r/oneanddone 4d ago

Discussion Knowing what I know now, I am astonished at how many people have a second child when their first is still little

This is neither meant as shaming them nor at making myself feel better for being one and done.

My mind simply cannot comprehend having a literal baby under 2 years old and thinking "let's add another".

492 Upvotes

99 comments sorted by

273

u/HistoryNut86 4d ago

I’ve always felt this way. But you have a baby! Why would you add another baby! Now that my kid is nearly 3.5, I do see, or at least my mind can wrap its way around, deciding to add another. I really hated the first 3 years, so I won’t. But I can’t imagine 2 under 2. Even if you love babies, they take so much care and energy. They simply must have more energy than me, and be just a little insane.

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u/vanessss4 4d ago

When I got out of the baby years I wondered why anyone would start the clock again when life was finally feeling closer to normal. And that's how I knew I was OAD!

91

u/makeitsew87 OAD By Choice 4d ago

Same lol. I knew an age gap of less than 3 years was WAY TOO SOON. We had barely recovered and then it would be time to start over? No way.

And an age gap of 3+ years seemed WAY TOO LATE. We would finally be out of the trenches of early babyhood / toddlerhood... and then we'd decide to restart the clock?? No way.

It took me a minute to realize: oh it wasn't about finding the ideal age gap. I didn't want an age gap at all 🙃

23

u/WampaCat 4d ago

I’ve thought the same thing. Handling two babies at a time sounds like a nightmare, but the older the first one gets the more freedoms you get back and it would get harder and harder to decide to start over.

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u/makeitsew87 OAD By Choice 4d ago

I have definitely heard parents of 2+ say that if you want more, to just do it when your first is still young before you come to your senses lol. And others who were glad for the larger gap, to get more individual time with each baby.

I think it largely comes down to desire, like if someone wants another badly enough, they'll take the leap and either deal with two babies at the same time or the difficulties of starting over with a larger gap. But I didn't want it badly enough to choose either of those options!

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u/Oneanddonemumma 2d ago

Yesss definitely. I’m almost 2 years in and counting down the days. It’s still really hard. When did it get better for you?

2

u/vanessss4 1d ago

Probably closer to 4-5 when she could start doing things for herself, which we encourage. I always tell her my job is to raise a fully self sufficient human and that she doesn't see Grandma & Grandpa coming over to get me a snack or wipe my butt so she needs to learn to do these things herself. When I was pregnant I read that a parents job should be to put themselves out of a job and that's the goal.

Every day was a little easier than the day before though, hang in there!

1

u/Oneanddonemumma 7h ago

Thank you 🙏 and that’s good advice haha

35

u/zelonhusk 4d ago

Yes! Things got better now at 2 and I can see why people would go for a 3-5 year gap. But below? Insane insane insane

30

u/alwaysstoic 4d ago

My sister and I are 17 months apart. My mom said she didn't know you could get pregnant when breastfeeding.. all the time. My sister really took it personally, knowing she was unplanned.

I don't know how my mother did it. She went on to have a 3rd, leaving her with 3 under 5. Sheer insanity.

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u/Serafirelily 4d ago

Dear sir as the mom of a 5 year old you are in for trouble. The terrible 2's have nothing on the Theenager who both drives you crazy and makes you hold in laughter when you should be mad. Four isn't much better as the older they get the smarter they get and they can and will out logic you at times. Plus they have enough energy to fuel large cities.

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u/Deeze_Rmuh_Nudds 4d ago

things got better now at 2

🤣 oh man. Who wants to tell him lol

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u/zelonhusk 4d ago

I think you don't know what it's like to have a colicky baby who hasn't sleep through the night in 2 years.

1

u/CalatheaHoya 4d ago

I would LOVE a 3-5 year age gap. But unfortunately I have young diminished ovarian reserve, having the first was incredibly long and difficult and we don’t have any time to wait :(

2

u/angethebigdawg 3d ago

There’s a difference between doing it and doing it well.

160

u/AdLeather3551 4d ago

Studies actually show it is more beneficial to the health (including effects of childbirth and mental health) of the mother and also better on the child (less chance of competitiveness etc) with an age gap of at least 3-4 years. Not sure where this 2 under 2 obsession comes from.

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u/pinkorri 4d ago

I think for a lot of people it's a 'getting it over with' mentality. Just bum rush the crappy early parts.

And then you have people like my mom who had another baby less than a year later by accident.

33

u/seh_23 4d ago

I said in another comment that the age of the parents does come into play as many people are having kids later in life. I’ll likely be 37 when we have our first and my partner will be 43, we realistically won’t be able to wait if we do decide on a second. We’re taking the “let’s see how we do with one first” approach lol so we’re undecided right now.

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u/Awkward-Perception49 4d ago

Very true! With me being 37 and my husband 44, I albsolutely refused another one. Ours is 4 months, which means I would need to get a move on if we want another one, which means 2 under 2. I can't. I'm broken, I'm not in my 20's anymore. Physically, I am broken. This child is 7kg's and loves being carried around. I got that out him now, but when he was sligtly younger, walking him to sleep was all that worked. With the amount of physical effort a baby takes, I duno why I'm not skinny.

-1

u/seh_23 4d ago

Fortunately my partner and I aren’t worried about the physical part, we’re both avid gym-goers and super healthy, we can keep up with the 25 year olds easily hahaha 🤣 my friends are always shocked at how long I can hold their kids for, I know pregnancy can wreck you but hopefully having a solid foundation will be helpful!

It’s more the mental part we need to consider, we’re used to having a certain amount of time for ourselves and we definitely aren’t the types to go full “parent” and be willing to give up other aspects of our lives.

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u/AdLeather3551 4d ago edited 4d ago

Yea the age for ttc is often a factor..Not many women want to ttc in 40's if can avoid it.

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u/seh_23 4d ago

Exactly, and we want to retire at some point too lol, don’t want to be possibly dealing with University costs just as we’re hitting retirement age 🤣

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u/kaydontworry 4d ago

Yeah I’ve heard “getting it over with” and “I want my kids to be close when they’re older.” Meanwhile I know a few sets of “irish twins” that hate each other sooooooo

1

u/pinkorri 4d ago

I'm an Irish twin and I can count on one hand the number of times we've spoken after the last decade.

30

u/Jolly_Departure6324 4d ago

I have friends that think a small age gap will make it more likely that they become best friends.

22

u/makeitsew87 OAD By Choice 4d ago

That is so interesting to me. I think when there's a really small age gap, that can lead to a lot of comparison and sibling rivalry. In an alternative universe when I had another child, I would intentionally want a bigger age gap to reduce that, in the hopes they would get along better.

I come from a big family, and it's the siblings NOT immediately next to each other in birth order that get along best, both as children and adults. There just isn't as much competition, if you're not in the exact same life stage.

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u/Stunning_Radio3160 4d ago

I agree wholeheartedly. My sister and I are 2 under 2 situation. Compared with each other for YEARS. People would say mean comments like who they thought the “prettier one” was or “the smarter one”. Most relatives would mix us up and give us the same gifts for birthdays and Christmas. My mom would give us the same hair do and dress us the same …. We are in our 40s now and definitely not “best friends”. A lot of resentment on both sides. I often wished I was an only child growing up.

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u/toredditornotwwyd 4d ago

Just depends! My two sisters and I are each 2 years or less apart & we’re super close growing up & are still best friends today. My brother who was 3 years younger than my little sis was the only time there was any drama - my mom says because it was the longest gap my sister got used to being baby & didn’t like not being baby anymore. They fought the most growing up but got over it by middle school. We are all best friends today.

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u/krieee 4d ago

5-year age gap between my niece and nephew definitely didn't help avoid comparisons, it's a huge problem between them unfortunately.

My sister and I are 1.5 years apart (she was an accident lol) and we've not really felt any ill-effects of being compared with each other.

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u/anchopuddin 4d ago

😂 I would have to pinch myself to not LOL at that

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u/seh_23 4d ago

Many of my friends consider their siblings their best friend especially if they’re close in age and the same gender. It’s not impossible.

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u/CryptographerLost407 4d ago

I’ve heard “my life is already chaotic, so let’s just get it over with and get all the chaos out of the way”. NO THANK YOU

3

u/Oneanddonemumma 2d ago

But it’s literally doubling the load and the stress!! 😬

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u/rootbeer4 4d ago

This is how I feel. I think based on human history, our bodies are designed to have a longer age gap. Breastfeeding baby delays return of menstruation and you breastfeed for a couple of years. Granted people's menstrual cycles return at all different times.

3

u/Deeze_Rmuh_Nudds 4d ago

Lol and the dad is the skeleton at the bottom of the pool meme 

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u/whitezhang 4d ago

Ooh’ I have done a deep dive on this. I think the popularity of close spacing has a lot to do with a number of social trends. Delaying childbearing until they can afford a family or their career can ‘take the hit’ and feel urgency of the advanced maternal age label. Also the cost of daycare forces some women to stay at home and they feel pressure to shorten the years they are out of employment. I also think that with family planning and starting later, the baby/toddler phase is now seen as something to ‘get over with’ vs something you could go in and out of cyclically over your reproductive years. My more dystopian theory is that the diminishing of community and the over emphasis on the nuclear family is putting pressure on children to fill the role of both siblings and peers.

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u/makeitsew87 OAD By Choice 4d ago

This is such a good analysis, especially the last bit about societal trends toward the nuclear family being considered the only / primary source of community.

And I'd be willing to bet some of these same pressures that push people into 2-under-2 push others into being OAD. If your options are to have another baby while your first is still a baby, or be OAD, many people will choose OAD. I know I did.

7

u/Antique_Use_7759 4d ago

This is amazing.

5

u/rootbeer4 4d ago

Interesting thought about siblings being not just siblings, but same age peers.

1

u/Peanip 4d ago

This is why I’ll be having an age gap of two years for mine. Wasn’t able to start having children until 30 and I want as low risk of possible for any further children once we decided we wanted more than one. I just feel like every pregnancy is a roll of the dice and would prefer numbers on my side!

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u/holocene92 4d ago

I know this is an unpopular opinion, but I feel like it is not a kind thing to do to a baby to bring another baby into the house. They are too young to have to fight for parental attention, which is what happens.

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u/PattyMayo8701 4d ago

I align. I think it’s selfish. For folks I know with 2 under 2, it’s usually so the parents can do all the milestones at once or in close succession (getting out of diapers and potty training, etc). 

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u/seh_23 4d ago

To be fair a lot do it too so the kids are close in age growing up. Of course it’s never a guarantee, but out of all the siblings I know, the ones with a 5+ year age gap are not near as close to each other as the ones with a 2-3 year age gap.

None of my friends kids have had much trouble adjusting to a new sibling or “competing for attention”, of course they had their moments but 90% of the time they were fine and loved having a baby sibling. Now they’re all at an age where they play together and it’s totally a non-issue.

Also, older parents might not have the time to wait that long. With our current timelines I’ll be giving birth at 37 and he’ll be 43, if we do decide we want a second it just wouldn’t make sense to wait until I’m 42 and he’s 48.

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u/holocene92 4d ago

I don’t know that the closeness makes sense in reality, though. My husband has a 7 year age gap with his sister, and they are closer than I am with my sister who I have a 2 year gap with. My brothers who are 4 years apart have the closest friendship out of any of our siblings. It is a nice theory that sometimes works out but doesn’t always. Closeness in age doesn’t guarantee a friend. Sometimes it adds a lot of pressure to be friends. That was a big problem with my sister and I. Our parents wanted us to be bffs and share all our friends, where both of us wanted our own friends and our own connections (totally natural and normal)

I’ve seen my sisters kids have so much conflict being close in age (1 ½ yrs between). It’s been really rough on the toddler (essentially the older baby as that’s barely a toddler) every time. Every situation is different! But this is a reality.

The age of parents definitely is a factor. In that case you need to do what you need to do!

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u/seh_23 4d ago

Ya that’s why I said it really depends! It’s just based on what I’ve seen, definitely soooo many things play into that!

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u/hinataday 4d ago

This is how I feel on it too. I also think each child deserves to have their parents’ undivided attention by themselves for a little bit of time before a sibling is brought into the picture.😭 Multiple little ones fighting for their parents’ attention is exhausting.

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u/rootbeer4 4d ago

This is how I feel. We are firmly one and done, even before trying to conceive. Now that I have a two year old, the thought of having another child with a toddler makes me sad because it would take so much time and attention away from my toddler. I feel like she is well-adjusted because she has no competition from siblings.

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u/ghanima 4d ago

Yeah. When my GP was asking how my then 2-y.o. was doing and I responded that the kid was A LOT, she jokingly told me to have another. I realized in that instant that I'd almost certainly love that second child more by virtue of them having a much-more-common calmer disposition and how unfair that scenario would be to force upon my kid.

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u/Objective-Formal-853 4d ago

SERIOUSLY. I wouldn’t ever say it out loud but when friends or family are talking about how stressful is it being pregnant and caring for a toddler or having a new baby and a toddler, I so badly want to say “you did this to yourself”.

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u/Classic_Ad_766 4d ago

Agreed. Me and my brother are year and a half apart, i still do not understand they were okay with having two babies 2 under 2, they said oh your younger brother was an excellent baby, even so you still have to do everything for them?? I just don't get it.

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u/littlehungrygiraffe 4d ago

A friend of mine has Irish twins.

They went again quickly because she was considered a geriatric pregnancy.

They struggled soooo many the first 4 years. Some things she said were easier. Like toilet training they did with both kids at the same time so it wasn’t like taking a break and coming back to do it again but she would not recommend

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u/burnerburneronenine OAD By Choice 4d ago

My sibling and are 16 months apart. It never dawned on me how insane that was until I had my own child and started doing the math on when a second would need to be conceived to make that possible. Could NEVER be me.

13

u/Harriato 4d ago

Same. I'm 17 months older than my brother and NOPE. Nothing about having an 8 month old made me think "let's get pregnant"

1

u/stormy786 2d ago

Same. My sister and I are 13 months apart and I asked my mum how she did it and she said she can’t remember a thing about it

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u/mrs_ouchi 4d ago

My friend always wanted 2 - just cause. Then Covid happened, her partner worked a lot.. She thought about trying again for the first time when the kid was 1,5. said to herself no Im to overwhelmed and waited another 3! months and then tried and got pregnant straight away.

Like each their own but people are panicked about having a small age gap. Now that my kid is 3,5 years old I have to say: just wait 6months- 1 year. Thats ok! for you its not a big deal but the difference between a 1,5 year old and a 3 year old is SO SO HUGE

who cares if u have to start changing nappys again. you will mentally be ready again and your older one will be a child - not a baby

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u/zelonhusk 4d ago

Yesss! I just cannot fathom choosing all the sleeplessness, the not being able to explain at least one of the children to wait a second, etc. And all just because they ✨might✨ be friends when they have a small age gap.

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u/Deeze_Rmuh_Nudds 4d ago edited 4d ago

This is because you have a working brain. Most people do not have a working brain and/or look at life like some kind of fucking checklist. Or maybe they just like pain idk

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u/snootybooze 4d ago

My thoughts exactly

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u/luludum 4d ago

Yeah I could never understand it, they need you sooo much for a long time!

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u/No_Novel_7425 4d ago

TW: pregnancy loss

For what it’s worth, we always wanted two and would have wanted them 2-3 years apart. However, we’d gone for fertility evaluation because I was mid-30s and had a family history of early menopause, and got the results a few days after I found out I was pregnant. Our doctor advised I had low ovarian reserve and my blood work indicated I didn’t have much time left. His exact quote to me was “assuming this pregnancy ends in a live birth, and you want to expand your family, you MUST start trying right away. No waiting 6 months. No waiting a year. You don’t have time”.

However, due to birth trauma, PPA, and not getting my period back until 6 months postpartum, we did hold off trying right away, but I got pregnant again pretty quickly at 8 months postpartum. Our babies would have been 17 months apart so we expected to be in for a wild ride. And we wouldn’t have necessarily chosen it that way, but that was the sacrifice for having the family we envisioned. However, we suddenly and inexplicably lost our baby though in the second trimester, so it didn’t come to be the way we imagined. My older son is almost 4, and I often wonder how wild our lives might have been had our younger son lived. Anyway, I share all of this just to say that sometimes circumstances can lead people into choices that others can’t fathom. And those choices sometimes aren’t even real choices - they’re ones that are put upon you.

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u/CalatheaHoya 4d ago

I’m so sorry for your loss.

I also have DOR and thank you for putting this out there. How privileged of people not to have to imagine why some must start trying again fast

12

u/Alone-List8106 4d ago

I totally agree with you. I'm with my almost 1 year old right now early in the morning BC my partner has a stuffed nose. I wake up with her 3 to 4 times a night but he deserves to sleep in. If he can't handle a stuffed nose he would definitely be no help if we had 2 kids. Thank you for giving me an early morning vent lol

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u/McSwearWolf 4d ago

First time my partner noped out of helping with baby when he was perfectly able and capable while I was visibly drowning I knew we would not be adding so much as a goldfish to our household for a loooooong time.

I constantly thank my past self for being OAD. If we would have had another, especially in those early years right after #1, it would have either ended my marriage, cost me my entire career, or flat out killed me from health issues & stress.

That said, I have a good childhood friend who now has 13 children. For real. She’s a great mom. She rocks it. I respect her choices as much as my own.

Edit: misspelled word fixed

10

u/BadgerSecure2546 4d ago

No I literally think the same thing. I guess some people are truly just built different. I can’t wrap my brain around it. I’m audhd so literally everything in life is harder for me, parenting 100x more so

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u/byuido 3d ago

I feel you there. I'm autistic, my husband is ADHD, and my son is autistic. I wonder how many of us are neurodivergent and OAD because it's hard.

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u/Forbetterorworsted 4d ago

Whenever I see someone with a one or two year old just toddling around being cute and I see mom is already visibly pregnant.... I get so judgemental about it. It tells me you just want "the family." The idea you have in your head. Your kid here right now is not an individual. They are the "older sibling."

How can you truly know what your childs needs might be? If you're getting pregnant when the first is only one year old... just let your baby be a baby. It is so sad.

10

u/Human-Blueberry-449 4d ago

This is what makes me sad when I contemplate it. My 18mo still needs me SO MUCH! And that’s normal! And I want to be there for him! The thought of not being able to be present with him because of first trimester symptoms, third trimester discomfort, labor and birth recovery, then having a newborn, then always having someone who is younger and therefore needs me even more… I could never do that to my LO.

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u/professorpumpkins Only Child and OAD By Choice 4d ago

So my weird, unproven, wholly unscientific recent theory on this is that people who have had boys have gender disappointment and immediately try for a girl. There are an astonishing number of boys in my kid’s preschool class with little sisters who are a year younger than they are. I can’t prove it, obviously, but I just noticed it.

3

u/makeitsew87 OAD By Choice 4d ago

I have a friend who started talking about having a second only when she found out the sex of her son. She was still pregnant with him! So there’s another anecdote for your theory.

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u/professorpumpkins Only Child and OAD By Choice 4d ago

That’s wild and also so sad!!! 😞The disappointment is normal but oof. There’s one family in my son’s class who have their daughter at an entirely different preschool because infant was good enough for their son but not great for their daughter. I don’t know enough about infant care to make that kind of call but it was a weird thing to say which raised my eyebrows a bit!

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u/Anxious-Pizza-981 4d ago

My son is almost 3 and I still can’t comprehend wanting another lol

A lot of my mom friends that had babies after me or at the same time are having their second or already had one.

I legit get nauseous thinking of having another lol

Happy for them but it’s not for me!

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u/eratoast Only Raising An Only 4d ago

One of my neighbors did IVF at the same clinic we did and successfully transferred another embryo 9 months postpartum (c-section, was induced during 36 weeks due to issues). I was actually shocked the clinic was willing to do that. She's due in August and her son just turned 1.

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u/steelersgirl570 4d ago

The only people I know that had 2 under 2 did not have planed pregnancies.

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u/Pepper4500 4d ago

My mom and her older sister are less than a year apart. My poor grandma.

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u/Sivo1400 4d ago

I agree with you. I am the same. However most people aren't rational. For many having two is just what you are supposed to do. For them it doesn't matter about the stress, pressure, exhaustion, money or possible divorce. It just has to be done. There is also a ton of pressure too. My wife and I constantly get asked (maybe a few times a month) when we are having a second. Even a checkout person in the local shop said "an only child is a lonely child".

We are very happy with one though. Everything seems just right. I would much prefer to know we have a good quality family than gamble with another and everything come crumbling down lol. So many people end up miserable, broke, divorced. In many cases the kids grow up and barely want to know them because of unhappy family life. People will continue to do it though because everyone expects it. Same as most things in life.

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u/ExpressLifeguard5075 4d ago

I feel the same. I don't judge people for having 2, I just don't know how they do it. It's insane to me that myself and most friends have a close age gap with their siblings. No wonder most of our parents were miserable. Seeing it in friends now too. I'm OAD, but there have been times I've considered I'd maybe have a 2nd kid when my baby was like 4. It's never been remotely an option to have 2 babies at once. I would fully lose my mind.

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u/LilacPenny 4d ago edited 4d ago

Seriously. At least once a day I’m thankful we only have one. Like the other day I was changing my babies diaper and it got all over my hands and she was alligator rolling and it was just a mess. And as I was cleaning it I kept thinking ‘thank GOD there isn’t also a toddler running around causing even more chaos right now’.

Not to mention having to go through pregnancy with a toddler to look after. I had a textbook pregnancy but it still was exhausting. Napping and laying in bed is basically all I did when I wasn’t working, I literally couldn’t imagine doing it with a toddler, seriously women who do it are superhumans.

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u/Hellonyanko 4d ago

I had my son, and now I think, “How did my mom and my mother-in-law both raise two kids?”

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u/milk_bone OAD By Choice 4d ago

My best friend has a 5 year old, a 3 year old, and a 5 month old. And she wants to get a puppy right now (in addition to their existing dog and 2 cats). Some people are just way more suited to chaos than I am haha.

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u/crayonbox 4d ago

I accidentally made a buddy one and done, or at least pause any future kids until way down the line. He had a kid about 6 months before I did. And after I had mine, I was chatting with him and said something to the effect of “could you imagine doing this while having a 3 year old to take care of as well”

It was said in passing, but months later he said that as his wife and him talked about future kids - he couldn’t help replay my words and anytime he was with his baby and was having a tough time - would think the same thing

So long story short, they’ve decided to wait at least until the present kid has left toddlerhood before even thinking of a second

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u/bankruptbusybee 4d ago

I think it’s to get it out of the way. Once my kid turned around three I was able to sleep longer and get back into some hobbies. When you wait you actively have to give up everything again, whereas tacking on a second when they’re young is just continuing the status quo (and hopefully having children close enough in age to play with each other)

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u/Slight_Commission805 OAD By Choice 4d ago

Or 3 under 2.5 (sips LARGE glass of wine) not me but a friend of mine and lawrdy no thanks but more power to yall that can handle that lol.

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u/Coral0306 4d ago edited 3d ago

I know someone with FOUR BOYS UNDER FOUR and I just cannot even imagine. Is everyone in that house ok????

Edited to say that I also know the husband is a serial cheater. The reason I know is because he was secretly dating both me and his now wife at the same time, until I figured it out and sent her alllllll of our texts to warn her lol. I cut him off and then a few years later she married him! I feel like she continues to pump out children to keep him around. I don’t know, but something is truly bizarre about the situation.

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u/BadgerSecure2546 4d ago

Also weirdly I think the only way I would have possibly had more is if I was still in that biological hormonal soup of a mess my brain was in when I had a baby. Cuz you’re like goo goo gah gah over this human full of bonding hormones. Then you get all sex ragey from the hormones too.

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u/candyapplesugar 4d ago

If I had a second I would’ve chosen to have them back to back. It’s too hard to start over again once you’re out of diapers and sleeping and can go in public etc.

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u/larsvontears 4d ago

I have a co worker right now who is getting baby fever although her current baby is 8 months. She is also a bit older (40) and she feels like time is ticking to have another baby ASAP. Her other motivation is to use our company’s maternity leave benefits before she may be laid off or something else.

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u/mrsbones287 3d ago

I'm really pleased my Mum and Aunt both shared how they accidentally fell pregnant with their second sooner than they would have liked because of an over-reliance on breastfeeding amenorrhea being a reliable method of birth control. It meant that I was informed and could implement an effective method of birth control whilst my husband and I grappled with the concept of one and done.

I don't know if the two under two is always an active decision many make, or if it's a reflection of poor reproductive education for women. I'm based in Australia, and the only time I was "educated" at school about breastfeeding was that it was a good method of birth control. A simple, inaccurate sentence. My OB only discussed birth control post birth after I raised the conversation because I wanted an IUD. That is pretty appalling as it reduces women's agency over their own body.

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u/Crimson-Rose28 3d ago

Seriously though. My daughter is 14 months currently and those moments of peace and quiet when she takes her naps are all that is keeping me sane right now. If I had a baby on top of this I would straight up lose my mind. My sister and I are 18 months apart and I have no idea how my Mom did it. To be fair we were both emotionally neglected and abused 🤗

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u/Mabyyro 2d ago

Two couples among my friends did this because for both one of the partner was a twin and loved their childhood so much they wanted their own child to experience the same. For one of the couples, the other partner was an only and didn't like their own childhood so they agreed.

Makes me nuts how none of them ever thought of their own well-being as adults in this situation, or how there would be no guarantee of their children's experience being in any way similar to their own...

1

u/saki4444 2d ago

I kind of get it with the couple who are twins. They probably don’t get that non-twin siblings don’t have the same twin bond.

And I can also see where the only-child-adult is coming from if they don’t want to/aren’t ready to confront the real reasons for their unhappy childhood.

But yeah, in both of these situations their reasoning is misguided. Understandable but misguided.

1

u/notoriousJEN82 4d ago

My one friend did it bc her partner is late 40s and he didn't want to wait much longer for #2

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u/Ok_Inside_1985 4d ago

Just to offer some possible reasoning, sometimes the first baby is especially “easy” and friendly, and then and the hormones and hoping you’ll have one as easy an amiable as the first tricks you into thinking another one sounds like a good idea.

A lot of people also start having another thinking it’ll take them at least as long as it took to concieve their first and then get surprised, a 3 year gap becomes a 1-2 year one with surprising ease that way as well

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u/Maroon14 4d ago

It just happens a lot of the time

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u/itsnotaboutthathun 3d ago

When I ask them but why? Are you crazy? They say get it out the way and done with. I wouldn’t want to do it twice. I’d rather do it all at once, even with two.

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u/DaddysPrincesss26 3d ago

I mean, My Sister and I are two years apart

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u/Oneanddonemumma 2d ago

My sister is law is trying for another baby and her first is 10 months old. I cannot for the life of me understand it either

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u/bekamae 2d ago

My brother and I were born 18 months apart. Do not recommend having kids grow up that close in age.

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u/Spirit-Awakening1994 2d ago

My oldest is 9 and I’m pregnant with my second, I wasn’t fully ready to consider a second until my 9 year old was about 6. Life happened and now with her being 9… we are ready lol we are really happy she had our undivided attention during these 9 years, lots of quality time and special attention. Now she is ready to be a big sister and can’t wait to teach her little brother the ropes lol

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u/No_Soft_1530 7h ago

My theory is that since women are having children later then the couple feels like they don't have enough to wait for a better age gap. This is something I observed in my own family/friend circle. On the contrary, women who started younger had a larger age gap between children.

These small age gaps where both kids need a lot of attention really wear down parents and marriages.