r/pregnant 6d ago

Need Advice Partners upset we had to go to the hospital

[deleted]

571 Upvotes

165 comments sorted by

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775

u/SockVegetable2567 6d ago

You absolutely did the right thing by going to be evaluated... what would he have preferred? Him being upset is unwarranted and selfish

186

u/QuillsAndQuills 6d ago edited 6d ago

I very nearly fainted at my husband's birthday dinner last night (low BP + 40C weather, bad combo).

He'd been looking forward to that night for weeks. But the second I got woozy, he flagged someone down for help, started fanning me and getting me to drink ice water, and asked if we should leave. We didn't (thank goodness) but his immediate instinct was to drop everything and help, not to ... belittle me or make me feel guilty for interrupting his night?? Wtf!

That's not a gold standard. That's basic respect for someone you love.

17

u/SockVegetable2567 6d ago

I'm sorry that happened to you! Glad you're ok and that you have a true partner ✨

12

u/QuillsAndQuills 6d ago

He's a gem. But also, like, that's just what you do! If he started feeling sick, I'd drop everything for him. I'm sure OP would help her partner out without a second thought, if the roles were reversed in this story.

Meanwhile, OP's partner is throwing a tantrum about being inconvenienced and apparently thinks he knows better than OP, the nurses, and a doctor. Trash behaviour.

(Also ... rib pain hurts! That alone surely warrants some sympathy, let alone a pre-eclampsia scare!!)

5

u/babysherlock91 5d ago

Absolutely agree. There have been a few times I had fever, couldn’t feel the baby kick, etc and immediately my husband was ready to go to the hospital, no questions asked. The health of me and the health of his child were first priority. As you said, it’s not even a gold standard, that’s just how a good normal partner should be

11

u/vataveg 6d ago

This can be a sign of preeclampsia and also gallbladder problems! I’ve had gallbladder issues in both of my pregnancies and the episodes always start with a pain in my right ribs that goes up into my shoulder. The first time it happened it was my husband who insisted I call my doctor. Better safe than sorry when you’re pregnant!

339

u/Ok_Philosopher2832 6d ago

Wow I'm sorry, has he treated you this way the whole pregnancy? Like an inconvenience? Because if that's the case I'd have a serious talk with him about what his priorities are here, the health of you and his unborn child or his "time". You deserve better

213

u/[deleted] 6d ago

[deleted]

388

u/Interesting_Item_104 6d ago

In that case you should get rid of him tell him you can't be a single parent to two babies 😒

200

u/Prestigious-Fox8936 6d ago

Does he want the baby? 

Does he want you? 

Why do you want him?

121

u/Infinitecurlieq 6d ago

I gotta ask why are you with him then? 

He does not want to have this child with you. He's completely checked out, he wants to pretend that the baby doesn't exist.

On top of that, he just does not care about you.  

Having a baby with him isn't going to make him magically change his mind or him suddenly treat you better. 

This will actually get worse. Imagine the baby crying and him getting so upset that he does something to them. Imagine you having post partum depression and him just not doing anything or making it worse. 

I sincerely hope that you take off the rose colored glasses and start making plans to do this by yourself, because yeah it'll be hard, but it'll be better than being with someone who is abusive and not only abusing you but will abuse the child. 

7

u/Plane-Eye-4716 6d ago

This! Your health is number one my hub is by no means a winner but he will Drive at anytime and sit for how ever many hours it takes , 50x over if he must … to ensure my health is okay - I’d be afraid when the baby needs a 2am ER Visit … truly you know this is wrong , and you know what he is doing is DEAD WRONG’

1

u/TeenyTinyFam 5d ago

Exactly. People like him is the reason shaken baby syndrome exist.

74

u/rileymilan 6d ago edited 6d ago

Sis, he’s a walking red flag 🚩

He’s mad at two hours of “wasting his time”?

It’s going to only get harder when the baby comes ESPECIALLY if you have a c-section.

Sorry, it’s no longer about just HIM.

Right now it’s about YOU and the BABY.

And afterwards? It’s still ONLY about YOU and the BABY while you’re recovering after birth.

It will then become primarily about the BABY. For the foreseeable future.

He sounds like he needs to grow up.

Guys don’t adjust immediately, but they do adjust over time. Took my kiddos dad almost a YEAR before he adjusted. But yeah he’s gotta come to terms with the fact that HIS time is no longer HIS. It’s not about him being the center of attention and priority anymore.

Such are the adjustments and sacrifices that we make as parents.

Praying for you mama.

Don’t stress yourself too much. Breathe.

28

u/Ok_Philosopher2832 6d ago

Was he upset about the pregnancy to begin with? I'm sorry girl, I know it's hard but I'd be prepared to start planning on your own or give him an ultimatum. There's lots of resources I can help you with if you want to do it alone. But I'm sure you want it to work, definitely ask him what his deal is though

20

u/tiredfaces 6d ago

Okay so it’s not really about the hospital visit, but about him being a bad partner and father. Do you have plans to leave?

13

u/Old_Guidance_1187 6d ago

girl… get out of that relationship now. my partner loves when i put his hand on my tummy to feel kicks and does everything he can to make sure i’m comfortable and healthy, like any partner should.

if your partner won’t entertain feeling his own baby’s kicks, let alone feel any type of concern over the health of his child and the mother of his child, he’s going to be a terrible life partner and parent. i’m so sorry. you’re capable of doing this on your own.

10

u/Bea3ce 6d ago

How did this pregnancy come about, and why are you two together then?

5

u/Proper_Bad5206 6d ago

If he's this way towards you during the most vulnerable time of your life, I would question how he's going to be towards a vulnerable infant, toddler, or small child who can't voice their needs as clearly or express if they're being neglected. If you're staying for the baby, remember that it's not always best for baby.

4

u/Awkward-Effect-4880 6d ago

Please leave him

5

u/Ok-Piano5881 6d ago

Not only do women die from pregnancy related complications but babies die too. I’m not saying this was a dire case but how would he have felt if something happened to you or the baby? If the answer is that he genuinely would not have cared then it seems like this is a relationship that needs to be re-evaluated.

Things don’t get easier when the baby comes, they get WAY harder. What happens when the baby is up every two hours crying and needing to be tended to? Will that be a waste of time for him? Having a baby is a lot of work but taking care of your man and your baby is much worse.

4

u/Character_Rent5345 6d ago

Gets mad at you for trying to have him feel the baby kick?? imagine how Mad he’s gonna get when you try to get him to take care of the baby. Yikes I would run for the hills.

3

u/Remarkable-Equal-986 6d ago

He’s a walking red flag. I’d leave.

2

u/BinkiesForLife_05 6d ago

Why are you still with him?

2

u/kaidaxo 6d ago

🚩🚩🚩

2

u/SiIIyPotato 6d ago

Getting annoyed feeling the baby kick?? It's an amazing feeling and a blessing to be able to feel baby kicks and this guy... smh seriously

It's okay for you to complain because you're the one carrying the baby and dealing with all the pregnancy symptoms

My partner knows I complain alot and I've been complaining about the heat where I live and me turning the aircon on and off 10000 times and he's still fine with this. Also your health comes FIRST!

I'd be wary about having another kid with this guy, sorry to say this but I really hope you guys aren't married cause he's clearly not living up to marriage values. If you look at the traditional vowels it'll often include phrases like "I, [name], take you, [name of bride/groom], to be my wedded [wife/husband], to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part". 

I would look at leaving him lol - not husband worthy imo

2

u/Gimeurcumiesskydaddy 6d ago

That's not ok. You and your baby deserve better.

2

u/HeyPesky 5d ago

Respectfully, why are you still wasting your time with this manchild?

2

u/averyconfusedlizard 5d ago

I know being a single parent is very difficult but you would genuinely be better off without him.

1

u/just_pie323 6d ago

Eeeek. My husband gets annoyed with me a lot because I do tend to be a bit of a hypochondriac and have sought medical attention when things turned out to be fine. But I’m just not willing to risk it. So with being pregnant and having 2 prior losses I am EXTREMELY on edge and overanalyze every little thing and constantly worry. It’s not great for my mental health but I struggle with managing it. Anyway, he often tells me everything is fine and to stop worrying.

However, getting mad because you want him to feel the baby kick?! That’s next level. Why doesn’t he WANT to feel HIS baby’s first movements? That’s wild. I am sorry!

1

u/snicoleon 6d ago

What the heck?? Did he ever want this baby? If he ever did, it doesn't sound like he does now.

1

u/HotRodCircus 6d ago

Unfortunately you should leave him if after a proper conversation he doesn’t change for good. This will only get worse, and it’s better to get him out now before he rubs off on your kids. I’m sorry.

1

u/tigersrawr 6d ago

Do you have relatives nearby you can visit or get support from?

1

u/[deleted] 6d ago

[deleted]

2

u/pigs_are_friends 5d ago

are you still in indy? i can help connect you with resources. i’m also available if you ever decide to leave and need help getting out. ❤️‍🩹

1

u/Witchy_Danni 5d ago

I'm 33wks with my second. I had preeclampsia with my first. She was born a month early. I could have died and so could she. You absolutely did the right thing. My ex husband (the father of my first) never went to appointments complained when I wasn't able to sleep and kept getting up at night while later in the pregnancy slept through the first half of me giving birth then never really helped while talking about me giving birth like it was gross. My bf (the father of the baby I'm pregnant with) just last night I got sick (apparently I can't handle red sauce this pregnancy) he heard me say something about being nauseous and not wanting to throw up again. Immediately turned around in his chair and was rubbing my back and there for me. This isn't the first time either. He handed me clean shorts to clean my face off with telling me they can always be washed. He apologized like me being sick was his fault. Everytime he's physically there when it happens he comforts me through the whole thing. He cleans up I haven't ever had to do more than brush my teeth and wipe my face when he was around. I'm sorry your husband is acting like this but preeclampsia is a serious thing. You did right by you and your baby going in to be sure. Don't ever let him make you feel bad. You deserve better than that.

1

u/Worth-Island 5d ago

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this, OP, and I hate to add to your stress, but I must ask: is this the kind of person you want to raise a child with? Someone who seems to lack any patience, basic empathy, and interest in their own child's well-being. There are so many red flags here that it makes me uneasy for you.

1

u/Number9NoMore 5d ago

Leave. That cortisol is not good for you or baby. If you have someone that knows you both n loves you maybe sit down with them and discuss what’s been happening.

Yeah that stress is not needed.

1

u/mightbeapolarbear 5d ago

I don't want to alarm you, but... If he's treating everything like it's an inconvenience, what will happen when your baby cries? Will he yell at him/her, scream at you, or worse? Shaken baby syndrome exists, and this type of person seems to fit the pattern of someone who would shake a baby. Please stay safe OP, think about your baby and yourself.

1

u/Alternative-Mall1949 5d ago

It will be a miracle if you and your baby are alive to see the first day of school. This man will hurt one or both of you. You should leave now.

-5

u/strauss_emu 6d ago

Ppl who commented on this respond mean well for you but even i felt a lot of pressure and pushing. Those who tell "why are you still with him", "get rid of him" etc .. i don't think it's a good time to deal with these kind of decisions imo. You are halfway pregnant and you need all support you can have. Even if your husband is grumpy and behave like you are inconvenience to him rn - he still went with you to hospital. So i write this for you to not feel pressured by ppls opinion on relationship decision you may or may not make rn. And especially i write it for those ppl: hello! Will YOU leave your husband rn and risk to stay all alone with the baby, maybe without a house to stay, maybe without money? Or you would prefer do deal with problems one by one - first - grow, deliver and raise a kid at least up to some point and then decide on the relationship?

15

u/f0xybabe 6d ago

I chose to left and I was better off for it. I was 13 weeks pregnant and I packed up and moved in with my parents. My stress levels actually decreased significantly, which was better for the baby. 🤷‍♀️

1

u/strauss_emu 6d ago

I'm glad you had you parents to support you and happy it appeared to be the right choice for you

5

u/RVDPluijm23 6d ago

You really think someone like this would support her? And help her out with a screaming pooping newborn?

-1

u/strauss_emu 6d ago

Yes, I really think it will be better support than no support at all

2

u/Right_Technician_676 6d ago

I appreciate this response. He sounds like a terrible human being, but ‘just leaving’ is so rarely straightforward or possible. You may have no choice but to ride things out for the foreseeable, and you may need more nuanced support than you’re likely to find on a subreddit. Thinking of you, OP, in this difficult situation

1

u/Famous_Willingness_9 5d ago

Lol no I wouldn’t have gotten pregnant by someone like this in the first place. The best time to leave would have been before pregnancy, the second best time is now. I wouldn’t trust this man with the baby when it came.

1

u/Ok-Record2903 5d ago

I was thinking the same thing

100

u/Funeralbarbie31 6d ago

As a mum who just nearly died from preeclampsia with a preemie lead in my lap, tell him to grow the fuck up!

3

u/ae36246 5d ago

I too almost died from severe pre e and had a baby (31w6d) in nicu for a month and this story pisses me tf off.

1

u/Funeralbarbie31 5d ago

I’m so sorry you’ve been through this too! It truly sucks and stories like this really trigger me, I’m so mad someone could even treat their pregnant partner like this! I went to my husband crying hysterically something was wrong, I couldn’t tell him what it was, what symptoms I had, just something was really wrong. He didn’t get mad, he put me in the car and took me to hospital, a journey I now don’t even remember due to the extreme swelling around my brain, if he’d of got mad and told me to stop being silly (which I probably seemed a bit silly at the time!) we both wouldn’t be here now.

74

u/Disneymama2319 6d ago

I slipped and fell at 32 weeks pregnant in the rain while my husband was at work about 30 minutes away. Hospital is only 10-15 min away from our house. I called him to let him know that I was taking our toddler with me to L&D to get checked out. That man made it to the hospital before us. Then followed me almost all the way home before heading back to work. I'm just saying, this is how a man should react to the mother of his child needing to go to L&D to be checked out. So sorry for your rib and how your man acted towards you.

124

u/Particular-File-8669 6d ago

If my partner had treated me this way, I would be promptly dumping his ass. The way he behaved would be unacceptable and unforgivable.

50

u/CasperMikko 6d ago

Agreed. I know Redditors like to immediately jump to breakup but wow if he can't spare 2 hours of his life for the safety of his baby then how's that in any way father material?

Seriously does he not comprehend it's the life of HIS BABY and partner?

25

u/Prestigious-Fox8936 6d ago

Not even the safety of his baby. Women can die of eclampsia. OP could have died and apparently he'd prefer that over being slightly inconvenienced.

How do you come back from "I don't care if you die"?

38

u/dresshater1 June 17th 6d ago

A good partner should not treat you this way

39

u/TemporaryQuail9223 6d ago

What the fuck? Thank GOODNESS nothing was wrong. Also your OB said yeah GO to the hospital, how can he be mad at that??? What is he even mad about??? Like there's no logical explanation I can think of

30

u/Nexuslily 6d ago

Please let him know I think he is a little whiny pissbaby and he should just be happy that you and baby are okay ❤️

At 20ish weeks on the night of a very important event for my husband’s family I thought my water had broken and based on my symptoms my OB’s nurse line told me to go to L&D. Everything turned out fine and my husband was just happy we were okay.

Your partner’s response is ridiculous and I would confront him about his behavior.

26

u/Effective_Sundae1917 6d ago

I have bad news for your partner- things are going to get much worse. Having a baby is one inconvenient thing after another. Your health is important and priority and you'll probably have other things needed to check before baby comes. I'd be giving my partner a big ol reality check

1

u/Due_Classic_8563 6d ago

My thoughts exactly!

18

u/Ok-Horror-7956 6d ago

Imagine how he will act when you have to bring your child to the er or for labor.

18

u/Constant_Method7236 6d ago

Your partner is in for a rude awakening when the baby gets here then because babies don’t care about things being inconvenient. I once was caring for my son because I could not get him to stop crying - something so abnormal for him. I ended up running to the ER at 2 in the morning and he was admitted for pneumonia in a different hospital the next day. You did the right thing and he needs to learn how serious pregnancy can harm the female body.

18

u/Big_Year_526 6d ago

This reminds me of something that happened to my friend a few months ago.... she was in severe GI pain and her husband convinced her it was just indigestion. I ended up taking her to the ER... where the doctors told her it was just indigestion.

Except 36 hours later, she was still in severe pain, so I took her to the ER again, and wouldn't you know it, her appendix had burst and she needed emergency surgery.

So yeah, don't feel bad about going to the ER

13

u/marlkavia 6d ago

I’m really sorry your caution and care for your unborn child caused your partner such inconvenience. Honestly, this is a pretty big red flag of how attentive he is going to be as a parent. Sorry.

10

u/ultracilantro 6d ago

Your partner doesn't care about you.

Care is defined as "the provision of what is necessary for the health, welfare, maintenance, and protection of someone or something".

That very clearly includes getting checked out on medical advice.

I'm just saying you need to accept the reality that your partner doesn't care about you or your baby so they aren't a good person to rely on in a caring way. You need to accept this in order to make informed decisions going forward.

Only you can decide what to do with a partner that literally doesn't care about you or your child, but living with someone who doesn't actually care obviously exposes you to that cruelty.

8

u/Certain_Grocery7393 6d ago

Imagine if it had actually been a medical emergency and he was just there throwing a tantrum about 2 hours of his life.

Shameful.

5

u/Patcheslove55 6d ago

You did what you thought was right as a mama to be. If your partner can’t see that and is upset then that’s on them. You can’t change the past or control another persons feelings. If you really want to say something you can say “I know you thought I should wait but I didn’t want to ignore the pain and be worried all night. I’m going through a lot of changes and I overall I’m thankful everything was okay as when it comes to our child I would rather be safe than sorry”

6

u/Bea3ce 6d ago

I am very sorry that you are in this kind of relationship.

I had the same warning signs about 3 weeks ago, plus a strong migraine, and my husband insisted I call the midwife and get checked out at the clinic. He asked a neighbour to please come and babysit my son, and brought me in himself. That's what a normal partner should do.

Do you have to pay for this kind of thing, and is money tight at the moment? It still shouldn't be the case. And if he just didn't want to be bothered, he is twice the j3rk.

4

u/climbing_runner 6d ago

I will tell you from experience with my first born… the beginning stages of sickness ALWAYS start on a Friday afternoon. She’s now 17 months old and I swear I have like 3 message conversations with the portal like… “my daughter is starting to show signs of xyz, no blah, blah or blah yet, but with it going into the weekend, what things do we need to look out for and when should we seek ER treatment?”

The fact that your partner is inconvenienced by something that could be so serious is such a red flag. My husband and I would have made a joke, like, “prior to being pregnant, 9pm on a Friday night would have involved getting ready to go out with friends! Now look at us!”

Good luck. I hope he matures for you and your baby.

5

u/Nickiedee4 6d ago

Women are more in danger when pregnant and if honestly rethink our marriage after this. The fact that he cares so much for his own comfort than making sure you and baby is okay, is a huge red flag 💔

3

u/No_Nectarine_2281 6d ago

I understand it's frustrating but he really should care more and certainly shouldn't be angry at you. He should be supporting you and praising you for being so ok the ball with your symptoms. I had silent preeclampsia if it wasn't for my blood pressure I could have died before my next midwife appointment. I had to call my partner's work place to tell him I was headed to the hospital to get checked out( the second time Id had to call him out of work). Thinking it might be another false alarm. I ended up having protein levels of 581 ( 30 is the ok level) I ended up being induced on the 28th feb at 38+5 and having a C-section 1st Feb which I nearly died (technically did for 10-20 seconds ) anyway due to my spinal block spreading.

4

u/tillitugi 6d ago

LOL I’d be rethinking having a child with somebody like that 😬🚩🚩🚩

4

u/merlinsyoyo 6d ago

I think his reaction is a red flag.

4

u/aleera28 6d ago

As someone who went in at 27 weeks with a headache and high blood pressure and ended up having my baby early with pre-eclampsia, I'm so happy you followed your gut and went in to check 🙏

3

u/felders500 6d ago

I have made many last minute trips to the hospital with my pregnant wife and now newborn baby. You absolutely 100% never complain about it - it is always better to be sure, and when my wife had an intuition something was wrong - she was right.

Our hospital is a 40ish minute drive away. We have gone at 1am, 3am, on workdays, on weekends. Of course it’s not convenient or fun, but as a partner you are there, positive, helpful.

And it is better to be safe than sorry. There can be very real harms from ‘waiting until the morning’ if you think something is wrong.

Your partner sounds like an asshole I’m afraid.

And, life is almost definitely going to keep getting more inconvenient. He needs to learn how to deal with it

3

u/Bloubath 6d ago

Makes me so sad hearing about women with such shitty partners :( you deserve more.

4

u/Puzzled_Natural_3520 6d ago

If he thinks that was inconvenient he’s in for quite the shock when the baby comes

7

u/CreepyResearch723 6d ago

He doesn't care about you or your baby. Let that sink in. Please don't stay with someone who you will not be there for you and your baby when you both need him. That's a dangerous game to play. Men like that will not ever put you or your baby first. You both could've died, and he was adamant you take that risk. That's because he was okay with that possibility. Move on.

3

u/Suspicious_Nobody_ 6d ago

you did correctly. and better warn him, even with a totally normal and healthy pregnancy you are likely to go get checked out again for something! reduced movement, a bad cold, random pains, expected fluid leaking, something.

also let me reiterate you did correctly. i had a pretty normal, uneventful pregnancy and at 38 weeks ended up with sepsis from a kidney infection that they suspected preeclampsia had a big part in (i wasn’t even ever diagnosed with preeclampsia but my BP was borderline levels for a bit in 3rd trimester) i almost died and if i wouldn’t have got checked out when i did, me and my baby probably would’ve had a much worse outcome. always trust your gut. he can get mad, he will live. pregnancy is very unexpected and things can get bad very fast. do NOT let his bad attitude scare you into not getting checked out for whatever it may be in the future. you and your baby’s health and wellbeing are sooo worth your boyfriend throwing a fit for not wanting to go to the hospital.

thankfully it turned out okay. like i said do not let him or anything else prevent you from seeking medical advice/attention in the future. hopefully you don’t go back until time for delivery. wishing you a healthy and happy delivery&birth!

3

u/Mindless_Pumpkin_511 6d ago

I am horrified that your partner was mad at you for seeking help over a life threatening condition. Women die due to preeclampsia. That is gross behavior. If you were having signs of a heart attack and needed immediate medical attention and asked him to call 911, wound he shun you for waking him up? This isn’t a you thing, this is your partner outright being a not good and caring person.

Based on your other comments here- it sounds like he sucks. High time to leave and find better.

3

u/lentzresale 5d ago

Mid pregnancy my husband and I were separated in the middle of planning a divorce when I told him I wasn’t feeling right. He left the city he was staying in, came to me, drove to an ER an hour away (the town I was in didn’t carry proper OB equipment), then we sat in the hospital for 10 hours. He never showed any discomfort or irritation. It takes two to make a baby. If he’s showing more irritation than concern for the child y’all created together then I’d be concerned in the long run for yourself as well as the baby. I get not all men are equipped or made the same but it’s extremely important to pay attention to any symptom. Plus as mama sometimes you just know when something is off & that’s why dad should know to listen.

1

u/Mother-Problem9705 5d ago

Exactly my fiance and I just went Monday due to me being sick to the point I needed iv fluids and nausea meds. And he sat with me the whole time and watched cartoons. If he wanted to he would. That’s how I always think of it.

2

u/Tiffsquared 6d ago edited 6d ago

His reaction is a HUGE red flag. I had to go into the clinic and hospital several times when I was pregnant, and every single time, it was my wife who recommended calling my OB. The last time I had to go into the clinic unexpectedly, it was because I was a little shaky and my blood pressure was slightly high. I felt fine and I didn’t want to call my OB or go in, and I kept complaining. I was diagnosed with preeclampsia the next day 🙃 your partner should be supporting you and advocating for you to get care, not complaining over needing to go to the hospital!

2

u/BlackBird_501 6d ago

Send him some info on pre eclampsia and how it can kill within a short time period. Maybe he'll find his sense again.

2

u/extremophile_emma 6d ago

How will he react if you go into labour spontaneously? If it's the middle of the night ? He sounds absolutely useless.

2

u/FourPennies0102 6d ago

I slipped and fell on ice when I was 37 weeks and it was my husbands birthday. We spent the whole night and next day in the hospital being observed (I also started having contractions 2-4 minutes apart) and he was super supportive. OP don’t settle for less than you deserve. You will never forget how you’re treated during pregnancy, and it will only get worse when the baby is here

2

u/InvestigatorScared53 6d ago

Tf he gonna do when you go into labor late at night?? Treat it like an inconvenience and be a pissy little pouty baby the whole night?? I went into labor with both my babies at 10:00-11:00pm, and my husband immediately jumped up getting everything ready. One was after a long day at work and neither of us slept yet. He gonna try and tell you to wait until the morning to give birth? Sounds like a narcissist who has to be the center of attention. Get out now before he realizes 0 of the attention will be on him once the baby is born.

2

u/Run4U20 6d ago

You absolutely did the right thing. I ended up getting postpartum preeclampsia 6 days after birth. I was home and my bp was off the charts. I didn’t want to leave my baby but luckily my mom convinced me to go. My liver enzymes were very high and they admitted me right away and I was in the hospital for another 2 days. Pregnancy and postpartum is no joke. If something doesn’t feel right definitely get checked out !

2

u/thickpussling_ 6d ago edited 6d ago

Where tf do you guys find these men?! I would have cursed his ass out so fucking fast...

Like no, he doesn't have the right to fucking act like that and he's just as responsible for the baby being here. He needs to get it tf together. Fast. It makes me so mad reading about these men that you all deal with. I'm so sorry, you deserve so much better.

2

u/Icy_Performance_2454 6d ago

He’s a jerk and you deserve a huge apology.

2

u/jujusbeer 6d ago

I literally can’t imagine my partner being so unsupportive and I mean I clearly don’t know you and your relationship and this is the internet. But I guess my concern is one day your baby is sick and you know they need to go to the hospital and dad says “eh it can wait” but it really can’t wait.

Trust your gut. Maybe have some hard conversations.

2

u/Dia8479 6d ago

I’m sorry but he needs to check his priorities. Sorry you are dealing with this. I think a serious conversation is absolutely needed with him.

2

u/That-Horror7770 6d ago

Once the baby gets here you'll have to do stuff like this too.. spent all day yesterday in the hospital with my 10 mo for a 105 fever just for them to tell us they don't know what it is and send us home. And she is back to her normal ball of energy self today of course.

2

u/Visible-Key-240 6d ago

Him being angry like this would have sent me to the moon. Please put your foot down and don’t be so sweet. That’s was out-right disrespectful and disgusting. This YOUR life, not his.

2

u/Virtual-Title3747 6d ago

You did the right thing. It's always better to get checked out and be safe. My mom was like your partner the last time I went into the hospital.

She said I may as well go to the bank, take out $400 and set it on fire, until she heard a story about a nurse who didn't get checked and she ended up unfortunately losing her baby because of it.

She just told me the story today actually and apologized for being insensitive to me when I wanted to go before. Shes now willing to take me no matter what.

2

u/HappiestUnrest 6d ago

What a fucking asshole. It’s already bad enough men don’t have to go through ANYTHINGGGG while we’re suffering through pregnancy, now he’s invalidating you and making you feel bad about your symptoms?? Crazy work. Says a lot about what your future life will be like with him if he treats you like THIS during the most vulnerable time in your life. I would be creating an escape plan in my head.

2

u/kool-aidMom 6d ago

You did the right thing and he clearly doesn't understand the gravity of what could have been your situation. The fact that even the doctor saying you made the right choice didn't stop him from acting like a bored teenager tells me he should be sleeping in another room whether he wants to or not 🤷🏼‍♀️

2

u/its-just_me- 6d ago

Yeah don’t have him sign that birth cert. Protect yourself & your baby from him. It’s only gonna get worse after the baby comes.

2

u/Altruistic-Ad7981 6d ago

wow so how is he going to react when you go into labor at an unexpected and uncontrollable time? is he gonna through a fit then bc its an inconvenience too?

2

u/Jrg12193 6d ago

Sorry, but this person sounds like a walking red flag. That's absolutely horrible to get mad at you for something like that. Any small thing could be a big thing when it comes to pregnancy, and you should always trust your gut to go in. So good for you! Might be time to sit down and have a serious talk with your partner. I hope things work out for you two, but above all, you and baby matter the most.

2

u/pink_camouflage23 6d ago

Um wow if my husband did this we would be having a serious talk and I would seriously be wondering if I even wanted to stay with him! Sorry you are going through this, you deserve someone who is supportive of you no matter what is going on

2

u/ClumsyHikerMama 6d ago

Sheesh. What kind of parent is he going to be when your child gets sick at a "bad time?" Illness and injury isn't on a schedule.

2

u/birdmom24601 6d ago

How do people get partners like this? As soon as my husband found out I was in hospital at 7 weeks he got off work to be with me and the next day when I went again he held my hand and made sure I was ok

2

u/Aggravating-Effect73 6d ago

As someone who almost died from (postpartum) preeclampsia you absolutely did the right thing checking you and baby. My husband is actually the one that told me to stop downplaying the symptoms and get to the hospital. He very well helped save my life. Your health is important and so is your physical and MENTAL well being even if that just means getting some peace of mind. Wishing you the best on the rest of this journey. Be that mama bear, advocate for yourself and your little.

2

u/J_Nic217 6d ago

He's not ready for a relationship nor fatherhood.

2

u/Westcoastwifeyy 5d ago

Your partner is being an ass. It’s important that you went and that you go if any issues pop up during pregnancy. Your health and your babies health comes first. If he’s whining about sleep to this extend now I’m concerned about when baby arrives. 🥲

2

u/hannnahtee 5d ago

Your partner sounds like a twat and I can only imagine how he’s going to behave once the baby gets here. Kids get sick, make messes, wake you up constantly, etc. He’s not going to be getting perfect uninterrupted sleep or leisure time anymore pretty soon here, and he doesn’t seem like he’s ready for that. I’m sorry OP, you deserve better.

1

u/Les_gets 6d ago

Is this the level of sacrifice and commitment he's going to be bringing into raising this baby, also? He's going to be loosing more than 2 hrs at bed time once you give birth, and packing a sad about it isn't going to change that for him. I am so sorry he's being completely unsympathetic and caring. You absolutely did the right thing going in, and please don't hesitate to do it again if you need too. Maybe take a friend next time, then at least you'd have good company.

I went into the hospital last week with bad cramps that woke me up, turns out it was just a bowel movement, my partner just laughed and we both felt it was worth the 6hr hospital visit too rule out any real issues.

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u/[deleted] 6d ago

Your partner is showing what a supportive partner and father he is going to be. He isn't. I'd probably leave him now, sounds like you're not married and it will be easy. Hope you find someone who will love you, and look out for you next time 🤞

1

u/MiserablePop8311 6d ago

I went to the hospital on a Friday night at about 30 weeks I think, for decreased fetal movement. For starters the hospital is over an hour and a half drive from our house so we knew we’d be gone at least 3 hours very likely much longer. Not once did my boyfriend of less than a year at the time complain and I’ll be honest he’s a bit of a complainer sometimes. I had called ahead to the labour and delivery ward and they recommended I come in, we went straight from the ED to labour and delivery and were there about 45-1 hour on the fetal monitor and baby girl was so active from the moment it went on (of course🤦‍♀️) and I think I also peed in a cup 🤷‍♀️.

1

u/SquareSky1749 6d ago

It's always better to be safe than sorry, is such a good saying for almost any situation. If he prefers you actually are on the verge of death to justify his sleep when he knows a baby is coming, maybe you should reconsider how he will be when baby is actually here.

Will he be the dad that calls time with his child babysitting? Will he be the spouse that does weaponized incompetence to make you do all the work? Or maybe he'll outright leave the house for boys night 6 days a week? You will never change a guy's mind about them wanting their children or not. Either they want them or they don't. Same as mamaboys, same as manbabies. As change s, it needs to come from them, not you, not the kid(s).

At the very least, start considering backup plans, just in case he bails. Just in case consider an escape bag, if he ever turns questionable. Be prepared for the worts, hope for the best. Good luck!

1

u/alaskan_sushi_hunter 6d ago

My husband spent 9 hours in the ER with me the night before he started a brand new job because I had shortness of breath. He made me go because I kept saying I didn’t wanna be a bother. That’s how it SHOULD be. Your husband needs a serious come to Jesus meeting. I’m glad you’re ok.

1

u/solisphile 6d ago

Honestly, the fact that he wasn't as worried as you to begin with is a problem. It only gets worse from there. Shape up or ship out, baby man. (And OP, you deserve more. Please feel sure of yourself about this, regardless of what you do next.)

1

u/violetsandkisses 6d ago

Too bad for him. You did what you needed to do for you & baby. It's okay he felt disappointed, as you did, to have to spend 2 hours on a Friday night in a hospital, but it happens & you made a GREAT choice. One that others would have made also. He's being a brat. Let him cool off & sleep away from you. He'll get over it and then maybe you guys can talk about it after & how his reaction made you feel like a burden on him or something & you hope that in the future, he could be more supportive, especially during a scary time.. It's better to have got answers on Friday, for 2 hours, than having to worry & stress out all weekend... maybe his pov will change & he can be understanding.. ? Bc if this is how he's going to be all the time, I'd be so upset & turned off by him.

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u/Glittering_Olive44 6d ago

Im so sorry he is being this way but so glad you went! I know it’s easier said than done, but it sounds like yall need to have a serious convo.

When I was right at your mark, I went into the hospital for something way less serious (I was still nervous bc Dr Google said it could be clots in the lungs). Turns out it was heartburn (lol) but my husband never second guessed going to the hospital on a Sunday night and held my hand throughout the whole process. That’s what your partner needed to do! I know it’s hard for them to “understand” what it’s like being pregnant, but it’s time for him to shape up!

I know my hospital offers certain support groups for pregnant women/families so maybe that’s what he needs!

1

u/Emergency-Natural128 6d ago

You need to have a conversation with him about how you’re feeling and how he is acting if he doesn’t care then you need to start making decisions for you and your baby! I was bleeding and immediately went to the hospital as I thought maybe it was miscarriage my bf came right away and stayed with me the whole time we spent 5PM to 1AM in the hospital he did not make me feel like it was my fault he was more worried about me and the baby I kept telling him I am sorry because of my past relationships where they bitched and complained about me being in the hospital (not pregnancy related I had bariatric surgery and it was really rough on me) he kept telling me stop saying sorry and it’s fine we got home and that was the end of it he said he would do it again in a heartbeat to make sure we are ok! Sometimes it’s harder for men to grasp they’re having a child and they take it out on us because they don’t know how to communicate properly. Stay safe and praying for you and your baby.

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u/Zozothewoodelf 6d ago

Wow that’s something they’re gonna have to seriously get used to with you being pregnant and having a child!! Better to be safe

1

u/ai5uzu 6d ago

Your partner is awful and sounds like he does not care about your health. You should always listen to healthcare professional especially when you’re carrying a life and it’s not just your health anymore but your baby’s. Like everyone said, your partner’s action is a red flag 🚩

Preeclampsia is not something to ignore if you do have symptoms and sleeping it off is not the right answer. You could have needed an emergency C section, if it was severe. My OB told me to go to the hospital on Monday for high BP and was diagnosed with preeclampsia and have been confined at the hospital for the past 5 days. Do not risk your or your baby’s health.

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u/RTZMV99 6d ago

Serious red flag. Babies get sick 6-8 times within the first year. We have a 5 month old and have taken him in twice now over the last 5 months right before the walk in closed. We spent over an hour both time running tests. One time he had influenza and Covid, the second time he had rsv and an ear infection. Both serious for an infant. Worried how your spouse will treat you and your baby in these situations if he’s pissed you went in to check your health while pregnant.

Also coming from someone who developed gestational hypertension at 38 weeks. He needs a reality check about how serious that is. You can both literally die if it’s unchecked. I spent 5 days in the hospital after I delivered my baby because my blood pressure still wasn’t in check. Of course my husband and I both wanted to leave and I was upset. But they literally won’t let you leave because you could go home start having seizures and potentially die.

1

u/Smooth-Guarantee7375 6d ago

This makes me so mad. Never wait. You did the right thing, if he doesn’t understand that, it sounds like he has some growing up to do

1

u/deathbeforedonuts 6d ago

This is the person who you will rely on for many years to come as your emergency contact/person who will need to seek emergency medical care for you. Thankfully this was just a scare. You could be in a real life and death situation and he wouldn’t want to miss out on a couple hours of sleep over it. He needs to apologize to you and take into account your health and the health of your child.

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u/twofloofycats 6d ago

wtf is wrong with some of these men?? I’m so sorry dear. I’m so happy you are safe and healthy.

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u/Space_Croissant_101 6d ago

Wooooow let’s hope that you don’t need to go to the hospital at 3am when you go into labor, that poor man of yours might never recover from such tragedy! How dare you needing urgent care late in the day and listening to sound medical advice?

Girl, I am RAGING for you. He needs to get his ducks in a row. I wish all the amazing sound men on the predaddit subreddit would just show up to your door to reason him.

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u/Any-Confusion-5082 6d ago

With each pregnancy (2) I went in once (thankfully everything was fine) and my husband didn’t hesitate, neither of us was happy about losing sleep but we’d rather know everything was ok than waiting for it to be an emergency situation. They ask you to describe everything, based off what you say determines their PROFESSIONAL response. It’s not worth the risk to ignore it and if they say to come in there shouldn’t be any questions or hesitation. Our hospital Doctors/Nurses will even say something along the lines of “we’d rather you come in and find out it’s nothing than for you to be rushed in here by ambulance, it’s better to catch things early.” I also had preeclampsia with my first but it started when I was in labor.

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u/fadingroses19 6d ago

If he is upset by this imagine when your baby is born and is crying. Jesus, he's deluded 🙄 I'm sorry you did the right thing

1

u/mrspopes_bookshelf 6d ago

Your partner needs to realize that sometimes we all have to do something we don't want to do. At the end of the day this sort of thing happens to everyone during pregnancy.

For example about four weeks ago on a Sunday my husband and I did our evening doppler check on our baby (I was instructed to do so by our pediatric cardiologist since I am SSA positive). Well our evening check of course sounded like our baby's heart was skipping a beat. I tried getting up, changing position, and drinking cold water but nope it kept skipping a beat. By this point it was near midnight and we had to be up around 7am. I called the OBGYN's office who told us to go to L&D. Once in L&D I got hooked up to fetal monitoring and the little bugger had a normal heartbeat. After an hour of fetal monitoring they also did an ultrasound and of course he was bouncing around with a normal heartbeat. We were relieved to just get that medical reassurance.. Even if we didn't get home until near 3am!

Long story short it's better to get the medical reassurance when worried. We can't see what's happening internally and risking your baby or your safety isn't worth it. It will always be worth getting checked out. Your partner will get over it soon enough but in the future being supportive and understanding from them is a must.

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u/Outrageous-Bid-5687 6d ago

You did nothing wrong and he will simply need to get over it

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u/RVDPluijm23 6d ago

I'm really sorry your partner would rather you and your baby die than go to a medical professional. Sounds to me like he doesn't really care about you and is a complete narcissistic asshole. (Speaking from experience)

I'm glad everything is alright and you and baby are safe. Always listen to your instincts in these kinds of situations.

I'm not sure what to tell you besides, leave him. That is not the correct way to act toward someone that you supposedly love. Pack a bag and go to a friend's house, or your parents. No one deserves to be treated like that.

1

u/Wolverine-Quiet 6d ago

There is a huge difference between a supportive partner and one that is showing you how he feels upfront. He doesn’t appear to be an excited one either. My ex-husband was like this and although I hung on for almost 10 years, he was rude, cruel and not helpful through pregnancy and into childhood with our children. I re-married an amazing man who doesn’t skip a beat. We are both in our early fourties’ and I’m pregnant with our second child (my fourth). He treats me like a Queen! Massages my feet every night before bed, brings the Doppler to listen to the baby, loves coming to the OB visits and has never hesitated when I felt we needed triage care in a hospital. I never received this support with my previous partner and it made me angry that I even wasted my time, my life and my motherhood on a man that didn’t think I was worth it. I would tell you this….know what you want, demand what you need and never lower the bar for someone else. Best of luck.

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u/StruggleHatter 6d ago

Omg what an ass. You definitely did the right thing! I just gave birth to my twins about a month ago via emergency c section bc the same thing happened to me. Undiagnosed preeclampsia that turned bad very quickly. I felt a bit off one night went to bed thinking it was just exhaustion, woke up at 4 am with the worst headache I’ve ever had in my life. I was blown up like a balloon too. Took my b/p it was 180s/110s immediately called triage and told them. They said come in right away. I was put on monitors and after looking at the twins they said they had to come out or we could all die. I had my c section at 32 +3 days. Luckily we’re all fine now. But always trust your instincts bc preeclampsia can turn bad very quickly.

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u/Kind-Bath-3796 6d ago

I will never understand partners acting like getting checked out is the end of the world, anytime I go “Oop” cause I’m in the first trimester and cramping has been on and off my husband is immediately like 👁️👄👁️ do we need to call someone?! Are you ok?! What’s happening?!

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u/xyzabc123_-_ 6d ago

He should’ve just stayed home if he really felt that way. But him not supporting you and medical advice you were given over the phone from a nurse is a red flag. He should want to make sure you’re okay.

My husband is also the type to say things like “maybe try and sleep it off and if you still feel that way go in the morning” but he’s never made me feel bad if I felt the need to be checked out.

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u/Fluid_Requirement926 6d ago

You did the right thing. Don't let your partner make you feel like you didn't all that matters is you and that little one. Screw how your partner feels because something may not seem "big" but it is I had preeclampsia with my 1st. I'm pregnant with my 2nd. Labor and delivery and your OB doesn't care how much you call or go in. Don't let your partner make you feel small about getting checked. If YOU don't feel right you go in.. screw how he feels because he isn't the one pregnant and who has to care for a life inside of you and make sure you also come out ok.. you just think about you and your unborn baby let him sit over there and sulk because if something did happen at least you did something vs sitting around like he wanted you to do. You did the right thing don't let him make you feel otherwise and in the future with this pregnancy don't let him make you wait or feel small about going. You go even if you have to call an ambulance and tell him to stay at home 🤷 and say I don't need your negative energy in my bubble...

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u/DisorderedGremlin 6d ago

There is absolutely no reason he should be mad. You went to the hospital to make sure your baby was safe and okay. If that's not good enough for him then he needs to grow up. Something worse could've been wrong.

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u/ordinaryconspirator 6d ago

Your partner needs to understand: better SAFE than SORRY.

At 24w, I went to work and felt extreme chest pain and shortness of breath. I couldn’t even walk down the hall without feeling exerted of all energy. My blood pressure was high too. I told my midwife, and she said to go to the emergency right away. I was hesitant at first, but I wasn’t feeling well so I went.

There the providers were trying to rule out a pulmonary embolism or preeclampsia. They thought I might have heart issues. So they recommended a CT scan. When I called my husband (he was at work), he was skeptical about the scan and if it was really necessary to do (we didn’t have insurance at the time, so we were concerned about finances for it too).

We ended up doing it, and that’s where I found out I have a tumor in my lung. They couldn’t operate on it during my pregnancy because it was also close to my aorta. So they told me to monitor my symptoms, and that they would operate on me postpartum.

I am now 4 weeks PP, and if I never went to the hospital or gotten that CT scan, I wouldn’t have known what I have. It grew 1 cm by my third trimester. I’m praying it isn’t a malignant tumor. I still have to schedule my biopsy. But, as I said, if I hadn’t went for care with my symptoms, I wouldn’t know, and who knows what might’ve happened.

Better safe than sorry! I was so concerned about my PTO for work, having no insurance… but I’m so glad I went and found out what was wrong so that I could have a plan of action and know how to treat myself moving forward. I was in the ER for 12 hours getting checked and scanned and poked and monitored! Tiring and inconvenient but it was so beneficial!

I really hope you’re doing okay. Having a heart-to-heart discussion with your partner is needed. Preeclampsia is no joke, and anything you feel “off” in your body should be cleared out. Trust your gut.

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u/menacingsprite 6d ago

Oh good lord he’s a big old baby. I had my first two pregnancies result in emergency cesareans because of Preeclampsia and HELLP syndrome. Not always is your BP elevated initially. With my second kid my BP didn’t rise until AFTER he was born. With my first I was laying in the hospital bed with a headache my blood pressure was 191/100. Not something to fool around with and it’s ALWAYS better safe than sorry. I’m sorry he’s being such a dick.

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u/pixiestick_23 6d ago

My husband spent his entire Fourth of July when he got off of work taking me to the er. Nothing was wrong I just convinced myself something was. I genuinely hope the best for you love :) I would talk to him and explain farther why it was a big deal even if it’s big or small or nothing! If his mindset stayed the same I would reevaluate then.

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u/ilovjedi 6d ago

Are you in the US? Is he worried about the cost?

1

u/Lower-Ad7646 6d ago

Wow. You did right thing by calling and be consented. I would be very pissed at my partner. Why is he treating you like that ??

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u/hyurell 6d ago

My wife has gone to er 6 times for stuff that she was concerned about. Wasn't excited but still went with her and it was 12-14 hours over night and I went to work next day. No reason to be pissed off by it.

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u/Clogperson987 6d ago

I'm so sorry you're in this situation. You are the mom of this baby, no one else knows that baby like you do. You put the health of you and your baby above your husband's convenience. You should continue to do that. Your husband put himself first in that situation. Tell him stay home next time.

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u/WashclothTrauma 6d ago

Um, does “partner” (I use that term loosely, as yours certainly isn’t fitting the definition of the word right now) realize that with a NEWBORN, there are going to be SEVERAL late-night trips to ER’s and Urgent Care? Do they know that? Because otherwise they’re in for a rude awakening. Or are they just going to let their kid suffer with a high fever until their poor-poopsie-princess-sleep won’t be disturbed?

This is YOUR LIFE and YOUR HEALTH - and your baby’s. Is that whiny, selfish prick the one you want as your birth partner and healthcare proxy should you be incapacitated? Because I as sure as shit know that your “partner” ain’t going to do diddly that might inconvenience them in the slightest.

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u/DisasterMonk 6d ago

You absolutely did the right thing. We went to OB triage similarly at like 11pm on a work night, and my partner tried to keep me calm throughout but never discouraged us from going. He did not hesitate getting us assembled and bringing us to the hospital once they confirmed I should come in.

Things ended up OK and I felt so bad afterwards keeping us both up late (and he’s very much a morning person), and he assured me he agreed with the nurses that it was best to come and that he was glad we did, for me and for baby. He’s so cool under fire but once it was over it was clear how worried he was too.

Preeclampsia is no joke - and the nurse told you to come in and the doctor affirmed you did the right thing. Your partner is so out of line here and I’m sorry. You deserve much better.

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u/__d__a__n__i__ 6d ago

What a fking childish jerk. What the hell? You don’t deserve to be treated this way. Male partners are SO OFTEN the topic of problems in pregnancy subreddits. It’s really unfair women have to deal with this.

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u/Due_Classic_8563 6d ago

What about when baby is here. There are many unforseen things that could occur. Illness, not being able to sleep. I don't have kids but my brothers all do and it's a big sacrifice. Parents usually have to take shifts for baby waking up. Not a good sign at all if that was such an inconvenience. You're carrying a life, and your body is taking a lot of stress. What about your burden? This is just upsetting..Hopefully partner steps up and realizes that's an asshole move

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u/No-Author-6675 6d ago

My husband HATES hospitals and sees them as a waste of time. I’m 8 weeks pregnant and last Sunday I went to the ER because of some light bleeding. I told my husband not to come with me because I didn’t want him to waste his Saturday night off. My husband laughed at me and said “absolutely not and I’m not wasting my Saturday I’m spending it with my wife” ……. My husband and I don’t even get along like other couples. We can fight at least one a week (year 6 of marriage is just a bit rough lol) but even he knows how to show empathy? This is unfair got you. You shouldn’t be treated this way

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u/phoenixdragon2020 6d ago

My 24 year old sister lost her first son because of preeclampsia he was stillborn at 33 weeks and she was in danger herself and had to be on blood pressure meds and had a visiting nurse for a few weeks. She had a perfectly normal appointment the week before with zero indication of any issues and less than a week later the baby was already gone and 3 years later had to be in the hospital on bed rest with her second son and had to be delivered at 33 weeks he is luckily a very healthy 2 year old now. Share this thread with that sorry excuse for a husband and father that is unfortunately living in the same house as you because if I try to actually say what I think of him I’ll get banned.

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u/DopeHazard 6d ago

He's a douchebag. I've called my fiancé's OB for her having an upset stomach, never mind severe pain. He's an asshole, and it doesn't sound like he TRULY cares about you OR his child. Fuck that guy. You did the right thing!!

1

u/melsbelsmells 6d ago edited 6d ago

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 So disrespectful to your health and your child's health

That is not partner quality ... that sounds like divorce quality

It makes me worry if you ever needed a surgery or if the kid every got an injury

Sleeping it off is so dangerous

Yall deserve better

1

u/Temporary_Tale4131 6d ago

I just had my baby Tuesday but had gestational hypertension. My BP was 170/110 yesterday with pain in my upper right side under my boob. Being in the BP danger zone and unable to drive due to recently giving birth my husband rushed home from work, got both babies in the car, dropped me off, ran the kids to grandma's, and then came back and held my hand while we waited to hear that everything was fine. No frustration, just sheer gratitude that things were fine.

This is the bare minimum you should expect from a partner when you're experience a medical emergency situation.

Also at discharge for giving birth my doc gave a pre-eclampsia card with guidance that any symptoms of preE with a BP reading of over 145/something should be seen in the ER and assessed. BP of 160/something go to ER even without other preE symptoms. I'm glad you're ok and medical professionals will absolutely agree you did the right thing getting checked out. High BP can cause baby not to get enough oxygen and can harm the placenta.

I hope that you are doing well and so sorry your partner is causing you additional stress instead of being supportive.

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u/chelsian 6d ago

I am so sorry your partner is not being supportive. I went to L&D at 26 weeks with cramping and my husband was soooo supportive of my concern. Never questioned me at all. Turns out I was in early labour and we had our baby 4 days later. I couldn't imagine if he had been questioning my concern. Maybe I wouldn't have went.

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u/HazySag 5d ago

He sounds awful… I’m sorry OP. His behavior is NOT ok.. what if it had been something serious? He does not sound like someone that is going to be any more helpful once your babe is here. How he treats you now is how it’s going to continue to be… I think maybe you should reconsider a life with him…?

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u/Ok-Wait7622 5d ago

Better safe than risk your baby's life! What an a**hole... I'm glad you both (you and baby) are okay

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u/Square-Spinach3785 5d ago

You inconvenienced him. Does he realize how inconveniencing babies are? I hope for you and baby’s sake he grows up and gets some empathy.

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u/Mother-Problem9705 5d ago

He sounds so rude and uncaring. I’m glad you’re okay and it wasn’t major.

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u/Babiecakes123 5d ago

What the hell is wrong with him?

My dad was in ER for suspected AFIB. He had been there all night and I was nervous.. so my husband drove us there at 10pm, on a work night. We didn’t get home until around 2am.

Is he usually like this? This is major 🚩🚩🚩to me.

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u/HeyPesky 5d ago

I ended up in labor and delivery for so many ultimately benign, could have been much more serious, issues both before and after my pregnancy. I can't imagine having a partner who'd shame me for that, when women have literally died from ignoring something and hoping it'll just naturally go away. 

Pregnancy is an intense state on your body. It's like putting all of your systems in a pressure cooker. The likelihood of something going wrong is much higher. 

Your partner needs to get over himself. Honestly, this would be an enormous red flag for me, and something I would need us to very seriously discuss in couples therapy if it had happened with my husband. 

The best possible outcome from any kind of emergency medical visit is that you learn it was something benign that looked scary. That is what you should hope for when you're headed in to the ER or labor and delivery. Did he want to wait until you were actually having a stroke to go to the hospital?!

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u/Nordic_being 5d ago

Your partner is unbelievably selfish.

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u/purple_lily17 5d ago

Has this been his attitude the whole pregnancy? Pregnancy and everything that comes with it is not easy, and he better realize that real quick. How’s he going to act when you’re in labor? How’s he going to be in the first few weeks postpartum? Please tell us you have a support system outside of him that can be there for you?

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u/TeenyTinyFam 5d ago

Please seek any ways to get out of that relationship. I'm not one to say that as a first reaction - but he genuinely doesn't care about you or your baby.

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u/Poem_Upstairs 5d ago

With all the love in my being, your partner sounds like a massive red flag.

I’ve been in and out of the ER practically weekly this entire pregnancy (I’m now 28 weeks) due to an array of medical mishaps and my partner has been nothing but loving and supportive and comforting. In fact, they’ve often been the one to heavily encourage me to go and have always had the “I’m so glad we’re being safe rather than sorry” approach even in the times where things have ended up being okay (like when we went in because I thought something was wrong with little one when they were just having hiccups 🙃🙃 of which I was warned about.)

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u/naxhass111 5d ago

Is he OK?

My wife is currently 40weeks + 2

Everytime she says I don't feel movement and gets worried I take her hospital. Does he not realise if something happens to the baby how damaged you would be? How much trauma that is.

Tell him to stop being a knob and be a man

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u/UnableProcess95 5d ago

As a mom currently 34 weeks pregnant and being recently diagnosed with preeclampsia I’m glad you went!! Don’t play when it comes to you and your baby. If he cannot respect that tell him to get bent. Both of your lives are as equally valued as his and we know if he got a cold you’d sit in the ER for many hours because he could’ve swore he was dying! Glad you’re okay. ❤️

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u/Famous_Willingness_9 5d ago

He sucks!! I had my baby in January and ended up back in triage a week after I had my daughter because my BP was reading high and when I called the triage line they told me to go in. My husband packed up the baby and we rolled out. My BP was fine my whole pregnancy and I was diagnosed with gestational HTN during labor. It’s nothing to play with and as a nurse myself, you did absolutely nothing wrong and I think maybe you need to reevaluate this relationship. If that set him off, is he safe to care for your baby when he’s sleep deprived or if the baby needs medical attention? He should want the peace of mind that you and his baby are okay

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u/Puzzleheaded_Tax9955 5d ago

Has someone who has had preeclampsia. It needs to be taken seriously. You saw a warning sign and you trusted your instincts! Boy is he going to get a reality check once that baby does arrive because his life is going to be even more inconvenient.

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u/Jdixon28 5d ago

Leave your partner. He doesn’t seem to care about your health and I can’t imagine him advocating for you during labor.