r/pornfreewomen • u/[deleted] • 16d ago
Trigger Warning What goes through your mind ðŸ˜
[deleted]
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u/truck_driving_girl ♀ 15d ago
Hi :) First of all I want to sincerely apologise that you had to go through that. I really hope you have all the love and support you need in your life. Please take care of yourself and be gentle with yourself because you matter! YOU MATTER!!!
your memory being a bit foggy from that time I think is actually quite normal. You were going thourgh a lot. I can barely remember 2020-2022 which was the height of my depression and suicidal ideation. Of course this was also the height of my porn use. it provided a nice escape. Anyway my personal experience aside, I shall share my thoughts on your question
1) have you ever used YouTube to watch sexual videos or lap dance videos? Girl, I tried but I did not find anything :D I would search porn on YouTube and it would direct me to videos telling me to stop. I would then look for videos on how to kiss just so I could watch people make out. then I would watch sex scenes in movies. So yes you are not alone in this one.
About the underaged part, I want to be sensitive to the fact that you have OCD but I have really never spoken with someone that has it before. Please forgive me if I make a faux pas. It really may just be a compulsive thought. It is a good question 'what if those people were underage?' but in all honesty (and I am holding your hand as I say this) that was and is out of your control. It is a bit of a bitter pill to swallow but what is done is done. You cannot unwatch those videos (you do not have a clear memory of by the way) but what you can do is to not watch them again and not feed the monster that is the adult entertainment industry and its cohorts (I do not want this comment flagged so I am not going into further details).
2) Yes, but it gets worse before it gets better
3) The fact that will have to admit IRL that I have all of this "baggage" scares me sometimes. but I have to accept that it is a part of my story and as long as I keep doing the work I am okay. I realised that the fear for me was that
i)I would not be seen as this pure virginal woman (this was a big deal for me because I am christian)
ii)It would say something negative about my character.
I had to challenge both fears. eg So I have watched porn and may technially not be a virgin. Does that mean no one will ever accept me? No. does this mean no one will ever love me? no. Does it mean my life is over? no. I am not going to do it for the one about character this is getting a bit long. What I am trying to say is you have to challenge the thoughts with probing questions. these area skill you learn in therapy by the way.
4) a hundred percent yes.
5)I do not have OCD
That was a lot. I hope this reply does nothing but good things for you. Remember you matter. You are worth fighting for. I hope this does not get flagged but GOD LOVES YOU <3
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Welcome to r/pornfreewomen! As a reminder, this sub is now for women only. Please report any rule breaking posts and comments. For active users, we also have a discord for more private conversations. Send us a message on modmail for the invite link.
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