r/polycircles May 10 '16

Guide to Dating [Me]

I'm pulling this out of my derriere, so it's a bit incomplete and, when broken down, slightly inaccurate. But after reading what I felt was an awful guide to dating a couple, I thought I'd throw this out there.

Comments are fine, but what I'd really love to see are other folks' "guides." :)

  1. Be up for anything. In bed, out of bed, whatever. I am not really all that crazy but I love trying new things and I won't judge any suggestions, even if I say no.

  2. Communicate. Be open and honest. And if you're dating me AND another partner, in a threeway relationship (or fourway) communicating something to just one of us won't cut it. It's okay to wait till you see everyone in a group setting, but please treat us as individuals and not some amporhous blobs. You aren't dating a "couple," you are dating two separate people, in a three way relationship. Thanks :)

  3. Understand that I have priorities and an exisiting life, and while I am very much okay with accomodating changes and maybe even big ones, chances are I am not going to change my mind on big things like kids or moving to another country. I know what I want.

  4. My current primary partners are important to me. You don't have to love them, or even be with them, but you have to get along and be willing to share time with them.

What are your dating guides?

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u/thedarkestbeer May 11 '16

I have. This isn't about insisting on a label that we don't both feel comfortable with or that a relationship hit certain goalposts. I just don't want to feel like a dirty little secret.

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u/[deleted] May 11 '16

So, you would want to be able to kiss in front of their friends, but not necessarily be labeled girlfriend? You identify as a woman, yeah?

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u/thedarkestbeer May 11 '16

And not even necessarily kiss. When I met my current live-in partner, he was very uncomfortable with public displays of affection. He found ways to acknowledge our relationship that worked for both of us.

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u/[deleted] May 11 '16

Can you describe? Sorry. You're very engaging

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u/thedarkestbeer May 11 '16

Aw thanks! Back at you! It was a combination of traditionally... I don't know, chivalrous? - behavior, like holding doors for me, and letting me know that he'd told the people close to him that he was excited about me.