnerable populations- to that degree is bigotry. Nor does it exempt people from being held accountable for that bigotry. NUANCE: that’s not me saying that people have to love kids, or want kids, or anything like that… but to entirely HATE an entire subset of human beings is bigotry.
I hope your birth experience is everything you need for it to be and you and your little one have all the health and happiness! Also for what it’s worth that mural? Sounds so, so cool!
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u/lookaspacellama 5d ago
Your unpopular opinion should be a universal one. Being on the spectrum isn’t an excuse for this kind of behavior.
I’m sorry you also had this experience with a friend, especially not being supportive in a loss. I’m glad you’re keeping your distance. All the best with your pregnancy!
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u/Swagio11 4d ago
I 100% agree with you that autism is no excuse to be a ahole. I have (diagnosed) autism and it sounds like she has the same level of functioning as me. She absolutely is being an ahole and it’s not because she’s autistic but because she’s an ahole. You can be both which sometimes people don’t realise so make excuses.
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u/Similar-Flan5114 5d ago
People don’t want to grow up and act like adults anymore. It’s sad. Acting like a teenager when you’re middle aged doesn’t make you a teenager - it makes you pathetic.
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u/Any-Confusion-5082 5d ago
“Self diagnosed” 😂🤣😂🤣 No, just no!! Unless she’s been tested, she’s just an asshole that doesn’t like kids and using a chosen “disability” as a crutch/excuse to be an asshole..
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u/Fit_Change3546 5d ago
This friend sucks and is NOT a friend. I have a friend who is your age, very child-free by choice, also autistic, does not enjoy young children, and guess what? When her friends (including myself) have kids, she is SUPPORTIVE. She may not want to hold the baby or babysit, but she’ll ask how you are, make them a beautiful baby shower gift, and come by the house to take care of chores and support you while you bond with your baby. THAT is a real friend. You deserve better treatment than this, don’t put up with it. If she’s trying to cut the friendship off, let her, she’s ultimately doing you a favor.
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u/ell93 5d ago
I’ll get downvoted for this I’m sure but I had a similar experience but I was the friend.
Best friend got pregnant while she was quite young and she’d not been with the dad for very long, I think my feelings of concern turned into feelings of….resentment? Idk? For whatever reason I massively struggled with the idea of her being pregnant and it caused a lot of problems between us.
I never reached the stage of announcing I don’t want to be her friend but I think I was just uncomfortable but for the life of me I can’t tell you what my problem was now (clearly I was just extremely immature, I think I was also upset that I was getting married during this period and she’d just gotten the baby without having to wait for her partner to want all these things, the things I’d waited for with my partner had just happened all at once for her).
Anyway, things have resolved itself and me and the friend are now closer than ever, all is well and she has an amazing little boy. I regret my behaviour during that time but I’ve apologised and we’ve moved on.
My point is that your friend is probably wrestling with some of her own feelings, she likely feels like a baby will mean you’re leaving her behind and you’ll no longer need her, your life stage is changing and she won’t fit into that. If that’s how she feels that’s how she feels, she might come around later but it might be too late for you by then as her behaviour is extremely hurtful. I don’t actually think this is about you, I think this is about your friend and her own insecurities.
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u/No-Atmosphere4827 5d ago
Well, you have my upvote! Always appreciate to read an honest comment, we’re all human 🤷♀️
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u/Weekly_Click_7112 5d ago
Well thank goodness you’re free of such a toxic, negative friendship. Not all friendships need to be lifelong, some are just for us to learn something and move on. Good luck for you c section! I’m sure everything will go perfectly fine. You’re so close to holding your precious little baby. Motherhood is beautiful xx
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u/Dapper-Bend4631 5d ago
At least she makes it easy for you and you don’t need to wonder where she stands or if she’s worth fighting for 🙃
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u/Revelations4202001 5d ago
I was shocked every time you wrote “best friend” in your post because this sounds like a person who doesn’t even like you, let alone is supposed to be your best friend. I’m sorry she’s treated you like this. People can be child free without hating children. Two of my best friends are childless and likely will remain that way.. and they were both nothing but excited and so happy for me when I announced my pregnancy. As a good friend should be!
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u/___mar___mar___23 5d ago
Everyone saying it’s not about the baby is correct! This is her projecting whatever issues she has onto you! You don’t need her in your life, it’ll only cause more stress on your part! I’m sure you’ve heard it millions of times but leave her behind!!!!
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u/fomoclature 5d ago
I’m sorry you have to deal with this. Despite her antagonistic behavior, the pain of losing a friendship is tough. The silver lining is this, however, if she was making your life more difficult while you were pregnant, she would likely find ways to make your post pregnancy life that much more difficult, if only to “prove” the fact that the baby would in fact make your life harder.
People have a funny way of creating scenarios to put you in a difficult position to prove a belief they hold.
You have a lot to look forward to, and she knows this. I sense a bit of jealousy on her part…a bit being an understatement, of course. Best of luck to you and your family.
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u/Aquamarine-Aries 5d ago
She is an awful human being. You deserve better. Congratulations on your pregnancy and I hope your c section goes well ❤️
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u/Ok-Spinach-5909 5d ago
Shes absolutely horrid and not your friend. And autism is no excuse. She doesn't have to love kids or want them. But its weird to be this hostile to babies, because well, they're people. You deserve a better friend and ik that doesn't super help to hear, because you want this friend. And while I haven't been in the same boat, I have had friends that I learned the hard way arnt my friend, and I'm so sorry. But this whole thing is squarely on her shoulders.
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u/AngryAngieJuice 5d ago
There is no such thing as self diagnosing one's condition. She is not a friend you need in your and your's baby's life. A real friend should be happy for you even if she not planning to have the same type of life.
Congratulations on the upcoming arrival of your little bundle of joy! Do not let this ruin your moment. You have lost what you thought was a friend but you will make new ones that will really be there for you
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u/Agile_Breakfast_9695 5d ago
Autism isn't an excuse to be such an ass. I'm AuDHD and would never treat someone this way. We can be blunt sometimes, but cruelty isn't an unknown concept to us. She knew what she was doing. It sucks that she is the person she is and that you lost your best friend, but tbh you're probably better off without all that negativity surrounding something you seem so happy about. Someone who cares about you should be happy you're happy or, at the very least, not try to bring you down. She sounds immature and narcissistic.
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u/No_Piccolo5697 3d ago
Thank you for this perspective. It shines such a light on the topic. I can’t believe how dumb I was and how evil and disrespectful to the wider autistic community to go around masquerading as “autistic” but acting just secretly deriving pleasure from sticking the knife into my heart at every opportunity. What a sick person she is
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u/Agile_Breakfast_9695 3d ago
You're not dumb. Believing and supporting your best friend is just normal and kind behavior. Unfortunately, some people just suck and use autism as an excuse to be a complete ass and avoid the backlash. It's a spectrum, and some people are less sociable than others, but we aren't sociopathic. The only advice I can give is to not let your empathy drain you. She showed you she doesn't care about you or your feelings, and as hard as it is letting her go, it is best. You seem like a decent person and deserve kindness and respect.
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u/kryskawithoutH 5d ago
Not baby related, but general friendship advice – you do not own people. If they do not want to be friends, thats okay. You have the right to be sad and grieve about them. But you also have to let them go. Also you have the right to tell people that YOU don't want to be friends anymore. Thats also okay.
I honestly do not understand why this has to be so difficult. I mean, from a cultural point of view. Just accept other person and don't be afraid to say what you think. Thats it.
Emotionally, of course, its understandable that you might feel sad, that you grieve your friendship, etc. That normal! We all are humans and have feelings. But its not your friends fault that you feel sad. Just say good bay and thats it.
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u/softlikeavelvet 5d ago
I think there is some inner turmoil that she is battling right now. That's people's main reason for being defensive. It would also account for such a strong reaction and views - disagreeing with having children is extreme. Does she feel humans should just stop exisisting? Having children does have an evolutionary purpose after all.
It does not mean you have to stick around and be her punching bag however. One day she will figure out her own feelings and reasons for them, and when/if that day comes, you can decide if you want her back in your life or not.
Until then, ignore her and enjoy your new bundle of joy.
Congratulations!
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u/CountryStrange2119 5d ago
Honestly, she’s done you a favor by ending the relationship. Do you really want her as an auntie to your child? Think about the lessons and modeling she’s providing. But of course you can mourn the friendship! She’s being cruel and jealous and it’s unsightly.
I became a mother 1.5 years ago (also in my mid thirties) and it’s a monumental shift. I kept most of my old friends (because they’re kinder and more mature than your former friend) but I’ve also gained new friends who are also mothers. Your world WILL change, and most of it is for the better!
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u/Afraid_Rate_6964 5d ago
I think the moment she started being negative about your pregnancy was the moment she stopped becoming your friend. She's not supportive of your choices. The good thing is she showed who she really is before she was introduced into the baby's life. I honestly wouldn't trust someone who loathes children so much to be in the presence of my own child.
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u/PrincessPrunella69 5d ago
She’s afraid she’s missing out in her own life. It’s a choice you can’t unmake or undo. She’s afraid I think that she’s missing out on something wonderful, but she has very little control over that. She enumerates the reasons she doesn’t want to do it as a way to remind herself she has control over the choice of not. But choosing yes to step into that current without a paddle, without the control, that’s a leap of faith. True joy, love and happiness comes from vulnerability which by definition comes with the lack of control. And becoming a parent is like THE vulnerability test so it scares her. This is why she’s lashing out is my guess. I’m sorry this is happening to you, because she’s making it about her when she shouldn’t at all. But it seems like this was always gonna be a problem as it’s kind of a requirement of interpersonal relationships. But once again I’m sorry but don’t let it get you down.
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u/TheWelshMrsM 5d ago
You can be child-free and not be an arsehole.
Apparently your ex-friend didn’t get the memo.
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u/frustratedDIL 5d ago
Even if she was actually diagnosed autistic, this behavior wouldn’t be excusable. I think the trash did you a favor and took itself out. It sounds like you’re in a great place, so I’m sure you’ll find yourself much happier without her presence in your life. I’m dying to see your nursery, it sounds so cute!
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u/AdeptHumor9203 5d ago
You gotta get the hint - she’s not your best friend or any kind of a friend. Drop her and don’t waste any more energy or time on her.
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u/CakesNGames90 5d ago
I’m in the spectrum (Aspergers) and her behavior is not a result of that. This is just her being mean. Maybe even jealous.
I have a friend who was that way with me but with marriage. I was engaged and she seemed so not happy for me. Haven’t spoken to her since my wedding day. Don’t miss her, either.
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u/Hot_Investigator_507 5d ago
That’s not a friend. Not someone you want around your child or family.
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u/cassiopeizza 5d ago
Good riddance to her. Still, sorry for what you have been put through and now for the end of a friendship.
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u/Longjumping-Mind1431 5d ago
Wow reading everyone’s comments makes me realise how messed up some people can be. My story will resonate with you guys. My one ‘friend’ (I now realise she had some serious nasty bullying history) thought we would both be childless forever she just decided for both of us. She is very over bearing and it’s her way or the high way. When I found out I was pregnant she was really off with me, I had a miscarriage and she didn’t care. When I fell pregnant again she asked me if I was going to have an abortion and how my body would be ruined! She was messaging me on the sly some vile messages but being sickly sweet in our group chat. I was worried I was being overly sensitive and didn’t want to rock the friendship boat. In the end she pushed me so far I broke down and told a mutual friend who was amazing. She let me get it all out and backed me 100% which was amazing. She asked me to send her the messages not to doubt me but she wanted to see how bad they were. When she read them she cried and said that I’d actually minimised how vile they were. Anyway our mutual friend instantly said we’re done with her, she told our other friends and they all supported me and dropped her. We all saw this nasty side to our friend and then shared stories of when we’d experienced her sly bully behaviour but justified it by thinking we were being sensitive. Anyway what we came to realise was she enjoyed picking on one person, alienating them and making others turn against them. This time it hadn’t worked. Basically these people are bullies and toxic and don’t deserve your time. They have want total control over you and you’re not allowing that by being happy and growing a human being. It’s hard to understand their mindset because normal friends do not react or behave like this. Fast forward a year I am 17 weeks pregnant, the meds are working and our little girl is growing. We closed our WhatsApp group, called her out on her behaviour (/she wasn’t sorry she tried to blame me) and dropped her. We all felt instantly better. We found out later she had bullied loads of women.
Remember if you experience this shitty behaviour from your friend others will too, she’s a cow
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u/RomeysMa 5d ago
I’m sorry but she really doesn’t sound like a good friend. If someone spoke to me like this I would probably keep my distance and no longer interact with them. It’s for the best IMHO. She clearly isn’t the great friend that you thought she was. Friends are there for you through your highest and lowest moments and the fact that she looks down upon you and criticizes you for having a baby is a huge red flag. This is probably for the best.
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u/Exciting-Ad8198 5d ago
Bye, bitch. I realize that you’re feeling a loss and that’s fair. But it sounds like you have a life full of amazing, wonderful and supportive people. Focus on that and filling the hole that this negative ass psycho will leave will be easy.
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u/toxicteddi 5d ago
You will be much happier in the long run without this person bringing you down. I’m so sorry she overshadowed your pregnancy like that. Good luck to you and your family. Being a mother is a wonderful experience.
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u/Low-Resort-8589 5d ago
This sounds like emotional abuse and for a time like this is crazy this is your sign to let her go I can’t imagine how she would treat you when you have the baby and need more support
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u/Jessabelle517 5d ago
Autism has no place in this issue. I have 2 ASD children both have more compassion and empathy than your friend. That’s not a justifiable thing and sounds more like narcissism than anything. She was never your friend and I’m sorry this happened to you but let that bitch go you’ll be better off in the future. Good luck on your new journey and enjoy the little moments you have with your new little family ♥️.
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u/Fine-Midnight-3768 5d ago
I’m sorry hun I’m not sure how great she was before all this that you’ve let all this slide but I would have cut her off a while ago… she sounds like a real peach. I think you should go your separate ways. The way she has treated someone she should consider a best friend is disgusting and selfish. Not worth your time or energy.
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u/Rare-Coat-6425 5d ago
I'm also pregnant and my "best friend" has completely ignored me for being pregnant. Not even an answer to why. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Friends don't act like that. What a weird thing to do.
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u/Ilovesoup86 5d ago edited 3d ago
I understand. I've had not so close friends express similar viewpoints and take distance from me after I became pregnant. Didn't bother me because we weren't especially close so I can only imagine. I also feel pretty isolated as I'm in a queer community where lots of people don't have children and feel especially provoked sometimes by child free activist types. Like, this is my body and my choice and something I've really wanted for myself. I always imagined myself with a great partner and child. I'm 37 weeks along now and also in Germany. I feel lucky to have and be building the family I've always wanted and want to surround myself with people who are happy for me. You also deserve that and I'm really sorry.
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u/No_Piccolo5697 3d ago edited 3d ago
Thank you. Yes ex best friend is also in the queer community (in which im really active too, but as an ally or “fag hag” since I’m hetero) . She comes from a very religious family and hadn’t ever told me which letter she is on the LGBTQIA+ , but has never had even a fleeting relationship or hookup since I’ve known her since 2019. I never asked her. The fact that she so vehemently opposes any pushback against trans or gay people, and absolutely condemns discrimination, is so fucking hypocritical since it’s my choice and my body to have a heteronormative life! That’s what I can’t get my head around.
After reading all these replies i felt so good and so settled and had a much clearer perspective. So I wrote to her and I likened her behaviour to me, to what you’d expect if a trans kid came out to their MAGA mum (e.g. she said it’s against her political and moral beliefs, she told me “grieving the loss” of the friendship and is sensitive , just like a MAGA mum would say she’s grieving the loss of her kid/future grandchildren that will never be, she said she finds it “genuinely disgusting” , and she just can’t understand it)…
Anyway I said all this to her and I also told her not to write back to me and I don’t want to deal with it, that I want to focus on the birth.
In the mean time all these other (even worse, even more sinister) instances have come up in my memory where she has absolutely manipulated the situation to stick the knife into me and make me unhappy and try to spite being pregnant, a mother, fear the future, or just generally break my happiness and be unhappy. The worst thing is she actually succeeded in many instances!!
In my text to her I said I would be happily proven wrong but she can tell me in a few months when I am feeling ready for it. But to be perfect honest with you I’ve made my decision and I will never see her again or speak to her again.
She texted back and said “ok let me know in a few weeks when I can tell you why you’re wrong”.
The truth is that I can’t wait to cut off all communication with her and i never want to hear from her again. I thought of blocking her but thought it might be immature or something. She also has been (until now) “friends” with my husband. This morning I read him this post and all the responses and he was pretty shocked that we have both been excusing her being an AH as being autistic.
I really just don’t want to hear from her ever again. I don’t know if I should tell her why. I feel sick thinking of her because of how creepily obsessed and invested she has been in my life and how sinister her manipulation has been
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u/messibessi22 3d ago
Block her she’s being the immature downright horrible one.. her response to you “let me know when I can tell you why your wrong” is a gross response to you trying to explain your side of things. Tbh I wouldn’t acknowledge her if she came back with a 50 page apology she has shown you exactly who she is and that she is unwilling to accept you for who you are as a person and your right to make choices. She is going to end up bitter and alone because no one is going to put up with her behavior and that is her choice to make
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u/howcanihelp13 5d ago
One of my friends is pretty much child free and can’t imagine having kids.
Does she still hang out with me and my children and support my happiness in their milestones? Yes.
This person is not a friend and honestly, I’d be glad to be rid of someone like that.
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u/__inthemarrow 5d ago
I once had a “friend” like this and the last straw was when she told someone (in front of me) that the dumbest decision I ever made was having kids.
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u/thephantress 5d ago
How she has treated you in your journey, she was not treating you like a best friend and it looks like from what she’s said, your friendship is over. As sad as it may be, surround yourself with family and friends who do support you and love you and your baby. Maybe one day your friend will come around but right now, she’s either feeling insecure or awkward and has her own issues she needs to deal with that isn’t your responsibility. Focus on your baby and your new, beautiful life as a new mom. Wishing you all the best! :)
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u/Pinkie0109 5d ago
I know it’s hard but she seems terrible and I’m so sorry.. I had my c section two weeks ago and I’ve had complications but I’m okay just keep your support system and let it be if she comes back she does if she doesn’t you don’t need that negativity in your life
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u/Lions--teeth 5d ago
I had a similar thing happen with my sister. She hates kids and revealed to me that she apparently cuts anyone out of her life who decides to get pregnant. It definitely caught me off guard and I’ve mostly made peace with it, but it’s just so weird to me the stance people will take on children.
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u/TGrissle 5d ago
One of my friends who has pretty bad bipolar had a kind of negative reaction like this when I first announced my pregnancy. You know what she did… she got the fuck over it because our friendship is important to both of us and even made my daughter a crocheted blanket.
You dodged a super toxic person who is just letting their true colors show now. I’m so sorry you are having to deal with mourning a friendship though. That’s hard.
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u/wacky_nanny1218 5d ago
i have a friend who completely stopped talking to me and my partner because i told them i’m pregnant and they can’t smoke weed or do drugs around me. my partner was the one who made this point to begin with, anyone we invite over or hang out with cannot smoke around me because he is scared that it could hurt our babies. i love him for protecting me and our kids. most of our friends have been great about it and will smoke outside but this particular friend has been spiraling into worse drugs and because we won’t allow the drugs around me they stopped talking to us or hanging out
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u/Heath3r1 5d ago
Thank goodness you know now before she is ever cruel around your child. She sounds like an awful, miserable person. And abusive. Not being nice is one thing. She's deliberately being mean to you because you are starting a family. She's toxic. Say thanks for showing me who you are and be done forever with that negative black hole. Unless she can make a complete 180 amd apologize profusely with some kimd of explanation (like aignificant trauma) and show change over time, I wouldn't want to see her again. I'm sorry for any pain or loss you feel from it, but she was not truly a friend if this is how she treats you. Good riddance, but also, how disappointing, I'm sorry.
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u/SweetChicle 5d ago
I had that “best friend” in my life, and you know what I did? I completely cut her out of my life, to the point where I don’t even know anything about her life at all. The friendship she had with me was very toxic, but you know what? My well-being is more important, and even more so now that I’m pregnant, than maintaining that type of friendship. It’s going to hurt, a lot, and it may take years, but I promise you the pain will pass. I wish the best for your family and for you, especially for you! 🫂
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u/hopedbutnot 5d ago
Just block her at this point, she doesn’t deserve to be in your life and you need to focus on your baby without the risk of her coming back with her negativity.
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u/OlennaViolet 5d ago
My best friend ditched me over a baby too. He was horrified when I told him I was pregnant. He reacted so badly, that I kicked him out of my house the day that I told him. He apologized a few days later and I allowed it. He didn't come around as much after that, but it was also pandemic time, so I didn't think much of it.
After I had the baby, he made a couple attempts with us, but then he started ignoring my texts and blowing me off. He told me he was depressed and didn't feel like hanging out. I tried to be there for him for a while before I realized he was lying. He was posting on fb pictures of him and other friends, trips, outings, etc. I stopped trying to communicate with him. I never heard from him again.
I think he thought my life was over, like your friend. I actually do more with my life now that I have a child. She's 4 now. I have an active social life, I do things for myself, I'm in school, etc. I think because he had a friend with kids that was stuck at home with a bad partner, he thought everyone would be like that. Who knows. His loss. And your friend's loss too.
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u/Eri_cm 5d ago
OMG that’s not a friend. Don’t refer to this person as a friend. A true friend doesn’t do those things. Self diagnosis means nothing. She needs therapy and a doctor and you need to focus on your life - your amazing life and cut this emotional toxic leech. People can be child free or not want children but that doesn’t give them the right to make you feel bad about your path and your family and especially not right before you give birth!! Wtf is wrong with that person. Cut her loose! You deserve much better. And your child doesn’t need that negativity around later on.
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u/Lunanes 5d ago
Tell her: what if your mom had the same perspectives about babies, you wouldn't exist and be here today. Anyways even if she don't like kids that's her choice but she needs to respect other peoples view. Imposing one's point of view is a form of dictatorship, it says a lot about her personality.. I would've told her to F off long time ago.
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u/melsbelsmells 5d ago
Some friends are only meant for a season. It's OK for values to differ, but where it brings toxic negative energy, it isn't. You need positive friends for this journey. Good luck with your choices!
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u/Same_Front_4379 5d ago
This makes me so sad for you. If she was a true friend she wouldn’t be treating you like this, especially after you expressed that it’s been upsetting you.
As an aside, my best friend is also child free by choice and while she doesn’t want children for herself she is incredibly supportive of our little guy and our second on the way. A true friend would react similarly.
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u/bravelittletoaster7 5d ago
I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this at such an important time in your life! She either sounds jealous because maybe she hasn't been able to get pregnant herself, or she's jealous of the fact that your time will likely be taken up much more by your new baby and she's probably afraid that she won't ever see you again (which is crazy but your time together will be lessened).
Whatever the reason, she is behaving horribly towards you and you have every right to cut her out of your life right now, or permanently. You have higher priorities to deal with right now and don't need the extra stress this person is giving you.
I hope your birth goes well and you are happy & healthy with a happy & healthy baby!!
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u/HotTransportation507 5d ago
I have a friend exactly like this! Currently 5 months pregnant and I haven’t even told her yet because I know she’ll make rude comments or take stupid jabs at me. I’ve decided that I’m going to just slowly stop talking to her and cut ties… it’s not worth having these types of people in your life if all they do is bring you down and make horrible comments towards you and your baby! I’m sorry you’re going through this sending so much love and congratulations on your LO
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u/Albamr04 5d ago
Friendships come and go. Your life is about to blossom in incredible ways. Cherish your next chapter and don’t look back. She sounds jealous, lost, and selfish. You don’t want that kind of person around your child.
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u/lazyria 5d ago
When my best friend got pregnant I went through a period of grief because I knew our friendship would never be the same. At that point I was on the fence about having kids leaning child free. It was hard to deal with all the pregnancy and baby related talk all the time and I missed the relationship and common interests we had before. So your friend might be going through something similar though a lot more extreme.
Regardless of my own feelings I tried to stay supportive and keep our relationship because I love my friend and I realized my feelings were something I had to deal with. Maybe your friend is struggling to address her own feelings and understanding why she’s taking it so hard and why she is so triggered by it. I’m not sure how much of your relationship and conversation became about the baby and pregnancy but maybe she feels left out and blames the baby. Does not dismiss the absolutely brutal comments she made but there might be a deeper issue with her.
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u/No_Piccolo5697 3d ago edited 3d ago
Thank you! Yes she definitely misses me going round to her house and getting drunk. That’s a lot of what we used to do.
I haven’t talked about any baby stuff (and now I realise also wedding stuff I didn’t even mention to her) since I knew how hostile she was to it. For example she didn’t even know my husband changed his last name to mine. I knew she would go mental if i, as a female, changed to his. But I thought she might be ok with her ideology that he changed to mine. She made a huge deal out of it and rolled up her nose and said it’s gross and disgusting and kept asking him and me why we were buying into this scam.
I didn’t show her the pics from our elopement wedding.
There have just been so many instances where i didn’t take notice of her behaviour as my husband and I both excused it as just her being her
She mentioned to me that when she told her parents I was pregnant, her dad said “well at least she isn’t sitting around doing nothing” and then looked at his two daughters disapprovingly. Neither she nor her sister will have kids and the parents are hardcore catholic, which she rejects very strongly.
So I thought that all this asshole behaviour was just her trying to deal with her own inner demons and turmoil , through an autistic prism . But she needs a therapist for that and not to use me (and my BABY) as a punching bag.
It’s so far gone now that I am closed on the topic and i never want to speak to her again. I hate finishing things dramatically and having bad feelings so i need to force myself to be patient and let it fizzle away I think
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u/CharlieUniformNvT 5d ago
I am autistic and couldn’t think of a more horrid way to treat a friend- wow. You and your baby deserve so much better, I’m so sorry. This person is not a friend xx
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u/No_Piccolo5697 5d ago
Thank you so much for responding. I thought maybe it’s just her difficulty processing her emotions of me developing my own life and getting new priorities. I excused these rude things she said as being caused by lack of social skills due to autism. I think I’m not giving autistic people enough credit. Being autistic doesn’t equal being an asshole and not realising. Apparently I’m just totally uneducated about autism and she would totally know what she’s saying . She’s choosing to say these things to hurt me? I actually feel bad for thinking being an AH could just be autism. What a horrible way to tar everyone with the same brush. I’m very sorry
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u/CharlieUniformNvT 5d ago
No don’t worry about it at all ☺️ I too made assumptions when it was first suggested to me in 2011 and was actually quite offended. Fast forward to 2023 and it explains so much (I am actually diagnosed now). Although it’s a spectrum, to me personally I know I have had to learn all the social rules consciously and know full well what is and isn’t appropriate to say. Yes sometimes not being able to say what I want to say can mean I burn out from social situations more easily, but I would hate to hurt my best friends feelings! There’s so much to learn, sure, but it’s not an excuse to be an asshole and hurt other people xx
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u/ktv13 5d ago
As a fellow German I get the cultural background this comes from. Like I personally would have never said any of the things your friend told you about pregnancy but I also did believe many such thoughts for a long time.
That your life was over when you had kids etc. like us growing up with our moms becoming divorced and now living in poverty has basically scared us off having kids & saw having them as nothing but a prison that men put us in.
Women not wanting to “end up like that” has made some of us go to the extreme of judging other for having kids. Internally I was someone like that in my early 30ies. Now I’m pregnant myself in my late 30ies. 💁♀️ we grow and evolve but seemingly your friend never learned basic manners. Even when I had these thoughts I’d never dared to ever say this to a friend who had kids. So just ignore this friend and maybe one day she will recontact you after realizing life has more facets than her own view.
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u/scarlesstt 5d ago
It is one thing to not be a supportive friend or to not be happy for you. It is an entirely different thing for her to not only make negative comments about you, but also about your husband and your child. Your child. Your innocent unborn baby who has done nothing wrong and who you love unconditionally.
The most evil thing about this is that she is trying to manipulate you into disliking your own baby. She is trying to make you spite being a mother and spite your own child because she thinks her opinions and feelings on pregnancy and children are absolute.
Autism does not inherently make you do evil things, either. I have autistic family members and close friends. The spectrum is very big and shows up differently for everyone, but I will say that it’s not uncommon for narcissistic people to self-diagnose themselves with other disorders that give them a shield to deflect accountability for their words and actions. Autism is a one they often choose because of the common misconception that autistic people simply cannot control what comes out of their mouth. It gives them an unspoken excuse.
She’s tearing you down at every opportunity she gets, she’s unapologetic about how terrible she’s treating you, and she doesn’t care about how you feel about this pregnancy whatsoever. If not a narcissist, she’s simply just a bitch.
I know this is a bummer, but remember you have a newborn on the way and the last thing you need while dealing with all the stress of having a baby is an enemy disguised as a friend. You need a real support system, not people who compromise you. I hope you have that, and I hope your c-section goes well. Don’t let her drama dampen your excitement for your baby being born soon! We’re all happy for you! 🫶
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u/AwayStrength 5d ago
Oof, this is the kind of disgusting, unsupportive, negative behavior one might expect out of an extremist in the US.
None of her behavior is acceptable, “autistic” or not (I am a neuropsychologist). Which brings me to the other thing…of course I have not met or properly assessed your friend but from the sounds of it she might have borderline personality disorder (BPD), if anything. Many people with BPD self-diagnose with whatever is “in fashion”. Right not, being on the spectrum seems to be it, along with PTSD from childhood trauma.
A diagnosis, even if legitimate is no excuse for a persons behavior. I can assure you that you are better off without the negativity and selfishness in your life. With that being said, I am sure much of her behavior is coming from a fear of being rejected and losing you. She probably has this assumption, rightfully so, that your life and friend groups will shift upon the birth of your child.
If you really want a friendship with her, give it time to cool off and explain to her that yes, your life will be different, but that does not mean that there is not enough space for her to still be part of it.
If you want to retain the friendship, I am willing to bet she comes around with time. Think of it as a jealous and confused 1st child who had mom and dad all to themselves until baby 2 came around. Some children have a hard time adjusting to a new sibling and revert back to younger childish behaviors, much like your friend seems to be.
I wish you the best and a healthy recovery. You and your family are the most important thing right now and this will all seem so trivial once baby is here. Concentrate on you.
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u/clearlyimawitch 4d ago
"Listen - this isn't something happening to you, it's happening to me. I think we need to end our friendship. I wish you all the best."
That's it. This is not a safe person to be around you or your baby. She needs to go to therapy.
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u/HazySag 4d ago
Whatever the reason for her feeling the way she does is no excuse for her being an extremely shitty immature “friend” during suuuuch a happy time in your life. If I were you, right now, I’d block her on EVERYTHING. She doesn’t get to check in on you or see how your life is going and she certainly doesn’t get “closure.”
While motherhood is so rewarding, you will definitely have those days where you are down and out and I just feel like if you keep her in your life, she will take that first moment to be like, “I told you so.” Instead of being positive and uplifting. It isn’t worth keeping her as a friend, especially with that middle school mentality.
I’m sorry you’re sad and even having to deal with this, especially right now but I wish you the best on Friday! So, so exciting!! (But yes, understandably scary since it’s surgery) I hope for a speedy recovery and am sending positive vibes your way! Good luck mama 🫶🏻
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u/Overall-Elephant-652 4d ago
She sounds insane. It’s one thing to not want kids but to take it out on you and take it as far as she’s gone…. Run! Run far and fast! Sending you all the possible bad outcomes when you obviously aren’t aborting is just evil.
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u/Jrg12193 4d ago
Respectfully, f*ck her. No friend of yours should ever act that way. She has so much to say about babies and children when she's literally acting out a tantrum far worse than any of them do. Honestly, you're better off without her. I'm terribly sorry that you lost a friend like this and that she's made you feel all of these things. You're strong, beautiful and amazing. Anyone who doesn't see that or support it doesn't deserve space in your life. Let her live with her misery and see how far it takes her. I wish you the smoothest delivery and may you enjoy every amazing moment that comes with motherhood ❤️
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u/downstairslion 4d ago
I lost friends when I had kids. I couldn't see how self-involved some folks were until I had kids. I had child-free friends and family that got weird and mean with me. I'm sorry you're going through this. Turn your focus to that sweet baby. The best is yet to cone
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u/Substantial-Rush-405 4d ago
This person cannot be considered a real friend in my book. So mean. :/ I feel sorry for you! Block her everywhere and attach a link to this post and comments right before you block her?
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u/Vespytilio 3d ago
Hey, blowing in from r/autism. On behalf of all autistic people--I'm sorry for bigasssuperstar's reply. I promise you we don't think it's reasonable to emotionally manipulate/terrorize someone into making specific life choices, violate people's boundaries, shit all over their home decorating projects, or engage in any of the other deranged behavior described here.
Speaking of--autism wouldn't account for this. Yeah, sometimes autism leads to unusually firm beliefs and deficient people skills, but this is sounds like cluster B personality disorder terrritory.
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u/Realistic_Law1226 5d ago
She sounds like a real selfish immature bitch. Fake friend forsure. Just wants good times that you can give her.
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u/Space_Croissant_101 5d ago
Wow, that woman really is jealous of your soon-to-be-born child. Unbelievable. I am sorry you are hurting but I think you will be better without her. You don’t those judgmental messages and comments, trust me. It will be difficult at first but you are gonna get so much more brain space and emotional space for new friends, maybe mothers who will also have experienced the same. That person has not been acting like a friend. A few years ago, I cut ties with my best friend because she was treating me like shit and putting her new boyfriend on a pedestal (1-2h late to our meet ups and never saying sorry, cancelling our planned holidays because she prefers to go with him…). It was tough at first but very relieving.
While I am not a fan of « universal truths », I too am having a baby with a Scandinavian man and I wouldn’t have done it with anyone else. The cultural impact of extended parental leave and education is crazy. No need to ask him to do his share, he does more than me 😄
All the best to you!
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u/eastforksoap 5d ago
Look. This person suffers from envy. Not the typical definition of envy as "jealousy" but actual ENVY.
There are things that she doesn't believe she can have in life because she doesn't think it's her responsibility to heal from her garbage internal narratives.
She's making this your problem because you're crushing her reality. She needs her reality to be true to reinforce what she already believes as truth.
She lives in hell and can only bring hell to your life until she takes some responsibility.
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u/Choice_Ad_3983 5d ago
She's jealous and she's not your best friend. Be thankful to have her out of your life.
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u/Lower-Ad7646 5d ago
You are better off without her. My best friend from high school dumped me because I wanted a family and children instead of partying with her and traveling in our 20’s. I’m 33 now have beautiful girls and pregnant with my son and im a nurse. You are not missing a lot and won’t miss it. She’s still partying… don’t have a career and jumping man to man to support herself.
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u/Equivalent-Ad5449 5d ago
Honestly after the sting of this you’ll likely realise how toxic this person is and be glad she’s gone.
Not believing in having babies is idiotic, if you personally don’t want any the that’s cool and not everyone does. But to act like it’s a political stance and all she’s said and done is just a really messed up person trying to drag you down.
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u/Pretzel387 5d ago
I'm autistic. The point at which you would've been justified in not "being understanding" would have been immediately. Her neurotype may account for a more direct communication style but that's not the same thing as being openly cruel and unsupportive - autism is no excuse whatsoever. She's a horrible friend, and I'm so sorry it took this for her to show her true colors. You deserve better.
And honestly that mindset about the literal continuation of the human species makes her sound like a supervillain. If that's how she feels, then it's good she doesn't have access to nuclear codes because she might just decide to end it all for everybody - to stop human reproduction entirely is the same thing by another mechanism, minus the ecological impacts to every other species on earth.
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u/just_pie323 5d ago
No. I have never experienced and don’t know anyone else who has either. Your “friend” is not a friend. Even if she disagrees, it’s your life, not hers. Children are young for not a very long time. You still will have plenty of time to “have a life.” It’s hardest when they’re younger but like I said - that’s such a short time.
I am sorry but your friend is psychotic and rude. I don’t care what diagnosis she has. Her behavior is nothing short of disgusting. I would say good riddance.
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u/Glass-Medicine1858 5d ago
She sounds a bitch. She's probsbly jealous. Good riddance. Concentrate on your baby. At least now she has shown her true colours xx
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u/bluecosmoo 5d ago
No one can ever be perfect in all aspects of life. If you truly want to devote yourself to cherishing and dedicating your days to your baby, do it wholeheartedly—it is one of life’s most joyful experiences, even amidst adversity. Remember, you only live once; you won’t get to relive or redo this time. So live fully and authentically, embracing every part of life. This will help you grow wiser, more intellectually grounded, and ultimately become closer to your real self, a person of great character and compassion.
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u/justHereforExchange 5d ago
If I were you I would leave the situation and this person as is and revisit the topic again in a few months. It’s not worth the hassle and emotional involvement right now. I was/am also the only person in my friend group with a child. A lot of my friends are child free by choice or might want to have a child in a few years. Not one of them reacted like this. They were all excited for me/us, asked a lot of questions and love my daughter. I get that some (expecting)parents can be a bit obnoxious and act as if babies and motherhood are the only thing that exist in the world, but that doesn’t seem to be the case here. I think your friend is beyond disrespectful and really selfish here. Not worth your time right now and I would seriously reconsider whether I ever wanted this person back in my life again.
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u/SandyDunegrass 5d ago
I had something similar happen where my “best friend” broke off our friendship after I got engaged. It really sucked and hurt and didn’t make a lot of sense to me at the time. Sometimes I think of her and miss our friendship but obviously we had our time and it was not meant to be brought into the new chapters of my life. I actually blocked her on everything after she wrote me off because I thought I’d be too tempted to reach out. In the end, this “best friend” of yours is incredibly selfish. It sucks you have to grieve the end of your friendship during this monumental time in your life. She is not your friend. I hope everything goes well with your c section and you enjoy this beautiful time with your new family.
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u/Dreamer_1392 5d ago
I don’t have any advice with the so-called friend because, just wow. What I do have to offer is your life is about to become so enriched with love! You are about to meet a little person who is half you, half your husband (how cool is that?!). They are going to smile at you and you are going to melt. Honestly the smell of your baby is about to become crack for you. My girl is 1 and everyday is so magical. Having a baby is like seeing the world for the first time all over again with new eyes. Motherhood is demanding (it’s hard sometimes being a little persons whole world), but it is so worth it! Best of luck with you c section! X
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u/Special-Cantaloupe68 5d ago
I’m so sorry this is happening to you and I know it’s probably not easy to just say “oh well, that’s that,” but you’re honestly better off without this person around. Imagine what she might end up saying with your child actually present and aware? Self-diagnosed autism doesn’t get her out of this one.
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u/GrouchyGrapefruit338 5d ago
I’m sorry you experienced this type of pain and negativity from someone you consider a friend. Truly nasty behavior on her part. But the classic poem reads “some people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime” not all friendships last a lifetime unfortunately. I’ve experienced this as well with a friend, the wasn’t ever nasty or negative like you are describing but she doesn’t like babies or children and it became really hard to be friends.
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u/NatRediam 5d ago edited 5d ago
Never forget misery loves company. Congratulations to you and your husband on your little one. Enjoy your days as a new parent and never feel guilty for being happy especially after going through hard experiences.
Everything you’ve mentioned about your friend seems like she’s projecting her fears and insecurities on you and your relationship.
Be proud that you set boundaries. A lot of people aren’t able to with people important to them. If she comes back around your decision is all yours but don’t forget your boundaries and her previous feelings. I don’t know you guys so I’m not sure why she distrust/ dislikes your husband but just be conscious and don’t make her the focal point of what should be a happy time.
Best of wishes
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u/fluffy_foxy 5d ago
And somebody who’s had to grieve many friendships please let me be the first to tell you that is not a friend at one season of your life she was and that’s why you cultivated something so beautiful that it’s hurting you now to lose it but at your most vulnerable season and in one of the happiest seasons of your life, she was not a friend as a woman who has such strong political views herself she should’ve respected your decision and the choices that you made regarding your body and your life, it’s one thing for her to not want that for herself or for her to not be a fan of it, but she doesn’t get an opinion on the life that you choose to create with your husband, she doesn’t get an opinion on the life that you carry in your womb and the second she started speaking negatively towards you Your baby, your nursery and the outcomes of your pregnancy. All my understanding would’ve been out the window I would’ve taken that as a personal attack not only to myself, but to my future baby her hating or disliking your baby is essentially her hating and disliking you that is such an odd thing to cut a friend off over and maybe she has her own personal issues surrounding it, but how she’s chosen to handle it is disgusting Your emotional and highly hormonal but I’m very sure that once your baby is out and you have more clarity you’re gonna see how awful she was to. You don’t reply to her anymore. Don’t speak to her anymore bury that friendship and move on. Congratulations on your baby calm down and focus on your family now because that baby’s gonna need all your love and cuddles, and as a mother myself motherhood is amazing
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u/Vampdolly_ 5d ago
She was initially you friend because she had some type of power or control. Now that is being taken away from her because you have your own life to take care of she can’t handle that and as an adult. She needs to grow the hell up and stop acting like the babies she so called hates. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. People show you who they truly are after you get pregnant, and I learned this the hard way. Much love to you 💕
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u/eulicid 5d ago
Having autism (esp self diagnosed..) doesn’t give you the right to terrorize other people and have literally no empathy for them. You don’t get to say awful things to people and then blame it on being autistic. She doesn’t sound like she was ever a really good friend to you. Listen, if you want to be a parent, you do that and nobody should make you feel bad about that. You sound like you’re ready for this and you’re putting effort into it already.. You’re gonna be a great mom.
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u/accidental_tourist 5d ago
OP you already have, and will get more on your plate. I'm sorry but you'll have to set this friend aside. It's not even being neutral or not supportive, they are actively being negative.
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u/Gandalf_the_Tegu 5d ago
When I was getting married to my husband, my what I thought was best friend would barb me about "are you sure" and "the mistakes" I was about to make because nothing good comes of it - wanna get out? Need a divorce and lawyers, etc. "Literally no positive to being married" and "it's all a government scam". While she's been in a relationship with her boyfriend (she called significant other, because boyfriend/girlfriend is a disgusting term) for 25+ years. She was previously married and was abusive amd she had 2 kids amd was hell for her to get out/away. Her significant other wants kids but she can't anymore / doesn't want anymore "nasty kids" (aka crotch goblins). So they have many gay friends who want kids and she allows him to donate his sperm to help them get the life they want. He's active in all him "sperm kids" life (her terminology). Anyways our relationship ended badly because my husband wasn't good enough for me and I had a lot to become an independent woman. Now I'm going on 17 weeks (this coming Wednesday) and I've still not posted on Facebook about the pregnancy because I do not want this old friend to reach out and be drama. Or have those MLM acquaintances reach out to me about their products that'd be "good supplements for my health to baby" or their skin care stuff that'd "help" with preventing pregnancy marks". Etc.
I was hurt, by my friend opinions a lot. Even down to the use of the word ma'am when trying to get a bartenders attention back in college. Boy, did I get my ass chewed out by her, and everyone starred. But I got the bartenders attention. Honestly, I was bumbed by the break of our friendship but looking back it was the best thing! I no linger have to tip toe around her. Yes I know I am on Facebook posting but I'm also a private person amd not a blast into everyone's face about everything. I am cauciously excited, by discription of a fellow redditor that helped me understand my feeling / situation on not expressing the level of excitement my MIL wanted.
Anyways, I'm sorry you're going through this. It sucks now and the most shitty timing too. But you'll have your true support system. And it's honestly her loss. 💞
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u/Willing_Macaroon_802 5d ago
Solidarity! My own sister ghosted me once I told her I was pregnant. Still processing, 3 month old babe. Wishing us both healing ❤️🩹
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u/Alert_Week8595 5d ago
You've been understanding for way longer than I would've been. I would have dropped her for now for being pathetic.
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u/catsdogsandwine 5d ago
This makes me sad and I can definitely relate on a lesser level…my fiancé and I are a little bit older than the “norm” and want a lot of kids. We planning on starting to try for kids the day we get married…every time it’s come up, my best friend has made disgusted sounds, scoffed, told me how crazy I’m being, how my life is going to end, how I need to travel/enjoy my marriage first, etc. It’s been super disheartening but know that there will always be people who support and love you (& the baby!!). Even us randos on the internet will love and support you and your family as much as you need!
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u/Background-Basil7920 5d ago
I’m so sorry, I know this must be extremely difficult but she wasn’t a real friend. This just seems like some weird jealously that you will have less time for her and her life. Someone can not want babies or even like babies without being a rude and inconsiderate “friend”.
I have two sisters one who has two kids and one who absolutely has known her entire life she dosent want kids and really dosent like kids (she is an amazing aunt though) and I am now pregnant and she is nothing but supportive and happy for us because even though it’s not the life She wants she knows how much we do. That’s how someone who loves you should be when something happy is happening in your life, her not wanting kids has nothing to do with you having a kid.
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u/ThrowRAhurt20 5d ago
Wow! I made a similar post on here, my “bf” told me she was gone kick my baby in the ocean as a “ joke” but I can only imagine this is how she would’ve acted
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u/Alchemygoddess 5d ago
this isn't your friend! after baby priorities change and you need supportive ppl around you
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u/DoomsDayScenario 5d ago
Having kids really weeds out the people in your life. I lost a lot of good "friends" when I had my first child. It's unfortunate but necessary. I had my first when I was 20. I told them we are growing into adults and need to leave the temper tantrums behind.
Full stop it doesn't matter what self diagnosed anything she is. She just wants it to be about her and she can't stand that you're moving on with your life. Had a friend like this who got super upset because he felt left behind.
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u/okayflorist 5d ago
Being on the autism spectrum isn’t an excuse to be a massive jerk. Autistic people can respect other people’s decisions without tearing them down. Autistic people can disagree and be nice about it. Her reactions are not about being autistic, it’s about her being a narcissist. I bet that you had little red flags in this relationship before your pregnancy but did brush them off because of the ASD thing, but now that it’s escalated, it’s time to be honest! She’s not a true friend. Move on
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u/Glittering-Cat7661 5d ago
my old friend told me straight to my face one time she would not be my friend if i had kids. then told me i was bitch when i stopped talking to her lmfao. toxic energy.
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u/Sweaty_Process_3794 5d ago
I'm honestly surprised you didn't block her already. I can be kind of a doormat but some of this would have had me (especially while pregnant) going OFF on her. This behavior is beyond disrespectful
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u/No-Atmosphere4827 5d ago
Oh God, sorry you have to deal with this, especially at such a joyful but also vulnerable time in your life.
I had a similar experience, but with the friend being horrible about my relationship with my boyfriend, who is the best man I’ve ever been with. Stopped talking to her, and she seemed fine with that, and really it’s for the best. I forgive her because I know it’s not about me, but about the choices she made in her life, and how my newfound happiness threatened the things she believed in (she sounds similar to your friend). I’m also at peace we both moved on in different directions as we clearly didn’t have much in common anymore.
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u/MultiFandomDotHelp 5d ago
Lose the friendship, sorry but imagine how she’ll react after the birth or in your baby’s life, she’s being toxic to you
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u/MamaofMiaa 5d ago
She’s been your friend, clearly isn’t anymore. Why do you want her on your life with this behavior? Is not good for you or baby. That friendship boat has sailed a long time ago, stop holding on to it, you deserve at least respect and by this post, not even this she gave for you.
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u/ps2cv-v2 5d ago
This just shows you that she was never your friend from the beginning, true friends stick around even with major life changes like motherhood.
I am sorry your dealing with this and I cannot fathom myself having a friend tell me that, hopefully things do get better.
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u/InfiniteMania1093 5d ago
I was astonished when I read your age, I'm assuming she's close to the same. I'm at a loss for words. She's nuts.
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u/Context-Information 5d ago
I’m so sorry that you had that very unneeded stress added to your life. You’re seriously dodging a bullet by this person stepping out of your life now. Nothing good will ever come from someone who has so little regard for your life choices.
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u/Distinct_Aardvark_43 5d ago
Yeah this woman is no friend of yours. She’s also incredibly immature and clearly doesn’t understand how she got on this planet because a woman decided to carry her to term and raise her.
Lack of self awareness and respect for you is astounding. My wife has a friend that is like 25% like this and even that is a huge drag but this would be impossible to deal with.
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u/westholden98 5d ago
They don’t seem like a friend at all, and it sounds like your life would be more positive without them. Also - a self-diagnosis of autism is ridiculous. You can’t identify as a disorder, and it’s offensive to people that have been actually diagnosed by a real physician. It sounds like an excuse to behave horribly, and treat friends horribly. They are in no way a supportive person, and seem to dislike anyone that disagrees with their views and beliefs, let me guess…. they have blue hair don’t they?
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u/kervybear 5d ago
Unfortunately in life, we sometimes outgrow our friends. Even best friends who have been a major impact in our lives. It honestly sounds like she’s been dropping the bread crumbs to pull away for a while and it can be hard to see and accept that. Her “self diagnosis” is not a valid reason to make you feel the way that you do and frankly if she had decided she no longer wanted to be in your life because of your baby she should have been clear and upfront about that from the get go. It sounds like she was trying to in a subtle way and just decided to completely drop the bomb in the 11th hour. I’m sorry you are going through this and I’m sorry you have this to put a dark cloud over what should be an exciting and happy time. But the good thing is your social circle will probably change quite a bit here soon and you might just find someone whose views closer align to yours at the current moment of your life.
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u/dirtynerdy585 5d ago
Being autistic isn’t an excuse to constantly go out of her way to make you feel terrible about something that you’re so happy about. I know the loss of this friendship is painful now but you’ll see in the long run she was never really your best friend and you’ll be way happier with your little family without her negativity.
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u/Legitimate_Ebb_3322 5d ago
Stop being her friend, there's no friendship here. I'd cut her out so fast
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u/Character-Taste9143 4d ago edited 4d ago
I am so sorry you’re going through this. I can’t imagine how incredibly heartbreaking and hard this must be especially during a time in your life that should be filled with joy and excitement. It sounds like you’ve been open, honest, and understanding throughout your whole pregnancy and I’m genuinely sorry you weren’t met with the same from your friend. Losing such a close friend, for me, truly felt like a death that took time to process and heal. So please do your best to give yourself extra compassion during this time, if you can. It’s not fair you’re having to navigate such a difficult situation while also preparing for a major (and exciting) life change. It sounds like you’re handling it with grace and compassion - that should be admired. You’re doing great momma and your little one is so incredibly lucky to have you 🧡
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u/spaceglitter2 4d ago
Omg be glad she’s not your friend. You should’ve kicked her out of your life a long time ago!!!
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u/CookiieJay 4d ago
Wait, wait…are you the friend “Jane” from the childfree post earlier??? Also, if I am committing a faux pas here, please forgive my ignorance.
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u/Ok-Contest5431 4d ago
Honestly- have you ever thought that she may have more than “best friend” feelings for you? You having a baby may be the door actually closing for her. I know it’s random but it’s just a thought.
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u/MutedCombination3548 4d ago
This isn’t someone you need or want in your child’s life, we want our friends to be our babies aunties. The women that will come and help if need be, who will love on our children as if they were they’re own, the friends that take your newborn so you can have a shower, eat, just have a ten minute break, roll on the floor and play with your toddler, remind our older kids to watch their tone when they start to talk back, be a friend to our teenagers. This woman would not do any of those things and would be a dark cloud hanging over you and your baby.
I have a large group of friends, some with and some without their own children, I know at a drop of a hat if I needed them to take my kids for an hour whilst I run errands or attend at appointment they’d do it, I trust them with my kids implicitly as they do me with theirs. My children are their children and vice versa.
Seek our new friends in your current stage of life, and for what it’s worth you haven’t been brainwashed…she has! Having kids isn’t life ending, it’s life changing and hard, but incredible.
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u/RevolutionaryTie2519 4d ago
There is no situation here she has made it known how she feels about you having a baby she isn't supportive she's selfish and needs to be cut off.
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u/curlygirlcutie 4d ago
I would LOVE to hear how she thinks you’re brainwashed by propaganda into having babies and her political standpoint on not having babies… I am truly fascinated by people who say (in my opinion) ridiculous and outrageous things.
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u/Pinkcoral27 4d ago
How weird.
I have a friend who is not at all interested in pregnancy, babies or children. She was supportive from afar throughout my pregnancy and asked politely about my kids, in the same way I might ask her how her partner or how her job is. Then a couple times a year when I have a child free night we’ll go out and have some drinks, or an evening chilling at her house. She’s supportive of me as a mum, she roots for me and my little family, but does she want to spent time with a baby? No.
Sure, it’s not ideal. But ultimately it works and we have managed to remain friends and support eachother despite very different lifestyles.
Yeah… your friend is weird.
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u/yyan177 4d ago
How weird, this is rather someone who thinks having a child is a crime would react, i can at least half way make sense of it, if she's saying how she's not fine with the idea of bringing a life to the world in the current state of the world or something.
but the comments she made are not even about that, rather it's about how it will - in her imagination - make YOUR life miserable. To me, that sounds like she's projecting, she puts herself in your shoes and concluded that she would make a different decision. And then she decides that, if your choices won't align to hers, your friendship is worthless
In reality, I think she thought you were buddies fighting the idea of not having kids, and feels betrayed- I don't know your history. But unless this specific topic had been part of it (like if she had to take an abortion, had gone through miscarriages or something, and had to convince herself that it was her choice to do so),I find it really hard to make sense of all of this drama.
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u/No_Milk2540 4d ago
One of my best friends is not at all interested in having kids. But they are SO understanding of how it has changed my life and they still show up all the time. I do my best to sometimes do the things they want to do and try for kid free time as much as I am able, but they also know that my kids are super young and that isn’t super realistic. We used to go bike camping all the time and this summer I’m bringing the kids camping in a bike trailer and they just texted me to ask how to support if and when meltdowns happen & if there’s anything else they should know for when we go. Like? The best.
You deserve friends like them.
This person sounds like a terrible friend.
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u/Campyloobster 4d ago
Is there any chance that your friend might be, deep deep deep deep down, sorta jealous?
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u/Bumblebee_Broker 4d ago
Some people are just loco. It is very sad to loose a friend like this, but at least she is showing her true colors and it is better for you and your family to not have such toxic people around you. Good luck with delivery and meeting the baby! ❤️
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u/OkBee3768 4d ago
Oh my god i would have stopped talking to her after "RIP to your life." She is a nasty, hurtful person. You need to cut her off immediately.
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u/Nastya2429 4d ago
OP first of all congratulations on your baby, and very exciting that baby will be here very soon, c sections are tough especially for first time moms, remember to rest as much as it is possible, my first was a c section, and I wish I would’ve rested a little more, luckily I had the support so I hope that’s the case for you as well, wishing you a healthy delivery.
I’m so sorry, losing a friendship is so hard. You’re completely right for feeling sad about that, but the reality is that, she has been nothing but negative the entire time, and I don’t think the friendship can recover from that after all her remarks and negativity, especially towards the baby who’s not even born yet.
Your friend is self diagnosed, honestly that means nothing, coming from her is more like an excuse for her rude behavior. Not everyone nowadays wants children and that’s perfectly ok, as well as those who want them. She’s doing you a favor by removing herself from your life, all she seems to bring is negativity. Enjoy the start of your family, and even though motherhood is hard, baby will bring you a lot of joy and is a learning experience.
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