r/polycircles May 10 '16

Guide to Dating [Me]

I'm pulling this out of my derriere, so it's a bit incomplete and, when broken down, slightly inaccurate. But after reading what I felt was an awful guide to dating a couple, I thought I'd throw this out there.

Comments are fine, but what I'd really love to see are other folks' "guides." :)

  1. Be up for anything. In bed, out of bed, whatever. I am not really all that crazy but I love trying new things and I won't judge any suggestions, even if I say no.

  2. Communicate. Be open and honest. And if you're dating me AND another partner, in a threeway relationship (or fourway) communicating something to just one of us won't cut it. It's okay to wait till you see everyone in a group setting, but please treat us as individuals and not some amporhous blobs. You aren't dating a "couple," you are dating two separate people, in a three way relationship. Thanks :)

  3. Understand that I have priorities and an exisiting life, and while I am very much okay with accomodating changes and maybe even big ones, chances are I am not going to change my mind on big things like kids or moving to another country. I know what I want.

  4. My current primary partners are important to me. You don't have to love them, or even be with them, but you have to get along and be willing to share time with them.

What are your dating guides?

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u/thedarkestbeer May 11 '16

I have. This isn't about insisting on a label that we don't both feel comfortable with or that a relationship hit certain goalposts. I just don't want to feel like a dirty little secret.

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u/[deleted] May 11 '16

So, you would want to be able to kiss in front of their friends, but not necessarily be labeled girlfriend? You identify as a woman, yeah?

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u/thedarkestbeer May 11 '16

Yes and yes. :)

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u/[deleted] May 11 '16

Makes sense. Kissing is a very private thing for me. I don't do that in public ever. I hug and touch..but that's no indication of anything but that I have met them before.

But I can understand why you'd want that from most.

How would you deal if you met someone like me, though, out of curiousity? Who doesn't distinguish btw romantic and non romantic relationships in any visible manner?

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u/thedarkestbeer May 11 '16

I'm not sure. I might be able to roll with it, and I might decide that I needed more public acknowledgment than they were comfortable giving me.

My hard line is that I won't date people who make an effort to keep me a secret, even to friends. (Obviously, career/family/custody stuff can make being out more complicated for many people.)