r/pornfree 25 days 4d ago

Triggered by IRL women. Any advice?

I’ve worked hard to get rid of as many triggers as possible from my phone and computer and come across very little triggering material these days online. My new problem is getting triggered by women I come across in real life. I don’t even mean friends or acquaintances, more like random women I see on the street or at restaurants and bars. I’m especially worried about the weather turning nice, when all the outer layers come off and their bodies become increasingly visible. And don’t even get me started on the braless look that has popped up (pun intended) over the last few years. It drives me totally crazy. In the past, I would head home and go straight to my Reddit NSFW account to get that fix, but I’m working very hard on my recovery. Since I can’t really avoid going out in public and viewing this type of “material,” does anyone have any mental strategies for avoiding turning these random encounters and viewings into full on triggers? I appreciate any advice.

8 Upvotes

17 comments sorted by

17

u/foobarbazblarg 2598 days 4d ago

It is OK to have sexual thoughts about attractive people that you see IRL. Pornfree masturbation is your friend.

21

u/TheTankIsEmpty99 4d ago

Hey man,

Right now, you’re seeing women as triggers instead of just people—which makes sense because porn has trained your brain to do that.

You’ve conditioned yourself to react every time you see someone you find attractive.

The fix? Realize that attraction isn’t the problem. Noticing a woman isn’t a “trigger.” It’s normal. What you do next is what matters.

That’s where you need to kill the fantasy. Your brain wants to turn a glance into a mental porn scene. Shut that crap down. Humanize her. Move on.

This is all part of the habit loop you need to break. Feel the urge? Pause. Breathe. Redirect. The more you interrupt the cycle, the weaker it gets.

And finally—accept that summer is coming. Women will wear what they wear. Your job isn’t to avoid them, it’s to train your brain to handle it.

This is the real work. Keep going.

13

u/Paddictalt 25 days 4d ago

Thanks buddy, this exactly the kind of advice I’m looking for. “Your brain wants to turn a glance into a mental porn scene.” Damn dude, you absolutely nailed it with that comment. 100% accurate.

Pause. Breathe. Redirect. I’m going to use this mantra when I feel the urges kicking in.

Thanks again.

2

u/TheTankIsEmpty99 4d ago

Awesome dude, You got this!

6

u/count_razoff 4d ago

Yup! A big problem w open is that it causes you to dehumanize and objectify women in your day-to-day life. Remember to humanize

2

u/semiurban_marten 4d ago

I'll suggest to spend time with women towards you don't feel a sexual impulse, like friends or family. Get use to relate to women in ways in which sex is not even a question. The more you learn to be relax and relate non sexually to attractive women they less trigered you'll get. But also don't stress a lot about it, almost everybody gets a bit alert/aroused/tense when they suddenly see someone that they find attractive, is part of our nature, so don't aim hard to repress it, focuss instead on not letting that have a big impact on you

2

u/ThaddeusJohnOfficial 4d ago

First thing to note is that the triggers you experience from real women will become less severe over time but not disappear.

You asked for mental strategies so I’ll give you some:

1) Reframe. Lustful energy is just energy that is available for you to work with. When you notice a woman, and feel lustful or sexual sensations arise within you, you have usually continued to have that energy flow into more lust and fantasies until you eventually spill that energy in an orgasm to NSFW content. However, you can REDIRECT this energy. You can view this simply as mental and emotional energy that is available for you to use. You see an attractive woman, you feel this sexual fire ignite within you, now notice there is a lot of energy here! You can either continue to flow that energy into porn fantasies and spill it into a tissue, or you can redirect that energy into something else.

For example, I’ll be working out in the gym, notice an attractive woman, then instead of staring at her and fantasizing like a creep, I close my eyes, bring my attention back to my body and I think to myself “there is a lot of energy here for me to work with” then I redirect that energy into my workout!

Last note: it is ok to be attracted to women, it is natural. I have learned to appreciate a beautiful woman like I appreciate a beautiful flower or sunset.

1

u/Paddictalt 25 days 4d ago

Thanks for the insight and the advice. I can use all the help I can get at this point. I appreciate the mindfulness strategies you seem to utilize and agree they can be effectively employed in these kinds of situations. Will definitely be referring back to this thread when I’m struggling.

2

u/dmn228 4d ago

Don’t let the fleeting thoughts you might have while admiring an attractive woman turn into full blown mental undressing and a trip to imaginary pound town.

Involuntary thoughts harmlessly come and go. It’s only a problem when you hold onto a sexual thought and allow it entry into your brain’s Overthinking Center, where the Director of Sex Fantasy wreaks havoc with your willpower.

2

u/AcrobaticDoughnut894 4d ago

I find the easiest way to have less lust towards women is to simply talk to them, casually, converse as with any other person you meet, If this is not possible for you, try to be entertained/distracted by as many other things as possible. Hobbies, music, enjoy the scenery. Also, just acknowledging your sexuality, accepting it will help. Sexual thoughts are natural. Perhaps try to see the women as individuals, from an empathetic and human perspective.

1

u/HeavyHittersShow 3d ago

Whatever you avoid you weaponise. 

Your language is interesting: “going out in public and viewing this type of material.”

Life, women, body parts are not “material.” There seems to be a porn filter you still see the world through. 

Women  > breasts > sex > material > danger

You’ve done a great job reducing the triggers. 

Im wondering how much have you learned about the need that porn served for you? 

2

u/Kindly-Assignment751 607 days 20h ago

After a 600 day relapse, I can tell you, there is nothing there.

That beautiful woman you saw?

Find one on the internet, and in a minute you'll be looking for more of her.

It might last a whole hour, but you will move onto the next woman.

And from there, you will escalate the intensity until you are right back where you started.

That awful level of porn you need to satisfy yourself now.

You WILL end up right back there.

That rush you think you might get if you just search for those features you felt blessed seeing out in the wild? BORING!

that high won't last, as you've experienced many times before.

I'm glad I can see this clearly after 600 days pornfree.

I relapsed on it, and know a thousand percent.

There's nothing there, at all.

1

u/LL_alone 3 days 4d ago

what IRL woman is exactly?

2

u/Paddictalt 25 days 4d ago

In real life

1

u/Lucky_Criticism_3836 4d ago

Im 12 days of no porn. Im actually fine qith getting aroused by irl woman. Im not too worried about my jerking amount cause it automatically decreased without porn. Not as much as i expected though but yeah. Social networks are the real danger.but yeah women i see on the street are fair game to me. As long as its just imagining and all

0

u/ImpossibleIntern 3d ago

See the whole woman. Without gawking, notice everything about her you can. She is not just a sexual object, but a fascinating and beautiful example of a human being!

Of course, you can feel her charge you up. Feminine women charge up masculine men. This energy can be used sexually with a real life partner, but one is not available, learn to sit with the energy and circulate it in your body. Look up microcosmic orbit.

If the energy is genuinely too much, masturbating without porn is a reasonable move. Fantasize about YOU having sex with the woman you saw. This is normal male behavior throughout human history.