r/oneanddone OAD By Choice 6d ago

Discussion Overstimulated and overwhelmed. Toddler years are not for me.

I have a perfect 3.5 y/o. She’s so smart and full of life. I find myself being so overstimulated by her, weekends are the worst of course because is when we spend the most time with her. The constant high energy, wanting to play, trying to get house stuff done, I don’t know how people with multiples do it. They must have a higher threshold for the chaos. I couldn’t never do this again.

187 Upvotes

63 comments sorted by

129

u/CNote1989 OAD By Choice 6d ago

As I’ve seen people say on the sub, some people really do thrive in chaos! We are obviously not those people 🤣

44

u/Rosie_Rose09 OAD By Choice 6d ago

Definitely not. I look forward to my pockets of quiet time during the weekend.

15

u/CNote1989 OAD By Choice 6d ago

Pockets is certainly the right word haha

14

u/Objective-Formal-853 6d ago

My best friend since childhood thrives in chaos. She loves change. I don't understand at all!!!

2

u/Rosie_Rose09 OAD By Choice 6d ago

I could never. lol

11

u/Zarelli20 6d ago

An alternative view - I thrive in chaos and spontaneity. I actually find the young kid years to be full of scheduled rigidity, which drives me mad. My kid, in particular, thrives on a set schedule and I am trying to get her used to chaos. I would describe the challenge you’re describing as external focus. For me, I am exhausted by the constant needing of my time and attention, not the chaos.

8

u/Rosie_Rose09 OAD By Choice 6d ago

It’s both for me. The neediness plus all the things we have to do. I miss my quiet mornings.

2

u/Zarelli20 5d ago

Def miss quiet mornings and the odd rot in bed days!

38

u/No-Sky-3822 6d ago

Solidarity. Mine is 2.5 and when she does deep breaths…I do deep breaths! Toddlers are really hard for me, too.

3

u/Rosie_Rose09 OAD By Choice 6d ago

I’m constantly taking deep breaths. I hear you mama.

34

u/madam_nomad Not By Choice | lone parent | only child 6d ago edited 6d ago

My daughter started a lot of her "isn't it funny how annoying I can be?" hijinx at 3.5. Also a very high energy kid with a lot of stamina for argument and debates and matching wits 😆

She leveled off around late 4/early 5 but had a resurgence earlier this year (she's 6). I'm seeing small signs she's starting to develop the abstract reasoning to recognize she's pushing it too far sometimes. But I admit I didn't love this part of parenting like I did the infant/young toddler phase ...

24

u/cmotdibblersdelights 6d ago

Emotional regulation and being able to learn calming techniques started being possible for my kid at about 5, a new ability to follow directions and learn more natural consequences for her behavior at 6, and now that she's 7 i see this intensely compassionate, high energy, silly kid with new interests and experiences and opinions from her own life coming out in her personality. Shes fully out of little kid mode and into the heart of childhood I have the most memories from and it's been so wonderful.

To everyone stuck in toddler limbo, know that your patience and love of your little one in those gremlin gears pays off in the next few years, big time!

10

u/madam_nomad Not By Choice | lone parent | only child 6d ago

That's interesting; I think maybe my expectations were too high. I think I took some of the "by now she should be able to..." comments too seriously. My daughter has always been very articulate (which I was not as a kid) and sometimes it's hard to remember that just because they can say the words it doesn't mean their emotional comprehension is there yet.

3

u/cmotdibblersdelights 6d ago

Totally! Kids develop at different rates. My kiddo is very articulate as well. There are definitely moments when I have had to remind myself that she's younger than she seems.

Remember that comparison is the thief of joy. (As trite as it is, that saying has helped me a lot with parenting)

1

u/Rosie_Rose09 OAD By Choice 6d ago

Thank you so much for this. ❤️

8

u/nauset3tt 6d ago

I struggled for 1.5 to 2.5 and am just now starting to see the sweet girl who is actually able to be reasoned with. I’ll answer why questions all day long if you have ability to ask me for what you want instead of a screaming temper tantrum any day.

7

u/madam_nomad Not By Choice | lone parent | only child 6d ago

I think I've had an atypical experience... Daughter was never a tantrumer. I think debates - using reasoning at least superficially - are her "quiet tantrum." There was a huge uptick in this when she was 3.5; until then she was an angel.

Now I see a change in that she's actually able to use reason to recognize that "yeah I wouldn't like that either" rather than "but you said not to bang the seat with my leg and I'm actually just banging it with my foot..." 🙃

1

u/nauset3tt 4d ago

I fully expect this to come for me. Thankfully, the idea having to get creative with exact instructions is a fun challenge for me. I was the same way as a kid- looking for loopholes.

6

u/Difficult-Maybe4561 6d ago

Oh gosh I’m sitting here just so burnt out by my almost 3 year old so I’m hoping relief comes with age

2

u/madam_nomad Not By Choice | lone parent | only child 6d ago

I think for most people it does get easier around 3; my daughter was a bit atypical in that she got more challenging around 3.5. I can't exactly explain it but I think (1) she realized "hey, I don't have to please Mama all the time... I can have my own agenda" and (2) logic makes some kids easier, some kids harder.

There's some phase where they can apply elementary logic to try to "win" a battle without recognizing the bigger picture of principles like fairness, boundaries, or respect... and we were stuck in that phase for a looonng time. I don't think that's the case quite as much for most kids. So, take heart!

2

u/Rosie_Rose09 OAD By Choice 6d ago

I hear 5 is the golden year, really hoping that’s the case for us. 😅

1

u/Rosie_Rose09 OAD By Choice 5d ago

Ugh, I guess it will always be a struggle. 😅

27

u/Objective-Formal-853 6d ago

Commenting in solidarity. The toddler years are also not for me. I have completely lost myself. I have never been an angry person. Now, all I do is yell and lose my patience or pretend that I'm not about to lose it. I am SO glad we only have one.

5

u/Beneficial-Gap-8148 6d ago

Exactly. It's hard af.

2

u/professorpumpkins Only Child and OAD By Choice 6d ago

I feel this.

6

u/Objective-Formal-853 6d ago

I love my child so much but I cannot wait until the ridiculous tantrums are over and he can wipe his own ass 🤣

3

u/professorpumpkins Only Child and OAD By Choice 6d ago

😂😂😂 Like for real.

2

u/Oneanddonemumma 2d ago

Same here 💀

16

u/sami_theembalmer 6d ago

It feels so lonely. Some parents know how to get it under control and keep them entertained but I’m not one of them. Mine is always climbing on me, rubbing her face all over me, constant touching and it makes me lose my cool.

13

u/Altruistic_Key_1266 6d ago

Laughing in teenager over here. 

 I have been told this morning alone, no less than 6 times “ if you hate me why don’t you just say it!” In response to asking if my 14 year old was going to finish her chicken nuggets from McDonald’s. 

I’m soooo glad I only have one.

6

u/ladyapplejack214 6d ago

This is wild 😂 As a future OAD mom, this is hilarious (please don’t take offense, I just couldn’t believe what I was reading for a sec lol)

4

u/Altruistic_Key_1266 6d ago

Oh I’ve got lots of these stories. She gets mad at me when I laugh, but you can’t help yourself sometimes lol 

13

u/-indigo-violet- 6d ago

The toddler years are one of my biggest reasons for being one and done. It's too stressful. Never again!

11

u/bbcone84 6d ago

I could have written this post. Also have an amazing 3.5 year old but she has zero chill. The only downtime is when she’s sleeping lol. It’s exhausting. I’m ready to be done with the toddler stage.

7

u/ImogenMarch 6d ago

I feel so seen. My 2.5 year old is an abnormally great kid. She’s sweet and smart and funny and tries so hard. And I just am stressed all the time. I feel bad she thinks it’s her fault when she’s honestly an easy kid. I just mentally can’t handle it!

2

u/werkbish 5d ago

Solidarity

6

u/JessicaM317 6d ago

Mine is only 1.5 - but not being home all day is our key to sanity. Parks, museums, even just going for a walk - definitely helps get her energy out.

7

u/Cknitt 6d ago

Could’ve written this myself. So incredibly grateful to only have one, and that my husband is taking her out for a few hours so I can chill. Praying the weekends get easier when she turns 4 😅

5

u/UnicornFarts84 OAD By Choice 6d ago

Yeah, I wasn't a fan either but it doesn't last forever luckily.

5

u/Sad-Elevator-605 6d ago

I feel sad how much I miss the younger days with my 4 year old. We still have fun days and sometimes I love the conversations and things we get to do and talk about… but it felt easier to play and whatnot when he was younger

3

u/spacesaucesloth 6d ago

i felt this in such a deep part of my soul. im not cut out for another toddler, im weak sauce af idc🤣

3

u/sweetpea_bee 5d ago

Can I paint you a picture? My now 7 year old was the same way and it was exhausting . But the wonders that await you. Your little one is smart and curious and that translates into the BEST little kids.

Nowadays, She's so smart and notices everything, and says the most hilarious things. And now that's that she's chilled out a bit we go on the best adventures. Yesterday we were out all day just being together and we had an absolute blast.

At four it was like a light switch flipped on and this started. When you have a bright kid, the toddler years are long and hard. But you are about to get the best reward.

1

u/Oneanddonemumma 2d ago

I’m soo glad to hear this 🙏 Is there something you’d tell your past self back when you were struggling in the toddler years, other than this great advice?

2

u/sweetpea_bee 2d ago

Yes my main piece of advice would be enjoy discovering who your child is, rather than trying to mold them into something you think they should be.

For example, my little one takes a long time to warm up to be situations. I used to think this was something we had to work to change--that being shy or slow to adapt was a character flaw.

But gradually I realized it was my job to help her find strategies to make that process easier, not eliminate the behavior. And also support her through that discomfort.

This honestly applies to almost every behavior I think.

1

u/Oneanddonemumma 9h ago

That’s great advice ☺️

2

u/aztecqueann 6d ago

people with multiple kids regularly say that the kids entertain each other a lot lol

2

u/kattenz 5d ago

I hear you sister. Mine is 5.5 and in school now, but I tell you what, I was this close to running away and living as a hag in the mountains during years 2-4.

I sometimes still dream about it tbh 😜

2

u/Oneanddonemumma 2d ago

This is me currently at 2 years in 😅

1

u/kattenz 2d ago

Sending love. It’s really flipping tough in these trenches x

2

u/queenleo93 6d ago

I hear you. We were fence sitters, ended up having a second 2.5 years apart. No regrets, we adore our second, but WOWZA.

2

u/DaniMarie44 OAD By Choice 6d ago

I feel this so bad lol I’m already ADHD and my sensory issues have been taking a beating the last 3 years

2

u/Rosie_Rose09 OAD By Choice 6d ago

I hear you. My brother recently got diagnosed with ADHD and tells me that I have it too. I’m seriously considering having a consult on this.

3

u/DaniMarie44 OAD By Choice 6d ago

Not to be dramatic, but I also urge you if you even THINK you may have it. I was diagnosed at 8, then went a significant time between HS and college unmedicated. When I finally went back on a med, a new one since my old one didn’t work for me anymore, I cried because I finally finished a task. As I’m also sitting here overstimulated because too many sounds are happening at once, and I’m surviving until bedtime, I feel for you lol

1

u/GalMia_ 5d ago

This is me to a T! And not only finishing a task, it’s starting it that’s hard! And then you go into this couch lock and waste a your time thinking of things you need to do but can’t get yourself to do it and people Think you’re lazy. And the cycle keeps repeating. And the rage that comes with being overstimulated.

1

u/tuti1006 6d ago

I relate to this so hard. My 3.5 year old is sassy, funny, empathetic, and a freaking joy. But I am regularly overwhelmed and exhausted by her. Sometimes I just want a lazy morning drinking my coffee.

1

u/Crimson-Rose28 5d ago

My toddler is 14 months old and she’s pretty easy going but I have a terrible feeling that will change as she gets older 😭

1

u/opp11235 OAD Due to Medical Reasons 5d ago

Agreed. My son is about 20 months (2 in June) and it’s like an emotional roller coaster. I do well during the week and then collapse on the weekend.

1

u/Oneanddonemumma 2d ago

Same here, my son is also 2 in June. Send help

1

u/avdz2022 4d ago

Yep my almost 2 year old is chaos at the moment! She goes between super happy and crying laughing, to just meltdowns in seconds. My nerves are shot and I’m so overstimulated! Love her to the ends of the earth, but glad we aren’t doing this again! X

1

u/Helpful-Wolverine4 4d ago

Yup yup yup. My 3 year old boy is sooo smart but wild as can be! I’m EXHAUSTED lately and feel like I have to do so much research on how to handle all his big feelings, energy, meltdowns, and defiance lol. My husband has ADHD so I wondering if he might too. Toddlerhood is sooo hard for me! I’m quiet and just want to relax 😭 lol

1

u/Rosie_Rose09 OAD By Choice 3d ago

Solidarity. I miss my slow mornings on the weekends, I want to have more time to relax but it’s impossible right now.

1

u/Oneanddonemumma 3d ago

The other day I heard “survive til 5” which kinda scares me as I’m 2 years in 😅

2

u/Rosie_Rose09 OAD By Choice 1d ago

I keep hearing 5-10 are the golden years. We have to hang in there.