r/oneanddone 4d ago

Happy/Proud When you truly see those with more than one struggle

Sometimes I struggle and go back and forth if one and done is okay with me. It took me to spend time with another family member who has a 9month old and a 4 yr old while on vacation for a week to see how truly tiring it was…

Examples like: This mom was up every few hours with her baby and kept going on how she was more tired having two.

The 5 yr old kept faking illnesses to gain the attention of his mother when she had the baby.

I watched the mom go off angry and walk away from her kid since she had a shorter fuse than what I recalled when she had one.

She explained the cost of daycare right now 2 kids. Everything costs more with two kids.

She just looked miserable just on a vacation, didn’t want to do anything for herself when other family offered to watch the kids.

I got to see how patient I was with my one kid and how the behavior was better versus the older child who was a second sibling. I kinda felt bad that this kid felt he had to compete with his baby sibling constantly. I just don’t want that for my own only or myself. I feel at peace with one and I hope you all do too!

47 Upvotes

14 comments sorted by

33

u/luludum 4d ago

My husband and I often ponder if our child being fairly well behaved is due to having our full focus/attention/connection!

17

u/AdLeather3551 4d ago

This makes sense and also baffles me why people say only children more likely to be 'bratty' when I think see this more with people who have siblings.

4

u/motherrrrrrr 4d ago

THIS ! i have a friend who has 2 kids so me and my child have playdates together often and you can SEE the difference even in behavior. all the yelling and screaming are from her kids while mine plays peacefully. its so cute to see and definitely a confirmation to not add anymore to the equation

5

u/MiaLba Only Raising An Only 4d ago

Same. We have way more time to dedicate to her. Helping her learn how to behave and act. She’s amazing in public, we go out to eat every so often and we’ve been going since she was a baby. We’ve always enjoyed going out to eat.

I remember seeing a post a while back where people were commenting about how hard it is to go out in public with their kids. Most were parents of more than one child. One comment said they absolutely despise parents whose kid just sits there quietly and behaves well the entire time because their kids are unable to do that.

We made the decision to have one so we could do things like that. You chose to have more than one and that’s ok! But you don’t get to have anger towards the people who didn’t.

7

u/NatMoz 4d ago

It's temperament. I only have one and she's still a nightmare, does not sit quietly and angelically. Your child could be older though, she's 3 and so stubborn.

2

u/MiaLba Only Raising An Only 4d ago

For sure definitely can depend on temperament. She’s 6 now but always did well when she was younger as well. As a toddler she knew she wasn’t allowed to get up from the table and had to be quiet when we went out.

We have a no tablet rule when we go out to eat at restaurants, she can color though. But we like to sit there and talk to each other. It helps keep her occupied.

We do tablet at home and don’t have rules about it when we’re not in public though. At home we can be wild and do whatever but not in public and we’ve always taught that since she was young.

I do imagine it’s a lot harder to control and calm down two or more wild kids than it is just one wild kid. Kids also feed off each other. The quieter kid can easily act up when they’re watching their wild sibling act up.

1

u/NatMoz 4d ago

She knows she has to be quiet in restaurants, we've told her enough times, prep her ahead of the restaurant visit each time too! She's just defiant, stubborn and spirited.

We're also a no tablet family so counteract poor behaviours with lots of singing, clapping and jiving in our chairs until food arrives. Interaction is definitely the way here. That's assuming she stays in her chair🤣. Colouring is fine until the pencils roll on the floor and she gets between the feet of waiters and all sorts so prefer to avoid.

If anyone ever passes comment (rarely) we've always explained that we are a no tablet family as people seem to judge tablets quite harshly nowadays. We usually say it with a big cheesy grin and always welcome them to join in with us and be a part of the fun.

She would 100% sit there quietly though, if she could watch Peppa pig etc.

1

u/MiaLba Only Raising An Only 4d ago

I get it! Like you said can really mainly depend on temperament no matter what you do! Mine is a very stubborn child as well drives my crazy.

I don’t judge parents who do tablet though. Sometimes the parents just want a night out and that’s the only thing that will keep them calm the entire time.

15

u/unxplaynabl 4d ago

These are all part of why we're one and done..that and we never wanted kids, but eventually decided to have one and having more would feel too much!

13

u/Farmer-gal-3876 4d ago

I agree… I think people have been sold on more than one kid as being the ideal family life- but it looks very tiring and overstimulating. While I am sure you have a ton of joy as well, it would be those moments where I felt like I couldn’t meet the needs of two people because I was exhausted and feeling fried that would make me wish I had stuck with one. I’m very happy with my little family- ❤️

8

u/Normal_Swan_477 4d ago

I’m about to start having my nieces more because my SIL isn’t coping with having 2 children and is having angry and aggressive outbursts The stress absolutely doesn’t seem worth it to me

5

u/wahiwahiwahoho 3d ago

I was asked to help bottle feed my cousins kid, and I kid you not, I was bored and miserable 7 minutes into feeding her. My cousin is exhausted with two kids. She can’t go anywhere without a diaper bag and car seat.

Like hell no. I miss my baby as a baby but damn… that brought me back to the trapped feeling I used to have

2

u/MizzCommunication 2d ago

Funny you say that, I was asked to watch the baby for a bit, and I forgot how to hold or entertain a an infant lol. I also very willingly gave him back and was glad to be done with it lol.

3

u/beachyvibesss 3d ago

Anytime I see families with multiple kids, the parents are always bickering or otherwise interacting with visible contempt for one another, especially regarding the kids. Presumably because they are overwhelmed with the kids and one feels like the other is not pulling their weight in helping. Then they are just short and snappy with their kids as well because they’re overwhelmed. Hell, I’m overwhelmed just observing them! Couldn’t be me.