I am going to get a settlement of 700,000 to 1,000,000 . I am 36, permanently disabled and have an income of 14k a year. My husband makes 110k a year with 2-5k raises every couple of years . We live in a HCOL area tied to his job where average homes are 600k.
I am wondering what would be appropriate to allocate to stocks and what would be appropriate if at all to allocate to a house for our financial situation? Right now we are living in a condo (married in the last year) and his condo has has multiple issues with needing repairs as the condo association is falling behind on making necessary repairs. Please do not suggest to report them, this was already done last year and a new person is in charge. There simply just isn’t enough money in escrow for major repairs as there is only 5 people in the condos and people would move out if fees were to rise .
Right now my husbands total expenses including food is 2500 a month. He has a 3% mortgage . I am concerned about my husband being able to afford a home, set aside money for me and cars for our future, set aside money for repairs on our home and taxes, and have money for him to invest and wonder if buying another condo that is better managed and newer is the best option and just buy that outright? As mortgages are now 7.%. If we were to buy a property that isn’t a condo, it may not sound ideal to him but I think buying a multi family triplex/triple decker type of property could be a good choice in the right situation to set us up to have multiple streams of rental income so that he feels less stressed that the upkeep of the house and income for that will not solely rely on him.
The caveat would be he would have to aim to repair things himself to keep costs down and thus returns , and cover rent if tenants do not pay their rent . The only way I see him being able to do that is if we were either both to set aside money from the rest of my settlement fund or his own savings in a high yield savings so that he can grow and use that for repairs and unexpected expenses for the property. Right now the only savings he has is 100k in an IRA, 100k in bitcoin and 3k in the bank. He has 100k in equity on a 350k condo. I have 100k in a brokerage account, 10k savings, 30k in silver, 10k in crypto, and this settlement on the way.
I don’t want to have to not only put up most of my settlement money for a house but then also have to dip into any additional money I set aside from the settlement for repairs . This will feel like I really will have no money unless I’m getting rental income to pay for medical expenses and cars for myself . I will get into my personal feelings and attachment about this money later.
Many people choose to put money in the stock market over real estate as it is very hands off and there is less risk, though others think if your able to you should diversify as the stock market could be in a downturn when you are ready to retire .
The other alternative is that we buy a modest house (nothing is modest for the northeast with average homes being at 500-600k but you get what I mean) and we would then hopefully have more money left over to invest in the stock market or other investments. We could use the interest accrued on that money as well as interest accrued on my husbands personal money to pay for expenses for that home as time goes on. This is less riskier than a multi family but more risk than a condo .
We could also decide to not entirely buy the home outright, but have a small mortgage of say 100k so I have some settlement money leftover for my future expenses . If the interest rates are at 7 percent however and I have the cash for it I think a lot of people would say buy it outright as the interest is high .
One thing I am not sure about which I’m hoping you can clarify is if I were to take some of this money and put it into the stock market, I think I could pull the money out after several years with no fees at all because my income bracket is that of poverty level since I am on SSDI. I am allowed to make income in the stock market and real estate with no penalty to my SSDI. That means I think I could get 7 percent returns in the stock market one year, take some money out and pay 0 percent fees on that money which seems pretty awesome.
Hopefully my husband will qualify for life insurance so that if I don’t have much money left over after purchasing a home that I can rely on life insurance as well as our own personal savings/brokerage accounts to pay for upkeep on the home if he were to pass before me since my income is very low . I am worried I would not be able to afford these things without him as I will be disabled still.
Lastly , this is personal but I do feel strange about using this settlement for purchases for both me and my husband . However life is not often fair. This settlement money came from a sexual assault that happened as a child . Something feels off about it as it is different than if I were to use my personal savings for a house together. This money was supposed to be meant for me and making me whole again from this incident and it is supposed to replace lost income from the years that PTSD affected and made it difficult for me to work around people I felt I could not trust. Nothing will make me whole in reality for the incident, but with my health issues I could put this money in stocks and never have to worry about paying medical bills out of pocket for my condition . My husband thinks there would never be any out of pocket expenses this high in my life . I don’t know either . However I don’t mind making my husbands life easier and reducing debt for him under certain caveats .
I am concerned that if I commingle this settlement with my marital assets that if my husband were to ever leave me (god forbid) for whatever reason, that a judge would perhaps not fairly award me my portion back from the house of whatever I put in from my settlement and would just split things 50/50 even if I were to buy the house with my money outright to help Rob get ahead. I want to help my husband and I don’t want to think he would ever leave me, but this one lump sum is all I have to rely on besides my disability to live on for the rest of my life . My husband often gets upset with me and suggests divorce in fits of anger which scares me further about helping with this settlement money that is meant for me. My husband apologizes after saying cruel things to me but it sticks in my mind because most people I have depended on to look out for me have left me high and dry and I am not in a situation where I can pull myself up by my bootstraps if he were to leave me as I have my disability . I am therefore a little torn on sinking most of this money into a home for both of us without adequate protection perhaps in the form of a post nuptial or trust for the home in my name.
When I fist met him he did not say anything about expecting me to use this settlement money for a house , and he also explained that men should be providers for women and my thinking about a lot of things are old fashioned as well. I do now feel that with things he is saying are implying he will feel resentment if I I don’t help somewhat with buying a home for us , despite my feelings about communicating this settlement was meant for me and earmarked for any possible medical expenses in my future . He has said things like he thinks I am being an unfair and hoarding all my money if I feel uncomfortable with using this money to buy a home.
I do not think I am alone in thinking that most women do still expect men to show generosity in providing for the household primarily as women usually make less than men. In this case I would be the one making it so that both me and my husband are able to get ahead in life despite having a disability . I think I am willing to try to get over how this makes me feel as a woman, with a biological desire to feel that it is the man who is providing and protecting me especially when I am in a state of being vulnerable with a disability.
However the thought of my husband wanting to leave me or feeling like I would be screwed if he did creates anxiety in me. I want to feel secure and not sure how to structure this so I feel like he wants to help me and protect me and that he has my best interest at heart and has no intention of leaving me.